Zero Punctuation: Burnout: Paradise

[Dectilon]

Phew! And here was me worrying for a second that EA might have actually made a half decent game...

Ambition:
The UK now hates you, I think.[/quote

Seriously man, Diana was years ago. Not being able to let go and still be upset about that would be like America still being angry and upset about 9/11... ah... well, we ain't the US.

That's just slightly offensive. I'm not usually one to not be able to let things go, but comparing Princess Di's death to the worst terrorist attack in the world?

I'll put it this way: both events were horrible because people died, but more people are dying even more horribly as I write this, and I don't hear anyone crying for them...

 

[Blyr]

I thought the worst terrorist attack in the world was the holocaust, or the invention of "chat speak"

This review was hilarious, and further proves to me that game developers have no idea what gamers want, they're just throw a whole bunch of things at a game, and seeing what sticks.. "Oh, they love this game series, so lets stop doing this, and try something completely different, and if they hate it, we can go back to the original way, and try something else I saw on a game that's 30 years old"

 

[VMerken]

I was going to write something about "get to grips with racing games" but as that might rupture the rhaa-lovely bursting-at-the-seams vat of deliciously venomous gatling gun humour that Yahtzee has become in this video, I'll just sit here silently and in awe.

 

[samuraixyz]

Nice review as always, Yathzee. And I personally like your assumed idea of the storyline on Burnout: Paradise XD

 

[Alphavillain]

Yep, Yahtzee isn't good at driving games. And you can always change the camera to bumper cam for a better view anyway.

 

[Quindo]

Jewish people now hate you, i think. :S

 

[NSiky]

Phew! And here was me worrying for a second that EA might have actually made a half decent game...

Ambition:
The UK now hates you, I think.[/quote

Seriously man, Diana was years ago. Not being able to let go and still be upset about that would be like America still being angry and upset about 9/11... ah... well, we ain't the US.

That's just slightly offensive. I'm not usually one to not be able to let things go, but comparing Princess Di's death to the worst terrorist attack in the world?

The fact that you think 9/11 is the biggest terrorist act ever just shows how ignorant you really are.

 

[thebobmaster_v1legacy]

Phew! And here was me worrying for a second that EA might have actually made a half decent game...

Ambition:
The UK now hates you, I think.[/quote

Seriously man, Diana was years ago. Not being able to let go and still be upset about that would be like America still being angry and upset about 9/11... ah... well, we ain't the US.

That's just slightly offensive. I'm not usually one to not be able to let things go, but comparing Princess Di's death to the worst terrorist attack in the world?

The fact that you think 9/11 is the biggest terrorist act ever just shows how ignorant you really are.

Agreed. I always find it so utterly hypocritical that they can act like they are the greatest victims the world has ever seen. I also find it hypocritical the level to which they are playing the victim, like the U.S. just stayed inside a plastic bubble and was attacked out of the blue. Like it or not, people do not orchestrate complex terrorist attacks randomly - you did something to piss them off.

OK, sorry, I thought I saw something about 9/11 in the Guinness Book of World Records, but after rechecking, it was for worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil. I apologize. But is it really so close-minded of me to believe that the death of Princess Diana and her driver in a car crash doesn't compare to the deaths of more than 3,000 innocent people?

 

[Firia]

Wyatt, you deserve a standing ovation, were this not a forum. I couldn't agree more, and you hit every nail on the head. Spot on!

