What would you have done in my situation?

[skywalkerlion]

I would've given up like 5 dollars and say "He's still a dick" and move on.

 

[Daveman]

Just because he's not the nicest guy doesn't mean you can't feel the slightest bit sorry that he's dying. I mean FUCK, you won't go to a charity event because you dislike this guy? I could understand apathy more but this is just malice. Personally I wouldn't care if the guy punched me square in the face, I still wouldn't want him to get cancer and die.

The OP never said he wanted him to die, he just doesn't care.

That's a pretty damn big difference.

Sorry, I'll rephrase. It's not that he wants him to die (silly me), it's that he doesn't want him to live! That's much better. It's like that prick's sat in an electric chair and there's two buttons, one button kills him, the other lets him go. Of course most normal people would press the one to let him go, but not this fella, he'd slap whichever button because he "doesn't care".

Sorry, I'm going off on one here.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant, his life does not genuinely hang on this guys opinion of him (fortunately, I guess). What is relevant is how petty this is. So they didn't exactly get along, not all people do. But this guy is giving him the opportunity to help others in a similar position (I presume that's what this "charity event" was, I haven't seen anything else on it) and rather than agree to go or decline due to not having the time or money or any other reasonable excuse, he opts for "ha ha, not a chance". That's pretty god damn dickish and he has almost definitely trumped whatever this guy did with that one line.

 

[Doctor Glocktor]

This girl I know got raped and beaten half to death the other day. But she wasn't nice to me so I didn't care. See doesn't sound to good does it?

It doesn't sound too good because she can't be cured of rape.

This guy can be cured from cancer.

Keep your examples in context, they'll work out a million times better.

depends on what kind and how severe the cancer is. He might very well be cured from it doesn't mean he won't suffer incredible physical and mental trauma for the rest of his life. Also I'm aware my example was extreme but the point was saying you don't care about someone who is going through a traumatic expierience is kind of dickish. I'm not saying go out of your way and be fakey nice to them, but at least show a little sympathy.w

It may be dickish, but you gotta remember, this guy was so much of an asshole that even cancer won't make people sympathetic with him.

 

[Biodeamon]

I would have just sincerely wished him luck. Anything else that happens after is not my problem.

 

[lord canti]

This girl I know got raped and beaten half to death the other day. But she wasn't nice to me so I didn't care. See doesn't sound to good does it?

It doesn't sound too good because she can't be cured of rape.

This guy can be cured from cancer.

Keep your examples in context, they'll work out a million times better.

depends on what kind and how severe the cancer is. He might very well be cured from it doesn't mean he won't suffer incredible physical and mental trauma for the rest of his life. Also I'm aware my example was extreme but the point was saying you don't care about someone who is going through a traumatic expierience is kind of dickish. I'm not saying go out of your way and be fakey nice to them, but at least show a little sympathy.w

It may be dickish, but you gotta remember, this guy was so much of an asshole that even cancer won't make people sympathetic with him.

I would actually like to know what the guy did to be an asshole?

 

[Lullabye]

I rpoyl woulda went and helped out but I wouldn't hold it against you for not attending. Consequences....live with em, die with em.

 

[Jaded Scribe]

Wow, you're an absolute douche.

Extending kindness to someone who is likely to die is basic human compassion.

I feel shocked at the number of people who agree with you, and would have done the same. It's absolutely disgusting. If you haven't dealt with cancer, you have no idea how much of a fight it really is, so why don't you just let go of "calling cancer patients brave is bullshit" crap.

OP: Ok, so you didn't like the guy and didn't want to go to his fundraiser. Fine. Instead of acting like at least (imo more) of an asshole as he was to you (making me think you probably deserved everything you got), why not just say "No, I'm not going. I have another commitment that night I can't get out of." ?

I had a flu a few days ago, it made me feel REAL brave.

Some cancer patients are incredible when dealing with the news, I know a few myself, one who over came it and another who was quite an incredible person, even while dealing with his cancer, and he ended up dying (I never liked this guy, but he was a decent person with a shitload of potential so it did mean something). It's not fair, but that certainly doesn't make any asshat with the disease 'brave'. You might be right about him making an excuse instead of what he said, but don't pretend that all cancer patients are to be immediately put on a pedestal, it's called a bad hand and some get dealt worse than others.

