Zero Punctuation: The Witcher

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FistsOfTinsel

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Jun 23, 2008
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I'm in the middle of Act II right now. My thoughts:

1. It's a okay RPG. Kudos to not having the standard, "The fate of the universe lies in your hands" plot - I'm utterly sick of this. Although, who knows? Maybe the game will turn into that.

2. I didn't read the manual at all - I had no trouble figuring out the game, and I mostly play console games nowadays. I don't know what Yahtzee's issue is.

3. Act I is a really obnoxious introduction into the game - there's way too much running around the fields of that damn village for all the "go get it" quests. A more tightly-paced first act was needed.

4. The sex - meh. I agree with the others - make it more explicit or remove it entirely. As it currently stands, it's much too reminiscent of lame paper & pen RPG sex sessions, like those illustrated in the immortal "Summoner Geeks" video ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zng5kRle4FA) - "Where are the cheetos? If there are any chicks here, I wanna do 'em!"

5. I also don't get what Yahtzee and other mean about "one click combat", when he first complains that the combat is too complicated. I'm playing on hard, and the combat is not trivial, but aren't all games pretty much "one click combat"? Half Life, loved by Yahtzee, certainly doesn't feature difficult combat, and he clearly hates the ultra-complex combat of fighting games, so what exactly is fun combat for him? The Witcher is an RPG; that means it's combat is going to be mostly stat-based, and not twitch based. By that standard, it succeeds. It's certainly far better than the sleep-inducing combat of beloved RPGs like Planescape Torment or Oblivion (both of which literally put me to sleep on several occasions while fighting).
 

Hithel

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Dec 5, 2008
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So, can anyone explain to me the "pufferfish" comment? I don't get it...

Apart from that, I loved the Witcher. Probably one of my fave RPGs ever after the BG series, Fallout series and Torment. I still liked the review though. I find it a bit dishonest and don't agree with it much but I enjoy a good laugh.
 

Powas

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Dec 18, 2008
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yourkie1921 said:
because he doesn't enjoy sucky games.
No because he has a lot of pussy American console playing fanboys that think everything he said is gold and hold him as a god or something like that. And just because the game is hard and it's learning curve isn't so easy as in many console games doesn't mean the game is shitty. Let me ask you have you ever played the Witcher yourself?

Secondly The Witcher is based on the novels about the witcher Geralt by A. Sapkowski. So the one's that think the setting is shitty go screw yourself.


Prove it's not an awesome game. One Click? Sorry but I'll ask you again have you actually played the game?
 

DoomBlackDragon

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Sep 13, 2008
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I love the witcher. It had a great story good combat. It had make looking for stuff cause it not a simple look here it is game. The game is challanging. Letting me make my character as I go along is nice. The best part. It is impossible to beat in a blood day. Game now a day you buy them only to feel you waste 2 hours of you life and 50 dollars. Yes game are getting so damn easy and so short. Most are going for the whole Multi player aspect of a gaming world. If I wanted to play with other people I go out and get some friends. This was a rare gem and people that hate it just sucked at it.
 

thurauh1

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Jan 5, 2009
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First, The Witcher is not set in Arturain times, it is set in Medieval Poland or Germany or somewhere in Middle Germany during the 12th or 15th century. Second, while it is true that many women might want to have sex with you in this game, I haven't come across many witches that do want to have sex with Geralt. Thirdly, the game is based on books written by a (famous) Polish author, Sapkowski. And the game just bring Geralt to the video game - on the pc yes.

I like the fact that have you to do a little research reading books on say how to use plants for alchemy or how to best beat monsters. It is an rpg so you need to check yout every seller, merchant and alchemy maker you get to know - in the game. It is also an rpg that prides itself of being somewhat difficult i.e. you do not get hand-holded in this game. Even if there are some hints in your journal, you must still figure out what your character, your Geralt, would do.

edit:

And what Geralt would do more time than often is to fight. I didn't find the combat in The Wicther to be 'one-click combat'. However, I've found the combat to be somewhat annoying at times as I could never guess when to click the mouse. And for the use of Group Style, Fast Style and the Strong - I suggest reading the manual - it is not that big...for modern day games.

As you can tell, I like The Witcher...
 

likalaruku

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Nov 29, 2008
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This is the only fantasy RPG I can't bring myself to play. Maybe if someone makes a mod that turns all the hookers into strapping youg men men: the girls would love that.
 

Atech66

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Feb 4, 2009
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Game is excellent.. 22+ years of gaming behind that statement I feel I can say it.
Not much excited me in a very long time in regards to the RPG world. Seen it all
This was refreshing and so well made, the story line was captivating and the game play and graphics were very well done.
I don't need to spend a week on a learning curve, as a good game should be.
My hats off to to the team.
Core i7 Quad
3 Gigs DDR3 tri
MSI X58 Platinum Mobo SLI / X-fire supported
SATA 2
And I am only running a single Gefrce 9500 GT 1Gig 16X PCI card right now.
seems to run flawlessly.
 

