Zero Punctuation: Diablo 3

[CardinalPiggles]

Now knows that you can reassign primary attacks

Shit! Now I have nothing to be smug about. Damn you Yahtzee!

 

[Abedeus]

I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

I think somewhere they said that it is going to be suspended indefinitely due to player concerns about it.

and so the reason for always online is?....

Files necessary for dupers, hackers and other scum that destroyed D2 economy are server-side. You can't access them through client, you "borrow them" for your session. You only have textures, sounds, videos. They have item data, monster data, affixes, prefixes, item properties and so on. You can't even make a maphack because you don't have map data.

I feel like Steam games don't have much of a problem with hacking, and yet the many single player games I have on steam don't have latency issues. I'm sure they put a lot of thought into the whole process, given how much dev time went into Diablo III, but it still feels like a cheap shot when I die due to latency rather than something I did.

Steam games don't have real money auction house to protect, you can't dupe items because those are server-side as well. You are comparing tomatoes to hamburgers.

Also, hackers are quickly found on public servers and their accounts are permabanned. In D3, you could use a guest pass to dupe items safely, then slowly pass them around (in Guild Wars that's how dupers do it - they don't sell massive amounts of items, they duplicate them, then release slowly into the market, getting money and slowly ruining economy and items' worth for legit players.

Which you realized and posted before I did. Well dang, there goes my righteous anger. Still annoying, but at least understandable.

As much as it pisses me off, I'd rather have always-online than playing, finding uber-unique item worth a LOT of in-game money or real money, then finding out that market was flooded with duped copies that outweigh the legal ones in a 1:10000 ratio.

Wink wink, high runes, wink wink.

 

[Blaster395]

Plot spoilers below:

Few people notice this, but you never actually kill Diablo fully. The fight ends when he has a tiny amount of HP left. In normal solo, this is 62hp.

 

[Lunar Templar]

called it

second i saw the game knew he wasn't going to like it cause, when has he ever liked this kinda game.

but really? whining about the 'random dungeon generator'? what -.- did he need a 'filler complaint' or something.

Call me crazy, but I think Yahtzee actually -liked- Diablo III, if only a little.

not if he's bitching about the dungeon generator or 'the game being to easy' or not finishing it at all. D3 is rather short after all, and he was half way there act wise if he was fighting Belial (meteor attack boss he was talking about)

 

[Aeshi]

I could be wrong, but I think part of the idea of randomly generated dungeons is, besides replayability, is that your experience will be different than your friend's experience so you can stand around the water cooler comparing.

My wall was over there and a shirt with +1 dropped.

-Really? Mine was over here and pants with +1 dropped.

Did you fight that boss and do that one story bit?

-Well... yeah... But the path there was... different, I guess. Sort of.

If they made it at all like Diablo 2, then sometimes you won't even fight some bosses, or have some quests available, because they weren't generated. It does make for different games.

I remember on one playthrough of the first Diablo I didn't have to fight the Butcher.

You always have to kill the Butcher in Diablo 1--it's a main story quest.

Not it's not. The only 'main' quests in the first game were finding Lazarus and killing Diablo, and the former is only done to get to the latter.

Also I'm kinda glad Yahtzee's build is almost identical to the one I intend to use for Witch Doctor, so now I know it'll work!

 

[Bad Jim]

I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

how many do you think have the same idea? youre competing with every player on the continent when you do btw and they take a huge cut, its not gonna make you minimum wage and it has been postponed indef, so might not come out ever

For that matter, I seriously doubt you'll even make back the price of the game after several years of obsessive playing. There will be loads of other people playing D3 obsessively who won't even care about money, they will just dump anything that isn't better than their current gear on the gold auction house and flood the market for anything that isn't incredibly rare. While people willing to buy their way through the game will mostly only pay $10 or so, and will be a small minority of the playerbase anyway.

Frankly I don't think you'll even pay for a WOW subscription.

