Zero Punctuation: Metal Gear Solid 4

[Iori Branford]

It's funny how things stop being funny the longer you live with them. Everyone in Britain stopped sniggering at the name "Spotted Dick" by the time I turned twelve. I've almost completely forgotten that Nintendo named a console after a bodily fluid.

And it's funny how we can now hear the words "Solid Snake" without picturing the kind of throbbingly powerful erections you get from wearing skin-tight combat suits while hanging around women who never do their shirts up properly. Yes Metal Gear Solid has joined Devil May Cry Grand Theft Auto and Resident Evil in the elite group of series that have current generation installments with shiny glistening graphics and titles with 4's on the end.

The series sells itself right there under the title as "Tactical Espionage Action" which implies a gritty pulse-pounding sneaky-bollocks runaround and while that's certainly present it always seems to be occupying the same space as a stiff and inefficient third-person shooter and the paranoid manifesto of an Internet conspiracy theorist with several gunmen short of a grassy knoll. I'm going to recount as much of the story as I can before my brain starts to hurt.

Solid Snake is a cloned mercenary who is suffering from premature aging due to a planned obsolescence scheme worthy of Microsoft. He lives with his support character and "best friend" Otacon and the two of them have adopted a child together. That oozing sound you just heard was made by all the world's homoerotic fanfiction writers simultaneously emitting torrents of hot lady spunk.

Anyway Solid Snake is tasked with the assassination of his evil clone brother who is dead but lives on through his possessed arm which was grafted onto the body of OH CHRIST I CAN'T GO ON THIS SHIT IS BANANAS. Play the games yourself if you want to know what's going on although I can't guarantee that that will be enough. To truly get into the mindset of Hideo Kojima you'll have to do something pretty drastic probably involving experimental brain surgery and a complete X-Files boxset.

Kojima's problem is that while he's very much aware that games are a new and exciting media for getting a message across he doesn't have much patience for the whole "game" aspect. In the past I've slagged off a lot of story-based games for having too much story and not enough game but all those previous titles swiftly disappear beneath the waves of Metal Gear Solid's verbal diarrhea.

I actually timed how long it took from pressing New Game to engaging my first enemy: twenty-three cocking minutes. And this is supposed to be the fast-paced action hook to draw you in. Further on some dialogues are long enough to warrant an intermission and refreshment counter and most of them consist of the characters learning things that most of the audience figured out by the first trailer. The funniest part is I was diligently sitting through all the cutscenes and I still wasn't sure what was going on. Somebody once said that a politician is a person who can talk for hours and never actually say anything; if that's true Hideo Kojima could run for government and be Emperor of the Universe by mid-afternoon.

Every now and again though the game snaps you out of your exposition-induced trance and grudgingly lets you actually play it for a bit and in these moments the gameplay is adequate but severely cluttered like it's suffering from the game equivalent of Asperger's syndrome. The sneaking works well but they load you down with a toy box full of gimmicky stealth tools and techniques that you will never ever need to use because you start off with a silenced tranquilizer pistol that can knock out enemy soldiers in one shot and never runs out of ammo breaking the stealth gameplay over its knee with a sickening crack.

There isn't even much sneaking to do compared to previous games; when you're not tripping over cutscenes the emphasis is more on the action than the tactical espionage although it seems no one explained this to the gameplay programmer. The controls are much better suited for sneaking and when action takes over a million petty annoyances nibble at your shins.

Having to press both shoulder buttons and Triangle to aim and fire is not good design. And when you're ducking behind cover you have to stand up before you can fire back which is a good way to get your mustache perforated. When you desperately need to immediately return fire it takes a crucial agonizing second to get Snake to ready his gun presumably for fear of breaking a hip. Luckily this is compensated by most of the enemies being legendarily thick and armored with papier mache.

This is the part where I make gentle coos and reassurances to soften the game up before I drive the last stake through its heart. For all its frustrations the gameplay is never flawed enough to be a deal breaker and if you're prepared to forgive the heavy cutscene:gameplay ratio the characters are well-rounded and imaginative enough to keep you interested.

