your child is transgendered

[wearesoneutralthatithurts]

Well, there are nonbinary trans as well. I thiiiiink (i am not really sure, shit is komplex) But neutrois or agender would be best for me. I´d love to loose my breast, they are annoying and, eh, just not really a part of me (well not more than my fingernails, but more annoying) so to have an androgynous body.
I can live with being seen/identified as female, but its okay because.. its not me. its hard to explain.

But being trans doesnt mean to become a stereotype. Some might have to do with the hoops you have to jump to get therapy/stuff by insurance (here in germany you would to need to live 1 year presenting the gender you feel you are- but that assumes that societys idea of that gender expression is the right/correct way. (but if you dont perform good enough, you might not get the necessary diagnosis..)
But I am pretty sure that there are tomboy transwomen or rather femme-y transguys. There is a lot of diversity. Dont let anybody devalue your expression or identity only because it doenst fit in societys boxes..(which we tend to internalize, so its easy to just say : I dont fit, something is wrong with me or the boxes- but well, boxes, labels are just approximations, so maybe you might need to build your own box)

I´d ask myself whether abomination is a white cis heterosexual male..Just because race, gender or else are words usually for privileged people. The rest knows that these are words that describa very real negative influence on their lives, which is invisible for people who dont have to deal with shit because they are "the normal" Its like.. well, the way usually white people talk about colourblindness-because for Black people there is none- see like last 1/2 year in media

 

[Abomination]

Spoiler: WELL-CONGRA-DU-FUCKING-LATIONS

[img/]http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcbic3K3EF1rrpsd7.gif[/img]

Sorry, I'm out.

I refuse to engage someone so willfully disrespectful.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

Well, there are nonbinary trans as well. I thiiiiink (i am not really sure, shit is komplex) But neutrois or agender would be best for me. I´d love to loose my breast, they are annoying and, eh, just not really a part of me (well not more than my fingernails, but more annoying) so to have an androgynous body.
I can live with being seen/identified as female, but its okay because.. its not me. its hard to explain.

But being trans doesnt mean to become a stereotype. Some might have to do with the hoops you have to jump to get therapy/stuff by insurance (here in germany you would to need to live 1 year presenting the gender you feel you are- but that assumes that societys idea of that gender expression is the right/correct way. (but if you dont perform good enough, you might not get the necessary diagnosis..)
But I am pretty sure that there are tomboy transwomen or rather femme-y transguys. There is a lot of diversity. Dont let anybody devalue your expression or identity only because it doenst fit in societys boxes..(which we tend to internalize, so its easy to just say : I dont fit, something is wrong with me or the boxes- but well, boxes, labels are just approximations, so maybe you might need to build your own box)

I´d ask myself whether abomination is a white cis heterosexual male..Just because race, gender or else are words usually for privileged people. The rest knows that these are words that describa very real negative influence on their lives, which is invisible for people who dont have to deal with shit because they are "the normal" Its like.. well, the way usually white people talk about colourblindness-because for Black people there is none- see like last 1/2 year in media

In the US you have to live a year as the opposite gender to get gender reassignment surgery.

Part of the problem is that there are huge behavioural hurdles in the way genders are supposed to present. Especially for males who identify as female. It's so much easier for a female to present as male, they can wear pants already. There is a stigma for women that present a masculine image, but it's far worse, as they don't regularly get physically harmed. It's downright dangerous for a male to present female, and the social stigmas are so much stronger for males who show any femininity at all.

The problem is not just white cis heterosexual males or females.... But lets not get in to a racial discussion.

The problem falls mostly in with how extremely people react, especially parents, when their children show some unusual interests and ones that break the gender binary specifically. A lot of how parents react can make some children react in extremes. There is a huge phobia if a boy plays with a doll it instantly makes him gay, or if a girl plays with a truck it instantly makes her a lesbian. That is the thought process that needs to change.

 

[Ramzal]

this is for everyone but as a transgirl myself, I have become curious.

Let's say you have a child and as they grow up you notice they're not like other kids. THey're either unusually effeminate or tomboyish, liking my little pony or transformers over what you would normally expect for a child.

And they're not growing out of it. In fact they're expressing a strong desire to become the opposite gender, saying that they want medicine to change them....

How, as a parent, would you handle this? Bear in mind we are talking about someone roughly around 13 years old.

What would you do, and why?

EDIT:

Wow, the rampant ignorance in what it means to be transgendered in here is getting pretty depressing. I would hope people would actually research what it means to be transgendered before playing armchair psychologist.

Secondly, people are focusing way too much on children's interests. I was using that as an example but there are many other ways one can see that their child is different which is the angle I was going for in the first place.

