What would you have done in my situation?

[MinishArcticFox]

People like to feel good about themselves because they're all secretly scared that they aren't good people so they go to things like this to prove to themselves that they won't go to hell. Even better you took a moral stand and didn't go so now they can compare themselves to you and feel even better. Point being I would have done the exact same thing you did.

 

[SIXVI06-M]

Think about it though - if the OP does not genuinely and sincerely wish to go out of concern or sympathy, then it would be better that he didn't

No, that would be just cloaking his childish and petty reaction under a false mask of concern for "authenticity." Generic Gamer has it right: people like this have no business complaining about the shit they get when they aggressively refuse to practice basic social skills. Really the only person the OP damaged with his pettiness is likely himself; by refusing to suck it up and let go of such concerns, he's reducing the chance that anyone else will fully trust him or will give a shit about helping him when he needs it. That's self-destructive stupidity.

And that is also a choice unto its own.

Social skills or not - I personally feel that if someone had wronged me enough to not deserve sympathy from me; I wouldn't feel any obligation to show them sympathy in the first place - regardless what my eventual choice may be.

I agree that everyone deserves a chance - but at the end of the day, they also have to earn it and then make good on it, and if the jury is out on anyone in particular - that's their chance.

In which case - the OP may decide to be this way - and perhaps he may also one day earn the ire of others and others may come to a similar decision towards him. Sure, socially and in a slight sense- morally, it is a petty and somewhat self-destructive thing for OP to speak of this in such a way, but at the end of the day, I believe in people getting what they deserve - but moreso what people decide to do with what they deserve and choosing whether or not to deserve better.

In the living hours of the OP's mentioned cancer-sufferer-jerk-person, he will have those hours to be better or carry on his way - and leave that lasting impression on any person he encounters - for most of us, we have the luxury of not having a time-limit or a potential terminal illness hanging over our heads - the shame being we would never feel the same urgency or imperative to be better and live life as one stricken as such.

And at the end of the day - the OP can only say to himself "serves me right" and that's the rule of deserving.

 

[Jake0fTrades]

Right, so, some background information!

Earlier this school year, someone in my year at school was diagnosed with a pretty rare cancer. So he hasn't been in school since the beginning of the year. Now, I'd like to point out that this guy was always a total prick. I mean, I never had a conversation with him that didn't involve him being an utter asshat towards me for no reason. I'd also like to point out that a lot of other people never used to like him either.

So, there's a charity event on this weekend, and upon being asked if I was going to go, I replied with a very firm no, by which I said "Haha, not a chance."

So, why won't I support my year mate, I was asked, as "HE'S SO BRAVE TO FIGHT THROUGH THIS!"... Apparently.

I won't support him because he's the most arrogant tool I've ever talked to in my life, and apparently everyone else in my year totally forgot this when he got diagnosed. Really? I mean, it's like when Michael Jackson died, I seemed to be the only person I know who actually remembered the fact that he was a bad person (y'know, the whole, holding his child over the railings of a balcony quite high up, and the sleeping with children [I never implied he had sex with them, shut up before you flame me]).

So, yeah, question's simple, what would you have done?

To err is human, to forgive is divine.

Unless you can tell me exactly what he did to tick you off, that's all I have to say.

 

[Sparecash]

Dying doesn't make him suddenly a nice guy

Being sick doesn't erase the pass

But seriously, cancer is some serious shit. Never underestimate the value of a human life... this kid has a serious chance of dying. I know you had your disagreements with him and he probably didn't make your life any easier, but you should still support him. Be the bigger man and treat him how you would want to be treated in that predicament: with kindness and sympathy for the fact that his life is a living nightmare right now. Sticking to how you felt about him beforehand isn't being the bigger man, it's being unsympathetic and downright mean. The guy is only a teenager and his life might be cut short before he really had a chance to live it.

You don't have to agree with the way he has lived his life up to now, but you should respect his right to continue living it and perhaps become a better person.

Just my two cents

 

[jedizero]

This is how I see it.

He's dying. Cancer is not exactly an easy disease to get free of, and even if he gets cured, his life will probably still be much shorter than a normal person's will.

I think you can take one day, one day out of the REST OF YOUR LIFE THAT HE WILL NEVER HAVE, to actually give a shit about another human being. Forget the past, forget what has happened. Living in the past means just that, you're always behind everything. Every day is a new day, everyday is a new chance, and this guy is running out of days and chances.