But here comes the killing blow children. Metal Gear Solid is and has always been very badly written in the same way that the world's largest pie couldn't honestly be called a good pie because it's uneconomical and probably wouldn't fit in an oven. So much of the dialogue is redundant and is in dire need of an editor preferably one armed with waders and pruning shears.

I think it's safe to say that if you're not already a fan you're not welcome at the MGS4 party. The game assumes you know and have accepted all the bullshit that's come before and all the characters who have had a poignant death soliloquy yet show up whether we like it or not including Mr. and Mrs. Oh Christ Not You Cunts Again from Metal Gear Solid 2.

And since I hate redundant dialogue so much I won't redundantly say that fans should buy it because if you're a fan you've already bought it finished it written a plot analysis guide for GameFAQs and are now hiding behind my house trying to decide which window to break. As for the rest of yas play through the previous games first and then check it out assuming they don't bore you so hard that even your unborn children take up tabletop gaming.

 

[Tempdude0]

Wow...Good for you. I got frustrated at just the three things I was quoting.

 

[The Thief]

C'mon people. It's nearly wednesday morning and you're not at 1000? Do you want a mailbag showdown or not! Get postin!

 

[zeeman645]

i liked the long cutscenes. better than the video communication in the past games that told the story. although i didnt like it that i beat the game at like 10:00 pm and didnt finish with the cutscenes till like midnight.. i was tired. the game play was good though. the aiming system wasnt THAT annoying or unplayable, you get used to it.
still i love the review, very witty and funny, like always. keep on doing what your doing yathzee.

 

[Evilducks]

huh, yeah, probably.

i meant the game-play more than the story anyways.
everyone seems so obsessed with the story bit. both of these games are way fun with or without the story.
i can't play halo though because >most< fps' make me dizzy and have to yak.
this has made me sad since it limits the games i can play.
because of this, i love me a good 3rd person game. i also love mango smoothies. mm mm. can't get enough of those frozen mangos.

Mango smoothies are amazing. As I've found a brother in the mango smoothie addict world I'll offer advice that got me through my initial FPS issues.

Back when I was younger and experimenting with half life (I think this is the first FPS I played that introduced the 'bouncy' running) I too became ill after play sessions that lasted more than 15 minutes. I found that motion sickness pills helped solve those issues (try to find non-drowsy ones). After a while I'd gotten use to the gameplay and no longer needed the medicine to keep me from getting sick.

It's a shame to pass up good games because your body doesn't agree.

 

[Roffey123]

Come on people.

WANT the mailbag showdown
FEEL the mailbay showdown
BE the mailbag showdown

 

[yzzlthtz]

huh, yeah, probably.

i meant the game-play more than the story anyways.
everyone seems so obsessed with the story bit. both of these games are way fun with or without the story.
i can't play halo though because >most< fps' make me dizzy and have to yak.
this has made me sad since it limits the games i can play.
because of this, i love me a good 3rd person game. i also love mango smoothies. mm mm. can't get enough of those frozen mangos.

Mango smoothies are amazing. As I've found a brother in the mango smoothie addict world I'll offer advice that got me through my initial FPS issues.

Back when I was younger and experimenting with half life (I think this is the first FPS I played that introduced the 'bouncy' running) I too became ill after play sessions that lasted more than 15 minutes. I found that motion sickness pills helped solve those issues (try to find non-drowsy ones). After a while I'd gotten use to the gameplay and no longer needed the medicine to keep me from getting sick.

It's a shame to pass up good games because your body doesn't agree.

You are a scholar and a gentleman, sir, evinced by your appreciation of that most delectable of treats. Can you recommend a good pill brand? i've tried dramamine for car trips, but that stuff knocks me right out.

Half life was the first one to do it to me too. I was able to get through Portal, thank the gods, but half life 2 put me out in under 10 minutes of gun-play. i would like to be able to play bioshock someday as well...

