What's the point of having a girlfriend/boyfriend?
- Thread starter James Joseph Emerald
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Let me ask a singular question: What's the point of playing video games?
Obvious answer: Entertainment.
What does entertainment accomplish? Beyond passing time, being entertained releases chemicals in your brain that enables you to feel good.
Everything we humans do to pass time works by releasing chemicals in our brain that makes us feel good, reduces stress and makes us feel happy (and the real good chemicals also enables us to immerse ourself in that happiness).
Relationships accomplish the same thing, just with some different/stronger chemicals than what a video game (or watching a movie) provides. Sex releases chemicals that makes us feel physically and mentally happy. Having someone to be close to, given that humans are a social species, also releases chemicals, especially if that person means a lot to us emotionally.
So to answer your question: Relationships (and sex) accomplish the same thing that playing video games, reading books, watching movies, partying, having a good conversation with someone, riding a rollercoaster, getting told a good joke/watching some good comedy etc. accomplishes: Chemicals. It's what our entire existence, along with passing on our genes, is based on.
Obvious answer: Entertainment.
What does entertainment accomplish? Beyond passing time, being entertained releases chemicals in your brain that enables you to feel good.
Everything we humans do to pass time works by releasing chemicals in our brain that makes us feel good, reduces stress and makes us feel happy (and the real good chemicals also enables us to immerse ourself in that happiness).
Relationships accomplish the same thing, just with some different/stronger chemicals than what a video game (or watching a movie) provides. Sex releases chemicals that makes us feel physically and mentally happy. Having someone to be close to, given that humans are a social species, also releases chemicals, especially if that person means a lot to us emotionally.
So to answer your question: Relationships (and sex) accomplish the same thing that playing video games, reading books, watching movies, partying, having a good conversation with someone, riding a rollercoaster, getting told a good joke/watching some good comedy etc. accomplishes: Chemicals. It's what our entire existence, along with passing on our genes, is based on.
Here's my take. Healthy relationships are a good thing, and one of the main motivations for living as far as I'm concerned. The only problem is, the majority of people (myself likely included) have no idea how to make that happen or even realize when it's taking place. Mainly, I think it builds character. I like conflict, because it makes life interesting and it's the only way to grow as a human being. You won't learn anything about yourself being content and at peace. You learn how to deal with other people, how to confide in them and do the same in return. You learn to help others with their problems if you can, and how to be supportive if you can't. (Of course, I imagine you could learn from a bad relationship as well) Also, with a good relationship you can be more intimate (and I don't mean physically) than with anyone else, except of course for perhaps a very close friend.
The point of a relationship is companionship. If you are secure in who you are and don't feel the need for constant reasurance or (potenially) easily available sex, then good for you. I married a man much like you, and he honestly doesn't know why he loves me, but he does. We can spend the whole day with him playing games, me knittting and neither of us having said more than 5 words. And we've been married for over a decade. It is possible for you to find the 'right girl' or guy (whichever way you swing), but it might be difficult. I'm not a normal woman, and am actually more reclussive than my husband is. Really though, if you are happy, why change to meet the whims of others? Be happy and healthy. When the time is right you'll meet that special someone. It really is as easy as that.
On a side note, I did marry an Irishman, and damn is he sexy in his ginger beard!
On a side note, I did marry an Irishman, and damn is he sexy in his ginger beard!
I find the concept of "girlfriend" to be outdated. In my life as a tailor and fashion designer I have many female friends. What I personally find more applicable is the term "muse". A muse is someone that can inspire and that you're compelled to be around. If I just wanted someone around to put my dick in now and then then I could just wrangle one of my models... hell make it two just my own amusement. But that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for someone that I look forward to seeing when I wake up in the morning and enjoy having the pleasure of laying down beside at night, someone that takes an interest in my creative process and invests their time and attention in my life. To me that's what love is.
Companionship, conversation, and sex among many other things.
