Zero Punctuation: The Witcher
- Thread starter Yahtzee Croshaw
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The intro sequence theater addition at the end is one of the funniest things I've ever seen, ever. My brother and I have been frequently quoting practically every line from it for the last month or so, so I suppose a thumbs up is the least I can do.
Great job.
Great job.
I liked the Witcher, but have to concede it has it's issues. It is so hot and cold; the good bits are really great, and the bad bits just make you want to gnaw your own face off. Even when I disagree with Yahtzee (which isn't very often), he is still entertaining.
i really tried to like Witcher, but all those women flinging themselves at him really put me off. I mean really. Really. Probably it's fine if you're a guy and all, but i suspect they didn't really want women to buy this game. "Pretty fly for a white guy" is about right. Sucks being a minority. Once i got into the City and poked about a bit, i gave up. Thumbs-down game. Too many nekkid women, and this particular woman isn't impressed by that. And no woman in her right mind would behave like these chicks do. I wanna say "Grow up!" but what's the point. Yay yahtzee, for seeing the mysogynist for what he is.
JaseMorris is right, hot and cold is a good way to describe it. Unfortunately i found it mostly cold.
JaseMorris is right, hot and cold is a good way to describe it. Unfortunately i found it mostly cold.
Speakin' of 'the devil'
Yahtzee. You know I love Your 'ignorant' (sometimes) revirews and I laugh my ass off most of the time (yes... even watchin' assassin's fuckin' creed) and if you didn't know, than you know now... The thing is i laughed at the (so fuckin' called) "Witcher" review until I did't finnish the game myself (PL and ENG) version...
Now i have lost most of my 'faith' because I'm not sure if you do the reviews yourself or you just read the fuckin' reviews on fucking British websited and then you just take all of the shitty stuff from the web and create your own review + 'some (british) sense of humour'
In my opinion 'Witcher' is exactly a game you can compare to a dog's shit but 'Wiedzmin' is something much different. This game's screenplay is mostly written by Andrzej Sapkowski - guy whose balls would be dry of licking if J.D. Tolkien was still alive and his novels are the most magnificent fantasy stories ever told.
The other thing is that 'Witcher is not' Oblivion + Sex cuz this game is totally somethig new and something very important for polish nation (yes I had to mention that) as polish have not released any 'good game' in ages (actually since 1410 - when we kicked germans' asses at Grunwald).
Returning to what I've written at the beginning... In UK this game didn't get more then 68% but in US it was called 'the game of the year'. Why? I dont fuckin' know but most of british people would say: "Americans are fuckin' not educated, stupid ignorants..." (hmmm... exactly the same way as I think about British... hmm... never mind)... 'Tits' problem is exactly the same... As A. Sapkowski had only vision of polish women he made them all the way they should look... Most of polish girls have nice, 'boing-like' soft titties... ;] (That's why I am so proud of my wife)...
Ok at the end... [I don't want to write any more as I am drunk as shit] I find Your 'Witcher's' review somehow correct but supported by most of british magazines' opinion, but 'Wiedzmin' is totally different game and story... It is exactly 97/100 mark
Good night and good luck
P.S. If You want to write shit on this forum about this post... Don't even bother... I only visit this site every wednesday to check Yahtzee's new reviews... ;]
Yahtzee. You know I love Your 'ignorant' (sometimes) revirews and I laugh my ass off most of the time (yes... even watchin' assassin's fuckin' creed) and if you didn't know, than you know now... The thing is i laughed at the (so fuckin' called) "Witcher" review until I did't finnish the game myself (PL and ENG) version...
Now i have lost most of my 'faith' because I'm not sure if you do the reviews yourself or you just read the fuckin' reviews on fucking British websited and then you just take all of the shitty stuff from the web and create your own review + 'some (british) sense of humour'
In my opinion 'Witcher' is exactly a game you can compare to a dog's shit but 'Wiedzmin' is something much different. This game's screenplay is mostly written by Andrzej Sapkowski - guy whose balls would be dry of licking if J.D. Tolkien was still alive and his novels are the most magnificent fantasy stories ever told.
The other thing is that 'Witcher is not' Oblivion + Sex cuz this game is totally somethig new and something very important for polish nation (yes I had to mention that) as polish have not released any 'good game' in ages (actually since 1410 - when we kicked germans' asses at Grunwald).
Returning to what I've written at the beginning... In UK this game didn't get more then 68% but in US it was called 'the game of the year'. Why? I dont fuckin' know but most of british people would say: "Americans are fuckin' not educated, stupid ignorants..." (hmmm... exactly the same way as I think about British... hmm... never mind)... 'Tits' problem is exactly the same... As A. Sapkowski had only vision of polish women he made them all the way they should look... Most of polish girls have nice, 'boing-like' soft titties... ;] (That's why I am so proud of my wife)...
