What would you have done in my situation?

[ImperialSunlight]

It was more the way you replied, I think.

If you had said something along the lines of "No because of *Insert reason here*, but I wish him well.", instead of going "Haha, not a chance.", you probably wouldn't have received the response you've gotten.

But he doesn't wish him well. Why should he have to lie?

 

[ToxicOranges]

Your in high school. Someday you will never have to see this person again.

Also, you've done what I would have done. The "Jade Goody" comparison is apt as well, it seems to be a similar situation.

 

[drummond13]

Jeez No_Remainders you're STILL keeping this thread going? This isn't a deep topic. Everything that can be said has been said. Give it a rest.

 

[Ungenericteen]

Don't go if someone is a prick and they are dying why should I help save them they would just spit in my face it was me with cancer so just bring people to rememember that

 

[wardingo]

Well OP, saying "Haha not a chance" makes you seem like an asshole

The kid might be an asshole, but he's suffering as it is. I wouldn't support him, but i wouldn't stoop to his level by being a dick.

 

[Adam28]

Even if I hated the guy I wouldn't let it show when it could potentially hurt others or make you just as bad as the guy. If you are unable to feel empathy to this guy, I would at least keep my mouth shut. Don't become a dickhead but stay true to yourself I guess. If you believe he doesn't deserve your sympathy, don't give it, but don't be an asshole.

Edit: And yes, I would I give money for treatment, enough I am willing to part ways with depending on other factors (e.g. how many others are giving money etc) (forgot to answer that).

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

Hes rich

OHHHHH. Well that changes my stance completely. If hes gonna be fine regardless of if you give him money or not, then screw the guy. I would be more annoyed if its a "this guy gets help or he is SCREWED" situation but if hes fine either way... hes asking you for a favor really. You dont ask people who dont like you for favors.

 

[Doctor Glocktor]

I would have beat the shit out of you then accepted the consequences

I'd like to point out that first, you probably wouldn't have

Second, two different situations. That I would've given money to, if you view the rest of this post, you'll see how ridiculous giving money to his family is.

Ok that fair enough but now im upset that you suggested that your tougher then i am. I believe that this is not true and I suppose the only logical way to settle this contest is for us to drive out and meet somewhere, we will then engage in combat with weapons of your choosing( NO you do NOT get to pick different weapons for yourself then for me)

You made a threat.

He responded.

Leave it alone, tough guy.

 

[Vuljatar]

So, you're not going to a charity event for a guy with cancer... because you don't like him? Ever heard of being the better man?

Sounds like he already is the better man. If the asshole wanted people to care about his eventual death, he wouldn't have been such an asshole.

OP, I commend you.

 

[Cheesus333]

Maybe your phrasing was a little overzealous, but I respect you for sticking to your guns. Terminal illnesses do not a good person make, but they certainly help give perspective if you survive them. Maybe give him a chance after his brush with death.

If it were me in your shoes, I would have gone with a firm but polite 'no'.

Reminds me of the whole thing with Jade Goody, and how everyone apparently forgot she was a complete ***** when she was diagnosed. I think Stephen Fry actually talked about that in some paper or another.

 

[GoldenRaz]

Well, you didn't do anything wrong in not going along with the fundraiser. You clearly really do not like the guy, and even if you did it's not your duty to give him support, monetary or otherwise.
That said, you didn't really have to act so callous about it. Sure, you don't care for him, but you can still be decent enough to not mock him openly like that. Me, I would probably have done more or less the same thing in your shoes, just without that particular attitude.
But then again, I am a total pussy 90% of the time when it comes to people's opinion of me, so what do I know.

 

[Kurokami]

Wow, you're an absolute douche.

Extending kindness to someone who is likely to die is basic human compassion.

I feel shocked at the number of people who agree with you, and would have done the same. It's absolutely disgusting. If you haven't dealt with cancer, you have no idea how much of a fight it really is, so why don't you just let go of "calling cancer patients brave is bullshit" crap.

OP: Ok, so you didn't like the guy and didn't want to go to his fundraiser. Fine. Instead of acting like at least (imo more) of an asshole as he was to you (making me think you probably deserved everything you got), why not just say "No, I'm not going. I have another commitment that night I can't get out of." ?

I had a flu a few days ago, it made me feel REAL brave.

Some cancer patients are incredible when dealing with the news, I know a few myself, one who over came it and another who was quite an incredible person, even while dealing with his cancer, and he ended up dying (I never liked this guy, but he was a decent person with a shitload of potential so it did mean something). It's not fair, but that certainly doesn't make any asshat with the disease 'brave'. You might be right about him making an excuse instead of what he said, but don't pretend that all cancer patients are to be immediately put on a pedestal, it's called a bad hand and some get dealt worse than others.