 

[jaygreen16]

haha good review,
but i am a huge fan of the mgs games, and its true that the storyline is far fetched

 

[Zirror]

I bet my bionic implants that there won't be a mailbag showdown.

And, to reiterate, I fucking loved the whole Metal Gear (Solid) Saga.
It was something different. And still is. And I think it is different 'in a good way'.
And much better than Haze or any other mediocre crap yatzhee been reviewing lately.

 

[Soviet Joe]

MGS is alright for what it is, but nothing really more in my eyes. When I play it, it's like reading a book by rolling dice to work out what page to go to next. I LIKE it when a story line makes me think, I don't need everything whispered in my ear to make sure I get it. But when things take an epic turn for the fucking retarded (read: Halo 3) I get quite bored quite quickly.

 

[SamW89]

Metal Gear Solid 4 was a breath-taking, cinematic, experience which tied up all the loose ends and gave fans everything they'd wanted, plus more - I won't go into details for the sake of keeping this spoiler free.

The gameplay's an improvement on the already great formula that's won fans over in the first place, when you add in the unlockable guns and the like, it's also got a fair bit of replay value.

I feel this game deserved a much better review and Yahtzee's going for controversy just to get more hits. I'm honestly disappointed in him, as he used to give cynical, yet justified, and honest reviews.

 

[SAccharing10]

I actually signed up to this website to tell you all how fucking stupid you are, seriously.
First of all I don't think this game was better than the others, although I do think it was a masterpiece.
Secondly, you idiots crying about it not making sense because you haven't played the others? Hey idiots - it's a fucking series. Try reading Return of the King before reading the other two first, what? It makes no sense? Well done dipshits.
Thirdly if you want a story that's logical and stays in the box go read a novel by John Grisham.
Fourthly the gameplay is not 2 hours long, you're a simpleton. It's atleast 12 hours if you're not cheating or replaying the game.
Fifthly the AI is anything but "moronic." If an enemy thinks they've spotted something they'll check the area in which that was then the immediate area surrounding it.
Sixthly "The game isn't about stealth it's about timing" Hey moron. I think timing your movements to avoid the enemy spotting you or tracing you is about as close to "Stealth" as you can get.
Seventhly I do agree that the controls were slightly confusing, but after about a 1/3 of act 1 I soon got to grips with it.
Eightly the musical scoring for this game was nothing but incredible. Do yourself a favour and buy the OST for this game, the amount of effort and work gone into such a backlaying element to it is pioneering.
I don't think this game was the best game ever etc etc but it deserves much more praise than you fucking idiots are giving it. Yahtzee was right about a few things but if he doesn't like Dialogue in one game but loves it in another he needs to get a new job.

 

[Shia-Neko-Chan]

Did.... did he say badly written? Did he seriously say badly written and honestly mean it?

...

It's like he's.... 700 pounds too thick and behind mile wide, sound proof wall... I used to think he was pretty smart.

I didn't exactly agree with the gameplay points (transquilzer bullets only put people to sleep in one hit if you're on easy. Get some skills, Yahtzee. XD) but he made me laugh. I was expecting to be completely offended.

 

[yzzlthtz]

haha good review i laughed my (body part) off

 

[Tempdude0]

I actually signed up to this website to tell you all how fucking stupid you are, seriously.
First of all I don't think this game was better than the others, although I do think it was a masterpiece.
Secondly, you idiots crying about it not making sense because you haven't played the others? Hey idiots - it's a fucking series. Try reading Return of the King before reading the other two first, what? It makes no sense? Well done dipshits.
Thirdly if you want a story that's logical and stays in the box go read a novel by John Grisham.
Fourthly the gameplay is not 2 hours long, you're a simpleton. It's atleast 12 hours if you're not cheating or replaying the game.
Fifthly the AI is anything but "moronic." If an enemy thinks they've spotted something they'll check the area in which that was then the immediate area surrounding it.
Sixthly "The game isn't about stealth it's about timing" Hey moron. I think timing your movements to avoid the enemy spotting you or tracing you is about as close to "Stealth" as you can get.
Seventhly I do agree that the controls were slightly confusing, but after about a 1/3 of act 1 I soon got to grips with it.
Eightly the musical scoring for this game was nothing but incredible. Do yourself a favour and buy the OST for this game, the amount of effort and work gone into such a backlaying element to it is pioneering.
I don't think this game was the best game ever etc etc but it deserves much more praise than you fucking idiots are giving it. Yahtzee was right about a few things but if he doesn't like Dialogue in one game but loves it in another he needs to get a new job.