Ok at the end... [I don't want to write any more as I am drunk as shit] I find Your 'Witcher's' review somehow correct but supported by most of british magazines' opinion, but 'Wiedzmin' is totally different game and story... It is exactly 97/100 mark
Good night and good luck
P.S. If You want to write shit on this forum about this post... Don't even bother... I only visit this site every wednesday to check Yahtzee's new reviews... ;]
sorry son (joke)
what kinda detergent do you use for your gimp, mine keeps complaining that he's chaffing >_<
very funny video ^-^
what kinda detergent do you use for your gimp, mine keeps complaining that he's chaffing >_<
very funny video ^-^
Well reading 10 pages of coments i can draw the obvious conclusion. Console gamers are actualy RETARDED Yangtzee included(i actualy don't care how you spell your fucking name).
You constantly complain about how games these days are clones of some other clones than were cloned for cloning's sake 100 years ago. You ***** about repetitive gameplay. And you bash The Witcher because you have the atention span of a retarded monkey and failed to notice the game has some of the most original quests in existence. The gathering quests whitch you ***** about are OPTIONAL. You can actualy ignore them. Really. No joke.
If The Witcher was to complex for you to get maybe you should try some other games. Like bashing your head agaist a fucking wall untill the wall falls. If you actualy took the fucking time to actualy learn the game you would of enjoined a game that sets new standards for RPG's. You hated the fact Fable was a load of shit Peter Molieux fed us.
Everything CD Projeckt promised is in the game. Of course you were to busy jerking off to actualy play the game and realise that. Cd Projeckt is right now the only developer that hasn't fucked or tried to fuck us up our asses.
No bother. Keep playing crap and miss good games because you would actualy have to pay atention to something for more than 10 seconds you fucking pot smoking brainless fucks!!!
That includes you Yangtzzeeezz!
P.S. I really enjoy your reviews. They are funny however brainless and pretentious you might be.
You constantly complain about how games these days are clones of some other clones than were cloned for cloning's sake 100 years ago. You ***** about repetitive gameplay. And you bash The Witcher because you have the atention span of a retarded monkey and failed to notice the game has some of the most original quests in existence. The gathering quests whitch you ***** about are OPTIONAL. You can actualy ignore them. Really. No joke.
If The Witcher was to complex for you to get maybe you should try some other games. Like bashing your head agaist a fucking wall untill the wall falls. If you actualy took the fucking time to actualy learn the game you would of enjoined a game that sets new standards for RPG's. You hated the fact Fable was a load of shit Peter Molieux fed us.
Everything CD Projeckt promised is in the game. Of course you were to busy jerking off to actualy play the game and realise that. Cd Projeckt is right now the only developer that hasn't fucked or tried to fuck us up our asses.
No bother. Keep playing crap and miss good games because you would actualy have to pay atention to something for more than 10 seconds you fucking pot smoking brainless fucks!!!
That includes you Yangtzzeeezz!
P.S. I really enjoy your reviews. They are funny however brainless and pretentious you might be.
Wow, what a shitty, stupid, egotistical, shallow, bitter and ignorant review. Wow, what a lame ass, he gets hard ripping on smart original RPG games. Must be because he is so insecure with his own uber nerdom. Too bad, really, his lose. The Witcher EE is an awesome game and so are a lot of other cRPGs. What a loser, and the British arrogance thing is so tired, get over it. Lame upon lame upon more nerd lameness. Enjoy loser. Look I can be an ass too, oh, now I'm so cool... what a waste.
*sighs*
Just because it's smart and original doesn't make it good. And how about you refute his actual comments or refer to parts of the game that make it fun.
Why?
Prove that it's an awesome game. And to prove that you must prove the game does not have one click combat.
because he doesn't enjoy sucky games.
I'm in the middle of Act II right now. My thoughts:
1. It's a okay RPG. Kudos to not having the standard, "The fate of the universe lies in your hands" plot - I'm utterly sick of this. Although, who knows? Maybe the game will turn into that.
2. I didn't read the manual at all - I had no trouble figuring out the game, and I mostly play console games nowadays. I don't know what Yahtzee's issue is.
3. Act I is a really obnoxious introduction into the game - there's way too much running around the fields of that damn village for all the "go get it" quests. A more tightly-paced first act was needed.
4. The sex - meh. I agree with the others - make it more explicit or remove it entirely. As it currently stands, it's much too reminiscent of lame paper & pen RPG sex sessions, like those illustrated in the immortal "Summoner Geeks" video ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zng5kRle4FA) - "Where are the cheetos? If there are any chicks here, I wanna do 'em!"
5. I also don't get what Yahtzee and other mean about "one click combat", when he first complains that the combat is too complicated. I'm playing on hard, and the combat is not trivial, but aren't all games pretty much "one click combat"? Half Life, loved by Yahtzee, certainly doesn't feature difficult combat, and he clearly hates the ultra-complex combat of fighting games, so what exactly is fun combat for him? The Witcher is an RPG; that means it's combat is going to be mostly stat-based, and not twitch based. By that standard, it succeeds. It's certainly far better than the sleep-inducing combat of beloved RPGs like Planescape Torment or Oblivion (both of which literally put me to sleep on several occasions while fighting).