They are dealing with something most of us can't even comprehend. And for a teenager to go through it, to never have the chance at college, or marriage, or family, or a career. It's terrible. And while they don't need to be put on a pedestal, they are deserving of basic human compassion, of which the OP clearly has none.

Kind of an ironic username, I only noticed it now.

Compassion can be outweighed by many other factors, one of which is hate. The afore-mentioned person meant nothing to me when he died, other than I thought it was a shame that he did. I didn't feel compassion or sympathy (except for maybe his family, especially the sister since... Actually that's straying way off of point) for him, I just felt it was a waste of an incredibly productive life, we never really spoke so his death meant about as much as his life to me. It was just a horrible waste of potential. (I suppose death is different than dying however)

Basic human compassion is reserved for people you care for or are close to, you seem to be preaching compassion for the advanced.

If this guy is an asshole and got cancer, maybe it's a good thing (statistically, of course, which is actually pointless) that he got it instead of someone else that's worth while. (of course that is all a point of opinion, I'm sure he had family and friends as well who'll miss him)

Wow.... really?

No, basic human compassion is not just for people you care about. That's compassion for people you care about.

Basic human compassion is what you feel for other people, based solely on the fact that they are human. It's why we feel compassion for the victims of Katrina and the Japanese earthquakes, for crime victims we see/hear/read on the news.

It is the basic, fundamental ability to feel compassion for your fellow man (which, by the way, not being able to feel is a symptom of sociopathy).

And my god, to say that "better this kid than somebody worthwhile".... WHAT THE FUCK?!?! How callous can you get? 99.99% of teenagers act like jackasses. To say that this kid's only value is to his friends and family, and that he had nothing else to offer society simply because he acted like a fucking teenager is... I can't even find the words. that you could so nonchalantly pass judgment on someone you don't even know, who, from what the OP has said, was at worst a bit of a tool is utterly incomprehensible to me.

Not quite what I said, the family/friends thing was my point that there are people who care for him and to them his life obviously has value. I didn't pass any judgement, I only said, using the OPs description and nothing else, that I have no issue with his not caring about this person.

I love how you bring up sociopaths into this and then spout off that I shouldn't judge, as I can only assume some judgement there on your part. I love plenty of people and I am far more courteous and mannered than most. But no, let's say I'm a sociopath because I disagree with your whole view on 'people love people' as a fact of the world.

I was saying, and this was statistically by the way, that it's better to have some Jackass bite the bullet of getting cancer, rather than someone as compassionate and caring as say you, who would gladly chop his own hands into chopsticks to feed a homeless man. (That's unfair of me to say, but yes, let's assume someone who does genuinely care for people versus the man you assume me to be) I never said I wanted him to get cancer, just that statistically, it's better he get it than someone I would deem better.

Btw, basic compassion is a whole survival thing, stick to those close to you and keep each other alive. Yes, we also have a drive to make friends and bond with one another, but no where was compassion intended for that tribe that massacred yours. (huuuge leap from that into 'guy who called me names in highscool' but in my opinion it still stands, provided that character wasn't a huge part of your life)

PS: Luckily me and OP are teenagers, so it's okay for us to be assholes.

Ok, I apologize then. I misconstrued what you were saying.

In my first post, I said that it's perfectly alright to not like the guy, and even not to go to the fundraiser. But instead of just laughing and saying "Lol, he sucks fuck him." (and honestly coming off as happy this poor kid has cancer), he should have at least been more understanding of how other people felt and just said "Nah, I'm not going. I have other plans."

I've just been shocked at the number of people in this thread with the attitude that people who push through cancer deserve no props for doing so, and that if he's a jackass he more or less deserves what he gets, which is just mind-boggling.

I don't think you have to give all your money away, and I certainly don't create chopsticks out of my hands for homeless people (though I admit, if I have a few extra bucks, and I know I'm going to be in a part of town with a lot of homeless people, I'll get change to give to them). But the fact that people think he somehow deserves this is disturbing. And yes, the inability to empathize with your fellow man is a sign of sociopathy. I'll admit, I tossed it out there as a bit of an insult, but seeing the number of people with the attitude of "fuck people I don't know. I don't care if they die of cancer." was grating on me.