They are dealing with something most of us can't even comprehend. And for a teenager to go through it, to never have the chance at college, or marriage, or family, or a career. It's terrible. And while they don't need to be put on a pedestal, they are deserving of basic human compassion, of which the OP clearly has none.

Kind of an ironic username, I only noticed it now.

Compassion can be outweighed by many other factors, one of which is hate. The afore-mentioned person meant nothing to me when he died, other than I thought it was a shame that he did. I didn't feel compassion or sympathy (except for maybe his family, especially the sister since... Actually that's straying way off of point) for him, I just felt it was a waste of an incredibly productive life, we never really spoke so his death meant about as much as his life to me. It was just a horrible waste of potential. (I suppose death is different than dying however)

Basic human compassion is reserved for people you care for or are close to, you seem to be preaching compassion for the advanced.

If this guy is an asshole and got cancer, maybe it's a good thing (statistically, of course, which is actually pointless) that he got it instead of someone else that's worth while. (of course that is all a point of opinion, I'm sure he had family and friends as well who'll miss him)

Wow.... really?

No, basic human compassion is not just for people you care about. That's compassion for people you care about.

Basic human compassion is what you feel for other people, based solely on the fact that they are human. It's why we feel compassion for the victims of Katrina and the Japanese earthquakes, for crime victims we see/hear/read on the news.

It is the basic, fundamental ability to feel compassion for your fellow man (which, by the way, not being able to feel is a symptom of sociopathy).

And my god, to say that "better this kid than somebody worthwhile".... WHAT THE FUCK?!?! How callous can you get? 99.99% of teenagers act like jackasses. To say that this kid's only value is to his friends and family, and that he had nothing else to offer society simply because he acted like a fucking teenager is... I can't even find the words. that you could so nonchalantly pass judgment on someone you don't even know, who, from what the OP has said, was at worst a bit of a tool is utterly incomprehensible to me.

Basic human compassion isn't good, it's dangerous.
Being human doesn't mean anything - it means you could do a world of good like, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Mother Terressa, or kill millions like Hitler, Stalin and so on.
To hand out sympathy unconditionally is to be ignorant of who the person was. For Katrina and Japan, people will think "most of the people hurt were probably nice, normal people, therefore it's a tragedy." However imagine if the Japanese earthquake had simply flattened a maximum security prison filled with the most unimaginable sadistic scum, and not harming anyone who could be deemed as innocent. Would people then be sympathetic? No, people would probably be surprised by the power of nature and move on.
"Your fellow man" is meant to be a nice, normal man, not anyone from Ghandi to Stalin.
99.99% of teenagers do not act like jackasses and there is a large difference between a jackass and a sh*t for life. I know the latter and you know what, the world would be a better place without them. Think about that for a minute.

There's a difference between people who are truly evil like Stalin and Hitler and Maximum Security Prison inmates and a teenager whose biggest crime was being a bit of a jerk (as far as the OP said, he never gave anything conclusive other than the guy "was always a prick").

And what kind of high school did you go to where the student body was the standard, self-absorbed, drama-prone jerk-fest?

News flash, teenagers are largely jerks, more concerned with themselves and their circle of friends than other people. It's perfectly natural. Most people grow out of it, some do not. That doesn't mean this kid deserves to die simply because he was a jerk.

 

[MisterGobbles]

I think it would be nice if the OP would specify whether or not the kid in question is actually in serious danger of dying. There are many different types of cancers, each with varying survival rates and risks of their own, and as such it's really hard to determine. Simply going through cancer treatment is hard but anyone can do it if they have to. On the other hand, how you cope with the fact that you are most likely going to die soon can be different.

The kid that last got cancer before me in my area had something a lot more serious than what I currently have. She had numerous charity events held for her. All reports for friends indicate that she was a total *****; I'd never had any real encounters with her myself but that's just what I heard. But, coping with the fact that you are dying is hard for anyone, and since she did eventually die and had basically known that she was going to die, I give her enormous amounts of respect. That's not easy for anyone, and no one deserves to die that young.