I could be wrong, but I think part of the idea of randomly generated dungeons is, besides replayability, is that your experience will be different than your friend's experience so you can stand around the water cooler comparing.

My wall was over there and a shirt with +1 dropped.

-Really? Mine was over here and pants with +1 dropped.

Did you fight that boss and do that one story bit?

-Well... yeah... But the path there was... different, I guess. Sort of.

If they made it at all like Diablo 2, then sometimes you won't even fight some bosses, or have some quests available, because they weren't generated. It does make for different games.

I remember on one playthrough of the first Diablo I didn't have to fight the Butcher.

You always have to kill the Butcher in Diablo 1--it's a main story quest.

Well one time I didn't. Don't ask me to explain it, 'cause I don't really understand it either.

That's because the Butcher is not a main story quest. There's a 1/3 or so chance that it's left out of a character's playthrough. The only main story quests are Archbishop Lazarus and Diablo. Grey just doesn't know what s/he's talking about.

Just to clear this up.

http://diablo2.diablowiki.net/Diablo_Quests

The Butchers' quest shows up 2/3 of the time in single player. In multiplayer, the Butcher is always there, every single time. Maybe Grey preferred multiplayer.

 

[solidstatemind]

"Groin-focused carpet-bombing"

It's been a looong time since I did a spittake. I nearly drowned this time. That'll learn me to not drink while watching ZP.

 

[Kragg]

I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

You can only get diablo dollars to spend on diablo again, can't make it out to your bank account.

Problem?

quote directly from the cardboard box Diablo 3 came in when i got it

"Use the Real Money Auction House to buy and sell items for real world currency. Then draw on your earnings to buy ever more powerful items or cash out your trades, take the money, and run. the choice is yours."

ofc subject to change, but you would be able to take your money out of the game. Now im wondering the legality of it all. if Blizzard control the drops what is stopping them from making sure some people get certain drops to then sell? ......

 

[Hutzpah Chicken]

I've always thought that Blizzard is a James Bond villain. It can't be Dr. No's group, since that is Apple with Steve Jobs being Dr. No. I imagine Blizzard is more like Blofeld and his group.

 

[UnrealCanine]

He takes the piss out of De Montford uni a while back, now he makes a Southend reference.


I like C:

 

[Grospoliner]

You can bind any attack to any key. You have to find the option in the gameplay menu. If you'd bothered to explore the menu you would have found this option. Also loot drops are set up so that only the player that they drop for can collect them. You'd have found this out if you'd actually played a single game of multiplayer and watched an object for all of 3 seconds.

I have to ask Yahtzee, did you actually even play this game? Or did you run through half a level on someone else's computer and then decide to post this?

Yes you have to log into the battle.net server to play, no you don't have to play multiplayer. There's a button in the goddamn menu that specifically says Open Game to Public.

Finally, equipping weapons INCREASES YOUR ATTACK REGARDLESS OF THEIR USE. This means that giving someone a big shiny sword, still makes your little spider more powerful. You'd know this too if you'd ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO PLAY THE GAME.

For shame. For shame.

 

[eddyshore6528]

That was rather mild. In short : " I don't like dungeon crawlers with randomly generated levels, but this is a pretty good dungeon crawler with randomly generated levels ".

 

[DioWallachia]

Good for you Yahtzee, now get your ass to review Dragon's Dogma attempts of being Skyrim + Shadow of The Colossus.

And also review Starhawk, who ripped your idea of Space Flying: The Game

 

[Kyr Knightbane]

Plot spoilers below:

Few people notice this, but you never actually kill Diablo fully. The fight ends when he has a tiny amount of HP left. In normal solo, this is 62hp.

