Your worst joke

[NeedAUserName]

What do you call a fly with no wings?

Spoiler: Warning Terrible Punchline Alert

Spoiler: Don't Blame Me

Spoiler: Seriously You Have Been Warned

Spoiler: Prepare for Disappointment!

Spoiler: Final Warning

Spoiler: I lied

Spoiler: I think I have left you in suspense long enough

Spoiler: Maybe a Little Longer

Spoiler: Wow You are eager to learn this punchline

Spoiler: Here it goes

Spoiler: Right after this

Spoiler: Seriously give up!

Spoiler: Fine you win!

A Walk

 

[ThaBenMan]

A man walks into a bar. He has a dog with him that's wearing an eyepatch. The man says to the bartender "ask me about my dog." Unfortunately, the bartender does not hear him, because he went deaf in one ear as a child. He serves a woman at the other end of the bar. When he comes around to the man with the dog again, the man orders an imported beer. He forgets what he was going to say about the dog.

 

[j1-2themax]

What's the difference between a duck?
I dunno, something about the legs.

 

[Barry93]

pro is the opposite of con. so what is the opposite of progress?
Congress

 

[darktheif28]

What's the best part about doing twenty-nine year olds?

There's twenty of them

please don't judge me, I know it's horrible

 

[gremily]

What do you get when you mix a cat and a parrot?....






A CARROT!

 

[Hephaesto]

Disabled toilets, ironically the only ones large enough to run around in.

Yes I know I'm going to hell, I've already got my plane ticket.

 

[300lb. Samoan]

dammit, i just read the first post. i had to remove my dead baby joke.
dammit! it was original, i swear!!!

ba-dmm TSS!
officially the worst joke I've ever TRIED to tell

 

[Bullfrog1983]

What is Bruce Lee's favourite drink?

Wa-tah! (Water)

 

[ironthing]

A dude walks into a bar, gets drunk, and goes home to take his aggressions out on his lovely wife..........Ouch.

 

[furnatic]

Two muffins are baking in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Boy is it hot in here or what?" The other says "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"

 

[Dsmith2895]

Ok ok here I go, KNOCK KNOCK, whos there? Boo. Boo who? Dont cry it's just a joke! Eh eh?!?Cheesy enough?

 

[vultur009]

my worst joke was this:
Me: shut up or else
My friend: or else what?
Me: exctly

 

[300lb. Samoan]

ok, i'm feeling rebelious, so i've come up with a NEW dead baby joke:

a dead baby walks into a bar, and the bar tender says:
"NO DEAD BABY JOKES ALLOWED IN HERE"
and the dead baby says
"YOU THINK I'M SOME KIND OF JOKE? FUCK YOU, MAN - I'M DEAD!"

WAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

[300lb. Samoan]

wait wait wait wait I got another one:

KNOCK KNOCK
who's there?
ORANGE
orange who?
ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN'T TELL A DEAD BABY JOKE?

WACKEDY SHMACKEDY DOOOOO!

 

[hotacidbath]

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
Being shot in the head

Two muffins are baking in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other and says "is it hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin responds "holy shit! A talking muffin!"

 

[JMeganSnow]

My grandfather's only joke:

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had FOUR doors, it'd be a chicken SEDAN.

 

[Shapsters]

Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff? She was wearing mittens.

 

[MMMowman]

Why did frogger cross the road?

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Some of my favorite jokes are pick-up lines.
Here's one.
"Excuse me, does this wrag smell of chloroform to you?"

The other.
Me: "Check out this watch. It has magic powers."
Pretty Lady: "What does it do?"
Me: "It lets me know what kind of panties you're wearing."
Lady: "Really, now. What kind am I wearing."
I put my ear to the watch.
Me: "It says you're not wearing any."
Lady: "No, I'm wearing a pair."
Me: "Hm." I prod at the watch. "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

Not exactly a joke but reminds of something I always wanted to try but have been too nervous to out of fear that A: it will get me slapped so hard my head is on backwards the rest of my life, and B: I don't a girl that likes me enough that it wouldn't backfire horribly.
Basically go up to the girl and say "I bet you 20$ I can kiss you without using my lips." Then kiss her and give her the 20, telling her, "best 20$ I ever spent."
I doubt it would ever work though, as even in my dreams would I ever be anywhere near as smooth as Clive Owen.

horribly offensive joke

Dude jokes like that are a big reason why just about every joke thread gets locked. I seriously suggest editing that out while you still have time. Or at the least put that in spoiler tags and then a warning on top of that. Not trying to be a jerk, just trying to offer some friendly advice.