Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever

[Doug]

How'd he play the game if it wasn't released OMGZ h4x0rz

Are you calling DNF a horrible, horrible game that would've been forgotten so fast it would spin over Gamestop few times before landing in a trashcan and it should never, ever consume 12 million dollars on God only knows what?

...where was I going with that? I dunno. Point is... I don't know. Let me edit it later.


OH WAIT NO!

How come they are suing for only 20 million dollars? It's still barely more (when you think about it and how much more was a $ worth 10 years ago) than 3D wasted.

They figure they have a realistic chance to get that much money back from the waste zone of 3D realms. 12 million dollars worth of porn doesn't sell all that well.

 

[SYSTEM-J]

Terrible review. He's really jumped the shark on this one. He doesn't even describe the gameplay at all, he's too busy making stupid, unfunny jokes and long, pointless tangents about monkeys. If you compare this to one of his earlier reviews you'll see that it's NOTHING like his old style. Yahtzee has really sold out and*CUT*

Maybe now, idiots will stop lambasting him for not doing "proper reviews".

 

[jimduckie]

great review ,still yahtzee saved me money again for everyone say it nice and loud MORE BEER WOHOO cause everyone knows more beer is a great thing

 

[Chipperz]

I have to say, I think this is the best ZP Review I've ever seen. Yahtzee, you still got it!

Is anyone else having problems with the mecha-unicorn king at the end of act two? Gamefaqs say to hold down both ear buttons and headbutt it, but that might just be on the Toaster version...

 

[Triple G]

Sorry, but is the game really out or is it just a joke? I know, that this could be a really stupid question but I really want to believe that it is out, but give me just the truth.

 

[PG]

Quite simply the best review in a long time. ZP'd been dithering a bit, although shitty games don't pose much challenge to be best ripped the shit out of.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

I'm very very confused.

You are not alone.

Joke review. I.e. What alternative universe Yahtzee reviewed vs what our reality got, heh.

Yeah I picked up that it was a joke review but I guess what really confused me was a lack of clear statement as to when the joke part ended ^^

 

[shMerker]

Sorry, but is the game really out or is it just a joke? I know, that this could be a really stupid question but I really want to believe that it is out, but give me just the truth.

There are no stupid questions, but there is such a thing as asking the wrong people. 8 seconds on Google would probably eliminate any ignorance you have on this subject.

 

[Swaki]

brilliant, and i most say im extra impressed because even though it was a review of a game that doesn't exist at least you made a video, which is more than unskipable mastered, even though it was hilarious i take this as his final nail in his reviewer coffin, many of the others where reviewing 2 year old games that dindt sell well just to tell us not to buy it.

but wtf right, he wasn't hired for his skills as a reviewer nor dos anyone actually espect this of him, hes a comedian whos work is all about videogames.

 

[beemoh]

Pretty funny, I doubt anyone saw Duke Nukem Forever coming did they?

Nope.

And I didn't expect Yahtzee to review it, either. ZING!

 

[blipblop]

Duke Nukem exists?

I mean, I noticed a long while ago the initials for Duke Nukem Forever are DNF, the same as "DID NOT FINISH." Or maybe it stands for Dancing Near Swedes, or Do Not Fuck-up, or maybe even Damn Near Fat.

Dancing Near Swedes??? dns??

 

[Shamanic Enzan]

I've been up dealing with power outages and work and etc since this time yesterday. Really glad I took the time to watch this one, just have to rewatch it later since my brain decided to go on holiday midway through

 

[katsabas]

Wow he totally kept me guessing until the end. I was surprised. A lot. But it didn't fill me that much as let's say, Halo Wars.

 

[Kloffy]

I was completely convinced until the end disclaimer.

 

[-bladerunner-]

Terrible review. He's really jumped the shark on this one. He doesn't even describe the gameplay at all, he's too busy making stupid, unfunny jokes and long, pointless tangents about monkeys. If you compare this to one of his earlier reviews you'll see that it's NOTHING like his old style. Yahtzee has really sold out and*CUT*

Maybe now, idiots will stop lambasting him for not doing "proper reviews".

*sigh* He can't comment on gameplay because the game IS NOT OUT and may never be, he was only talking about how the game should be when it is released due to the time it is taking to 'develop' it (or did you not understand the extremely radical change in Yahtzee's reviewing style ie. he had nothing bad to say about the game).

Read up on the subject before making unfounded complaints about it.

 

[Calderon0311]

When I got my copy of Duke Nukem Forever, I made sure to open the case while looking away from it. Much like the opening of the lost Arc, everyone near me who didn't turn away had their faces melted by the shear godliness that was infused into every copy.

 

[jymbobjones]

XDXD pure lolz

So, what system is it out for? I've been saving for ages.

The playstation 9001.

 

[Mr0llivand3r]

it's a shame video game developers don't listen to Yahtzee as if he speaks gospel scripture. Because his opinions are 99% right 99% of the time. if video game developers listened to him we might actually get some good games, like say for example, the game he described in this video

 

[Booze Zombie]

Har, har, har...

 

[LadyZephyr]

Well, Mr. Crowshaw, I had forgotten about that shining Trope Maker of Development Hell until you mentioned it again. Thanks. 8|


(Then again, the first five seconds of "what the fuck, when did it finally come out" was awesome.)