If you watch the cinematic following the 'death' of Diablo, the Soulstone doesn't disintegrate. It'll just find a new host. You watch. The expansion will probably feature a fuller, bigger more terrifying Diablo as it will have found a new host. Screw the Effeminate weird fucking big-headed one you fought. That fight was Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too easy

 

[Hitchmeister]

This review sums up why I don't want to play Diablo 3. I can still respect why others like it, though. Although... I part of me still doesn't understand the MASS appeal or why Blizzard uses it's endless resources to make THIS vs. ANYTHING ELSE IMAGINABLE.

6.3 million retail copies sold within 24 hours of release. Anything else you don't understand?

I can only assume Yahtzee loved this game, since he makes a point of invalidating most of his criticisms during the end credits. He just knows no one wants to listen to him not complain.

We must have watched different reviews then.
He said, that he does not get the appeal of dungeon crawlers, and that the leveling, whilst being addictive, does not a great game make.
He only said, that he managed to get the controls to almost work properly and that he was actually able to play the game on his laptop.
Whoop-de-friggin-do.
His complaints:
1.Game is too easy.
2.Aquiring trousers not his cup of tea.
3.Fighting becomes a routine, aka boring.
4.Always online sucks. So do latency issues.
5.Does not get Dungeon Crawlers.
6.Does not ger randomly created dungeons.

End credits:
He managed to fix the controls.
Laptop managed to do a fine job of running D3
Why don't enemies simply give you their pants?

Sooo, what review exactly were you talking of?
Since it is very clear that he had more than enough points to critizise, and in the end, he makes it very obvious, that dungeon crawlers are not getting in his pants any time soon...

So you've never watched a Yahtzee review before?

 

[mrdude2010]

But Yahtzee, changing out the pants is the part of dungeon crawlers that really drawers you in!

ahhh ha. ha.

I like bad puns.

 

[mrdude2010]

This review sums up why I don't want to play Diablo 3. I can still respect why others like it, though. Although... I part of me still doesn't understand the MASS appeal or why Blizzard uses it's endless resources to make THIS vs. ANYTHING ELSE IMAGINABLE.

6.3 million retail copies sold within 24 hours of release. Anything else you don't understand?

I can only assume Yahtzee loved this game, since he makes a point of invalidating most of his criticisms during the end credits. He just knows no one wants to listen to him not complain.

durrr copies sold=good game

Not saying D3 wasn't good, just saying that sales =/= goodness. Look at Transformers 2.

 

[Li Mu]

While I do enjoy Yatzee's rants I do find him to be oddly narrow in the taste department.

He hates RPGs, MMOs, MMORPGs, RTSs, TBSs, QTEs, Multiplayer games, Games on the PC and Games on the Wii to name a few.
So basically he hates quite large percentage of the alphabet.

It's similar to having a Movie Reviewer who hates Comedy, Horror, SciFi, Drama and Romance films. In short, he'll only watch a film starring Jason Statham.


To narrow it down to what Yatzee does like; He likes Single Player First/Third Person Shooters/Combat Games. ...and Silent Hill 2.

Well actually, to say that he likes FPS games is also a stretch. I guess you could say that he tolerates them more than most other games.

So he likes Silent Hill 2.

 

[kingpocky]

This review sums up why I don't want to play Diablo 3. I can still respect why others like it, though. Although... I part of me still doesn't understand the MASS appeal or why Blizzard uses it's endless resources to make THIS vs. ANYTHING ELSE IMAGINABLE.

6.3 million retail copies sold within 24 hours of release. Anything else you don't understand?

I can only assume Yahtzee loved this game, since he makes a point of invalidating most of his criticisms during the end credits. He just knows no one wants to listen to him not complain.

durrr copies sold=good game

Not saying D3 wasn't good, just saying that sales =/= goodness. Look at Transformers 2.

And you're seriously questioning why a corporation would choose making huge profits over game quality?

 

[Mullahgrrl]

I'll keep an eye out for Jeff when he visits me in Southend.

Ooh er Mrs.

By the way most people complained about how randomly difficult it was to get to play D3 I wonder if that itself was not a planned skinners box.