Zero Punctuation: Valkyria Chronicles

lorx

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May 13, 2009
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Overall, great review. Laughed through every minute.

A note though: The fact that you have to actually buy your guns matters a bit later on when you have multiple options, if you scroll down in the weapon 'buy' menu or whatever you want to call it, you'll see the one path of rifles (lances, etc) split into 2-3 paths. Though it would be nice if the ones that stayed one path auto-bought themselves.

edit: Oh god, Hans. I wish that pig would get turned into bacon.
 

TetsuoKaneda

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Feb 11, 2009
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Max-Vader said:
OuroborosChoked said:
Is it even worth mentioning anymore when Yahtzee gets it wrong? I mean, does he even play the games he reviews anymore?
Apperently not. He shouldn't have called it "Zero Punctuation reviews Valkyria Chronicles", he should have called his review "Yahtzee bitches about games he didn't play and hates all JRPGs".

I'm pretty sure you CAN skip cutscenes, but I'm not exactly sure, as I actually gave a damn about the story...
Yes, you can. It's actually funny how he emphasizes story so much in his own games, but thinks that JRPGs "don't connect gameplay with story" and considers the story there tedious.

All of this gives me the impression that Yahtzee didn't even finish the fucking game... again. It was probably too hard for him... like Bionic Commando was. There is no other game reviewer out there gets as much attention and as little gaming talent as Yahtzee and no other reviewer that I've seen bases his entire reviews off of his prejudices. This is just sloppy and unentertaining.
Either he didn't play the game for more then five minutes - then he had his opinion already and didn't even give the game a fair chance, just because it's a JRPG. Or he does know more about it - then he's lying. Either way, this isn't a review whatsoever, this is a "JRPGs are all shit"-rant.

(But his Nazi-jokes were funny, I have to give him that.)
Oh, I'm sorry, was there any point to your ad-hominem zealotry? Because it just seems like you and Yahtzee have a difference of opinion on the game, and nothing more. Way I see it, he played the game, didn't like it, wrote a review about what he didn't like, and then put it up here for public scrutiny. Why does it matter whether or not he beat the game? I haven't beaten Jade Empire, but I know I like it. Which is why I own it and will continue to play it. I do not own Halo, and I didn't have to beat it to know that I wouldn't even dignify it as a shiny frisbee. And the "he's just bad at it, that's why he hates it" nonsense? Stop. Please. That factors into everyone's reviews of games, not just Yahtzee's.
 

Jupsto

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when he says hes a nazi sympathist I hope he doesn't mean racist, especially after all his "I'M NOT RACIST" mindwashing. but then I can't think what else he means... maybe he just likes the trenchcoats (well, who doesn't?).

lets face facts yahtzee likes reviewing games he doesn't like and basically admits it makes more entertaining videos. he'll always hate jrpg's but review the crappy things anyway for kicks and giggles.

I thought he was going to rip on velvet assassin this week, I haven't played it but it seems like the kind of pretty silly, slightly buggy game he could tear apart.
 

Swaki

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Apr 15, 2009
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meh, not very funny but atleast it made 5 min of my empty life pass whit out me crying.
 

mike1921

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harhol said:
mike1921 said:
harhol said:
If snipers are only hitting one in ten shots then I suggest he either reads the instruction manual or retires from playing video games.
Quit playing videogames? Because he's not good at JRPGs? Fuck you. Also, I highly doubt that any game where you have to play 1/3 of it for it to get good ever will get good.
The way snipers work in VC: you line up the reticule over the enemy soldier until it turns red, then you press fire. Unless the enemy is of a markedly higher level (usually one of these guys on each map, sometimes none) or has a special dodging ability (almost always limited to the aforementioned) then the shot will hit 95% of the time. If the enemy has his back turned, the shot will hit 100% of the time. Not to mention that some snipers have special abilities which boost accuracy & prevent dodging. There is no skill involved because the game is paused while you aim. So if he's only hitting 1/10 of the time, he's doing something wrong; it's not about being "good at JRPGs". And you don't have to play 1/3 of the game for it to "get good": like most games it starts off with limited customization options and gives you more & more choices as you progress (like starting off with a knife & pistol in an action game and finishing off with a full arsenal & super powers).

mike1921 said:
It's definitely not a failure for a game reviewer to not mention [graphics].
If the graphics are noteworthy, they should be mentioned. I've bought several games based on graphics alone, some of which I've regretted (Auto Modellista, Viewtiful Joe) and some of which I've savoured (Killer 7, Rez). Polygons may not be important but visuals certainly are.
Ok, while you might be right about the sniping being easy, that still doesn't mean he should retire playing videogames. I doubt he'd get through............about 90 I think reviews , if he sucks at videogames or even can't aim, if he did he would've been more frustrated with the TF2 sniper than I am and would've probably used it as a punching bag.

