Zero Punctuation: Darksiders
- Thread starter Yahtzee Croshaw
- Start date
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You realize all of Yahtzee's reviews aren't meant to be taken seriously and purposely bashes games for the fun of it? Well, I hope so since he does get a lot of things wrong.
For example
Demon Souls: He has a sook about the bad and useless messages you find that say things like LOL! and other random immature things. Yet, they have premade messages you can ONLY use so you can't make any yourself. Also, if they're not helpful they won't be rated and get deleted. Also you wouldn't have to keep going back and clearing monsters again if you were good at the game and didn't die so much it as isn't as hard a game as many people claim, you just need to be smart about what you do. So don't say a game is bad just because you're horrible at it.
Darksiders: Talking about games that are like God of War, Darksiders is a BIT like it but Bayonetta is NOTHING like it at all. If its like God of War, then God of War is a rip off of Devil May Cry according to his logic. 4 horseman of the apocalypse, Pestilence isn't one of them (Conquest, War, Famine, and Death are all 4), I know it doesn't really matter but shows that he's as capable as researching as a 10yo kid with down syndrome. Also if he doesn't know how to combo with more than 1 button he's playing this game and many others wrong.
Portal: Overrated piece of garbage, he probably goes around yelling "THE CAKE IS A LIE!" to everything, thinking he's funny saying such a low class and annoying quote that Dane Cook would find funny. If this is his perfect game, we all know why The Escapist doesn't allow him to seriously review games.
Uncharted 2: Saying the game is very similar to Gears of War because of one aspect, COVER SYSTEM! It's been used before, is he still stuck in the era of 16bit gaming? From now on, all games that use sticky cover system is now like Gears of War, especially Dark Void with the flying jet packs and all. Having a sook over the melee controls, what do you expect? Its primarily a shooter and you can also counter their attacks, probably why you died so much time trying to spam 1 button (too much WoW/Diablo for him). If there were complex controls for melee it'd become way too complicated and ruin the focus off gun fights. Play some SC4 or Tekken 6 if you want a fighter, know where to look.
Plenty more and will post more if fanboys have a sook like Yahtzee and want more, when it isn't needed.
For example
Demon Souls: He has a sook about the bad and useless messages you find that say things like LOL! and other random immature things. Yet, they have premade messages you can ONLY use so you can't make any yourself. Also, if they're not helpful they won't be rated and get deleted. Also you wouldn't have to keep going back and clearing monsters again if you were good at the game and didn't die so much it as isn't as hard a game as many people claim, you just need to be smart about what you do. So don't say a game is bad just because you're horrible at it.
Darksiders: Talking about games that are like God of War, Darksiders is a BIT like it but Bayonetta is NOTHING like it at all. If its like God of War, then God of War is a rip off of Devil May Cry according to his logic. 4 horseman of the apocalypse, Pestilence isn't one of them (Conquest, War, Famine, and Death are all 4), I know it doesn't really matter but shows that he's as capable as researching as a 10yo kid with down syndrome. Also if he doesn't know how to combo with more than 1 button he's playing this game and many others wrong.
Portal: Overrated piece of garbage, he probably goes around yelling "THE CAKE IS A LIE!" to everything, thinking he's funny saying such a low class and annoying quote that Dane Cook would find funny. If this is his perfect game, we all know why The Escapist doesn't allow him to seriously review games.
Uncharted 2: Saying the game is very similar to Gears of War because of one aspect, COVER SYSTEM! It's been used before, is he still stuck in the era of 16bit gaming? From now on, all games that use sticky cover system is now like Gears of War, especially Dark Void with the flying jet packs and all. Having a sook over the melee controls, what do you expect? Its primarily a shooter and you can also counter their attacks, probably why you died so much time trying to spam 1 button (too much WoW/Diablo for him). If there were complex controls for melee it'd become way too complicated and ruin the focus off gun fights. Play some SC4 or Tekken 6 if you want a fighter, know where to look.
Plenty more and will post more if fanboys have a sook like Yahtzee and want more, when it isn't needed.
Well, consider Heavy Rain. With no censorship, that is certainly a risk, and one I can wait to take. This episode was flat out funny and really well done. I think I will pick up Bayonetta but skip Darksiders. After all, hot chick that gets nude and kills with her hair? bonus!Altherix said:
You don't come here often do you? He has said he considers people who do that to be a the very bottom of humanity, nice to see you and he have that in common.pickle weasel said:
retard,i own a ps3 and dont particularly care about xbox but you cant judge a fucking game on what console its on or if its not exclusive, final fucking fantasy is on xbox now, does that make it shit?
I think hes trying to be ironic there so people don't hate him more for his bad reviews.Knight Templar said:
nope 
personally i love it, actually prefer it to zelda simply because it is zelda but a little more exiting.
personally i love it, actually prefer it to zelda simply because it is zelda but a little more exiting.
I gave into temptation and bought it a few hours before this review came out. It really is Zelda incarnate. Even the block pushing puzzle rears its ugly head
The first one is you just guessing, he clearly could get through the game he just felt the game wasn't hard, but unfair. So to take from that "you're horrible at it" is odd. Insulting the skill of a reviewer is a common remark when people run out of real arguments, so its allways a poor card to play, particularly when it's just you guessing with nothing backing you up.pickle weasel said:
He doesn't really go on about Uncharted 2 being like Gears of war, so I don't know what you are talking about there.
When I saw the commercial, all I could think was "this looks like garbage." I guess my first opinion wasn't too far off.
Watch the start of the UC2 review, he clearly states it there. And the skill of the reviewer comes into play perfectly in regards to DS. If he finds it unfair that you have to keep clearing mobs when you die in a world, he obviously died far too much to be bothered by it thus making his skill at the game get in the way of enjoying the game. I only died 2 maybe 3 times max each boss, it didn't bother me and I absolutely hate farming/grinding/reclearing mobs in any game.Knight Templar said:
I belive he does when discribing how the combat works, but since that is how the combat works I don't see your issue.pickle weasel said:
Save points that are very far apart,
Systems that kill you not due to a lack of skill but because you couldn't know what was coming are unfair.
You don't consider these to be unfair, he does. That he thinks they are unfair doesn't mean he is bad at the game, it means he wants to be treated fairly and feels the game is not doing so.
If he was bad at the game surely he wouldn't have been able to move forward at all? Again all this is guessing, not a stable place to build an argument.
He says in the DS review he doesnt even finish the game, thus proving my point. DS auto saves constantly so i don't know where this is coming from, if you're talking about the archstones they're about 10-15mins apart if you walk there directly and are good enough to beat the boss. He may consider them unfair, but a majority of the world doesn't. It's won many awards, including GOTY, and is nominated at the GDA for GOTY as well. So if this game was unfair and horrible as he sets it out to be, I doubt other game developers (who have far more experience with games and have more informed/respected opinions on games than him) would nominate it for GOTY.Knight Templar said:
There's a reason why he doesn't do real/serious reviews; because he doesn't have an informed or professional opinion on games, his need for attention and his judgment is too easily swayed by his emotions. He's like a 13yo girl who has a crush on a boy where she will do anything to try gain his attention, to be seen and heard as a poor attempt to feel validated.
Yahtzee! Are you going to tackle Silent Hill: Shattered Memories or Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles? Seem like games that are up your alley... well, at least the first one. I enjoyed the atmosphere even if the controls completely dropped the ball as usual.