I disagree. I haven't seen a professional reviewer yet. Mainly because the people with some objective perspective about game design will be busy... DEVELOPING GAMES. And yet, some of these lads will be biased towards the complexity of the game's programming.
In conclusion, Yahtzee's reviews are as valid as the reviews of IGN' reviewer, for example.

thats not quite what i was getting at, thou shalt not quote out of context.

my point is that yahtzee NOT being a 'professional' games reviewer is his selling point.

notice the quotes around professional? what i mean is that yahtzee doesnt try and pontificate on meaningless details as if they were importiant. read a 'professional' games review for instiance and you get a paragraph or two about how you can customize your toons face in a game like mass effect. where yahtzee make a toung in cheek joke of this a 'professional' review would actualy spend time telling you how great they think it actualy is. when i reality it is (or should be now days) a common place thing.

or when he makes a comment about driving sections being in every 'action/adventure game' and being about as great a selling point as saying it comes in a box.

what im saying is that a 'professional' reviwer will spend pages of text telling you every little nitpicking detail that cought their eye and not making much if any effort to point out whats a REAL drawing point to a given game and whats just filler text so that their reviews dont end up being something like , "well its another clone of C&C, only with larger maps and a different skin" when they review pretty much any RTS game on the market.

its like the difference between your buddys when your talking car's, there is allways a bunch of psudo gear-heads that want to tell you how many killmega RPMs your 6 bazillion HP dual torque turbo quad 6000mbx engine can produce, or your other buddy that says 'dude that car is the shit, and the chicks LOVE it' yahtzee is the chick buddy. giveing you information that you really want/need to know without spending ages talking about crap that doesnt matter to anyone anyhow.

i find most 'professional' reviews read like a spread sheet, or a game pitch, dull and full of usless detail, and when you read them you can almost SEE what parts were grafted on to the review to appease either the editors or the company that the game belongs too. once in a total blue moon you get an honist review of a game because its generaly made by an indo developer with no budget for advertisment and cant afford to bribe the major review sights for a good review (example http://www.gamespot.com/pc/strategy/spaceforcecaptains/review.html?sid=6187655&om_act=convert&om_clk=multimodule&tag=multimodule;picks;title;1)

now i dont know if that review is accurate or not, ive not played the game, but it certianly got hammered by gamespot for some reason, while they give a game like the Witcher an 8.5 when if it earned a solid 5 it was doing something imo. i expect the difference is that ive never seen 'captians' advertise on game spot while the witcher was spread all over the sight for the week or so during its launch.

anyhow, i think you just misunderstood what i was saying, im all for yahtzees reviews simply because he DOESNT try and turn them into something they arent. he makes no pretext of being a 'real' reviewer, hes just a guy that plays games like the rest of us, and is willing to say what he ACTUALY thinks about a game without plunking us neck deep in bullshit information that we dont want or even need while hes doing it.

truth is ill make up my own mind about the details of a given game if i choose to buy it, what i look for in a review is an over all feel of a game to see if i should waste my cash on it in the first place. if found over the years that one mans 'problem' is something i really LIKED about a game, or another man's selling point is something i hate. so a general overview like yahtzees is about perfect for what i want and look for in a review. his reviews are like asking a pal about a game, you know your gunna get an honist answer and as long as you know his tastes in games you can judge for yourself if you should buy it or not.

 

[thebobmaster_v1legacy]

I'm not trying to blow it out of proportion. I honestly misread its entry. I just feel like everyone is calling the U.S. a wuss for still mourning the loss.

 

[Abbadiel]

What's that bass sounding sound in the background?

Is Yahtzee's House populated by ghosts?

 

[Beaux]

So did he like it?

 

[Dhileas]

I've always seemed to enjoy the Burnout games. Your explicit elaboration concerning the, "totally fucking sweet" effects of barreling through the air whilst raining brightly-painted shrapnel across the innocent yet amusingly unfortunate public is nothing short of hitting the allegorical nail on the head. Although I am inexplicably infatuated with destroying things in video games - like the brain-fried, rabid, hardcore FPS-junkie that I proudly am - I didn't really care much for the open world. I guess I miss the linearity of racing games despite their perks. Wow, I never thought I'd actually REQUEST linearity.

Oh yeah, please pardon the rigamarole. It's a nasty habit.

 

[VeryOblivious]

...

