Zero Punctuation: Turok

[Terramax]

I've seen City of Lost Children. Yep, that rocks. What is Ronny doing voicing this crap? Surely even he's making enough money to keep going?

 

[Nerdfury]

Fantastic, Yahtzee. If you even read the comments people leave you!

I remember the glory days of FPS's when they had a sense of humour about them. Blood was always my favourite! Althought the sequel sucked mighty wang.

 

[Same River New Water]

I understand that in a game you want to be the hero taking everyone out (something that COD4 often failed in during the SAS missions)

Wuh buh? Failed? I much preferred the SAS missions. I thought the whole point of the USMC missions was to show how the gung-ho US bulldozer approach resulted in a gigantic fustercluck which required the covert, surgical tactics of the SAS to salvage. But hey, that was just my reading of it.

One has to wonder though what the point of being a games reviewer is in Australia. I mean not only do you have the release date problems but a ridiculously strict censor board.

True, but thankfully they haven't banned anything particularly good yet, as far as I know. (We got GTA III eventually.) The lack of an R-rating for games (which is the reason "adult" games can't be released here) won't last: it was the result of a reactionary old Catholic bastard [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Harradine] having the balance of power in one of the houses of Parliament for years.

it really does suck he wont be able to play Brawl yet. If I have the money, I would send him a copy.

You'd better believe Australians (along with Europeans) were mighty pissed off [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regional_lockout] when the Wii and 360 were announced to be region-locked.

 

[Uszi]

I would say, Yahtzee, if you want FPS with a sense of humor, then play the Postal Series, which features such hilarious bits as pissing on yourself to put yourself out when you catch fire.

Yes, Postal 2 while possibly the sickest game I have ever played (though the Devs argue it is only a sick as you make it - the meanest way to kill someone I discovered was to tazer them to the floor, and while they lie twitching and defecating themselves pour gasoline on said victim, throw on the match, piss on them to put the blaze out after their skin turns crispy, then behead the poor sod with a spade. Kicking the severed head out of the nearest window and into the streets is optional) made me laugh more than any other FPS I've ever played. The inclusion of Osama Bin Laden in the post-9/11 patch was a masterstroke.

Well said, my kindred spirit.
I mentioned postal since we here in the states can expect Postal 3 relatively soon. Unfortunately Yahtzee has to wait until 2009. Poor Bugger. I'd like to see what he would have to say though, since I feel like the Postal series is in a totally different plane of gaming than Halo--as far as FPS goes.

 

[Uszi]

Oh, and on the subject of health bars:

I think that we should get a REAL shooter, where if you take a bullet to the hand you go down on all fours crying for your mum, while your attacker prepares a curb-stomp execution, and a shot anywhere to your chest, neck, head, or major arteries will instantly kill you.

Then we'll see just how important realism is to anyone!

 

[Zabadack]

Good to see some anti Halo comments, that game was more hyped than an ADD kid on Smarties

 

[Thedarkestofsouls]

I suppose if there was ever a time to join the forum, it's to comment on this.

Let me first state that Yahtzee is about the funniest thing since they invented the idiot playing with a ping pong paddle, and about as awesome as those mini sliced bagel bites. That being said, he is by no means perfect.

I went into this review hoping to see yahtzee's take on a game highly recommended by my brother. What I got was a complete waste of time. Yahtzee, you Hallow Crusader, why do you continue to bash a game you, to my knowledge, have never played. Halo: Combat Evolved was an excellent game, and had 4 of the 6 things you mentioned. It's true it defiantly FEELS like Aliens, but it feels like its more paying homage to it then ripping it. I respect your decision to hate Halo 3 (given the view of just that game with none of the back story, I can forgive any jabs) but play the game before you crush it. Halo: CE is on the X-Box live marketplace for download, and cheap. If I can go out and buy Psychonauts before judging it, the least you can do is allow the same courtesy.