If your friend is having a charity event being held for him, depending on the size of it I'd say there's a good chance that he's in considerable danger of dying. In that case, you should at least give the dude some respect for having to go though something like that.

 

[SIXVI06-M]

I'm gonna break this down really quick.

1) I'd like to point out that I'm callous, but that's completely different from being an all-round prick, like he is.

2) I don't talk much. I don't worry about what people think of me. Blah, blah. I'm quiet. I didn't deserve shitty treatment, he decided to piss me off anyway. Shrug, callous.

3) I'd expect him to do the exact same as always, think about himself and only himself. That's what he always did, and he was incapable of viewing it from someone else's perspective. I can understand why he might deserve my assistance, but honestly? Fuck him. I don't give a flying shit about him, and he wouldn't give a flying shit about me. I'm not gonna jump on the bandwagon and pretend he was a great guy.

As for your "protip". I didn't want reassurance. I was just wondering how other people viewed the situation

Sorry but no, at the risk of probation that was without a doubt the single biggest and most comprehensive act of dickishness I have read about on here in the last two and a half years. Seriously, you came across as Prik'tor, lord and master of the pricks. I am frankly aghast at the sheer callousness and all round sociopathy that could have ever led you to think that this was an appropriate reaction.

If you behave like this ordinarily then I would seriously, without a hint of sarcasm or insult, consider that maybe you ask for the shit you get. of course you "don't deserve shitty treatment", no one ever thinks they deserve what other people do to them but if you often pull this kind of crap then yeah, I can see why he might not like you all that much.

It's not the saying no, I've declined opportunities to pay money for far better causes, but did you honestly think this was an appropriate way to do it? I bet there was a little desire to take a stab in there, I bet you barbed that comment deliberately. In which case that was an absolutely terrible thing to do.

Think about it though - if the OP does not genuinely and sincerely wish to go out of concern or sympathy, then it would be better that he didn't - otherwise, he'll simply be going under false pretenses and showing up for nothing other than the fact that other people just wanted him to go because THEY believed it was the moral thing to do.

At the end of the day, said cancer sufferer earned the ire of people in his life before the cancer was diagnosed - he made that choice, and people are still entitled to do whatever they wish with that - as a choice can be made in kind. The tables have turned, and he may or may not choose to regret it and perhaps make a choice to apologise and repent (even if it looks like he's covering his ass because all of the sudden he's stricken with what may be a terminal illness - all the more reason to regret of course).

But until then, people are still within their rights to have an opinion about him and choose whether or not he deserves their sympathy. If people feel that he deserves a chance - then sure, go, see the person and see what he's all about - if not, people can respectfully choose not to go

 

[theonlyblaze2]

This is weird. The same thing is happening at my school, except the kid has been in the spotlight since last year when he was diagnosed. Someone even told me he has been cancer free for nearly six months. And still we hold charity events for him! They say the money goes to pay his medical bills. I have seen his house and his car. His dad is a big player in some huge corporation(McDonalds huge). His family has better insurance than mine, so why should I give him my money. This was basically my reaction when someone asked me if I was going to one of the charity events.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

I'd have gone and supported him regardless. Jerk or not, it's a person's life that's in question.

 

[ryai458]

He isn't brave he doesn't have a choice he has to deal with the cancer, also if he is a prick don't give him your money.

 

[ultrachicken]

I've never understood the "terminally ill people are so brave!" sentiment. They don't have a choice, they're fighting the disease whether they like it or not. It's like claiming someone is brave as they fall off a cliff they were pushed off of.

 

[PancakesSUCKTHEYDO]

I would not really care, at all. He is not my friend, not someone you like remotely. Why worry?

 

[InnerRebellion]

I never understood why suddenly being in the verge of death makes you deserving of special treatment. Hell, my friends and I have all agreed that if one of us ends up on his death bed, we won't make a big deal out of it. Well, the girls haven't agreed... which are most of my friends. Nevermind.