I offer the following, but reading your posts I fear that your judgmental attitude towards relationships, women in general, and the arrogance of your youth may prevent you from being able to understand what I am trying to get at here. Nonetheless, I will try to help.
When you get older you will start to realize that life is not about doing whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. Life is more about the people you choose to share your time with, and the memories built with them. Relationships give you outside perspective as well, which can lead to personal growth. Being a recluse seldom leads to growth...it is far more often the path of stagnation. Do you really want to spend 60 more years by yourself most of the time?
As to the people who try to remove 'need' from a relationship and change it to nothing more than 'want'...those are not relationships imho. People that are afraid of sharing power, making commitments, and sacrificing their own desires have been trying to label anything other than casual want as 'dangerous/abusive/bad relationships.'
Which would you prefer OP...to die alone, or to die with the love of your life holding your hand?
(Side note : If you are male, handsome, narcissistic, and somewhat misogynistic (as your post imply slightly) have you considered that you may be gay and that your moodiness is a way to prevent you from discovering that your problem with relationships is that you just don't get on well with girls?)
I offer the following, but reading your posts I fear that your judgmental attitude towards relationships, women in general, and the arrogance of your youth may prevent you from being able to understand what I am trying to get at here. Nonetheless, I will try to help.
When you get older you will start to realize that life is not about doing whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. Life is more about the people you choose to share your time with, and the memories built with them. Relationships give you outside perspective as well, which can lead to personal growth. Being a recluse seldom leads to growth...it is far more often the path of stagnation. Do you really want to spend 60 more years by yourself most of the time?
As to the people who try to remove 'need' from a relationship and change it to nothing more than 'want'...those are not relationships imho. People that are afraid of sharing power, making commitments, and sacrificing their own desires have been trying to label anything other than casual want as 'dangerous/abusive/bad relationships.'
Which would you prefer OP...to die alone, or to die with the love of your life holding your hand?
(Side note : If you are male, handsome, narcissistic, and somewhat misogynistic (as your post imply slightly) have you considered that you may be gay and that your moodiness is a way to prevent you from discovering that your problem with relationships is that you just don't get on well with girls?)
I have had a girlfriend for nearly a year and a half now (personal best for me), and I would say that I am with her simply because we make each other happy. No other reason.
Sure we argue sometimes but we always get through it. That's just part of sharing your life with some one. And yeah sometimes I do want to just sit back on the couch, play some video games ad have some me time, and I do wish she shared my interest for videogames but in the long run it does not matter.
I honestly think I am blessed, I have great friends and loving family, an amazing girlfriend and to top it off I do enjoy my own company.
Sure we argue sometimes but we always get through it. That's just part of sharing your life with some one. And yeah sometimes I do want to just sit back on the couch, play some video games ad have some me time, and I do wish she shared my interest for videogames but in the long run it does not matter.
I honestly think I am blessed, I have great friends and loving family, an amazing girlfriend and to top it off I do enjoy my own company.
Some people can do without human companionship, I know that just before I started dating my wife I wasn't interested in having a girlfriend, I felt I could have gone till my death without partnering up with anyone. But love is an interesting thing and now it feels odd when I am alone.
Some people can live aith just a meagre assortment of friends or connections, others need to surround themselves with friends, and some people need that special someone. Likewise, some people have trouble living with someone special or with lots of friends. It are these difference that make all of us unique.
Some people can live aith just a meagre assortment of friends or connections, others need to surround themselves with friends, and some people need that special someone. Likewise, some people have trouble living with someone special or with lots of friends. It are these difference that make all of us unique.
Interesting theory, I think you nailed it. But I wonder; when do you think 'want' transforms into 'need'. I'm trying to figure out where I stand myself. I mean, while I never had a girlfriend before and don't chase every good looking girl out there, I do really miss the companionship, warmth and love a good relationship seems to bring.Hagi said:
Some people have an immense fear of being alone.
There really is no point. It's like poptarts, either you like it or you don't. Personal opinion and all.
