What's the point of having a girlfriend/boyfriend?

[DeathWyrmNexus]

This... is a weird question. The person is their own answer. My wife fulfills a need, our girlfriend fulfills a need. I fulfill a need they have. That's kinda it.

Haha, I find it funny you think my question is 'weird', when you're discussing some sort of open marriage ménage à trois. A lot of people would think that's weird.
(I'm not judging you, I just think it's ironic)

Eh, it is weird but it seems closer to normal than not understanding the point of intimate contact at all since humans are communal beings. So I really don't know what to tell you since you didn't address my actual answer to you. If you can't find a person who fulfills a need, then you won't find a point because there will be no point.

 

[Dark Knifer]

For me, I find being in a relationship fun, interesting and beneficial. I love that feeling where you know your partner has you on their mind and I love having someone committed to you and being committed to them. Also the sex is great.

Obviously, I'm just speaking for me personally, relationships are not for everyone but that's my reasoning for being in one. Surprisingly, it makes things simpler for me. Motivation for me is a big problem and having a girlfriend helps motivate me quite a lot. Plus the aforementioned companionship etc makes me feel more secure in my future in the sense that, regardless how tough things get, I'll always have someone looking out for me.

 

[Hagi]

Honestly? I don't know. Again, I really do miss that warmth and love. I want to be loved for who I am instead of being looked at funnily. But at the same time, I don't want to hook up with some random girl, I want someone that really likes me and the other way around. But I don't want to be alone either, I've been alone for too long. It hurts, a lot.

Hmmm... in that case I personally wouldn't call you perfect relationship material, but then again who is?

Besides, according to your profile you're 20/21. It's not like people of our age are fully mature and have no growing left, plenty of life ahead.

And if a great girl shows up in the meantime I'd personally go for it. Maybe it won't last, but if she's right it will be good while it does. Maybe you'll mature during the relationship and it will last. Maybe she'll think I'm a whiny bastard and you're fine the way you are. No harm in trying.

 

[Hap2]

It's not overrated.

Anyone who thinks that is just bitter or in denial (or they are possible asexual, which sort of removes them from the equation anyway).

You might want to rethink that, I'm ace, a romantic one at that and I have had relationships in the past. Not all of us are aromantic. You have to realize, not every relationship is based on sexual attraction. Some aces form very close platonic relationships, others like myself included, form romantic bonds with others. Being ace does not make us all necessarily introverted or single.

 

[Digitaldreamer7]

I have a theory that all relationships (romantic or otherwise) are formed on the basis of mutual need.

My theory?

Bad relationships are formed on the basis of singular need.
Okay relationships are formed on the basis of mutual need.
Great relationships are formed on the basis of mutual want.

If you actually need a boy- or girlfriend then I don't think you're going to have a good relationship, because you're not a full person on your own. You need someone else.

For a good relationship I think you need two people who want to be together, but don't need to. They could leave each other, they'd still lead happy and fulfilling lives. But they don't want to because their lives are even better when they're together.

This is why my current girlfriend ( we call it lifemates) and I will never ever get married. It takes the choice out of choosing to be with that person every day.

 

[Slayer_2]

Because most people have chemical reactions in their grey matter telling them they need to find a mate, bunk down for life, and pop out some kids. Occasionally that reaction fails, and we get people like you or me. However, I'm the opposite of a recluse, I just don't think having a girlfriend is really appealing.

 

[Kevlar Eater]

Unfortunately, whether you are a social person or not you do need social skills and people around you that you can trust and empathise with to get by in the world, you just do.

Not necessarily. I've gotten by pretty well in life (to some extent), and I've never had to trust anyone. To be frank, investing trust and/or empathy in anyone is a pretty dumb idea, as anyone, right or wrong, can and usually does take advantage of those, and the one investing probably wouldn't know until there's a dagger sticking out of their back.

 

[alandavidson]

I have a theory that all relationships (romantic or otherwise) are formed on the basis of mutual need.

My theory?

Bad relationships are formed on the basis of singular need.
Okay relationships are formed on the basis of mutual need.
Great relationships are formed on the basis of mutual want.

If you actually need a boy- or girlfriend then I don't think you're going to have a good relationship, because you're not a full person on your own. You need someone else.

For a good relationship I think you need two people who want to be together, but don't need to. They could leave each other, they'd still lead happy and fulfilling lives. But they don't want to because their lives are even better when they're together.

This. And 1000 times this.

 

[GigaHz]

It's not overrated.

Anyone who thinks that is just bitter or in denial (or they are possible asexual, which sort of removes them from the equation anyway).

You might want to rethink that, I'm ace, a romantic one at that and I have had relationships in the past. Not all of us are aromantic. You have to realize, not every relationship is based on sexual attraction. Some aces form very close platonic relationships, others like myself included, form romantic bonds with others. Being ace does not make us all necessarily introverted or single.

Well then you probably wouldn't call it overrated, would you?

Even still, platonic relationships don't fall under being a boyfriend or girlfriend to someone. A good friend or close friend, maybe, but unless the other person was asexual too they wouldn't refer to you as their partner.

 

[DarkRyter]

It's just like having a platonic friend.

Except you fuck 'em.

 

[weker]

Humans want one of the three normally.
Emotional companionship: where you can share your emotions with someone you feel, that your on the same wavelength with, and also have the feeling that you belong, or are meant to be with them.

Sex: Were wired to enjoy it and think of it, go look up some hot steamy pictures and it's kinda self explanatory.

Family: we are also programmed to want a family to pass down our genetics as well as emotional companionship as well.

