Zero Punctuation: Burnout: Paradise

[Aptspire]

...But then again, it has always been about crashing hysterically into walls, cars and other things, and the reason why it didn't show any pedestrians was to keep it's T/PG-13 mark

And, I would have liked to see a rerview of Ace Combat 6 (Because there are good bits, alongside bad bits, which makes it reviewable, I guess)

 

[Wyatt]

again a review of a game i wouldnt even look twice at, but still made me laugh. i think some people are missing the point of yahtzees 'reviews'. its not ment to be an actual 'review' like hes writing up a report to the FTC or parliment. its just an average person with an above average ability to say what the majority of people feel but are unable to put into words.

his talent lies not in his ability to say what we are thinking, but rather to say what we are feeling. as an actual 'reviewer' he sucks. he lacks detail unless a given detail is used as a way to produce humor, he lacks a standord 'scoring' system of any kind and about 20 other things that a 'real reviewer' uses. instead he explanes the 'taste' your left with after playing the game. somthing that is MUCH more valuable in my opinion than reading a spread sheet about a game by paid shills whome are more or less required to give good reviews even to totaly shitty games due to the fact that they do it to make money.

i dont care about the details of a game so much as the over all 'experiance' it gives you, thats something yahtzee does and does well so if you arent looking for that then look someplace elese, lord knows its not like the net has a lack of opinions. instead of commenting about how much you DONT agree with him, you should perhaps spend about 8 seconds looking at any of the other 6.8 billion game opinion sights on the net till you find one that is more to your tastes.

making snide comments about someones opinion being wrong is truly stupid. and yes i am fully aware of the ironic nature of that statment *smirks*

 

[defcon 1]

Very funny, I hate games that break flow like that.

I think all the "cool" kids already have real "cool" cars to race. I don't understand why they build those kind of cars anyways, there is a speed limit and cops to enforce it. ohhh such a waste

poor Yahtzee doesn't get Brawl yet, but then again when it gets released in Australia...

PREPARE FOR THE PLEATING LAMBS!!!

 

[Vyce3]

This is probably one of his best review!

 

[DrThomas]

I laughed a lot, but this is the first review in which you're flat out lying, Yahtzee. Sure, the game has the minimap, but it doesn't RELY on it - look at the top of the screen, where the compass points out EXACTLY which direction the end of each race is. Hell, it even indicates which is the next turn off to get to the end - I've never once paused the game to look at the map during the race. So either you missed the details, or you're retarded.

 

[Bender1001]

Great review even though he did remind me of how much I miss Carmagaeddon all of a sudden...(why it won't work on XP without divine intervention+1 is beyond me).

Anyway, still gonna get Burnout: Paradise cause it looks sweet either way...

 

[Jerakal]

I prefer just breaking shit in Burnout, mostly because I find races to be trivial and frustrating, it's a good way to relieve stress after a long day of bullshit.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to play more SSBB.

 

[smileyboybob]

i like burnout with a passion. I love the racing. I love the music. I hated in burnout takedown where that physics stuff happens too.

 

[kibayasu]

I was expecting that "Pave Over Paradise...Put up a Parking Lot" song, myself.

 

[R.O.]

Yahtzee killing them. Made be sign up for an escapist account. Kotaku is getting on my nerves. Keep it up!

 

[JonahNYC]

I myself reviewed Burnout Paradise - one of the few negative reviews out there - and I was aghast it received so many positive reviews. The reviews all sounded like the reviewer spent one hour on the single player, and played multi with the devs for a while.

http://www.gamestooge.com/2008/02/07/review-burnout-paradise-360-ps3/

I emailed my review URL a few weeks ago to Ben, without much comment. I was more critical of the design elements than he is in the video review, if you can believe it.

 

[CuddlyCombine]

I was expecting that "Pave Over Paradise...Put up a Parking Lot" song, myself.

"Yellow Taxi", you're thinking of (I think).