ONe final note...You cannot 'convince' someone they are the wrong gender. To suggest otherwise is quite silly. The process of getting cleared for hormones alone weeds out those who are not truly transgendered with t hose who are.

Trying to convince someone they're the wrong gender is like trying to convince a fish they can walk. No matter how much you talk, it just isn't going to happen.

I wouldn't handle or deal with it unless they decide to talk to me about it. And the conversation would go something like this:

"Dad... I'm not comfortable in my body."
"Okay."
"I feel different than a lot of people. I feel like I wasn't born the fight gender."
"Alright."
"Well...?"
"Well what? You don't feel comfortable as the gender you are. Did you steal anything that you didn't actually NEED or just cause you could?"
"No. What does that have to do with--"
"Did you kill anyone for no damn reason?"
"What?! NO!"
"Then dinner is at 7. You're my son/daughter. I don't care about how you choose to live your life, all I care is that you do it clean, with no regrets for your mistakes so you can learn from them, and you make the best decisions for yourself and try to do what you truly believe is right. So, again. Dinner is at 7. If you miss it, there's sandwich stuff in the fridge."

Seriously. I tend to not care much what decisions people make for themselves as long as they are happy and not doing any actual damage/being assholes. People---including children--have the responsibility to choose who they wish to be. If a guy wants to be a girl, then do it. If a girl wants to be a guy, then do it. But do it because you want to and do NOT mislead yourself or others as to who you are psychologically and who you are biologically.

Be proud of yourself as long as you do your best. No one else deserves a say in what you are.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

this is for everyone but as a transgirl myself, I have become curious.

Let's say you have a child and as they grow up you notice they're not like other kids. THey're either unusually effeminate or tomboyish, liking my little pony or transformers over what you would normally expect for a child.

And they're not growing out of it. In fact they're expressing a strong desire to become the opposite gender, saying that they want medicine to change them....

How, as a parent, would you handle this? Bear in mind we are talking about someone roughly around 13 years old.

What would you do, and why?

EDIT:

Wow, the rampant ignorance in what it means to be transgendered in here is getting pretty depressing. I would hope people would actually research what it means to be transgendered before playing armchair psychologist.

Secondly, people are focusing way too much on children's interests. I was using that as an example but there are many other ways one can see that their child is different which is the angle I was going for in the first place.

ONe final note...You cannot 'convince' someone they are the wrong gender. To suggest otherwise is quite silly. The process of getting cleared for hormones alone weeds out those who are not truly transgendered with t hose who are.

Trying to convince someone they're the wrong gender is like trying to convince a fish they can walk. No matter how much you talk, it just isn't going to happen.

I wouldn't handle or deal with it unless they decide to talk to me about it. And the conversation would go something like this:

"Dad... I'm not comfortable in my body."
"Okay."
"I feel different than a lot of people. I feel like I wasn't born the fight gender."
"Alright."
"Well...?"
"Well what? You don't feel comfortable as the gender you are. Did you steal anything that you didn't actually NEED or just cause you could?"
"No. What does that have to do with--"
"Did you kill anyone for no damn reason?"
"What?! NO!"
"Then dinner is at 7. You're my son/daughter. I don't care about how you choose to live your life, all I care is that you do it clean, with no regrets for your mistakes so you can learn from them, and you make the best decisions for yourself and try to do what you truly believe is right. So, again. Dinner is at 7. If you miss it, there's sandwich stuff in the fridge."

Seriously. I tend to not care much what decisions people make for themselves as long as they are happy and not doing any actual damage/being assholes. People---including children--have the responsibility to choose who they wish to be. If a guy wants to be a girl, then do it. If a girl wants to be a guy, then do it. But do it because you want to and do NOT mislead yourself or others as to who you are psychologically and who you are biologically.

Be proud of yourself as long as you do your best. No one else deserves a say in what you are.

The issue with that is: Transgendered people often need to get a surgery to make them feel right. In which case Children can't choose what's right for them.

My experience:
Me: "Dad,Mom... I want a sex change."
Dad: "Tell me that again when you're 18."
Mom: "Don't make choices about your body until you're an adult, and think them over first."
Me: "Can I have girl clothes then?"
Dad: "If that's what makes you happy."
Mom: "Sure! Lets go shopping!"

Since I was younger I've decided the bottom surgery was not my cup of tea, it really is an adult decision.

 

[Reikan]

Foolish to do anything without the opinion of experts in the matter. No offense to people who have gone through it themselves but anecdotal evidence means very little. I would speak with a specialist, therapist, doctor about the matter and decide what to do from there. And quite frankly leaving a large decision like that in the hands of a barely teenager is stupid.