There really is no point. It's like poptarts, either you like it or you don't. Personal opinion and all.
Because it's pretty depressing having a close relationship with only your mother. I have a vague form of companionship with a girl and it's those memories that prevent me from being totally miserable(Although letting yourself be open to people can cause a lot of pain also)
"Someone to care for, To be there for I have NOBODY!"
"Someone to care for, To be there for I have NOBODY!"
No... the pregnancy was indeed unplanned, but not unwanted. The day I refer to was nine months later.James Joseph Emerald said:
For those specific women in our lives, I'm sure we are the opposite (no offence). But taking my third girlfriend, I was pretty glad she was shot of me and I wouldn't have tried to make it work in the slightest. She liked me more than I liked her, and I just didn't want to wake up in the mornings alone. Now, that I do regret, but it was an experience, just one of 'how not to do it'.
You know what? I'd have agreed with you on that sentiment up until just two days ago.
But something happened yesterday that changed that. Yesterday, a wonderful friend of mine and I decided to start talking to each other more personally, and after a wonderful six hour discussion (no amount of time could have been enough) we decided to go from great friends to a couple.
That is probably the best decision I've ever made in my entire life.
But something happened yesterday that changed that. Yesterday, a wonderful friend of mine and I decided to start talking to each other more personally, and after a wonderful six hour discussion (no amount of time could have been enough) we decided to go from great friends to a couple.
That is probably the best decision I've ever made in my entire life.
That's a hard one of course.Cowabungaa said:
I think it boils down to the reason you're in a relationship.
Either you're in it because you don't want to be alone, the reason is about you. Which, imho, won't lead to successful relationships.
Or you're in it because this specific person makes life better, the reason is about him/her specifically. Which, imho, does lead to successful relationships (likely not always of course).
In the end, are you okay without a relationship? Not good, just okay. Can you be content with your life even if you don't have a person to share it with?
theres no law that says you need to have a girlfriend or that you should even want one. some people are perfectly happy being single their whole life. if, at your age, you would rather have your free time be devoted to whatever you want and not have to worry about sharing it, then a girlfriend isnt something you should pursue. if, however, you are at a stage in your life where you want love and companionship and are happy to spend your free time with someone you truly care about on a deeper level, only then does it really make sense to have a relationship
The 'point' of relationships? That's not really the right way of looking at at it.
One day, you may fall in love with someone. You will want to spend time with them. If they feel the same, you might begin a relationship. If not, you might become a stalker. It's not about there being any point to it, it's not like you're starting a business. It's like having a friend but you love and/or have sex with them too.
Love being the really important bit.
One day, you may fall in love with someone. You will want to spend time with them. If they feel the same, you might begin a relationship. If not, you might become a stalker. It's not about there being any point to it, it's not like you're starting a business. It's like having a friend but you love and/or have sex with them too.
Love being the really important bit.
My relationship is very important, in a way - it keeps me alive. I have the bone structure of an 80 year old man (My doctors words, not mine.) and am in constant agony from my frail, arthritis riddled bones. Yet I don't mope, I don't let it prevent life for one reason - Chie, my wonderful wife. I would have laid down and died, giving up on my life the day I heard many of my conditions could never be fixed. But Chie was there with a smile, and she gave me reason to keep on living. So from her, I gain love - and more importantly, I gain life. The only sacrifice I would say I make for her is I do often get myself injured, but hey - no pain no gain; plus it is rare that I throw a disc or anything like that. She provides companionship, she's smart, she's funny, we have an active and healthy sex life and sure we've had some fights and arguments and disagreements - but we are faithful and even before we were married, we were always happy around each other. Plus she has a wonderful family that has preserved me as well, and recently we adopted a young girl named Moriko who lost her parents back in Japan, and Chie is of course Japanese and plays a large part in their community here in Utah - and Moriko is a very smart and fun young girl and she's brought even more light into our lives, giving me even more puropose and reason to maintain a relationship with Chie.