There's also the ever popular 'what would you want to have happen for you?'

He may not be a saint, he may not be the teenager version of mother Teresa, but he's a goddamn human being. Just because you do not like him, does not mean that he is not a worthwhile human being. Just because you do not like him, does not mean that you should simply say that you don't give a shit about if he dies or not, because he is still a person. He has people who love him, he has people who care for him.

If you don't want to go for him? Go for them.

 

[UnmotivatedSlacker]

Right, so, some background information!

Earlier this school year, someone in my year at school was diagnosed with a pretty rare cancer. So he hasn't been in school since the beginning of the year. Now, I'd like to point out that this guy was always a total prick. I mean, I never had a conversation with him that didn't involve him being an utter asshat towards me for no reason. I'd also like to point out that a lot of other people never used to like him either.

So, there's a charity event on this weekend, and upon being asked if I was going to go, I replied with a very firm no, by which I said "Haha, not a chance."

So, why won't I support my year mate, I was asked, as "HE'S SO BRAVE TO FIGHT THROUGH THIS!"... Apparently.

I won't support him because he's the most arrogant tool I've ever talked to in my life, and apparently everyone else in my year totally forgot this when he got diagnosed. Really? I mean, it's like when Michael Jackson died, I seemed to be the only person I know who actually remembered the fact that he was a bad person (y'know, the whole, holding his child over the railings of a balcony quite high up, and the sleeping with children [I never implied he had sex with them, shut up before you flame me]).

So, yeah, question's simple, what would you have done?

What is wrong with you!?

Have you no heart? No moral training or any kind!?

Human life is sacred and should be protected when in danger. I don't care how big a jerk this guy was, you at a bare minimum be respectful.

The OP honestly sounds like a downright terrible human being right now. If that boy dies he is going to feel awful when he looks back and remembers what a impetuous, amoral, brat he was.

yes, I will repeat that again: impetuous, amoral, brat.

If I were him I would go back to those organizers, apologize profusely, help out with the fund raiser and then beg God for forgiveness for ever being that heartless and caught up in revenge.

So...how's the view up there buddy? Respect is earned, not given. If the OP didn't respect the guy before, him being sick shouldn't suddenly change that. If cancerboy wants his sympathy he better be ready to apologize first. And seriously dude, heartless? No moral training? Oh no, he doesn't care about a guy who's done nothing but be an ass to him, what a monster. He's not out for revenge, he just doesn't care about the guy and wants nothing to do with him. For all you know he volunteer's at a homeless shelter and helps little old ladies cross the street.

 

[Paksenarrion]

I think you should go and visit him.

Torture him in his last days under the guise of well-wishing.

You can't physically hit him when he's down, but give him enough rope...

Tape record your conversations with him. If he's still a tool, he'll give you enough evidence to prove that he's still himself.

Then play it during his fundraiser.

 

[bpm195]

Right, so, some background information!

Earlier this school year, someone in my year at school was diagnosed with a pretty rare cancer. So he hasn't been in school since the beginning of the year. Now, I'd like to point out that this guy was always a total prick. I mean, I never had a conversation with him that didn't involve him being an utter asshat towards me for no reason. I'd also like to point out that a lot of other people never used to like him either.

So, there's a charity event on this weekend, and upon being asked if I was going to go, I replied with a very firm no, by which I said "Haha, not a chance."

So, why won't I support my year mate, I was asked, as "HE'S SO BRAVE TO FIGHT THROUGH THIS!"... Apparently.

I won't support him because he's the most arrogant tool I've ever talked to in my life, and apparently everyone else in my year totally forgot this when he got diagnosed. Really? I mean, it's like when Michael Jackson died, I seemed to be the only person I know who actually remembered the fact that he was a bad person (y'know, the whole, holding his child over the railings of a balcony quite high up, and the sleeping with children [I never implied he had sex with them, shut up before you flame me]).

So, yeah, question's simple, what would you have done?

Micheal Jackson was more of a wierdo than a bad person. Dangling a kid over a balcony doesn't rank particularly high on my wreckless parenting scale, and it's pretty weird that a guy who is widely smeared as a child molester never even had child porn charges brought against him.