 

[prowll]

Let's be honest. Nobody trusts me to raise a kid, let alone a trans kid.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

Foolish to do anything without the opinion of experts in the matter. No offense to people who have gone through it themselves but anecdotal evidence means very little. I would speak with a specialist, therapist, doctor about the matter and decide what to do from there. And quite frankly leaving a large decision like that in the hands of a barely teenager is stupid.

Yeah a full transition is not a good idea before adulthood. Even at adult hood it's a crap shoot because it's an irreversible procedure. Too many trans people suicide after realizing that the surgery was not what they needed or wanted.

 

[Drizzitdude]

If they would want to get a sex chance just because they're effeminate/tomboyish and like My Little Pony/Transformers, I would clear that shit up right quick and say that that's no reason at all to get surgery done. I liked My Little Pony when I was a kid, I also liked hitting things with a stick.

If, beyond what they choose to wear or play with, they told me they just don't feel comfortable in their own body, I would still wait for when they'd turn 18 and get some medical expert's opinion on it in the meantime.

This, I watched the shit out of care bears, my little pony and powerpuff girls. But that doesn't mean liking those things makes me effeminate. If anything it means we slap stupid labels on things which causes people to feel shame over their own interests. If the kids straight up said that they felt like they were the wrong gender, that is another matter altogether.

 

[Soda Spider]

It wouldn't bother me, but I'm not sure I'd let my kid take hormones since they do liver damage.

 

[f1r2a3n4k5]

Being gay isn't something that's made a big deal of anymore (at least in Europe), from either straight or gay people, yet Trans for some people is something they feel the need to yell from the rooftops or become extremely exclusionary of people who are "cis". Fight for equality rights by all means, but they moment you stop being all "HELLO I'M TRANS I'M SUCH A BIG DEAL", is when people start treating you equally. Equality also includes equally not having your sexuality/gender state made anything of.

History lesson:

I'm queer. I live a very white-picket fence type of life. And I like it that way. But I can't deny something and that's the fact that LGB (and to a lesser extent, T) only got rights by being loud and open and angry.

No one got rights by sitting around meekly and waiting for society to accept them. It's actually quite interesting. Circa the era of the Stonewall riots, there was a pro-gay group known as the Mattachine Society. They were dedicated to slowly introducing the idea of gay rights. Yet, they made very little strides in 1950-1960. In the end, it was the Stonewall riots that changed more for gays in society. We're talking drag queens and hookers and miscellaneous other gays linking arms and dancing and rioting in the streets. Who gets remembered for prompting the Gay Rights Movement? The Stonewall Riots or the Mattachine's reactionary "candlelight vigil?"

---

Now. Back on topic. I would follow SOP. Puberty-blockers and therapy until a diagnosis of GID was confirmed. Then at 18, turn over their medical decisions to them.

I would also like to think I would provide more support than most.

 

[Dollabillyall]

I would also try to explain that one cannot become the opposite gender biologically.

as I understand this mostly relates to stuff that is no ones buisness aside from the person in question and their partner

when you see somone on the street you don't know what chromozomes they have

But this is not about someone on the street, this is about your own child considering a transition. So then it is my responsibility as parent to make sure my child knows and understands some facts about what it means in real terms, including his or her inability to grow a uterus / grow testicles. I don't know how that would relate in your mind to being "passable" as your chosen gender to strangers on the street.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

Yeah a full transition is not a good idea before adulthood. Even at adult hood it's a crap shoot because it's an irreversible procedure. Too many trans people suicide after realizing that the surgery was not what they needed or wanted.

Right ... but once they're an adult it's their choice, regardless. In the situation of actually having a child, I would follow SOP. Puberty blockers, etc. But the thing is that I would hope by the time my child is 15 or 16 that I have fostered in them a drive to demand to be the driver of their own fate. Confidant and strong enough to make these sorts of decisions and to live with them as all must.

If by 15 or 16 and they still professed the strongest will to transition, and they sought this as a means to authenticate presence with self, then I would have no qualms about helping them achieve what they want.

 

[Ramzal]

this is for everyone but as a transgirl myself, I have become curious.

Let's say you have a child and as they grow up you notice they're not like other kids. THey're either unusually effeminate or tomboyish, liking my little pony or transformers over what you would normally expect for a child.

And they're not growing out of it. In fact they're expressing a strong desire to become the opposite gender, saying that they want medicine to change them....

How, as a parent, would you handle this? Bear in mind we are talking about someone roughly around 13 years old.

What would you do, and why?