And just when I thought this thread had evolved into rational discussions over mango smoothies...

1) That's a nice opinion. Good for you.

2) The point wasn't that it "didn't make sense" the point was that it was such a clusterfuck that the sheer amount of information that was required to play as well as the torrent being thrown at you made the games story overly convoluted. To top it off, Yahtzee has at least played MGS 2 from the look of things and may have actually played them all.

3) Uh, think you've got something wrong there chief. "Logic" that wiley bastard, is required for ALL good writing. Even joke a day strips require a certain logic to them.

4) Oooor not? Since there appears to be a trophy for beating it in five hours, let's say the gameplay is six or seven...maybe eight.

5) That's fairly stupid. If you get shot, you aren't going to just go "Hey, bullets. Better check that shit out." You're going to go "AH, GODDAMN! Motherfuckers shooting at us. Tell me when you find him so I can get a few shots in, and don't stop till he's found...************ shot me in the ass. I'll show him..." Hiding in an empty drum should never be a good way to escape from people, for obvious reasons.

6) It's not about stealth period. The timing only works its way in on the harder difficulties. On normal you get enough weapons and health items to simultaneously level a small island and then bring half the population back to life only to kill them once again with the remaining bullets.

7) It's nice you came to grips with it. It still qualifies as a flaw though.

8) Nifty, something only tangentially related to anything people have said. Woo. The soundtrack may be the "bees knees" but it's not utilized to its fullest, which is odd considering the music usage in MGS 3.

In conclusion, read some of the actual arguments here you tosser before coming in with a "holier than thou" attitude. You got half the things people were saying wrong and to top it off end on one of the most nonsensical lines ever. By that logic if you don't like the dialog in a badly translated Japanese hentai game but love the dialog in something else, you need to look for a new job. Inherent humor of bad translations aside, dialog and it's appropriate uses differ from game to game.

Did.... did he say badly written? Did he seriously say badly written and honestly mean it?

...

It's like he's.... 700 pounds too thick and behind mile wide, sound proof wall... I used to think he was pretty smart.

I didn't exactly agree with the gameplay points (transquilzer bullets only put people to sleep in one hit if you're on easy. Get some skills, Yahtzee. XD) but he made me laugh. I was expecting to be completely offended.

...Here, I'll make this simple.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revolver_Ocelot
http://metalgear.wikia.com/wiki/Revolver_Ocelot

Read those. Instead of having me write everything out, again, just read those synopsis on Ocelot. Afterwards, come back and decide whether the Metal Gear Series actually has brilliant writing. I'm not saying the writing is god awful, mind you, just very, very clusterfuck-ey...I doubt that's a real word, but you get the idea. The writing could be exponentially improved if if was cut down a bit. It has the same problems as novels like "The Silmarillion" Its got a lot of good ideas, but terrible delivery.

Really though, why couldn't we let this go at the mango posts? I was hoping to end on a high note and came back to find this.

 

[Shia-Neko-Chan]

I've read it before, played MGS1, 2, and 3, yet I disagree. I think the delivery is great in the MGS series. It keeps you completely interested until the very end, and even inspires some to decode and understand the whole story (Most or all details, which inspires a lot of thought. Thought-inspiring work is great work.) of MGS. There's a short version (Ocelot is evil) and a hidden long version (Wikipedia Ocelot: War and Peace) for those who are interested. You can take MGS1 and understand its story as it's given to you or you can play MG1 and 2 and link all of them together, but that's not necessarily needed in order to understand it.

