Zero Punctuation: Burnout: Paradise

Malangyar

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Oct 31, 2007
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VeryOblivious said:
Wyatt said:
its not ment to be an actual 'review' like hes writing up a report to the FTC or parliment.
I disagree. I haven't seen a professional reviewer yet. Mainly because the people with some objective perspective about game design will be busy... DEVELOPING GAMES. And yet, some of these lads will be biased towards the complexity of the game's programming.
In conclusion, Yahtzee's reviews are as valid as the reviews of IGN' reviewer, for example.
Yeah, I don't think it's misunderstanding to regard Zero Punctuation as game reviews. I mean it freaking says "Weekly web video game REVIEWS by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw." on the front page. These are 4 minute videos pointing out pros (yes, he does mention some pros) and cons of a game, and rounding it off with an overall impression. That's pretty much how a review is supposed to function.

An assessment of a game doesn't need to rate the game exactly 8.8 on the 1-10 scale in order to claim the title of "review".
 

VonBlade

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Mar 12, 2008
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Allan Foe said:
O ye, of little attention span
Of course he's got zero attention span, he wants a review of a game that's the same as the GC one, just with shitty controls. Meh.

Oh and Yahtzees reviews are _more_ valid than IGN/GS ones because they aren't funded by the publishers and thusly aren't tainted by greed.
 

DennoCoil

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Mar 6, 2008
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So true about this game and the reason why I didn't like it... see below.

I always either crash at 800 miles an hour, effectively screwing any chance of winning a race since I can't see a fucking thing coming into my face like a speeding bullet, or I get fucked 8-ways from Sunday by the AI when they nearly crash me and I'm forced into another street that looks very similar to the one I'm on and goes in the same direction, but takes you into the opposite direction less then a mile down the road, forcing you to back track and see where you went wrong before the time expired or the AI win the race.

Another thing he could have said was that when you want to restart a race and you're at the finish, you have to DRIVE BACK TO WHERE THE STARTING LINE IS and race again. This just makes the game tedious as all hell.

And there is Multi-Player in the game, just not so good. When I first started to play it, I kept crashing into people for the hell of it AND I KEPT LOSING!! Don't know whether it was the "beginning" or n00b car I had or whatever, which would be another case of Counter-Strike Syndrome, but I never won in head on crashes. 25 crashes in only 15 minutes, impossible to force them into the buildings or obstacles [This is real people we're talking about], and the only way to crash for a beginner was to do it head on and would surely lose.

The only way to win at this game is to play it constantly and memorize the map, there is no room for real beginners, you have to unlock the games cars and beat all the races so you could have the best chance possible. For someone who rents games or aren't "hardcore", screw Live.

The GOOD: Fast racing
The BAD: XBox Live and the "Open World" design
 

Drong

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Oct 31, 2007
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Great review though personally I?m a big fan of the burnout games but yeah the crashes get annoying and learning the city takes a while (and lots of map checking & high speed collisions while doing it) but it's very satisfying once you do.

My biggest gripe though you only just touched on, no split screen, why, why, why can't I play my friends at this game without forcing them to go home first, what happens if we just want to sit in front of the same box with a few beers and perform vehicular manslaughter on each other.

I understand trying to encourage online gaming and that aspect of the game is very good but the omission of split screen is just madness (or laziness) and it's a great advert for the game (go round a mates, play it split screen against him, like it so much you go buy your own copy) they left it out of Motorstorm too b'stards.
 

McMo0^

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Dec 21, 2007
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Ambition said:
The UK now hates you, I think.
lol have to be honest, i couldn't work out why you said that, so i watched the review again, only to remember that some people actually really gave a shit about princess di. I mean fair enough, she did some good things, but she's been dead for nearly or over a decade now, if people haven't lost interest by now then theres clearly something wrong with em. hehe wafer.

oh yeah nice review as usual. Paradise is indeed the car game for people who don't like car games
 

Wyatt

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Feb 14, 2008
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VeryOblivious said:
I disagree. I haven't seen a professional reviewer yet. Mainly because the people with some objective perspective about game design will be busy... DEVELOPING GAMES. And yet, some of these lads will be biased towards the complexity of the game's programming.
In conclusion, Yahtzee's reviews are as valid as the reviews of IGN' reviewer, for example.
thats not quite what i was getting at, thou shalt not quote out of context.

my point is that yahtzee NOT being a 'professional' games reviewer is his selling point.

notice the quotes around professional? what i mean is that yahtzee doesnt try and pontificate on meaningless details as if they were importiant. read a 'professional' games review for instiance and you get a paragraph or two about how you can customize your toons face in a game like mass effect. where yahtzee make a toung in cheek joke of this a 'professional' review would actualy spend time telling you how great they think it actualy is. when i reality it is (or should be now days) a common place thing.

or when he makes a comment about driving sections being in every 'action/adventure game' and being about as great a selling point as saying it comes in a box.

what im saying is that a 'professional' reviwer will spend pages of text telling you every little nitpicking detail that cought their eye and not making much if any effort to point out whats a REAL drawing point to a given game and whats just filler text so that their reviews dont end up being something like , "well its another clone of C&C, only with larger maps and a different skin" when they review pretty much any RTS game on the market.