1. It's a okay RPG. Kudos to not having the standard, "The fate of the universe lies in your hands" plot - I'm utterly sick of this. Although, who knows? Maybe the game will turn into that.
2. I didn't read the manual at all - I had no trouble figuring out the game, and I mostly play console games nowadays. I don't know what Yahtzee's issue is.
3. Act I is a really obnoxious introduction into the game - there's way too much running around the fields of that damn village for all the "go get it" quests. A more tightly-paced first act was needed.
4. The sex - meh. I agree with the others - make it more explicit or remove it entirely. As it currently stands, it's much too reminiscent of lame paper & pen RPG sex sessions, like those illustrated in the immortal "Summoner Geeks" video ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zng5kRle4FA) - "Where are the cheetos? If there are any chicks here, I wanna do 'em!"
5. I also don't get what Yahtzee and other mean about "one click combat", when he first complains that the combat is too complicated. I'm playing on hard, and the combat is not trivial, but aren't all games pretty much "one click combat"? Half Life, loved by Yahtzee, certainly doesn't feature difficult combat, and he clearly hates the ultra-complex combat of fighting games, so what exactly is fun combat for him? The Witcher is an RPG; that means it's combat is going to be mostly stat-based, and not twitch based. By that standard, it succeeds. It's certainly far better than the sleep-inducing combat of beloved RPGs like Planescape Torment or Oblivion (both of which literally put me to sleep on several occasions while fighting).
So, can anyone explain to me the "pufferfish" comment? I don't get it...
Apart from that, I loved the Witcher. Probably one of my fave RPGs ever after the BG series, Fallout series and Torment. I still liked the review though. I find it a bit dishonest and don't agree with it much but I enjoy a good laugh.
Apart from that, I loved the Witcher. Probably one of my fave RPGs ever after the BG series, Fallout series and Torment. I still liked the review though. I find it a bit dishonest and don't agree with it much but I enjoy a good laugh.
No because he has a lot of pussy American console playing fanboys that think everything he said is gold and hold him as a god or something like that. And just because the game is hard and it's learning curve isn't so easy as in many console games doesn't mean the game is shitty. Let me ask you have you ever played the Witcher yourself?yourkie1921 said:
Secondly The Witcher is based on the novels about the witcher Geralt by A. Sapkowski. So the one's that think the setting is shitty go screw yourself.
Prove it's not an awesome game. One Click? Sorry but I'll ask you again have you actually played the game?
I love the witcher. It had a great story good combat. It had make looking for stuff cause it not a simple look here it is game. The game is challanging. Letting me make my character as I go along is nice. The best part. It is impossible to beat in a blood day. Game now a day you buy them only to feel you waste 2 hours of you life and 50 dollars. Yes game are getting so damn easy and so short. Most are going for the whole Multi player aspect of a gaming world. If I wanted to play with other people I go out and get some friends. This was a rare gem and people that hate it just sucked at it.
First, The Witcher is not set in Arturain times, it is set in Medieval Poland or Germany or somewhere in Middle Germany during the 12th or 15th century. Second, while it is true that many women might want to have sex with you in this game, I haven't come across many witches that do want to have sex with Geralt. Thirdly, the game is based on books written by a (famous) Polish author, Sapkowski. And the game just bring Geralt to the video game - on the pc yes.
I like the fact that have you to do a little research reading books on say how to use plants for alchemy or how to best beat monsters. It is an rpg so you need to check yout every seller, merchant and alchemy maker you get to know - in the game. It is also an rpg that prides itself of being somewhat difficult i.e. you do not get hand-holded in this game. Even if there are some hints in your journal, you must still figure out what your character, your Geralt, would do.
edit:
And what Geralt would do more time than often is to fight. I didn't find the combat in The Wicther to be 'one-click combat'. However, I've found the combat to be somewhat annoying at times as I could never guess when to click the mouse. And for the use of Group Style, Fast Style and the Strong - I suggest reading the manual - it is not that big...for modern day games.
As you can tell, I like The Witcher...
I like the fact that have you to do a little research reading books on say how to use plants for alchemy or how to best beat monsters. It is an rpg so you need to check yout every seller, merchant and alchemy maker you get to know - in the game. It is also an rpg that prides itself of being somewhat difficult i.e. you do not get hand-holded in this game. Even if there are some hints in your journal, you must still figure out what your character, your Geralt, would do.
edit:
And what Geralt would do more time than often is to fight. I didn't find the combat in The Wicther to be 'one-click combat'. However, I've found the combat to be somewhat annoying at times as I could never guess when to click the mouse. And for the use of Group Style, Fast Style and the Strong - I suggest reading the manual - it is not that big...for modern day games.
As you can tell, I like The Witcher...
This is the only fantasy RPG I can't bring myself to play. Maybe if someone makes a mod that turns all the hookers into strapping youg men men: the girls would love that.