I apologize if I quoted out of context. I didn't see the quotes around professional. =)

 

[Sgt.Roadkill]

why in hell do people keep asking him to review old games... hasn't he made his opinions on that clear enough? especially in the begining of this review.

also halo fanboyism needs to beacked up wtih more than 'halo is amazing go lok at it' bleugh.

entertaining as ever yahtzee, and good review in my opinion.

and if he is going to do a review of one of thos emmo he might as well do one of the mmor recnet ones guild wars and wow are both out of date... it would more likely be Age of Conan
or the notoriously long devleopmently challanged Warhammer online...

Although when the next soul calibur game comes out will be intereting to see his reaction to Yoda and Darth Vader being present int the game.

 

[gungravesan7]

well done you Huculiran-examplar! You cracked me open like a... well... "Like Grand Theft Auto, but a hell of a lot more broken." Be sure to be as productive as allways!

And Sgt.Roadkill - I think that if he does make a review about a mmorpeger it should be EvE online cuz so far - he hasn't realy done a review about a game of that type...

 

[PlogXL]

Crazily enough i think that the idea behind a democracy is the right of free speech, this contains all the elements. A great review as we all know that the best driving game has come and gone with Gran Turismo on the PS1, it was mint, because it didn't ask you to be raped of the senses by.

1. Shit Music
2. Shit Acting

I don't want some **** telling me about how "rad" that jump was or any other sland word, this is why need for speed has turned into absolute piss rags. Yahtzees U.S.P., as it were, is the fact that his views are real and not sugar coated, which is why we all jump for joy every wednesday. But anyway i have to "soup" up my car.

 

[Dectilon]

well done you Huculiran-examplar!

Ha ha ha ha ha *snort* ha ha ha ha ha : D

 

[MikePhilbin]

as ever, very entertaining, many of the points I made in my BURNOUT PARADISE, FIRST IMPRESSIONS blog back in December 2007 as soon as the playable demo "slipped out the back door like s*** off a shovel".

http://mikephilbin.blogspot.com/2007/12/burnout-paradise-first-impressions.html

 

[pingnak]

I played a couple of the previous 'Burnout' games, and I can say the trend in is definitely downwards, and that no quality was there in the first place. The only activity worth playing is the PvP smash-each-other-up mode, and at that the damned thing was never very good at detecting the cause of a crash, so the scoring of who kills/dies tends to be completely random. Usually one player gets surrounded by victims to knock off the road, while the other is left all alone to tour the countryside. You can't go fast enough to catch up, and if you slow down, you die. Anyways, the game just gets worse and worse with every release.

I much prefer the 'Grand Theft Auto' world. If you get bored with the missions and the races and the side-missions and driving around, the sidewalks are always there with people on them to, er, 'interact' with. You can even get your car burning and smash it into a crowd of people and let it blow up for money, or go steal an attack helicopter and yell 'Death from above!' as you slaughter innocents by the hundreds... and it keeps count of how many people you killed (I killed over ten thousand in one game). Getting up to five stars is a piece of cake, and more interesting than 'Burnout' could ever hope to be once the national guard shows up. I bought a PS2 just to play GTA San Andreas months before it came out on XBOX, then sold the PS2 back when I got done. My only complaint was whatever were they thinking putting 'Simon' (the colored light game from 1978) into the game with dancing characters you can't watch because you're squinting at the bottom of the screen trying to see stock ticker symbols? It took TWO uncoordinated geeks on the same controller to finish those 'challenges' just to carry on with the game. Just let me slaughter the whole party and steal the damned van. I'd rather have a police chase in a van with four flat tires, all in all.

GTA IV is probably the only bright thing coming up in game releases. Not that there aren't a lot of games being released (collectively), just that most of them SUCK. On the bright side, there will never be any shortage of fodder for Yahtzee to negatively (and hilariously) review.

Maybe Yahtzee will eventually give GTA IV a review if he likes, but I will already have bought it unless he manages to get a press release copy to review before it's generally available. Luck bastard.