Zero Punctuation: Valkyria Chronicles

[Chadling]

...It's a tactical RPG, not a JRPG.

If you're not willing to immerse yourself in a veritable bog of micromanagement, you should play another genre. No, I'm serious. If you want an example of how extreme the micromanagement can get, look at the Ogre Battle series, if you can manage to find one of those games (they're apparently rare). You immersed in a ridiculous amount of micromanagement, from equipping individual characters and constructing squads (and their formation, and what items they should carry, and what tactics they should use in battle, and) and each character's stats and alignment (a VERY significant factor, as it determines what classes they can be--chaotic guys can't be healers, Lawful guys can't be wizards), oh, and did I mention your entire army's Chaos Frame? You know, the statistic that the game NEVER TELLS YOU ABOUT, yet it determines what characters will ask to join your army AND WHICH ENDING YOU GET?

It's a niche genre, but it's one that I adore.

So many things wrong with this review. Don't take Yahtzee's word for this one.

 

[Judithia]

That was terrible, no offense but did you even play the game for longer then 30minutes before you decided it sucked?

Wepones can only be upgraded in one way, try again there are multiple branching paths for upgrades.

DERP HURP JRPG, its a SRPG christ.

People shoot at me while i move QQ, seriusly? it works great and it means you can set up a bunch of your team mates to cover your other troops so when the enemey has their turn you can take them out while they rush you.

Basicaly every one of your gripes with this game is well... silly.

hip and edgy comments about political themes and hitler are getting old too.

I miss your early reviews Yahtzee

 

[DoE_Chi]

Do check out X-Com, but THE FIRST ONE! Or the second one, that's close enough. All the other ones are shite and should be avoided like the plague.

 

[TrenchCoat]

Good show, I thought it was very funny. Never played the game myself, so I have no opinion on the matter. Can't wait for next weeks video.

 

[Max-Vader]

Is it even worth mentioning anymore when Yahtzee gets it wrong? I mean, does he even play the games he reviews anymore?

Apperently not. He shouldn't have called it "Zero Punctuation reviews Valkyria Chronicles", he should have called his review "Yahtzee bitches about games he didn't play and hates all JRPGs".

I'm pretty sure you CAN skip cutscenes, but I'm not exactly sure, as I actually gave a damn about the story...

Yes, you can. It's actually funny how he emphasizes story so much in his own games, but thinks that JRPGs "don't connect gameplay with story" and considers the story there tedious.

All of this gives me the impression that Yahtzee didn't even finish the fucking game... again. It was probably too hard for him... like Bionic Commando was. There is no other game reviewer out there gets as much attention and as little gaming talent as Yahtzee and no other reviewer that I've seen bases his entire reviews off of his prejudices. This is just sloppy and unentertaining.

Either he didn't play the game for more then five minutes - then he had his opinion already and didn't even give the game a fair chance, just because it's a JRPG. Or he does know more about it - then he's lying. Either way, this isn't a review whatsoever, this is a "JRPGs are all shit"-rant.

(But his Nazi-jokes were funny, I have to give him that.)

 

[jBrereton]

It's actually funny how he emphasizes story so much in his own games, but thinks that JRPGs "don't connect gameplay with story" and considers the story there tedious.

How is that in any way ironic? Seriously, if you have blobs of gameplay and then a big chunk of story you have little to do with, that is Bad Story Telling.



Anyway, if Yahtzee reads this board, I would recommend the Jagged Alliance games if not into faffing about with too much management - the original X-COM is top, but the rest were fairly weak.

 

[KillerRamen]

Avast Yahtzee, you have earned yourself a demerit from BudZer for insulting the best game of 2008.

He wouldn't be very entertaining if he reviewed games as if he actually enjoyed them. That's his whole routine. Play game, point out the bad points and over exaggerate them. Here, it's blatantly obvious he only played a couple of chapters. Beyond that he hates RPGs, he's a FPS gamer. So, obviously he is not going to like it.

[I also enjoy that he sucks at strategy games... How can you only play a couple of chapters and ***** about the difficulty when it's so god damn easy? It doesn't get challenging until the last few chapters... What a wuss.]

 

[LumiHawke]

Is my favorite PS3 game! lol Odd I never got a yes/no or are you sure when watching cut scenes........ Also there were more than 1 path for upgrading weapons, I wonder if he even finished the game. >.<;

 

[Grayjack]

Is my favorite PS3 game! lol Odd I never got a yes/no or are you sure when watching cut scenes........ Also there were more than 1 path for upgrading weapons, I wonder if he even finished the game. >.<;

I doubt it. He probably only got to Chapter 4. No Hans or Selvaria reference.

 

[Samurai Goomba]

Guess it's time for us Turn-Based Strategy fans to leap out of the underbrush and vomit up our favorite titles, eh?

Oddly enough, most of them are for the GBA. I know Yahtzee's not actually going to read this, but I'll put some up in case anyone else cares.

Fire Emblem 7
Final Fantasy Tactics
SRT: Original Generation 2
Advance Wars 2
Valkyrie Profile 2 (kinda)
Front Mission 4

But yeah, enemies should NEVER be able to shoot you when it's not their turn in a TBS. I don't think I've ever encountered that in all my TBS gaming.

 

[Judithia]

Guess it's time for us Turn-Based Strategy fans to leap out of the underbrush and vomit up our favorite titles, eh?

Oddly enough, most of them are for the GBA. I know Yahtzee's not actually going to read this, but I'll put some up in case anyone else cares.

Fire Emblem 7
Final Fantasy Tactics
SRT: Original Generation 2
Advance Wars 2
Valkyrie Profile 2 (kinda)
Front Mission 4

But yeah, enemies should NEVER be able to shoot you when it's not their turn in a TBS. I don't think I've ever encountered that in all my TBS gaming.