I would have reacted the same way you did. Unless I like the person, I couldn't give a damn if they were dying. Sorry, it's just how I am.

 

[stefman]

Right, so, some background information!

Earlier this school year, someone in my year at school was diagnosed with a pretty rare cancer. So he hasn't been in school since the beginning of the year. Now, I'd like to point out that this guy was always a total prick. I mean, I never had a conversation with him that didn't involve him being an utter asshat towards me for no reason. I'd also like to point out that a lot of other people never used to like him either.

So, there's a charity event on this weekend, and upon being asked if I was going to go, I replied with a very firm no, by which I said "Haha, not a chance."

So, why won't I support my year mate, I was asked, as "HE'S SO BRAVE TO FIGHT THROUGH THIS!"... Apparently.

I won't support him because he's the most arrogant tool I've ever talked to in my life, and apparently everyone else in my year totally forgot this when he got diagnosed. Really? I mean, it's like when Michael Jackson died, I seemed to be the only person I know who actually remembered the fact that he was a bad person (y'know, the whole, holding his child over the railings of a balcony quite high up, and the sleeping with children [I never implied he had sex with them, shut up before you flame me]).

So, yeah, question's simple, what would you have done?

here's how i see it. if he gets cancer in 25 years are you still supposed to support the guy? you probably would know about the same amount about him from now till then and should feel just as much obligation to refuse it then too. if you really don't like the guy then screw him. don't go. you shouldn't have to support a douchebag. he has to earn respect. he can't just magically get respect from everyone just because he has cancer. yeah i sound like an asshole but im so tired of this extreme PC bullcrap. GFY for taking a stand.

 

[eternal-chaplain]

So, you're not going to a charity event for a guy with cancer... because you don't like him? Ever heard of being the better man?

If I had the ability to potentially kill off one of my enemies without lifting a finger...I dunno, the guy who wrote this doesn't seem like he'd be hurt with a guilt-trap.

Wait, who are we talking about here?

The original creator of this thread, not you.

 

[The Night Shade]

Tell him that dying doesn't make you a better person

 

[MinishArcticFox]

People like to feel good about themselves because they're all secretly scared that they aren't good people so they go to things like this to prove to themselves that they won't go to hell. Even better you took a moral stand and didn't go so now they can compare themselves to you and feel even better. Point being I would have done the exact same thing you did.

 

[SIXVI06-M]

Think about it though - if the OP does not genuinely and sincerely wish to go out of concern or sympathy, then it would be better that he didn't

No, that would be just cloaking his childish and petty reaction under a false mask of concern for "authenticity." Generic Gamer has it right: people like this have no business complaining about the shit they get when they aggressively refuse to practice basic social skills. Really the only person the OP damaged with his pettiness is likely himself; by refusing to suck it up and let go of such concerns, he's reducing the chance that anyone else will fully trust him or will give a shit about helping him when he needs it. That's self-destructive stupidity.

And that is also a choice unto its own.

Social skills or not - I personally feel that if someone had wronged me enough to not deserve sympathy from me; I wouldn't feel any obligation to show them sympathy in the first place - regardless what my eventual choice may be.

I agree that everyone deserves a chance - but at the end of the day, they also have to earn it and then make good on it, and if the jury is out on anyone in particular - that's their chance.

In which case - the OP may decide to be this way - and perhaps he may also one day earn the ire of others and others may come to a similar decision towards him. Sure, socially and in a slight sense- morally, it is a petty and somewhat self-destructive thing for OP to speak of this in such a way, but at the end of the day, I believe in people getting what they deserve - but moreso what people decide to do with what they deserve and choosing whether or not to deserve better.

In the living hours of the OP's mentioned cancer-sufferer-jerk-person, he will have those hours to be better or carry on his way - and leave that lasting impression on any person he encounters - for most of us, we have the luxury of not having a time-limit or a potential terminal illness hanging over our heads - the shame being we would never feel the same urgency or imperative to be better and live life as one stricken as such.

And at the end of the day - the OP can only say to himself "serves me right" and that's the rule of deserving.