HoverWhale

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Apr 10, 2009
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Sorry to retread a thread that seems it should be dead (and sorry about that genuinely unintentional rhyme there), but does anyone know what the music at the start of the Intro Sequence Theatre is called (the bit at the introduction, before the actual scene starts)? It's been annoying me ever since I heard it a few hours ago and I can't find its name anywhere.
 

PayNSprayBandit

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HoverWhale said:
Sorry to retread a thread that seems it should be dead (and sorry about that genuinely unintentional rhyme there), but does anyone know what the music at the start of the Intro Sequence Theatre is called (the bit at the introduction, before the actual scene starts)? It's been annoying me ever since I heard it a few hours ago and I can't find its name anywhere.
Alfred Hitchcock's Theme Song

 

savandicus

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HoverWhale said:
Sorry to retread a thread that seems it should be dead (and sorry about that genuinely unintentional rhyme there), but does anyone know what the music at the start of the Intro Sequence Theatre is called (the bit at the introduction, before the actual scene starts)? It's been annoying me ever since I heard it a few hours ago and I can't find its name anywhere.
The offspring - Pretty fly for a white guy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6-LD2ZDH60 (Its an AMV, but its the song)
 

HoverWhale

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Apr 10, 2009
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PayNSprayBandit said:
HoverWhale said:
Sorry to retread a thread that seems it should be dead (and sorry about that genuinely unintentional rhyme there), but does anyone know what the music at the start of the Intro Sequence Theatre is called (the bit at the introduction, before the actual scene starts)? It's been annoying me ever since I heard it a few hours ago and I can't find its name anywhere.
Alfred Hitchcock's Theme Song
Wow that was quick! Ultimate thanks!
 

Kiranode

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Jun 4, 2009
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bloody frikkin hilarious!!! I actually own the game and was wondering why I haven't been playing it more.. Till a friend showed me this. absolutely the truth! (and it brightend my very very gloomy day a lot)
 

Kanazuchi

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Aug 20, 2008
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PayNSprayBandit said:
HoverWhale said:
Sorry to retread a thread that seems it should be dead (and sorry about that genuinely unintentional rhyme there), but does anyone know what the music at the start of the Intro Sequence Theatre is called (the bit at the introduction, before the actual scene starts)? It's been annoying me ever since I heard it a few hours ago and I can't find its name anywhere.
Alfred Hitchcock's Theme Song
Or more accurately, Charles Gounod's "Funeral March of a Marionette". But yeah, most people know it as the Hitchcock theme.
 

Tyrannowalefish_Rex

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May 30, 2009
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yourkie1921 said:
Wow, what a shitty, stupid, egotistical, shallow, bitter and ignorant review.
*sighs*
*sighs*

The Witcher EE is an awesome game and so are a lot of other cRPGs
Prove that it's an awesome game. And to prove that you must prove the game does not have one click combat.
Prove that it's not an awsome game. And to prove that you have to prove that you're not just Yahtzee's cocksucker for everything he ever said.

For your information: there are tactics for different enemies, different styles of fighting for different situations and enemies, magic, alchemy and you have to click in a certain rhythm to deal maximum damage.

There are also such things as characters, plots, creativity that count, apart from combat.
 

OnionMaster

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Jul 2, 2009
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At the risk of having half a dozen fanboys shove my comments up my arse, I'm going to venture out and say that The Witcher is a really really ridiculously hateful game, but it does suck you in (oh, it pains me to say that).
I finished the Witcher, but somehow felt that all the hours I spent doing so were a waste of life. The story and RPG-element is quite alright, but it takes soooo long to do ANYTHING, the combat is unmentionably horrible and I hate the fact that you can't walk over an inch-high stone, or walk up the side of the bottom step of a staircase, or even over a broken toothpick. Lack of any kind of pacing make this game an endlessly grinding, completely unrewarding, run-around-picking-your-nose-and-waiting RPG which anyone with a grain of common sense would do best to avoid.
Oh, and Yahtzee forgot to mention that the "moral choice" element was developed by a team of rabid bush-babies.
 

Tyrannowalefish_Rex

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May 30, 2009
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OnionMaster said:
Lack of any kind of pacing make this game an endlessly grinding, completely unrewarding, run-around-picking-your-nose-and-waiting RPG which anyone with a grain of common sense would do best to avoid.
That probably applies to the endless swamp areas. They were horribly dull, yes. But I think there are very few games that don't feature some sort of monotonous labyrinth, swamp, zombie-infestion area. It's ok, when there are good characters and nice little stories to go along with it.


OnionMaster said:
Oh, and Yahtzee forgot to mention that the "moral choice" element was developed by a team of rabid bush-babies.
Sorry, that seems beside the point to me. In the game there are mostly "lesser evils" than real good and bad. Perhaps you don't like it, because you like the cheerier sort, or whatever, but that's not real criticism.

The game may not be a masterpiece and it's often rather awkward, but in some ways it's a convincing effort of a "mature" RPG.