Your Favorite Zero Punctuation Quote

[Nesutaa]

"OH PISSING BLIMEY, THERE'S JAM COMING OUT OF THE WALLS!!!"- Amnesia: The Dark Descent

"Anyway, here's America's latest virginal howler monkey sex fantasy, Call of Duty: Black Ops. Another opportunity for the Call of Duty franchise to wave military hardware in our faces and go 'PHWOARR!!!'" - Call of Duty: Black Ops

"I AM A MONSTER TRUCK THAT WALKS LIKE A MAN!"- Darksiders

"God knows what would happen if you spread Branston pickle on No More Heroes, possibly the universe would explode. And it would be awesome."- No More Heroes

 

[XMark]

Bosoms, melons, milk factories, busts, funbags, knockers, ballistics, boobies, jugs, nipples, jubblies, STONKING GREAT TITS!

 

[Jmurray21]

Prince of Persia Retrospective:

Never stick your dick in a pudding. Yeah it might still be good pudding and you can spend all day explaining it but nobody's gonna eat it because YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN IT.

Damn you took mine. that episode was so funny and that quote never gets old.

 

[Varitel]

This may have already been said, but from the Just Cause 2 review:

"Just Cause 2's relationship with realism is limited to a fleeting farewell peck on the cheek before leaping aboard Leprechaun flight 101 to the dark side of Mars"

That's my favorite ZP quote.

 

[game-lover]

Wow... I was ninja'd many times here. The Halo Wars rant at the end was so damn hilarious I laughed so long and hard I could barely breathe. And I played back that very part just to laugh again.

Anyway, I'll pick one of the others oens I liked, probably for the animation with it.


"One time my health was low but not dangerously low so I was going to take a small herb to keep me going when I see my partner rushing towards me with a valuable large herb. Now when you're running from your support character with more desperate terror than you've felt for any of the actual monsters, something has obviously gone wrong somewhere."

RE 5


That had me snickering for ages. I replayed it over too just to re enjoy it.

 

[mitchell271]

Let me just transcribe my thought process at the time. "Dum de dum. Well this isn't very scary. Oh look, physics! I can throw chairs around like a removal man who completely stopped giving a shit. Doors blowing open in the wind? Yawn-o-rama. Guess I'll just look upstairs then I might as well little bit. Nope, nothing much up here either. I'll just go back and... Woah, what was that thing I just glimpsed running down a hallway? I don't know but it looked cross about something so I think I'll go down this other hallway instead. Oh, it's blocked. Guess I'll turn around and WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?! AUGH RUN RUN RUN RUN I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO MESS YOUR CHAIRS UP OH PISSING BLIMEY THERE'S JAM COMING OUT OF THE WALLS"

I know that when't on for a while but the whole is just so funny.

 

[Solo-Wing]

"Never stick your dick in a pudding: It's still good pudding, and you can spend all night telling everyone that, but noones going to eat it BECAUSE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN IT!"

What one was that again?

 

[Evil Moo]

"I still think it'd have been more credible if the villains had been an army of disgruntled insect people from the Earth's core... *long pause* ... *everyone looks around expectantly* ... Wearing silly hats!"

From Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X.

Gets me every time.

 

[Ironman126]

Dante's inferno (I think)

"why would they do a dual upgrade system? well i replied its like my hand on a sunday night, whys that you ask?
IT BEATS THE FUCK OUT OF ME"

This. This is the single greatest thing Yahtzee has ever uttered. And yes, it was Dante's Inferno.

 

[noxymoron19]

The entire Demons's's's Souls.

-I immedietly turned the corner and was flattened by a giant turd monster...Things weren't going very well.

-No shit Buttmuch

-...Where this lady with pancakes stitched to her face...

Just a couple of examples of his awesomness

 

[Andy of Comix Inc]

"BULL. FUCKING. SHIT.

WHAT. ARBITRARY. SILLINESS.

 

[Andy of Comix Inc]

"You're wearing your armour in a pocket of your armour!!" -RE5

"'I'm not a fanboy-' ...yes you are." -Mailbox

"To put it charitably - the game is fucking ugly." -The Conduit

"BEDEEP BEDEEP BEDEEP BEDEEP" -The Conduit

 

[fdbluth]

"Jack Slate... who missed a golden opportunity when he chose policing rather than opening a roofing business..."

That makes me laugh out loud every time for some weird reason. It's a stupid pun, but goddamn it, it just rubs me the right way.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

Never seen this thread before.

But seriously, SHURIKENS AND LIGHTING!

 

[robot slipper]

From one of the Guitar Hero/Rock Band ones: "Expecting the vocalist to sing an unknown song entirely in foreign is like expecting the guitarist to play with mittens on. Or for the drummer to think". Being a drummer, that make me absolutely fall in love with Yahtzee!

I tend to use these ones in real life wherever possible from Just Cause 2:
"JUST 'CAUSE!"
and "Fucked if IIIIIII know!"

One more from Gears of War 2: "Marcus' best friend (AND NOTHING ELSE) Dom..."

 

[Declaro]

I think I have two, both of which my ZP-obsessed friend quotes frequently.

"I am a MONSTER TRUCK that walks like a MAN!"

and

"Short answer: no. Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."

 

[Scorched_Cascade]

"Whoa save some innovation for the rest of us Da Vinci".

He managed to hit perfect sarcasm levels on that one.

 

[CheckD3]

"Ooo wook he's a doggie! Mashup his wittle face and call him chips!"

Fable II, the way he delivered it was quite funny. I also like "bone your spouse till their eyes fall out" from the review

 

[Zipa]

Alpha Protocol

"Mike Thornton is the ponciest ponce to ponce by the poncing parlor"

I remember just laughing myself into a ball,

From the same video:

''The dialogue options lets you switch between 3 attitudes: professional by the book ponce who wouldnt emote if the angel gabriel blew off in his face the aggressive ponce who sounds snarlingly like he is 5 seconds away from flipping the global crisis on its front and pounding away on its nether hole with a spas 12 and the suave ponce who might as well just save time and mace himself every time he opens his fucking mouth.''

 

[Zhadramekel]

It's got to be from Spiderman: Web of Shadows:
"Gameplay consists of beating people up, beating bigger people up, following people until they can stop long enough to let you beat them up, protecting people by beating up the people who are trying to beat them up and some quick time events."