Zero Punctuation: Valkyria Chronicles

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mgmchenry

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Jan 14, 2009
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X-COM

Yahtzee, please play the original. I wish I had the cash to sponsor your review of this game. It has minor interface issues that stem from the time that it was made. Regardless, it stands out as a work of inspired genius.

I know from playing Art of Theft that you have something to say about game design. You are missing some perspective if you haven't played this one.
 

cobrausn

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Dec 10, 2008
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An X-COM would be nice. Hopefully the first, as the unpatched version of the second one could not be completed (though it was fun).

Also, compassion is overrated.
 

NeutralDrow

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Mar 23, 2009
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When is he going to review a standard JRPG?

I mean, I'm glad he's probably interested in tactical RPGs now, but frankly I'd stick with Fire Emblem in that case.
 

Jasper Kazai

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Dec 8, 2007
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Was that an Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade reference during the credits when Hitler signed the book? Awesome.
 

Max-Vader

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May 9, 2009
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Correction: You could have played it for an hour and got more accurate points. You don't really have any idea of how far Yahtzee would have gotten in an hour, nor of how much he could have gleaned from cutscenes he clearly did not like and wouldn't have given his undivided attention (then again, he could have given his undivided attention to them. I don't know what he did either, and I don't pretend to.)
I used an extreme example. I'm pretty sure he played it for more than an hour. But my point is: Why review something you have no knowledge about? Yes, I have no idea how far he got, but if he even looked at it properly (i.e. more than five minutes) he would have realized that some of his statemens are not quite correct, to say the least.

His reviews tend to be about his experience playing the game. Looking up the summary on wikipedia doesn't give you any experience with the game. The only review I can think of where he definitely used something other than the game of the week was his Turok review.
Correct, it doesn't give gameplay experience. He sometimes just watches cutscenes from games, because he can't play them all the way through (I think he did that with Resident Evil 1-3). If he did that, he could have mocked the Deus ex Machina near the end. He could even play the game for one hour to give himself an idea, then just watch the cutscenes somewhere. It is less work for him, because he hates JRPGs so much and he knew everything there is to know, thus giving him more time to "play other, less horrible games".

The micromanagement could well just be a matter of opinion. You could be used to such things, and he is not. Like desensitisation.
It could be... but it isn't because it is no micromanagement. I'm not used to micromanage every little thing and it would definitely annoy me, too. (cough Starcraft cough)
But to call it micromanagement isn't going the extra mile, it's going to the moon, so to speak. I was upgrading my squad after every mission (which you don't even have to) and it took me about five minutes. Yes, you can custumize your tank and crap like that, but why do it? The important things don't take much time, and some are not even neccesary.
 

ElTigreNegro

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Jan 17, 2009
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harhol said:
People who plan on taking this review seriously might want to bear in mind the numerous factual inaccuracies which suggest that he's barely played beyond the first couple of missions. Sandbags aren't the only things you can crouch behind and weapons can be upgraded in several different ways. If snipers are only hitting one in ten shots then I suggest he either reads the instruction manual or retires from playing video games. His line about the protagonist's sister being plot-centric and therefore invincible will be amusing to anyone who's played past the first third of the game. The comment about excessive micromanagement is also bizarre considering how simplistic it is in VC compared to other TRPGs.
This, i mean, i like Yahtzee's reviews and i agree with him in a lot of things. But like any other review site ever it's something that i take as a grain of salt, not as "the universal truth". It's both funny and sad that a great game like VC will get a bad look by many just because "OMG Yahtzee doesn't like it, and i must shape my taste to fit his own taste!" It's pretty obvious that he will never make a 100% fully positive review of a japanese RPG ever. Expecting one will be like expecting the great pumpkin.
 

