Zero Punctuation: SimCity

Elijah Newton

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Sep 17, 2008
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What, not one word - NOT ONE WORD!?! - about the curvy roads? CURVY ROADS, PEOPLE! Do you not remember that fscking talking point they never failed to bring up when they were talking about the game's development? And did they not deliver? Were there not, in fact, curvy roads? Does this count for nothing? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!



curvy roads my fat aunt fannie...
 

The Deadpool

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Dec 28, 2007
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GoddyofAus said:
Can't wait for him to review Bioshock Infinite. He's going to struggle to find something to be negative about.
http://www.quartertothree.com/fp/2013/03/26/bioshock-infinites-infinite-space-bounded-in-a-nutshell/

It's accurate too..
 

Blind0bserver

Blatant Narcissist
Mar 31, 2008
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Sim City 4 is on Steam, you say?

More features and far less cheaper, you say?

I can name my city "F*ck Mountain" and no one will get all pissy about it, you say?

Sold.
 

Balkan

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Sep 5, 2011
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Daystar Clarion said:
I haven't played a SimCity game in years...

Maybe I should get 4, since that's widely considered as one of the best?
Try Tropico, it has a better athmosphere and you really feel like the leader of this small Cuba as made by Disney.
 
Jun 23, 2008
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This was about the standard level of "it sucks" that I expect from a ZP critique of a sucky game. Also, Yahtzee covered pretty much all the complaints that have been already covered at length by the game's prior publicity. But the bit regarding that SOME OF US ARE INTROVERTS and don't want to be continuously connected is an pertinent issue I'm glad he noted. I, for one, love Left 4 Dead to tears, but will often avoid playing it for standard shooter fair because of the obligation to interact.

I hear there's good griefing sport in exporting criminals to your neighbors, or better yet, hacking other people's towns and having at them with Gojira. [https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20130318/01035222365/simcity-always-online-drm-lets-hackers-play-godzilla-with-anyones-cities.shtml]

The fact that you cannot name your town as you see fit due to public exposure is kinda rage-inducing. Why couldn't they just disclaim online play is not rated? Oh yeah.

Makes me want to hack their name filter and see what gets by.
Bangkok...
Niggardton...
Kokkin Country...
Bogdollocks...
Hightower Fudge Mines...
Deepwater Horizon...[footnote]I could go at this all day.[/footnote]

238U
 

Pink Gregory

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Jul 30, 2008
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Heh, that's gotta be my favourite ZP in a while.
Balkan said:
Daystar Clarion said:
I haven't played a SimCity game in years...

Maybe I should get 4, since that's widely considered as one of the best?
Try Tropico, it has a better athmosphere and you really feel like the leader of this small Cuba as made by Disney.
Tropico's pretty unique, I like it a lot, but it's certainly a little lighter on the control than I'd like. Tropico 3 anyway, far as I'm aware it's pretty much a 3D reskin of the original.
 

Simca

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Feb 7, 2008
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nin_ninja said:
One of his best videos in a while in my opinion.
No way, the Ni No Kuni review will assuredly be his best in 2013, and I say this obviously without having seen the rest of the year. The review is just that good.

The effort put into the bingo card alone is incredible.
 

cookyt

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Oct 13, 2008
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Wow, I expected this to be harsh, but the video was downright merciless! This is the first time I've heard of the poo map, oddly. You think they would advertise that more.
 

lRookiel

Lord of Infinite Grins
Jun 30, 2011
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Props to yahtzee for calling EA and Maxis out on their fucking stupid vision that online play is necessary.

Also, funniest ZP in months :D
 

Beryl77

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Mar 26, 2010
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Oh man, I've totally forgotten that that used to be EA's logo.
Good times.
 

Yuuki

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Mar 19, 2013
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bandit0802 said:
I haven't laughed so hard at a ZP in a long time!

"A poo map? FUCKING SOLD!"
I think that was the only funny line in there, as opposed to older ZP reviews that have had me in stitches for the whole 5 minutes.

There was so much potential for some crazy good moments with this review but I don't think even Yahtzee can survive getting whittled-down by the onslaught of shit games he has to play every week.

Maybe I'm wearing rose-colored glasses but the last ZP review I genuinely liked was XCOM: Enemy Unknown and maybe MOH:Warfighter, and basically every single video from there to page 1 has been awesome. The last 20 videos = meh...very, very meh.
 

-Dragmire-

King over my mind
Mar 29, 2011
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I remember liking the super nintendo simcity.... man, I haven't played simcity in so long. I played 2000 for a bit where the main appeal for me was cheating so I could make military installations.
 

Darth_Payn

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Aug 5, 2009
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Thank you, Yahtzee, for such a hilarious video and the best part was that pause between "the poo map" blurb and you going "FUCKING SOLD!" If anyone was going to rip on EA for their always-online bullshit, it would be you. I watched this at the Game Developers Conference at San Francisco and I had to stifle my laughter at this! Bravo.
 

Kuredan

Hingle McCringleberry
Dec 4, 2012
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"Steam Bath" That may just be your word of the year Yahtzee. I know I have taken plenty. Only the cold purity of FTL will wash this bad game away.
 

IKWerewolf

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Jan 13, 2011
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GoddyofAus said:
Can't wait for him to review Bioshock Infinite. He's going to struggle to find something to be negative about.
You do know that making that statement is like lighting blasting cap under a firecracker, under some rocket fireworks, under TNT, under C4, UNDER A NUCLEAR BOMB!

He can find negatives...

...he also appears to have suffered with this one. EA origin on his computer -4 computer security, Always Online DRM -5 sarcasm, name limitations +5 to Critical Chance (of him throwing the game off the roof... on his PC so he can be sure origin is gone from his life).

I feel sorry for him because it appears and sounds that his humour's taken a beating on this one. I hope he never has his humour sucked out like this again.
 

major_chaos

Ruining videogames
Feb 3, 2011
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LadyRhian said:
So basically "People who like things I don't like are too stupid to see how wrong they are"?
I will occasion defend EA half because they have published some great games (i.e Dead Space) and half because the hate crowd is so insufferably smug I need to disagree with them on principle.

OT: That was quite possibly the slowest ZP ever, also a bit late on the "SimCity sucks" train.
 

GodzillaGuy92

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Jul 10, 2012
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I was surprised - though in retrospect, I don't know why I should have been - by how in line Yahtzee's reaction to having to download Origin was to my own. I only installed it about a month ago because I needed it to run the Mass Effect Trilogy I bought for $20 as part of Amazon's "Farewell to February" sale. Opening Origin always fills me with the same sense of unease as opening a window in summertime, where the necessity of doing it does nothing to alleviate your constant fear of a wasp flying inside your house.
 

el_kabong

Shark Rodeo Champion
Mar 18, 2010
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Hilarious video this week. The background image joke of the kid trying to spoon his own genitals was particularly hilarious (PURGE) as was the poop cam joke.