Zero Punctuation: Halo Wars

[The Great JT]

It's true, patience is a virtue in RTS games and the average twitchy Halo fan won't have the patience to play Halo Wars. And as a veteran of playing an RTS based around the third-person shooter Army Men: Sarge's Army back on the N64, consoles, much like they are with FPS games, are at a severe disadvantage when it comes to playability of RTS games. Benig able to scroll over multiple targets, more accurate targeting of priority targts, they're much easier on PCs than they are on consoles.

Also, tanks are always going to be harder to maneuver than ground troops, as all ground troops are. It's easier to move around a battalion of 15 random man-children with assault rifles than it is 5 tanks capable of sending you to the moon. It follows the classic Rock-Paper-Scissors ideal of units. The fast unit defeats the long-range unit, the long-range unit defeats the powerful unit, the powerful unit defeats the fast unit.

As for X-Blades, it didn't look appealing in any way, as any game where the box art depicts a slutty woman in some semi-erotic pose is (I'd rather focus on the action of the game, not some piece of pixellated flab) not a good selling point, and 99 times out of 100 is not worth buying the game.

Finally, on the actual review, excellent as usual, Yahtzee.

 

[ssj4raditz]

Graham at the beginning was pretty funny.

 

[neuromasser]

This was arguably one of the best ZP videos

 

[Nostalgia]

Wow. Kudos to Graham. That was pretty damn good. I've only watched one other spin-off of Yahtzee that was ever any good. Guess this makes two.

 

[Tmcmistress]

Gods, I lost it after the 'Pedigree Chum' bit. And yes, RTS games do suck sweaty ass. I've yet to see one that, with the exception of a poorly-implemented escort mission here and there, doesn't devolve into a poorly-balanced war of attrition eventually. I recall back in the days of Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2, victory in 90% of the game came down to exactly how fast you could build helicopter pads.

 

[Primedeath]

Just for the record, the mission he is talking about is Shield World. The reason that there is a timer in the first place is that there are forerunner devices pulling down the Spirit of Fire. When the timer reaches 0, there is no chance for the Spirit of Fire to escape and inevitably crashes.

I found the review to be funny, but he didn't play the game. He didn't even look at the cinematic which explained everything quite easily. If you are unable to deduce the above from the cinematic you need to jump out of a fast moving vehicle to only be hit another vehicle or possibly a cow.

 

[Ange1ofD4rkness]

yeah ur right there. Sry my mind is somewhat wrapped around an exam i have tomorrow so I guess I wasn't looking at it completely. But hey i like the concept of the unlimited resources (well sort of) which I believe you wee kind of getting at, yet that game can be real hard...admit it

 

[vid20]

The Unskippable guys were hilarious!

4 straights was good too.

 

[Ange1ofD4rkness]

You know Yahtzee I thought you would like to play as a god, I mean that's just me

NOTE: you know this is the 5th time I have watch this and the un skippable today.
AND THAT ENDING STILL MAKES ME LAUGH SO HARD I LOVE IT. A screw you if you think other wise...that is all

 

[Absolom89]

halo sucks

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Does anyone know what Yahtzee says after he says 'they're always played by losers'?

He's says - "NO! End sentence! Begin anew!"

Ah right. Thank you

 

[MikePhilbin]

best ZP yet,
and speaking of twitching, inadequate dog-fuckers, here's George Carlin saying it back then [http://mikephilbin.blogspot.com/2009/03/george-carlin-do-you-have-freedom-of.html] and nobody trusted him enough to cause a white riot and reclaim the planet from the corporations.

 

[Hagasophia]

I wonder how moderators will treat this post:

About the new ZP video I can say only one thing, and I'll use the quote from Yathzee:

Never stick your dick in a pudding, it might still be a perfectly good pudding, but noone will eat it BECAUSE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN IT.

I do apologise for the usage of the d words, but you allow this on your side anyhow, so I thought it is OK.


Ok. So I sat down with my girlfriend yesterday to watch ZP and the voice did not fit. so we turned the bloody thing off!!! Yes you give no indication as to what you do, and the intro (other guys) part is too long. We switched off around the bit with a brick wall.

It was only this morning that I decided to sit through the rest of that agony to allow for a more honest opinion and I suddenly hear the Yathzee's voice.

You at least should realise that it is perfectly right to turn this thing off the first thing you hear the alien voice.

Don't do that again, because 'when someone serves a dead dog for a dinner you dont stay around for a pudding...' Guess where I heard that!

 

[Shadowlolz]

Well the video was very funny because that end rant was pulled out of yesterday at my firneds house. XD. I do not watch unskippable and no i wont watch it after this. Nice try, Escapist. I heard very similar problems before about RTS not fitting in with CnC 3

 

[Abako]

Did anyone else notice that when he said that the 3 marines he had to rescue were absolutely NO ONE, one of them had Yug's face?

For those of you who don't know, Yug is one of Yahtzee's buddies that he does the show Game Damage with.

 

[sarahvait]

Anyone else catch the Brandon Crisp reference? Apparantly Yahtzee fears neither man nor hell.

I was originally going to say it was too soon for the joke, but honestly, the news has made enough of a mockery. Besides, I laughed when he made the reference, and I didn't really feel too bad about it.

But I'm a little amazed that out of twelve pages of comments there is only one poster who even is aware of him. Don't you people read newspapers? Some info about Brandon Crisp for you noobs: http://www.barrieadvance.com/barrieadvance/article/120701

Well, it did go by pretty fast. I just barely caught the words, and I had to go back and pause the vid to read it. Too soon? Maybe. But the comment is actually kind of obscure unless you've read the story. I thought he was just making a general comment about the kind of fan base that likes Halo before I made the connection a second later. I did laugh, but I suppose that secretly I'm a terrible person only pretending to be kind and compassionate.

Was there as much coverage about Crisp in other countries as in the US and Canada? On the other hand, you can't miss much these days with the internet.

 

[sarahvait]

I wonder how moderators will treat this post:

About the new ZP video I can say only one thing, and I'll use the quote from Yathzee:

Never stick your dick in a pudding, it might still be a perfectly good pudding, but noone will eat it BECAUSE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN IT.

I do apologise for the usage of the d words, but you allow this on your side anyhow, so I thought it is OK.


Ok. So I sat down with my girlfriend yesterday to watch ZP and the voice did not fit. so we turned the bloody thing off!!! Yes you give no indication as to what you do, and the intro (other guys) part is too long. We switched off around the bit with a brick wall.

It was only this morning that I decided to sit through the rest of that agony to allow for a more honest opinion and I suddenly hear the Yathzee's voice.

You at least should realise that it is perfectly right to turn this thing off the first thing you hear the alien voice.

Don't do that again, because 'when someone serves a dead dog for a dinner you dont stay around for a pudding...' Guess where I heard that!

Isn't the fact that this video was coming to us on April Fool's Day enough of an indication that something of a prank would be played on the viewers?

 

[Dommyboy]

Everybody forward to 2:03, that's when Yahtzee comes on and it's actually watchable.

 

[Piotr621]

After Bull F****** Shit I was laughing the entire time.
Also, the transition was hilarious too.
"And the music... F***"
"RARGH I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!"
"Oooh crap"

 

[NekoDaimyo]

Dear Graham,

Please rerecord this with a silly british accent. Also, a bit slower.

Thank you.