Zero Punctuation: Halo Wars

ohwell

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Dec 26, 2008
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I love RTS:s but the halo rant about stupid timers and fucked up arbitrary missions just hit home way too much.

jesus all the times i've wanted to scream against the screen for whatever BS they put in the campaign in various games. and the thing about bunker + mass tanks no matter the story...

halo wars in a sense represents a retrogarde of all that was bad in RTS campaign building with some extra added.

too bad yathzee doesnt do MP because that's where RTSes really shine. Solo mode is mostly for story and learning about the units.
 

McClaud

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Nov 2, 2007
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Dorian Cornelius Jasper said:
Would look forward to more Pedigree Chum. Could be The Escapist's new sleeper hit.
I'm partial to more imp reviews, myself. They should review Purina Chum next time round.
 

matt87_50

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Apr 3, 2009
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I HATE COUNTDOWN TIMERS IN RTSs!!!

very funny review, but picking a console RTS as your first might not have done the genre justice, I can only imagine that playing your first RTS on a console would be like watching your first porn with your parents...
 

kamikazkid

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Apr 3, 2009
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There seems to be 3 types of people posting here: console fanboys proclaiming the messiah and making sure to remind us about the LT button & D-pad, RTS trolls who ask the question, "u liek starcraft/warcraft?" while blithely ignoring a sea of good RTS games, and yahtzee fans who hate unskippable.

So console guys: Mice own consoles, and that's why there have never been cross-platform game competitions. Would it kill you to admit that perhaps the PC is superior? PS there is nothing innovative about console rts, it's been tried and your thumb is just not as dexterous as my wrist.

Warcraft/starcraft guys: Play a sophisticated RTS or shut-up you make the rest of RTS games look shitty with your "blizzard is god," spam. Good RTS games have innovative features like veterancy, starcraft is ignoring all the features of recent RTS and relying on it's story and fan-base to sell. So go play Homeworld, Sins of a Solar Empire, Company of Heroes, or the BFME series and gain some apprecation for complex game features.

Yahtzee fans: Shut up, you liked it and you just don't want to admit it. Yeah the other fella isn't as good at it, but it's not his day job either.
 

Quoth

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Aug 28, 2008
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I was going to make a significant comment about Unskippable but after 16 pages it'll probably just get lost in the mire.. meh, never the less; slow down, I couldn't even comprehend the babble twice.. and just because you're ranting doesn't mean you have to scream the last word of the last sentence close to the end of the human hearing range.
 
Feb 28, 2008
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Great. I thought both crossovers were handled very well, although you have to have seen the Unskippable section to understand what was going on. Still, I'm up for most things so it didn't surprise me anyway!
 

Sternenschweif

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Apr 3, 2009
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Hmmm, the first Zero Punktuation which was complete nonsence to me. First there was some wierd review on X-blades. I don't know, but i got the fealing, that it is made by a freaking God of War fanboy. What's so bad about having a game like God of War? I mean even God of War isn't the first game of that type. Especially if you're a dinosaur like me, you've played titles like Golden Axe and Street of Rage. Copying concepts isn't bad as long as you do it right. X-Blade failed on that, but i liked that the freaking monsters swarmed you like nerds would swarm a virgin whore in a vietnamese red light district. A little Serios Sam Style gaming can't be wrong and it at least gave me the feeling, that there was some kind of competition. But there wern't any. It was no problem to cut the attacking swarms into little pieces before they even got a chance to take the virginity of the protagonists ass, which leads to the next problem: What is so god damn bad about watching female asses shacking? It sounds a little wierd to me, that the "God of War"-fanboy prefered to watch an alomst naked guy instead of an almost naked girl. OK, in the end of the game, you ask yourself "Wouldn't it be cheaper to watch porn on the internet?" Answer: "It defenitly would!" The game itself is just a short running through stupid levels. Basicly if you fail on completing the game in less than 6 hours you wern't able to get off your attention of some shacking ass. But that's something, which makes me really wonder. Is that game supposed to do that? I think yes. It's some short time action game, which makes you able to watch a female ass. Also it allows you to avoid conflict with your girlfriend, because of staring at some female ass for a too long time, because it's just a game (for her). I'd say the game is not good, but OK if you can blast the money for one evening of playing. But if a girlfriend would cost 40 bugs per evening i would defenitly fire her.

The other Review. Halo Wars! My first question about that would be: What is Halo? Halo is a Xbox game of the first hour. It's a mainstream shooter, which got a story. So it has a main problem: Any following parts of the game does not have to be good to feed the fans. And if you talk about Halo fans, then you have fans which are feeded so fat, that they can't move to another game and keep playing the same crap over and over again to feed them even more. It's sounds disappointing to me, when people even consider to review games like that, because the probability of getting hit by a meteor in the shower while singing opera is higher than that a mainstream game with an endless story is anything good. So please take that request serious: Don't ever review games again, that don't even got the potential to be anything worth it playing.
 

Red Dragon414

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Apr 3, 2009
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Yeah I didnt think the first guy was funny.It seemed he tried to hard to be like Yahtzee, and sorry but for me it didnt work... I come and watch Yahtzee every week, I thought his RE5 review was very funny, the halo wars was o.k. Hopefully this, other people reviewing, was just a one time thing.
 

Daft Phunk

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Apr 3, 2009
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"I have a horrible feeling that this statement will read like an engraved invitation for all the RTS fans to burst out from under rocks and belch their favorite titles at me..."

You are correct my good sir! Starcraft! Or wait for SC2, but I guarantee that you will have minimal complaints about it. I also notice that you have neglected to review ANY Blizzard games as of yet. I believe Blizzard is one of the most top-notch developers there is, and they deserve a Yahtzee review!
 

bennbenn

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Apr 3, 2009
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yay more crossover please... though seriously Yahtzee is funnier in Unskippable than vice-versa. but hey let's see a round 2 please.
Xblades does in deed suck.
so did Halo Wars

now review GTA CHINATOWN PLEASE as it must be GOTY!
 

DrFuzz

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May 14, 2008
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I can't even get the whole thing to load. Been trying since Wednesday, but it always ends up dying at 70% and then if I try to refresh it won't play at all. It's only this week's episode, too.
 

Jallis370

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Mar 2, 2009
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I'll ask again: Wtf was that imp thingy in the end? And who's idea was it? Was it Paul as he didn't contribute while Graham was at it?

(I think its a bit unfair that Yahtzee did well on Unskippable but Graham got kicked in the groin in Zero Punctuation...) Reason for liking Unskippable more is because Yahtzee got sloppy and quit adding alternative music at the start and end. I lived for that!