Ok, if it gets good before it's 1/3 done, saying something is laughable for anyone who beat 1/3 of the game isn't really as much of an insult. Maybe you didn't intend it to be insulting?

hmmm, if that second paragraph was meant to convince me that graphics are important you fail. Either you're saying "I buy games for this reason so this reason is important" or you're saying "sometimes they mean nothing". If it was irrelevant........than it was irrelevant
 

odisious15

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AhumbleKnight said:
odisious15 said:
Well watching that saved me from buying a PS3 for the sole purpose of playing Valkryia Chronicles. Guess I'll stick to my PC for gaming and hope we get more JRPG's withing the next decade or two.
As for the review hilarious as always.
Try 'Last Remenant'. Made by Square Enix, it has it's flaws but overall it is a very good and enjoyable game. The battle system is unique and the story is ok. The biggest letdown would be the main character, but other than that, a worth while game.
I own the Last Remnant for the PC and I very much enjoyed it; and I do agree that the main character was quite lackluster.
 

LumiHawke

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Dec 5, 2008
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Grayjack72 said:
LumiHawke said:
Is my favorite PS3 game! lol Odd I never got a yes/no or are you sure when watching cut scenes........ Also there were more than 1 path for upgrading weapons, I wonder if he even finished the game. >.<;
I doubt it. He probably only got to Chapter 4. No Hans or Selvaria reference.
Nor any other odd ball characters. I found it funny he called the Alliance the goodies, and Empire the baddies when in fact they were both really the baddies in a way, and heck even a few people in your own country you can slap "baddie" on.
 

TetsuoKaneda

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odisious15 said:
AhumbleKnight said:
odisious15 said:
Well watching that saved me from buying a PS3 for the sole purpose of playing Valkryia Chronicles. Guess I'll stick to my PC for gaming and hope we get more JRPG's withing the next decade or two.
As for the review hilarious as always.
Try 'Last Remenant'. Made by Square Enix, it has it's flaws but overall it is a very good and enjoyable game. The battle system is unique and the story is ok. The biggest letdown would be the main character, but other than that, a worth while game.
I own the Last Remnant for the PC and I very much enjoyed it; and I do agree that the main character was quite lackluster.
Huh. Always wanted to try that one...is it a "get it now" sort of thing, or should I look for online content delivery, with the hopes of a reduced price?

Also, I agree with the above. If he was a fountain of love, he wouldn't be successful. He even said as much in his review of Bioshock...it's kinda sad, really...he only gets us to view his stuff when he rips into it, whether for good or for ill...
 

Xelanath

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Jan 24, 2009
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Banok said:
when he says hes a nazi sympathist I hope he doesn't mean racist, especially after all his "I'M NOT RACIST" mindwashing. but then I can't think what else he means... maybe he just likes the trenchcoats (well, who doesn't?).
There's plenty more to Nazis than racism.
 

otterbeans

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May 1, 2008
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He's really picking the wrong JRPG's to play.

I mean, look at it. It's by Sega. When was the last time Sega released a great game?

Because I don't remember.
 

Majere613

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That was certainly one of the more annoying ZPs for me recently. It was amusing, as they always are, but one of the most important things about good comedy is that it has a ring of truth to it. There are just far too many things here that are if not outright lies, then at the very least seriously inaccurate. We've already covered the upgrade paths and the fact that one of the 'invincible' plot characters is anything but, but that barely scratches the surface. Of course people can fire at you in your turn- if they saved action points to do so. If they didn't, you could simply run right up to the enemy and shoot them at point-blank range every time, and they could do the same to you. The weapon upgrades not only improve weapons, they also change how the trooper carrying them is best employed tactically, and you can upgrade the same class of weapon 3 different ways and give different versions to different troopers. Likewise, tank upgrades actually make a big difference, especially later in the game where you have a tank with 3 different possible main weapons that are made for very distinct roles.
The graphic style is very relevant, given that it's deliberately designed to look hand-drawn and the game story is presented as pages in a book. The characters don't wear daft outfits, they wear military uniforms. I don't recall any of the female characters wearing anything remotely revealing in the entire game. Aside from the basic geography and a couple of country names, the plot has pretty much nothing to do with WWII. There is no 'Hitler' character or anything remotely like him.
Don't get the wrong idea- I wasn't really expecting some sort of glowing review here. There are a lot of things in VC which are deserving of a damn good verbal thrashing, most particularly the pointless pig-mascot-thing. But the only criticism here I recognised as remotely valid was the somewhat picky cover system. ZP is at its best when it points out flaws, stupid ideas, and blatant cop-outs in games that were successful more due to marketing than quality, and this wasn't one of those times, sadly.
And BTW Yahtzee, in the very unlikely event you should read this, I'm British, so it's not like I just failed to understand your subtle humour.. :p