EDIT:

Wow, the rampant ignorance in what it means to be transgendered in here is getting pretty depressing. I would hope people would actually research what it means to be transgendered before playing armchair psychologist.

Secondly, people are focusing way too much on children's interests. I was using that as an example but there are many other ways one can see that their child is different which is the angle I was going for in the first place.

ONe final note...You cannot 'convince' someone they are the wrong gender. To suggest otherwise is quite silly. The process of getting cleared for hormones alone weeds out those who are not truly transgendered with t hose who are.

Trying to convince someone they're the wrong gender is like trying to convince a fish they can walk. No matter how much you talk, it just isn't going to happen.

I wouldn't handle or deal with it unless they decide to talk to me about it. And the conversation would go something like this:

"Dad... I'm not comfortable in my body."
"Okay."
"I feel different than a lot of people. I feel like I wasn't born the fight gender."
"Alright."
"Well...?"
"Well what? You don't feel comfortable as the gender you are. Did you steal anything that you didn't actually NEED or just cause you could?"
"No. What does that have to do with--"
"Did you kill anyone for no damn reason?"
"What?! NO!"
"Then dinner is at 7. You're my son/daughter. I don't care about how you choose to live your life, all I care is that you do it clean, with no regrets for your mistakes so you can learn from them, and you make the best decisions for yourself and try to do what you truly believe is right. So, again. Dinner is at 7. If you miss it, there's sandwich stuff in the fridge."

Seriously. I tend to not care much what decisions people make for themselves as long as they are happy and not doing any actual damage/being assholes. People---including children--have the responsibility to choose who they wish to be. If a guy wants to be a girl, then do it. If a girl wants to be a guy, then do it. But do it because you want to and do NOT mislead yourself or others as to who you are psychologically and who you are biologically.

Be proud of yourself as long as you do your best. No one else deserves a say in what you are.

The issue with that is: Transgendered people often need to get a surgery to make them feel right. In which case Children can't choose what's right for them.

My experience:
Me: "Dad,Mom... I want a sex change."
Dad: "Tell me that again when you're 18."
Mom: "Don't make choices about your body until you're an adult, and think them over first."
Me: "Can I have girl clothes then?"
Dad: "If that's what makes you happy."
Mom: "Sure! Lets go shopping!"

Since I was younger I've decided the bottom surgery was not my cup of tea, it really is an adult decision.

I would allow for my child to have it if it came out of their own pocket. If they earned the money down to the very cent that it costs to cover everything then fine. The issue is that no 16 year old can earn that kind of money on their own with hard work within a month. And I mean "Get a job and work for it" money. That will take quite a long time and give them plenty of time to think about what they are really working for. If they stick to it, it costs on average 20,000.

http://www.tgender.net/taw/tsins.html

Again, that's plenty of time to think it over. I wouldn't pay for a surgery like that if for anything a principle that if you want it, you have to earn it. Injuries, food, clothes, and school supplies are different.

 

[Hap2]

Spoiler: WELL-CONGRA-DU-FUCKING-LATIONS

[img/]http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcbic3K3EF1rrpsd7.gif[/img]

Sorry, I'm out.

I refuse to engage someone so willfully disrespectful.

Willfully disrespectful? You and I have different ideas of what respect is then. You came in, no first-hand experience or understanding of what trans individuals go through or feel like, and started pushing your pet theories as truth.

How polite-sounding your tone is in writing does not make you respectful Abomination. Denying people's existence - that makes you the disrespectful one here.

 

[Abomination]

Willfully disrespectful? You and I have different ideas of what respect is then. You came in, no first-hand experience or understanding of what trans individuals go through or feel like, and started pushing your pet theories as truth.

How polite-sounding your tone is in writing does not make you respectful Abomination. Denying people's existence - that makes you the disrespectful one here.

I can not comprehend how you came to this conjecture.

But everything you have said is wrong.

 

[Elfgore]

At that age I would start to take something like that seriously. I'd ask them questions, possibly even take them to a professional to see if they really where transgender. I would not allow them to go under the knife until at least age 17 or 18. For the years in between I'd pretty much be constantly asking them if this is the choice they want to make, if they actually believe they're of the opposite gender. Other than that, they would have my full support in the issue. I'd buy them the clothes they wanted and have their back in any situation.

 

[AwesomeHatMan]

This may come as a shock to you but I actually agree with many things you said there. However I still do not support the idea of Transgenderism because I do not support the idea of Genderism as a whole.

I believe the entire notion of gender is social (whereas sex is genetic). I believe this notion is one based on sexism, which I find abhorrent. I also believe this notion is one that oppresses and makes some feel like they have to be confined by certain rules and that everyone should fit in one of two designated metaphorical boxes. I believe that people who identify as transgender are those who wish to escape one metaphorical box only so they can entrap themselves in another one, whereas I say there should be no boxes.