But back on topic, personally I'd donate some reasonable amount of money (i.e. if it's a charity dinner I'd give whatever they cost of a plate was) and not go. I try to behave sympathetically to people who fall to an undue hardship, but I wouldn't make any real effort to pretend I like the guy.

Think of it less as trying to save an asshole and more like trying to keep a mother from having to go to her son's funeral.

 

[witness51]

You ever heard of karma? Yeah, this is it. There are actually several people I would love to give cancer to.
Captcha: nsithati delicieux,

 

[game-lover]

Okay... I've seen a lot of mentions about Karma here and I kinda have to disagree some.

To me, Karma is about balance. You know, what goes around, comes around. I don't see no balance here people.

He's an asshole so he gets a fatal disease? Are you guys sure?

Then gain, maybe the Karma is less about the cancer and more about having people be assholes to him when he's weak and vulnerable and suffering.

I suppose that could fit.

 

[Icaruss]

Right, so, some background information!

Earlier this school year, someone in my year at school was diagnosed with a pretty rare cancer. So he hasn't been in school since the beginning of the year. Now, I'd like to point out that this guy was always a total prick. I mean, I never had a conversation with him that didn't involve him being an utter asshat towards me for no reason. I'd also like to point out that a lot of other people never used to like him either.

So, there's a charity event on this weekend, and upon being asked if I was going to go, I replied with a very firm no, by which I said "Haha, not a chance."

So, why won't I support my year mate, I was asked, as "HE'S SO BRAVE TO FIGHT THROUGH THIS!"... Apparently.

I won't support him because he's the most arrogant tool I've ever talked to in my life, and apparently everyone else in my year totally forgot this when he got diagnosed. Really? I mean, it's like when Michael Jackson died, I seemed to be the only person I know who actually remembered the fact that he was a bad person (y'know, the whole, holding his child over the railings of a balcony quite high up, and the sleeping with children [I never implied he had sex with them, shut up before you flame me]).

So, yeah, question's simple, what would you have done?

If his a prick ,Feth em.I kinda even want to go as fair as saying (ummm on second thought I'd rather not be put oh probation) I hate it when people die or get sick how everyone suddenly love them.Never understood it my self a asshole in life is an asshole in death.

 

[Littlee300]

I wouldn't of done anything in your shoes. Then again, I have been very cynical lately.

If there was a world with no consequences I would've said
"If he apologizes for being an asshole and regrets it entirely then I will go to the charity event"
But then you would look like an asshole for making up the win-win situation xD

 

[Littlee300]

Okay... I've seen a lot of mentions about Karma here and I kinda have to disagree some.

To me, Karma is about balance. You know, what goes around, comes around. I don't see no balance here people.

He's an asshole so he gets a fatal disease? Are you guys sure?

Then gain, maybe the Karma is less about the cancer and more about having people be assholes to him when he's weak and vulnerable and suffering.

I suppose that could fit.

If Karma existed I would wonder if I was Hitler in a past life.

 

[Littlee300]

I think you should go and visit him.

Torture him in his last days under the guise of well-wishing.

You can't physically hit him when he's down, but give him enough rope...

Tape record your conversations with him. If he's still a tool, he'll give you enough evidence to prove that he's still himself.

Then play it during his fundraiser.

Definitely this. If he ends up apologizing to you then you can post it on the escapist for all of us go "Aww..." and you can join everyone else in the charity event.
Win-win

 

[Canid117]

the same this as you in a less dickish way.

 

[Mikeyfell]

If I were in your shoes I'd drive by and TP the charity event

It's like no one understands the concept of "burning bridges"

I knew a guy like the one you described. Always a dick to everyone, racist and sexist to boot.
Anyway his dad died and everyone was being all nice to him, for no reason.
The only thing I could say was "It's too bad your dad didn't die as a direct result of you being a total ass hole, then there would have at least been a lesson in it for you."

And that's the meanest thing I've ever said, he deserved it though.

 

[Kurokami]

Wow, you're an absolute douche.

Extending kindness to someone who is likely to die is basic human compassion.

I feel shocked at the number of people who agree with you, and would have done the same. It's absolutely disgusting. If you haven't dealt with cancer, you have no idea how much of a fight it really is, so why don't you just let go of "calling cancer patients brave is bullshit" crap.