Alright, I won't go through the trouble of finding the quote, but I did agree with you in that regard. (that he should have just acted more passively or made an excuse rather than laugh at their face, especially when likely asked by people who did care for him or were impacted by his illness) That being said, I think laughing at the idea of showing up under false pretenses to support someone you dislike and laughing at them having cancer are different, I believe it was the former in play here. I was asked to come to a classmates funeral once, I disliked her so I refused (albeit with an excuse) because that would just be wrong and disrespectful. This case of fundraising for him seems to me incredibly pretentious somehow, and more so for other people to see and think "oh, how wonderful, they're so generous".(I suppose living in a country with free healthcare makes me unable to relate as the guys family probably has to pay for the treatments themselves, up to this point I've been imagining a fundraising to donate to the cancer association, and I have a very pessimistic view on charities like that)

Either way, I only agreed with him as far as not going to support the event and left the "Haha, not a chance" comment to mitigating circumstances such as the aforementioned outlook/a different sense of humor.

And just for the record, the chopstick thing I did say was unfair of me to say, it was just my tat at the sociopath comment, so I hope you didn't take much note of it. It's great that you donate to homeless people on occasion, I did too in my time in New York where even the ones who scam you had my sincere sympathy, here in New Zealand, anyone who is homeless I find very hard to feel bad for as they can easily get on the dole and find constant support from the government.

Sorry if you felt my argument got personal or frustrating by the way.

 

[katsumoto03]

He. Is. Dieing.

I forgot to specify. It's money for an aftertreament that his family can already afford several times over. Look at top of this post for more info about that.

I suppose I should specify that I'm not in any way saying you should donate to his cause. I agree with you that paying for a rich guy's aftertreatment is pointless and a waste. My problem was with your attitude and overall douchey-ness about the situation.

 

[InfiniteSingularity]

I've been in a similar situation... my general response was, "So what? He was an asshole and he stole my guitar..."

I never got it back either... it was a nice double cutaway black Ibanez my best guitar until I bought my Flying V... I still wanna get another one... I miss it...<.<

FUUUUU

I support being nice to people, but if he stole my guitar I'd kill him myself

 

[Folksoul]

I was too blunt. I meant that as, "Ignoring the cries for sympathy for a person who made you miserable when karma strikes does NOT make you a bad person."

It is a very petty response. It is a normal response. I'm not saying the OP should go waving a flag saying he deserved it and throw a party, but simply treating it as a non issue is what I did when my high school bully killed himself in a car crash after a graduation party. I simply couldn't force myself to care about the plight of a guy who made me bleed.

Bad things happen to everybody. No one thinks of themselves or their family/friends as bad people. It comes across as tacky and petty to voice negative opinions of the recently/soon to be deceased. I was under the impression that the OP was ignoring the social part of the issue and was asking about the morality of that action.

 

[blackcapedmanx]

My freshman year of college there was a kid who would get drunk all of the time and get in really stupid fights with res life and was belligerent and a pain and an all around royal fuck-off. Some time through the year he left and had some kind of major back surgery or something that left him hunched over and in pain all of the time and usually in a pretty miserable state. The following year I was an RA and he came back to school and was on my floor and made life difficult for everyone for the most part, complaining about noise and all that which technically he had the right to complain about but practically was impossible to enforce. Regardless of the fact that I had close to no respect for him, little pity for his situation, and a good deal of disgust over his continued substance abuse habits, I still did my best to actually try to make his life easier. This wasn't because I felt sorry for him, or sought his approval, or was trying to make myself look good (constantly policing my friends for the sake of some miserly dickwad certainly didn't make me more popular,) but because I make attempts to be a decent human being. Even if he wasn't in constant pain and didn't need special medical accommodations, I would have attempted to do right by him because it is only by example that we teach others how to behave themselves.

That being said, a douchebag who wins the shit-lottery is not suddenly less of a douchebag. This kid eventually killed himself (a year later and after having moved out of school again and restarting again,) and I was mostly ambivalent about it. He never improved my life by having been in it, but that wasn't universally the case. I had friends who genuinely broken over it. For them the shits-I-can-give to I-care-about-this-situation ratio was pretty good. For me, not so much. People die, and just because I know them doesn't mean I care about them. There a plenty of amazing people in way shittier circumstances than some of the assholes who happen to get cancer or some genetic disease. I don't care and will never know about most of them. What people tend to fail at in these kind of circumstances is to retain a sense of perspective, often due to lack of exposure to trauma and mortality themselves. Life sucks, and people suck, and there's a sliding scale for both. The best anyone can do is attempt to be as good a person for as many people in their immediate surroundings as possible.