As you no doubt can guess I do not, nor have I ever suffered from gender dysphoria. You mentioned how you want the person on the inside to match the person on the outside. To me this is a foreign concept. You may say you are female on the inside. However, I do not feel male, nor female, nor some third gender which I have heard some people talk about on the inside. I do not feel being male (my biological sex) on the inside in the same way I do not feel how tall I am in the inside. I do not feel being male on the inside in the same way I do not feel like my hair is brown on the inside. My sex is like my height or my hair colour, it doesn't define how I should act, it is simply just another characteristic I have.

Who I am on the inside is rather things such as my conscience, loving singing/dancing and musical theatre, loving sport, loving science and discovery and art (well good art).

So when I hear people say I feel male or female on the inside I believe it is not male or female the are feeling but rather other things which they are then told means that they must be feeling male or female due to the sexist concept of gender. I believe when someone is told this enough times and they tell themselves this enough times they will finally convince themselves it is male or female that they are feeling and then the dysphoria occurs. Then they actually feel male or female.

This is pretty much exactly what I've been trying to say.

The issue with this line of thought is a lack of understanding that some people feel different than they are.

So I'll ask both of you. Have you ever had a burning desire to be accepted as a member of the opposite sex?

LetsNotPlease, I am glad you feel the same way. I am not sure why my name was not quoted thoughy...

Kyuubi, do you think asking that question was really necessary? I recommend you re0read my post, in particular this part (quoting myself verbatim):

"As you no doubt can guess I do not, nor have I ever suffered from gender dysphoria. You mentioned how you want the person on the inside to match the person on the outside. To me this is a foreign concept. You may say you are female on the inside. However, I do not feel male, nor female, nor some third gender which I have heard some people talk about on the inside. I do not feel being male (my biological sex) on the inside in the same way I do not feel how tall I am in the inside. I do not feel being male on the inside in the same way I do not feel like my hair is brown on the inside. My sex is like my height or my hair colour, it doesn't define how I should act, it is simply just another characteristic I have."

I think if you want others to read and take in what you have to say, it is only fair to offer the same common courtesy back.

I have also made one prior post and one later post talking to OP (chinangel). If you want to hear my opinion, I recommend reading those as well.

 

[hentropy]

Just a quick PSA, and I'll say this in the most "I'm not mad just saying lighthearted" way I can: "transgendered" is not a proper term as transgender is not a verb that happens to you. You wouldn't call a black person a "blackened" person. It's just transgender. They are/you are transgender people.

Unfortunately it is very rarely as simple as a child coming up and explaining in clear, unequivocal terms that they are transgender or in the wrong body or anything like that. It is also difficult to talk about these things so generally, every child is different and has different tendencies, even when talked about broadly as being anything under 18. It is also important to note that gender and gender identity is not always a clear binary, girls or boys feeling as if they don't identify with being a boy or girl does not mean they want to become the other as quickly as possible.

Parents should not pressure or try to force their children into a transitioning phase when they are simply trying to figure things out. In many cases, it's best for the parent to almost disconnect completely- that doesn't mean you're not unconditionally supporting them, it just means you are not swaying their mindset in any way. Professionals and properly assess them and they can assess themselves. The first reaction should not be jumping off the couch and immediately running out to get your child hormone blockers. They should know the options, and make the decisions for themselves, because it is their life. And as their parent you're probably not the best person for that, truth be told. It's against the parent mindset and instinct to disconnect themselves from their kid's lives, but in many cases it's what needs to happen. In more than just transgender cases.

But as I said, there are many many variables and many things to take into account with a case like this. I could poke holes in my own reaction depending on any number of different variables.

 

[Emnyron]

Ok. I am going to get flamed for this.

I consider transgender people to be mentally ill, unless it is one of the rare cases where the chromosomes are messed up, eg "Chapelle syndrome" or something of that sort. In that case, its a physical health issue, and should be dealt with as such.
If my children ever came to me with that kind of statement, I would probably not react well, but I would arrange for a checkup on that point with the appropriate healthcare service, and I would also seek the advice of two different psychologists, preferably one female and one male, from different schools.

However, if this came after my child was 18, I would state the truth, that I think he or she might be slightly insane on that point, but, I will not deny them to do anything that is legal and inside of their rights. I might not like it, but it would be wrong to attempt to deny anyone their legal rights. My opinion on them using said rights might be another point, but if you have the right to X, I will defend your right to make use of it.