OP: Ok, so you didn't like the guy and didn't want to go to his fundraiser. Fine. Instead of acting like at least (imo more) of an asshole as he was to you (making me think you probably deserved everything you got), why not just say "No, I'm not going. I have another commitment that night I can't get out of." ?

I had a flu a few days ago, it made me feel REAL brave.

Some cancer patients are incredible when dealing with the news, I know a few myself, one who over came it and another who was quite an incredible person, even while dealing with his cancer, and he ended up dying (I never liked this guy, but he was a decent person with a shitload of potential so it did mean something). It's not fair, but that certainly doesn't make any asshat with the disease 'brave'. You might be right about him making an excuse instead of what he said, but don't pretend that all cancer patients are to be immediately put on a pedestal, it's called a bad hand and some get dealt worse than others.

They are dealing with something most of us can't even comprehend. And for a teenager to go through it, to never have the chance at college, or marriage, or family, or a career. It's terrible. And while they don't need to be put on a pedestal, they are deserving of basic human compassion, of which the OP clearly has none.

Kind of an ironic username, I only noticed it now.

Compassion can be outweighed by many other factors, one of which is hate. The afore-mentioned person meant nothing to me when he died, other than I thought it was a shame that he did. I didn't feel compassion or sympathy (except for maybe his family, especially the sister since... Actually that's straying way off of point) for him, I just felt it was a waste of an incredibly productive life, we never really spoke so his death meant about as much as his life to me. It was just a horrible waste of potential. (I suppose death is different than dying however)

Basic human compassion is reserved for people you care for or are close to, you seem to be preaching compassion for the advanced.

If this guy is an asshole and got cancer, maybe it's a good thing (statistically, of course, which is actually pointless) that he got it instead of someone else that's worth while. (of course that is all a point of opinion, I'm sure he had family and friends as well who'll miss him)

Wow.... really?

No, basic human compassion is not just for people you care about. That's compassion for people you care about.

Basic human compassion is what you feel for other people, based solely on the fact that they are human. It's why we feel compassion for the victims of Katrina and the Japanese earthquakes, for crime victims we see/hear/read on the news.

It is the basic, fundamental ability to feel compassion for your fellow man (which, by the way, not being able to feel is a symptom of sociopathy).

And my god, to say that "better this kid than somebody worthwhile".... WHAT THE FUCK?!?! How callous can you get? 99.99% of teenagers act like jackasses. To say that this kid's only value is to his friends and family, and that he had nothing else to offer society simply because he acted like a fucking teenager is... I can't even find the words. that you could so nonchalantly pass judgment on someone you don't even know, who, from what the OP has said, was at worst a bit of a tool is utterly incomprehensible to me.

Not quite what I said, the family/friends thing was my point that there are people who care for him and to them his life obviously has value. I didn't pass any judgement, I only said, using the OPs description and nothing else, that I have no issue with his not caring about this person.

I love how you bring up sociopaths into this and then spout off that I shouldn't judge, as I can only assume some judgement there on your part. I love plenty of people and I am far more courteous and mannered than most. But no, let's say I'm a sociopath because I disagree with your whole view on 'people love people' as a fact of the world.

I was saying, and this was statistically by the way, that it's better to have some Jackass bite the bullet of getting cancer, rather than someone as compassionate and caring as say you, who would gladly chop his own hands into chopsticks to feed a homeless man. (That's unfair of me to say, but yes, let's assume someone who does genuinely care for people versus the man you assume me to be) I never said I wanted him to get cancer, just that statistically, it's better he get it than someone I would deem better.

Btw, basic compassion is a whole survival thing, stick to those close to you and keep each other alive. Yes, we also have a drive to make friends and bond with one another, but no where was compassion intended for that tribe that massacred yours. (huuuge leap from that into 'guy who called me names in highscool' but in my opinion it still stands, provided that character wasn't a huge part of your life)

PS: Luckily me and OP are teenagers, so it's okay for us to be assholes.

 

[Shuswah_Noir]

Things like that always baffle me.
It's like an funerals when everyone just stops remembering the things that weren't 100% happy or good, even if it made the person who they were and we still loved them.
I would have done what you did, except perhaps slightly more politely.

 

[drummond13]

Just because he's a jerk doesn't mean he deserves to die. Seriously.

And even if you actually feel that way you don't TELL other people you feel that way. Or, yes, they'll look at you like YOU'RE being the asshat. Which, incidentally, you are.