Zero Punctuation: Diablo 3

[beefpelican]

Well one time I didn't. Don't ask me to explain it, 'cause I don't really understand it either.

May I pretend that you found the secret diplomacy pathway, creating a splinter universe where everyone just talks out their problems over tea and the Angels, Demons and Humans all realize that there wasn't really any purpose to the Eternal Conflict and then they all go home and leave each other alone except for once a year when they have a picnic and water balloon toss?

(captcha: like the dickens)

 

[vengerofthelight]

called it

second i saw the game knew he wasn't going to like it cause, when has he ever liked this kinda game.

but really? whining about the 'random dungeon generator'? what -.- did he need a 'filler complaint' or something.

Call me crazy, but I think Yahtzee actually -liked- Diablo III, if only a little.

 

[ewhac]

What I really don't get is the appeal of randomly-generated dungeons. Surely that could only possibly pay off during a second play-through when-stroke-if the player realizes that this small handful of barren rooms maniacally copy-pasted and then arbitrarily stapled together seems to have been arbitrarily stapled together [em]slightly different[/em] to before.

A legion of NetHack [http://www.nethack.org/common/index.html] players and their collection of recovered Amulets of Yendor respectfully disagree with you on this point.

Do not be fooled by the precambrian graphics -- there is depth here.

 

[beefpelican]

I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

I think somewhere they said that it is going to be suspended indefinitely due to player concerns about it.

and so the reason for always online is?....

Files necessary for dupers, hackers and other scum that destroyed D2 economy are server-side. You can't access them through client, you "borrow them" for your session. You only have textures, sounds, videos. They have item data, monster data, affixes, prefixes, item properties and so on. You can't even make a maphack because you don't have map data.

I feel like Steam games don't have much of a problem with hacking, and yet the many single player games I have on steam don't have latency issues. I'm sure they put a lot of thought into the whole process, given how much dev time went into Diablo III, but it still feels like a cheap shot when I die due to latency rather than something I did.

 

[Abedeus]

I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

I think somewhere they said that it is going to be suspended indefinitely due to player concerns about it.

and so the reason for always online is?....

Files necessary for dupers, hackers and other scum that destroyed D2 economy are server-side. You can't access them through client, you "borrow them" for your session. You only have textures, sounds, videos. They have item data, monster data, affixes, prefixes, item properties and so on. You can't even make a maphack because you don't have map data.

I feel like Steam games don't have much of a problem with hacking, and yet the many single player games I have on steam don't have latency issues. I'm sure they put a lot of thought into the whole process, given how much dev time went into Diablo III, but it still feels like a cheap shot when I die due to latency rather than something I did.

Steam games don't have real money auction house to protect, you can't dupe items because those are server-side as well. You are comparing tomatoes to hamburgers.

Also, hackers are quickly found on public servers and their accounts are permabanned. In D3, you could use a guest pass to dupe items safely, then slowly pass them around (in Guild Wars that's how dupers do it - they don't sell massive amounts of items, they duplicate them, then release slowly into the market, getting money and slowly ruining economy and items' worth for legit players.

 

[beefpelican]

I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

I think somewhere they said that it is going to be suspended indefinitely due to player concerns about it.

and so the reason for always online is?....

Files necessary for dupers, hackers and other scum that destroyed D2 economy are server-side. You can't access them through client, you "borrow them" for your session. You only have textures, sounds, videos. They have item data, monster data, affixes, prefixes, item properties and so on. You can't even make a maphack because you don't have map data.

I feel like Steam games don't have much of a problem with hacking, and yet the many single player games I have on steam don't have latency issues. I'm sure they put a lot of thought into the whole process, given how much dev time went into Diablo III, but it still feels like a cheap shot when I die due to latency rather than something I did.

On the other hand, steam games don't have a real money auction house, so perhaps it matters more for Diablo III to be hacker secure, to prevent the destruction of the economy. So there's that.

 

[DJ_DEnM]

Yer doin it wrong...

The loot is individualized, they can't steal the trousers that drop for you :/.

 

[beefpelican]

I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

I think somewhere they said that it is going to be suspended indefinitely due to player concerns about it.

and so the reason for always online is?....