Having more details doesn't make writing bad. It makes a story feel more like it takes place in a functioning world. In fact, a lot of people seem to enjoy stories with large amounts of details, which is proven by the many fans that analyze and debate the plot-points in MGS (which requires a lot of thought), and the fact that MGS is so popular.

What I really want to know is why you think the delivery is poor? I probably won't debate it. I don't have that much time, but I'm just interested.

 

[Wargamer]

My main source of support for Metal Gear Solid actually comes from Soul Reaver.

I love Soul Reaver. I love Soul Reaver 2. I love the latter in particular despite the abhorrant eyesore that is the gaming design.


Soul Reaver had fantastic gameplay elements, an exciting world to explore, and was absolutely breathtaking in everyway. Soul Reaver 2 consisted of running up and down the same map over and over. The gameplay was also disappointingly short.

However, the story was flawless. I watched the commentary where a voice actor jokes "I'm not used to this, it's like a film script! Normally when I work on a game, it's nice and simple. 'Open that door! Don't open that door! Kill that fucking monster!'"

Soul Reaver has dialogue so complex you have to play with a dictionary on hand to understand what the hell was just said. It is beautiful, moving stuff all the way through.


That was enough to make me love the series. The fact Soul Reaver 2 is boring to play is more than made up for by the fact it is a joy to watch.

Metal Gear Solid 4 is NOT boring to play. It is actually fun to play. It is also gripping in its plot, if a little long-winded in places. It's certainly not Soul Reaver level of storyline, but it's the closest you'll get.

 

[Stelman257]

I've read it before, played MGS1, 2, and 3, yet I disagree. I think the delivery is great in the MGS series. It keeps you completely interested until the very end, and even inspires some to decode and understand the whole story (Most or all details, which inspires a lot of thought. Thought-inspiring work is great work.) of MGS. There's a short version (Ocelot is evil) and a hidden long version (Wikipedia Ocelot: War and Peace) for those who are interested. You can take MGS1 and understand its story as it's given to you or you can play MG1 and 2 and link all of them together, but that's not necessarily needed in order to understand it.

Having more details doesn't make writing bad. It makes a story feel more like it takes place in a functioning world. In fact, a lot of people seem to enjoy stories with large amounts of details, which is proven by the many fans that analyze and debate the plot-points in MGS (which requires a lot of thought), and the fact that MGS is so popular.

What I really want to know is why you think the delivery is poor? I probably won't debate it. I don't have that much time, but I'm just interested.

Ugh in both Metal Gear Solid games i've played (1 & 2) i end up skipping most cutscenes simply put, they're boring, they definetaly don't keep me interested, and they're too long. Also i skip most of the codec calls to. Don't get me wrong i do like Metal Gear Solid, and some of the cutscenes are interesting, but i do agree with Yahtzee some are very badly written, long and boring. Hearing Meryl's life story did not keep me interested.
Hearing Raiden and Rose argue over the codec is boring as hell too. I could go on but i won't.
Also Metal Gear Solid 2's story lost me after i boarded arsenal gear as naked Raiden. Oh and stop using the Patriots as a quick fix for everything bad that happens Kojima.

All in all, the series is ok, i forgive some cutscenes and the characters aren't all bad, but like Yahtzee said, the writing needes an editor.

 

[bib12342004]

I say it again
Game of the year
Game of the year
Game of the year
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Game of the year
Game of the year
Game of the year
Game of the year

 

[CarbonDragon]

personaly i like the game, and the story and gameplay is one of the best. Not at all cliche.
and that is my opinion.

and I think that yahtzee's vids are hilarious, for stating his opinions in a "relate to something similar" way.

for the people that complain... if you are mad at his reviews, what are you going to do about it? he is not going to post a vid on how sorry he is then say it was good. besides if was nice all of the time then people will complain how bad the game is. think about it.

oh yah one person was complaining about the control mechanics,
In japan, people are not allowed to own guns, only the police.
so it is difficult to have a feel for a gun mechanic, when it is underused unlike the states.
from that, thay have more time with RPGs, while the states, work mostly on shooters.

sorry in advance if i talked too much. hehe