So what do you look for in games, apart from learning something? evidently you like half life, which i can only assume if for the story telling and art...and i can only hope its not for the repetitive and thoughtless gameplay design or the mind boggingly challenging see-saw puzzles. I had a quick go on your art of theft game and thought the idea had potential; basicaly stealth puzzles but quit after the first level because i found it boring, and poorly implemented, no doubt i stand alone on that. your dismissal of halo along with your love of silent hill lead me to beleive you do not enjoy intelligent gameplay, halo being one of the few games with solid and balanced gameplay, allowing for almost infinate replayability, and no it doesnt have a good story; neither does chess.

Are you serious? Halo has solid and balanced gameplay? I highly beg to differ. I remember days long gone where I would go about 100 kills to 5 deaths using the pistol in Halo 1 multiplayer. Halo 3 has just made it easier to own noobs, partly because there is no strategy involved. It's a pure run-and-gun. If the fucker on the opposite side of the map from you has a sniper, too bad; there's no way to sneak behind him because he's hopped up on meth and if you poke out your face you'll get raped. I hardly call that balanced. In the end it all devolves to who can run faster/be luckiest with where their grenades land. Also, I can't believe you just compared Halo to chess.

Now, if you haven't caught on to what Yahtzee looks for by now I'm afraid I'll have to call you a bit slow. The core thing he looks for is game design; intuitive controls, well-made levels, and challenging elements. Hence why he loved Portal and Silent Hill; Portal is perfect in every way, while Silent Hill manages to create such a tense atmosphere that I'm pretty sure nobody on this earth can play it alone in a dark room.

Also, I don't see any correlation between what he looks for in games he reviews and how he makes his games. Those are two totally separate things.

 

[Minic]

I agree with your point on how the Burnout games are ones that are only played in short, occasional spurts. I still own Burnout 3: Takedown for my PS2, and I love booting it up every second weekend or so for a rush (as much a rush as video games can give you, anyway).

 

[SpiderKnives]

This review doesn't even begin to hand Burnout Paradise the fucking beating it and everyone involved deserves.

No split screen may be the actual goddamn deal breaker, but the lack of variety in course caused by the fact you always drive through the goddamn city, the annoying car collection, and considering how fucking annoying Atomica is, and if he's the last person alive on Earth then the human race can go fucking extinct for all I care.

Burnout Paradise is a sequel to a beautiful, awesome and mostly casual driving game. It's also the shit-stained fat and retarded brother of one of the best driving franchises ever. In fact, it's the sequel to the only driving game I've liked in years. This game should be launched into the sun and everybody involved and their loved ones should be set on fire.

 

[jakesterama]

Well, after a few minutes of wiki digging here is what I came up with. I did not include DLC and I also included Rock Band.

Burnout 3:
Burning Brides - "Heart Full of Black" (GH)
Franz Ferdinand - * (GH)
My Chemical Romance - * (Xbox360 version of GHII)
The Ramones - "I Wanna Be Sedated" (GH, band also in Rock Band)
Fall Out Boy - * (RockBand)

Burnout Revenge/Legends:
Avenged Sevenfold - "Beast and the Harlot" (GHII)
Bloc Party - "Helicopter" (GHIII)
Fall Out Boy - * (RockBand)
OK Go - * (RockBand)

Burnout Dominator:
Alice in Chains - * (GHII)
Jane's Addiction - "Stop" (GHII)
The Sword - "Freya" (GHII)

Burnout Paradise:
Alice in Chains - * (GHII)
Guns N' Roses - * (GHII, GHIII)
Jane's Addiction - "Stop" (GHII)
Twisted Sister - "I Wanna Rock" (GH:Rt80s)
Faith No More - "Epic" (Rock Band)

*=only band, not specific song featured.

I copied, pasted, and reformatted all of the song lists into a Word document, LMK if you want it.


KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK YAHTZEE!!

 

[VeryOblivious]

its not ment to be an actual 'review' like hes writing up a report to the FTC or parliment.

I disagree. I haven't seen a professional reviewer yet. Mainly because the people with some objective perspective about game design will be busy... DEVELOPING GAMES. And yet, some of these lads will be biased towards the complexity of the game's programming.
In conclusion, Yahtzee's reviews are as valid as the reviews of IGN' reviewer, for example.

 

[SatansBestBuddy]

Wow, the game doesn't have any local multiplayer at all?

This may be the first time one of your reveiws has actually convinced me to not buy a game.