Files necessary for dupers, hackers and other scum that destroyed D2 economy are server-side. You can't access them through client, you "borrow them" for your session. You only have textures, sounds, videos. They have item data, monster data, affixes, prefixes, item properties and so on. You can't even make a maphack because you don't have map data.

I feel like Steam games don't have much of a problem with hacking, and yet the many single player games I have on steam don't have latency issues. I'm sure they put a lot of thought into the whole process, given how much dev time went into Diablo III, but it still feels like a cheap shot when I die due to latency rather than something I did.

Steam games don't have real money auction house to protect, you can't dupe items because those are server-side as well. You are comparing tomatoes to hamburgers.

Also, hackers are quickly found on public servers and their accounts are permabanned. In D3, you could use a guest pass to dupe items safely, then slowly pass them around (in Guild Wars that's how dupers do it - they don't sell massive amounts of items, they duplicate them, then release slowly into the market, getting money and slowly ruining economy and items' worth for legit players.

Which you realized and posted before I did. Well dang, there goes my righteous anger. Still annoying, but at least understandable.

 

[IrvingNobel]

Didn't even talk about how the Auction House alters the drops in your game, even if you don't use it, and that in itself pushes you to use the auction house lowering the drops in your game...It's like an infinite cycle of greed...Well it will be when the RMAH comes out.

 

[CardinalPiggles]

Now knows that you can reassign primary attacks

Shit! Now I have nothing to be smug about. Damn you Yahtzee!

 

[Abedeus]

I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

I think somewhere they said that it is going to be suspended indefinitely due to player concerns about it.

and so the reason for always online is?....

Files necessary for dupers, hackers and other scum that destroyed D2 economy are server-side. You can't access them through client, you "borrow them" for your session. You only have textures, sounds, videos. They have item data, monster data, affixes, prefixes, item properties and so on. You can't even make a maphack because you don't have map data.

I feel like Steam games don't have much of a problem with hacking, and yet the many single player games I have on steam don't have latency issues. I'm sure they put a lot of thought into the whole process, given how much dev time went into Diablo III, but it still feels like a cheap shot when I die due to latency rather than something I did.

Steam games don't have real money auction house to protect, you can't dupe items because those are server-side as well. You are comparing tomatoes to hamburgers.

Also, hackers are quickly found on public servers and their accounts are permabanned. In D3, you could use a guest pass to dupe items safely, then slowly pass them around (in Guild Wars that's how dupers do it - they don't sell massive amounts of items, they duplicate them, then release slowly into the market, getting money and slowly ruining economy and items' worth for legit players.

Which you realized and posted before I did. Well dang, there goes my righteous anger. Still annoying, but at least understandable.

As much as it pisses me off, I'd rather have always-online than playing, finding uber-unique item worth a LOT of in-game money or real money, then finding out that market was flooded with duped copies that outweigh the legal ones in a 1:10000 ratio.

Wink wink, high runes, wink wink.

 

[Blaster395]

Plot spoilers below:

Few people notice this, but you never actually kill Diablo fully. The fight ends when he has a tiny amount of HP left. In normal solo, this is 62hp.

 

[Lunar Templar]

called it

second i saw the game knew he wasn't going to like it cause, when has he ever liked this kinda game.

but really? whining about the 'random dungeon generator'? what -.- did he need a 'filler complaint' or something.

Call me crazy, but I think Yahtzee actually -liked- Diablo III, if only a little.

not if he's bitching about the dungeon generator or 'the game being to easy' or not finishing it at all. D3 is rather short after all, and he was half way there act wise if he was fighting Belial (meteor attack boss he was talking about)

 

[Aeshi]

I could be wrong, but I think part of the idea of randomly generated dungeons is, besides replayability, is that your experience will be different than your friend's experience so you can stand around the water cooler comparing.

My wall was over there and a shirt with +1 dropped.

-Really? Mine was over here and pants with +1 dropped.

Did you fight that boss and do that one story bit?

-Well... yeah... But the path there was... different, I guess. Sort of.

If they made it at all like Diablo 2, then sometimes you won't even fight some bosses, or have some quests available, because they weren't generated. It does make for different games.