its like the difference between your buddys when your talking car's, there is allways a bunch of psudo gear-heads that want to tell you how many killmega RPMs your 6 bazillion HP dual torque turbo quad 6000mbx engine can produce, or your other buddy that says 'dude that car is the shit, and the chicks LOVE it' yahtzee is the chick buddy. giveing you information that you really want/need to know without spending ages talking about crap that doesnt matter to anyone anyhow.

i find most 'professional' reviews read like a spread sheet, or a game pitch, dull and full of usless detail, and when you read them you can almost SEE what parts were grafted on to the review to appease either the editors or the company that the game belongs too. once in a total blue moon you get an honist review of a game because its generaly made by an indo developer with no budget for advertisment and cant afford to bribe the major review sights for a good review (example http://www.gamespot.com/pc/strategy/spaceforcecaptains/review.html?sid=6187655&om_act=convert&om_clk=multimodule&tag=multimodule;picks;title;1)

now i dont know if that review is accurate or not, ive not played the game, but it certianly got hammered by gamespot for some reason, while they give a game like the Witcher an 8.5 when if it earned a solid 5 it was doing something imo. i expect the difference is that ive never seen 'captians' advertise on game spot while the witcher was spread all over the sight for the week or so during its launch.

anyhow, i think you just misunderstood what i was saying, im all for yahtzees reviews simply because he DOESNT try and turn them into something they arent. he makes no pretext of being a 'real' reviewer, hes just a guy that plays games like the rest of us, and is willing to say what he ACTUALY thinks about a game without plunking us neck deep in bullshit information that we dont want or even need while hes doing it.

truth is ill make up my own mind about the details of a given game if i choose to buy it, what i look for in a review is an over all feel of a game to see if i should waste my cash on it in the first place. if found over the years that one mans 'problem' is something i really LIKED about a game, or another man's selling point is something i hate. so a general overview like yahtzees is about perfect for what i want and look for in a review. his reviews are like asking a pal about a game, you know your gunna get an honist answer and as long as you know his tastes in games you can judge for yourself if you should buy it or not.
 

Terramax

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Jan 11, 2008
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Phew! And here was me worrying for a second that EA might have actually made a half decent game...

Ambition:
The UK now hates you, I think.[/quote

Seriously man, Diana was years ago. Not being able to let go and still be upset about that would be like America still being angry and upset about 9/11... ah... well, we ain't the US.
 
Nov 28, 2007
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Terramax said:
Phew! And here was me worrying for a second that EA might have actually made a half decent game...

Ambition:
The UK now hates you, I think.[/quote

Seriously man, Diana was years ago. Not being able to let go and still be upset about that would be like America still being angry and upset about 9/11... ah... well, we ain't the US.
That's just slightly offensive. I'm not usually one to not be able to let things go, but comparing Princess Di's death to the worst terrorist attack in the world?
 

Dectilon

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Sep 20, 2007
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thebobmaster said:
Terramax said:
Phew! And here was me worrying for a second that EA might have actually made a half decent game...

Ambition:
The UK now hates you, I think.[/quote

Seriously man, Diana was years ago. Not being able to let go and still be upset about that would be like America still being angry and upset about 9/11... ah... well, we ain't the US.
That's just slightly offensive. I'm not usually one to not be able to let things go, but comparing Princess Di's death to the worst terrorist attack in the world?
I'll put it this way: both events were horrible because people died, but more people are dying even more horribly as I write this, and I don't hear anyone crying for them...
 

Blyr

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Feb 7, 2008
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I thought the worst terrorist attack in the world was the holocaust, or the invention of "chat speak"

This review was hilarious, and further proves to me that game developers have no idea what gamers want, they're just throw a whole bunch of things at a game, and seeing what sticks.. "Oh, they love this game series, so lets stop doing this, and try something completely different, and if they hate it, we can go back to the original way, and try something else I saw on a game that's 30 years old"
 

VMerken

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Sep 12, 2007
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I was going to write something about "get to grips with racing games" but as that might rupture the rhaa-lovely bursting-at-the-seams vat of deliciously venomous gatling gun humour that Yahtzee has become in this video, I'll just sit here silently and in awe.
 

samuraixyz

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Jan 14, 2008
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Nice review as always, Yathzee. And I personally like your assumed idea of the storyline on Burnout: Paradise XD
 

Alphavillain

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Jan 19, 2008
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Yep, Yahtzee isn't good at driving games. And you can always change the camera to bumper cam for a better view anyway.
 

NSiky

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Nov 1, 2007
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thebobmaster said:
Terramax said:
Phew! And here was me worrying for a second that EA might have actually made a half decent game...

Ambition:
The UK now hates you, I think.[/quote

Seriously man, Diana was years ago. Not being able to let go and still be upset about that would be like America still being angry and upset about 9/11... ah... well, we ain't the US.
That's just slightly offensive. I'm not usually one to not be able to let things go, but comparing Princess Di's death to the worst terrorist attack in the world?

The fact that you think 9/11 is the biggest terrorist act ever just shows how ignorant you really are.