EDIT: I just remembered- there's an optional chapter were the squad gets some R&R at a beach resort, so yes, at that point there's some swimsuit action going on. One can hardly complain about inaccuracies and then let one through :)
 

G-Mang

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May 11, 2009
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I was kind've surprised when he admitted he might be able to get into turn-based games. Not as surprised when he said the game made him sympathize with the Nazis. ;]
 

Judithia

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Mar 25, 2009
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otterbeans said:
He's really picking the wrong JRPG's to play.

I mean, look at it. It's by Sega. When was the last time Sega released a great game?

Because I don't remember.
Umm i don't know maybe
MADWORLD
Crush
Ghost Squad
Phantasy Star
Yakuza
Rez
Condemmed: Criminal origins
Total War
House of the Dead Overkill

Just naming a few.
 

odisious15

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I own the Last Remnant for the PC and I very much enjoyed it; and I do agree that the main character was quite lackluster.[/quote]

Huh. Always wanted to try that one...is it a "get it now" sort of thing, or should I look for online content delivery, with the hopes of a reduced price?[/quote]

I picked it up at Walmart for $30 and I'm pretty sure it's still going for $40 on Steam. As for whether or not it's a "get it now game" I'd say yes if you're like me and aren't a huge fan of JRPG's but are looking for something the PC doesn't usually get much of... ever.
 

otterbeans

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Judithia said:
@ otterbeans.

Umm i don't know maybe
MADWORLD
Crush
Ghost Squad
Phantasy Star
Yakuza
Rez
Condemmed: Criminal origins
Total War
House of the Dead Overkill

Just naming a few.
Something that wasn't an FPS or gorefest. Can't stand em.

And I never was able to get into Phantasy Star.
 

Arcelebor

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May 14, 2009
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Yes! Play X-COM and definitely include your opinion on it in a video. I loved that game when I first got it and it still stands up today. I was saddened when my Gold Edition stopped working in Windows XP and gratified when it was released by Steam recently. The DOS emulator crushes my compter's soul in myriad ways, but it's a small price to pay for nearly glitch-free X-COM.

It definitely requires a generous or era-sensitive mindset to overcome the most dated gameplay elements but I know of nothing that has come even close to recapturing its singular joys and terrors.

If you want any help or advice with the game's undeniable quirks, feel free to message me.
 

Onyx Oblivion

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Sep 9, 2008
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mike1921 said:
Onyx Oblivion said:
Don't know why I watch this anymore...It's just not funny anymore, and he never actually reviews the game. He even failed to mention the beautiful art style.

There's only so much JRPG bashing that I can take before my head asplodes.
He rarely mentions graphics. Remember the crysis review? He wants to work the story and gameplay gnomes. Sure, he gave a mention in his thief review but that wasn't really a criticism. Mentions of graphics shouldn't be an expectation, unless the person reviewing is a graphics whore.
In a case like this, I believe they deserve a mention. Have you seen the beautiful style of this game?
 

Judithia

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Mar 25, 2009
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otterbeans said:
Judithia said:
@ otterbeans.

Umm i don't know maybe
MADWORLD
Crush
Ghost Squad
Phantasy Star
Yakuza
Rez
Condemmed: Criminal origins
Total War
House of the Dead Overkill

Just naming a few.
Something that wasn't an FPS or gorefest. Can't stand em.

And I never was able to get into Phantasy Star.
Total war is a series of Stratagy games.
Rez is hard to explain but its not a fps or gore fest
Yakuza is a beat 'em up
Crush is a 3D - 2D platformer

Oh and Valkyria Chronicals is a fantastic game, infact Yahtzee is the only person i have seen bash it and all his points are proved to be total lies so his opinion is moot