I remember on one playthrough of the first Diablo I didn't have to fight the Butcher.

You always have to kill the Butcher in Diablo 1--it's a main story quest.

Not it's not. The only 'main' quests in the first game were finding Lazarus and killing Diablo, and the former is only done to get to the latter.

Also I'm kinda glad Yahtzee's build is almost identical to the one I intend to use for Witch Doctor, so now I know it'll work!

 

[Bad Jim]

I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

how many do you think have the same idea? youre competing with every player on the continent when you do btw and they take a huge cut, its not gonna make you minimum wage and it has been postponed indef, so might not come out ever

For that matter, I seriously doubt you'll even make back the price of the game after several years of obsessive playing. There will be loads of other people playing D3 obsessively who won't even care about money, they will just dump anything that isn't better than their current gear on the gold auction house and flood the market for anything that isn't incredibly rare. While people willing to buy their way through the game will mostly only pay $10 or so, and will be a small minority of the playerbase anyway.

Frankly I don't think you'll even pay for a WOW subscription.

I could be wrong, but I think part of the idea of randomly generated dungeons is, besides replayability, is that your experience will be different than your friend's experience so you can stand around the water cooler comparing.

My wall was over there and a shirt with +1 dropped.

-Really? Mine was over here and pants with +1 dropped.

Did you fight that boss and do that one story bit?

-Well... yeah... But the path there was... different, I guess. Sort of.

If they made it at all like Diablo 2, then sometimes you won't even fight some bosses, or have some quests available, because they weren't generated. It does make for different games.

I remember on one playthrough of the first Diablo I didn't have to fight the Butcher.

You always have to kill the Butcher in Diablo 1--it's a main story quest.

Well one time I didn't. Don't ask me to explain it, 'cause I don't really understand it either.

That's because the Butcher is not a main story quest. There's a 1/3 or so chance that it's left out of a character's playthrough. The only main story quests are Archbishop Lazarus and Diablo. Grey just doesn't know what s/he's talking about.

Just to clear this up.

http://diablo2.diablowiki.net/Diablo_Quests

The Butchers' quest shows up 2/3 of the time in single player. In multiplayer, the Butcher is always there, every single time. Maybe Grey preferred multiplayer.

 

[solidstatemind]

"Groin-focused carpet-bombing"

It's been a looong time since I did a spittake. I nearly drowned this time. That'll learn me to not drink while watching ZP.

 

[Kragg]

I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

You can only get diablo dollars to spend on diablo again, can't make it out to your bank account.

Problem?

quote directly from the cardboard box Diablo 3 came in when i got it

"Use the Real Money Auction House to buy and sell items for real world currency. Then draw on your earnings to buy ever more powerful items or cash out your trades, take the money, and run. the choice is yours."

ofc subject to change, but you would be able to take your money out of the game. Now im wondering the legality of it all. if Blizzard control the drops what is stopping them from making sure some people get certain drops to then sell? ......

 

[Hutzpah Chicken]

I've always thought that Blizzard is a James Bond villain. It can't be Dr. No's group, since that is Apple with Steve Jobs being Dr. No. I imagine Blizzard is more like Blofeld and his group.

 

[UnrealCanine]

He takes the piss out of De Montford uni a while back, now he makes a Southend reference.


I like C:

 

[Grospoliner]

You can bind any attack to any key. You have to find the option in the gameplay menu. If you'd bothered to explore the menu you would have found this option. Also loot drops are set up so that only the player that they drop for can collect them. You'd have found this out if you'd actually played a single game of multiplayer and watched an object for all of 3 seconds.

I have to ask Yahtzee, did you actually even play this game? Or did you run through half a level on someone else's computer and then decide to post this?

Yes you have to log into the battle.net server to play, no you don't have to play multiplayer. There's a button in the goddamn menu that specifically says Open Game to Public.

Finally, equipping weapons INCREASES YOUR ATTACK REGARDLESS OF THEIR USE. This means that giving someone a big shiny sword, still makes your little spider more powerful. You'd know this too if you'd ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO PLAY THE GAME.

For shame. For shame.