If you don't fit into these by my knowledge you could be described as "Broken", however depending on your perspective, you could also be described as "superior" as your not held back by primitive instincts.

 

[Dascylus]

Well that's a fantastic rhetorical question...
Let's face it, the best relationships are like good friendships with sex.

I am friends with whoever I want, i just don't have sex with them all.

However, I am not obligated to meet parents on holidays or buy expensive dinners to celebrate a fortnights worth of a particular month.
My friends share my interests and never complain that I am too interested in videogames.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

They just want someone they know will do them.
And maybe they want somebody to prop them up when they fall apart.

 

[Orcus The Ultimate]

having a partner gives less stress releases, and actually relaxes you; like a drug. plus a couple of other "perks"...

 

[Mimssy]

I have a theory that all relationships (romantic or otherwise) are formed on the basis of mutual need.

My theory?

Bad relationships are formed on the basis of singular need.
Okay relationships are formed on the basis of mutual need.
Great relationships are formed on the basis of mutual want.

If you actually need a boy- or girlfriend then I don't think you're going to have a good relationship, because you're not a full person on your own. You need someone else.

For a good relationship I think you need two people who want to be together, but don't need to. They could leave each other, they'd still lead happy and fulfilling lives. But they don't want to because their lives are even better when they're together.

Yes, a thousand times, yes! I don't need someone to make me enjoy my life. I live a life that I love and the guy in my life is someone I can share that with, but my contentment is not dependent on him.

 

[Zeekar]

Spoiler: Snip

First off, I don't want to make this thread about me, but I feel I should give context to my viewpoint by explaining two things about me...

Spoiler: Spoiler-tagged, so you're not hit with a wall of text

Firstly, I'm quite reclusive. It's previously been the source of much embarrassment and self-loathing because almost everyone puts pressure on me to "come out of my shell" (especially in Ireland, where being reclusive is so unheard-of people treat it like being a heroin addict or something), but in the last few years I've come to the realisation (after trying to force myself to be more sociable and failing on many occasions), that being reclusive is an integral part of who I am. In fact, I've decided to be proud of the fact that I'm secure in myself enough to enjoy my own company, and I think it's kind of pitiable when people need to spend every waking moment with another person because they're too dull or afraid to be alone with themselves.

Secondly, contrary to what you might be thinking, girls often come on to me. I went through a bit of an ugly phase in secondary school, so I know what it's like to be invisible to women. But it built character, and now the compensatory charm and humility that came with being unattractive works to magnify my current handsomeness. Plus there's about a dozen other ways in which I'm awesome (my sense of modesty still needs work though). It's funny how much nicer women are to me now that I'm one of the hot guys, though. They're just as bad as men when it comes to thinking with their reproductive organs, really.

Anyway, I don't really understand what the point of being in a relationship is, at least at my stage in life (21-year-old college student). I love that feeling, when everything you're supposed to do is done, and you have a whole day to spend on yourself, doing whatever you want. I tend to begrudge anything or anyone that tries to take it away from me. And I especially resent it when people feel entitled to my free time. Of the few relationships I've started, they inevitably end because the girl wants to waste an entire day "just hanging out", and either I refuse and she gets pissed off, or I relent and end up thinking of her as a chore. Are all relationships like that? Am I just being uncompromising?

A lot of my friends are starting to get girlfriends/boyfriends, and when I ask them why, they say things such as "for the sex" or "it's like having a friend you can screw" or "it's so nice to have someone to cuddle and get affection from" or "someone to pick you up when you're feeling down" (here's a fun game: guess the genders of the speakers!). But I don't really feel the need for any of that. And I have a suspicion that's the key word: need. I have a theory that all relationships (romantic or otherwise) are formed on the basis of mutual need. And, being content on my own, I don't really feel the need for a girlfriend. But maybe that's just me rationalising my own failure to commit (as a pop psych women's mag dating columnist might say).

What do you think? What's the point of being in a relationship? What do you gain out of it (or hope to gain out of it, if you're not in one)? And what do you lose out of it? Is it worth it?

Too many people (particularly on this forum, it seems) make the huge mistake of being convinced that conformity is somehow part of their humanity.

It's a part of society. You were quite correct in your rationalization of needs -- everyone has different needs to address. If and when you find someone that meets those needs, you may find someone worthy of giving your time to. As hard as it is for some to accept, some people are just happier on their own.

Now, that, as all things do, may change over time, so always keep your eyes and your mind open to others. You may find that person that happens to fill in all the gaps the right way.

TL;DR: It's okay to be picky, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[Johnny Impact]

I have a theory that all relationships (romantic or otherwise) are formed on the basis of mutual need.

My theory?

Bad relationships are formed on the basis of singular need.
Okay relationships are formed on the basis of mutual need.
Great relationships are formed on the basis of mutual want.

If you actually need a boy- or girlfriend then I don't think you're going to have a good relationship, because you're not a full person on your own. You need someone else.

For a good relationship I think you need two people who want to be together, but don't need to. They could leave each other, they'd still lead happy and fulfilling lives. But they don't want to because their lives are even better when they're together.

Got it in one ^^

This is something from which I draw a crumb of hope.

I used to think I needed the validation and support of a successful relationship before I could feel like a complete person. After a long time I figured out that relying solely on others to provide validation and support leads to a barren existence full of imagined inadequacies. It's become obvious to me that I don't need a woman. Wanting one instead means it could turn out all right for me in the end.

Of course, I still have self-esteem problems, but at least I've figured out they're mine to fix.