Vlane

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Sep 14, 2008
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I haven't watched the full video yet but let me say this Yahtzee: In DDS half human half demon adults kill god (and satan if you want but he is the good guy).
 

tehweave

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Apr 5, 2009
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First off... Why were so many people put on probation for posting the INSTANT the video was up? Yes, it's kind of annoying but putting someone on probation for saying "this looks awesome" seems a bit excessive to me.

That being said, they were all very thick for posting so quickly.

Now then, I found this review to be quite funny, mostly because like everyone else I love it when Yahtzee completely tears a game a new one, and we all can probably pick a JRPG or RPG, or FPS for that matter, to make fun of, and this one looks quite awful.

Bravo, yahtzee. Hilarious.
 

Osafune2

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Jan 7, 2009
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"He likes crisps and he grew up in Swindon."

That was the bit that made me laugh the hardest.
 

Triple AD

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Apr 1, 2009
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you could tell at the bit where he was talking about them asking if you want to see the cutscene he was getting very angry...
 

Evil Tim

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Apr 18, 2009
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tehweave said:
First off... Why were so many people put on probation for posting the INSTANT the video was up? Yes, it's kind of annoying but putting someone on probation for saying "this looks awesome" seems a bit excessive to me.
Because they haven't watched the video and so their posts might as well say "+1" for all the use they are. They're spam.
 

Vlane

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Sep 14, 2008
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tehweave said:
First off... Why were so many people put on probation for posting the INSTANT the video was up? Yes, it's kind of annoying but putting someone on probation for saying "this looks awesome" seems a bit excessive to me.

That being said, they were all very thick for posting so quickly.

Now then, I found this review to be quite funny, mostly because like everyone else I love it when Yahtzee completely tears a game a new one, and we all can probably pick a JRPG or RPG, or FPS for that matter, to make fun of, and this one looks quite awful.

Bravo, yahtzee. Hilarious.
They got put on probation because they haven't watched the video. If you haven't watched the video you can't say it's awesome.
 

PeterDawson

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Feb 10, 2009
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A bit kinder than I would of thought. I'm a fan of the game so naturally I could spot some flaws in the review (upgrade 1 way only weapons coming to mind as well as some spoiler bits) but least there were no rediculous haircuts (outside the ordinary, anyhow, I believe one guy had a mohawk?) in the game and they actually explained the strange haircolors. I did like his anaylsis of Oscar (I think it was him) the sniper since snipers are bullet-magnets due to the fear of them getting a one-hit kill on you but his accuracy at first is the worst of the bunch. I will definitely agree that the game could use a better save system.
 

Alien1375

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May 13, 2009
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Kinda sad that Yahtzee and most members on this forum can't see the difference between a JRPG and a turn-based strategy game....

It's got anime girls, therefore it's a JRPG... Right...
 

TetsuoKaneda

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Feb 11, 2009
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No, it's a JRPG because it's a tactical RPG done by Japanese developers, with androgynous main characters, and with a name like "Valkyria Chronicles". Civ IV, Master of Orion, and X-COM are turn-based strategies. By this logic, you might as well call Fire Emblem or Kartia a turn-based strategy game, and they very clearly aren't.
 

Evil Tim

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Apr 18, 2009
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Alien1375 said:
Kinda sad that Yahtzee and most members on this forum can't see the difference between a JRPG and a turn-based strategy game....
The massive, world-shattering difference being one is about plot-heavy turn-based combat and the other is about slightly more complicated plot-heavy turn-based combat, I suppose.
 

Grayjack

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Jan 22, 2009
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I'm sad Yahtzee didn't make a joke about Selvaria's cleavage. Maybe he didn't get that far.
 

Pumpkin_Eater

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Mar 17, 2009
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As impressive as you lung capacity is I preferred it when you would splice several breaths worth of rambling together so they sounded like one breath. Hearing you run out of breath is always disillusioning.
 

srpilha

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Dec 24, 2008
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someone has a new vortex drawing. and a new bratwurst pic too. :)

pretty funny review, but the hatred sort of gets in the way. just sort of.