Now, this is the part where I have to specify (to avoid my point being lost) that because I like Halo my argument is no less valid. As soon as this post hits the Forum, I can almost see people lining up with comments like "Fan-boy" and "pathetic" but honestly, it just makes you seem like children. Fanatically hating a game is just as bad as fanatically liking it. If you see the words Halo next or in the same sentence as "Good" "Fun" or "Depth" and your first thought is "Fan boy", you need to follow Yahtzee's advice on what to do with Assassin?s Creed when you're feed up with it (on a side note, I thought Assassin?s Creed was an excellent game, and hope such styles of games continue, just, you know, fixed). If you don't like Halo for any reason other than "It's Halo", then don't respond. If you do hate it for any other reason, don't respond anyway because this is not the "Lets talk about halo" thread.

So, I guess the point I'm getting at is, Yahtzee, review games. If you want to review a certain Genre's down points, release a special ZP on Saturdays, or title it "Genre: My Thoughts" or something. I am now even more unsure then I was going into your review of Turok. Though I suppose the Orange Box can always keep me company.

 

[Ozz04]

You know, from your videos it seems like you don?t really like anything about Australia, yet you still live there, doesn?t that seem a tad odd?

 

[symphonycometh]

I suppose if there was ever a time to join the forum, it's to comment on this...

ect.

Judging by your wall, I'm taking you believe firmly in the "It's only an opinion." theory. With that said, Halo asked for every beat down for the peeps that bought in to the "revolutionary" feeling and came back from the hype trip, ending up in COD4 and never looking back. Some, no, many wanted more from the hype-machine and it did NOT deliver. The main attraction, online, felt empty to me and far easier than other online games out there. (Probably because casuals are all over Halo 3.)It doesn't deserve the mass score, it doesn't deserve any farther praise. It's a dying franchise thanks to other FPS catching up and crushing it. Hype will not work for the game any longer. I ignored your request to not respond to the Halo thing, because you basically wanted everyone to hear your opinion and shut up about telling theirs. In my opinion, that's wrong. Yahtzee was spot on for that review Halo 3, and he's spot on about Torok.

Good vid Yahtzee.

 

[Thedarkestofsouls]

I was not talking about Halo 3 (Halo 3 was far to overhyped. It didn't make it any less of a great game, but it definatly didn't deliver what it promised).

Yahtzee quite clearly use Halo: CE in his review, a game he is quoted to have never played, and to my knowledge he has not yet. The point of my responce was not to approve Halo, but to voice my complaint that yahtzee told me nothing about the actual gameplay of Turok except it was like have the games I like and half the games I don't. I assume you have played the new Turok, and thus spot-only agree that it sucks, so I will take you at your word. I just wish HE had been more clear on the game, not a weakening Genre.

Edit: Also, I am more then happy if people wish to voice their opinions, but honestly, the first person to use the word "Halo" in this discussion in a way other than "It sucks" was labeled a fan boy, and I would rather not turn this into an argument about what is and isn't fanatasism. If it really is such an interesting debate for people, I would welcome the discussion. However, that is what a PM system is for.

 

[m_jim]

Oh, and on the subject of health bars:

I think that we should get a REAL shooter, where if you take a bullet to the hand you go down on all fours crying for your mum, while your attacker prepares a curb-stomp execution, and a shot anywhere to your chest, neck, head, or major arteries will instantly kill you.

Then we'll see just how important realism is to anyone!

Wasn't that Killzone?

Pretty much. If you want to talk about an unfun crap-fest, that was it. I could buy the whole "get shot and you're done" philosophy if it applied to the enemies as well, who all could take a magazine worth of rounds to the body and still have the decency to shotgun you in the face.

 

[Vitalix]

Kudos to Yahtzee once again for producing a fine review. He writes an insightful analysis of first person shooters. These points are spot on. Let's hope the gaming industry heeds Ben's words.

Ben is at his best when the jokes and irony complement his review and not overwhelm them. Unlike most video drivel on games that lurks the web, Mr. Croshaw need not hide behind pre-teen sexual humor. Shed of his annoying fixations with female body parts and repetitive juvenile commentary (although he just couldn't resist drawing a penis could he?), the review comes to the fore. Games first. When Ben forgets that, he becomes the reviewing eqivalent of Halo 3.

Hasn't happened yet. Let's hope it does not.

Vitalix

 

[WillPG1212]

Oh man, this weeks' was great thanks Yahtzee.

hahah what happened to health bars?? so true.

DUKE NUKEM!!!!!! i hope ul review the (finaly) upcoming new one.