Heroes of Might and magic 2 - 3 are top teir also.

 

[darkecofreak]

As if you haven't heard this enough, Yahtzee, but good job on this one. I like most JRPGs, so that alone will probably get me put on probation, but you still hit all the points I dislike about them. I'm playing "Tales of Vesperia" right now, and your point on bad guys being able to kill you without effort goes a long way in a game where later bad guys can go Super Mode three and four times in one battle and ALWAYS pull off their super move.

 

[sleeperhit79]

Oh my god, too funny. Of course his reviews are more about entertainment value than actual information about the game, the game was great and I loved was it perfect no, but very few games are. People really should know better than to take yahtzee's reviews seriously, don't believe me, take a game you love and see if he's reviewed it and if he has then watch him turn that game into something slightly worse than superman 64.

 

[thisbymaster]

Is anyone else getting an error when playing videos from the Escapist?

 

[lorx]

Overall, great review. Laughed through every minute.

A note though: The fact that you have to actually buy your guns matters a bit later on when you have multiple options, if you scroll down in the weapon 'buy' menu or whatever you want to call it, you'll see the one path of rifles (lances, etc) split into 2-3 paths. Though it would be nice if the ones that stayed one path auto-bought themselves.

edit: Oh god, Hans. I wish that pig would get turned into bacon.

 

[TetsuoKaneda]

Is it even worth mentioning anymore when Yahtzee gets it wrong? I mean, does he even play the games he reviews anymore?

Apperently not. He shouldn't have called it "Zero Punctuation reviews Valkyria Chronicles", he should have called his review "Yahtzee bitches about games he didn't play and hates all JRPGs".

I'm pretty sure you CAN skip cutscenes, but I'm not exactly sure, as I actually gave a damn about the story...

Yes, you can. It's actually funny how he emphasizes story so much in his own games, but thinks that JRPGs "don't connect gameplay with story" and considers the story there tedious.

All of this gives me the impression that Yahtzee didn't even finish the fucking game... again. It was probably too hard for him... like Bionic Commando was. There is no other game reviewer out there gets as much attention and as little gaming talent as Yahtzee and no other reviewer that I've seen bases his entire reviews off of his prejudices. This is just sloppy and unentertaining.

Either he didn't play the game for more then five minutes - then he had his opinion already and didn't even give the game a fair chance, just because it's a JRPG. Or he does know more about it - then he's lying. Either way, this isn't a review whatsoever, this is a "JRPGs are all shit"-rant.

(But his Nazi-jokes were funny, I have to give him that.)

Oh, I'm sorry, was there any point to your ad-hominem zealotry? Because it just seems like you and Yahtzee have a difference of opinion on the game, and nothing more. Way I see it, he played the game, didn't like it, wrote a review about what he didn't like, and then put it up here for public scrutiny. Why does it matter whether or not he beat the game? I haven't beaten Jade Empire, but I know I like it. Which is why I own it and will continue to play it. I do not own Halo, and I didn't have to beat it to know that I wouldn't even dignify it as a shiny frisbee. And the "he's just bad at it, that's why he hates it" nonsense? Stop. Please. That factors into everyone's reviews of games, not just Yahtzee's.

 

[Jupsto]

when he says hes a nazi sympathist I hope he doesn't mean racist, especially after all his "I'M NOT RACIST" mindwashing. but then I can't think what else he means... maybe he just likes the trenchcoats (well, who doesn't?).

lets face facts yahtzee likes reviewing games he doesn't like and basically admits it makes more entertaining videos. he'll always hate jrpg's but review the crappy things anyway for kicks and giggles.

I thought he was going to rip on velvet assassin this week, I haven't played it but it seems like the kind of pretty silly, slightly buggy game he could tear apart.

 

[Swaki]

meh, not very funny but atleast it made 5 min of my empty life pass whit out me crying.

 

[tkioz]

One of his best, turn based games can be fun though.

 

[mike1921]

If snipers are only hitting one in ten shots then I suggest he either reads the instruction manual or retires from playing video games.

Quit playing videogames? Because he's not good at JRPGs? Fuck you. Also, I highly doubt that any game where you have to play 1/3 of it for it to get good ever will get good.

The way snipers work in VC: you line up the reticule over the enemy soldier until it turns red, then you press fire. Unless the enemy is of a markedly higher level (usually one of these guys on each map, sometimes none) or has a special dodging ability (almost always limited to the aforementioned) then the shot will hit 95% of the time. If the enemy has his back turned, the shot will hit 100% of the time. Not to mention that some snipers have special abilities which boost accuracy & prevent dodging. There is no skill involved because the game is paused while you aim. So if he's only hitting 1/10 of the time, he's doing something wrong; it's not about being "good at JRPGs". And you don't have to play 1/3 of the game for it to "get good": like most games it starts off with limited customization options and gives you more & more choices as you progress (like starting off with a knife & pistol in an action game and finishing off with a full arsenal & super powers).

It's definitely not a failure for a game reviewer to not mention [graphics].

If the graphics are noteworthy, they should be mentioned. I've bought several games based on graphics alone, some of which I've regretted (Auto Modellista, Viewtiful Joe) and some of which I've savoured (Killer 7, Rez). Polygons may not be important but visuals certainly are.

Ok, while you might be right about the sniping being easy, that still doesn't mean he should retire playing videogames. I doubt he'd get through............about 90 I think reviews , if he sucks at videogames or even can't aim, if he did he would've been more frustrated with the TF2 sniper than I am and would've probably used it as a punching bag.

Ok, if it gets good before it's 1/3 done, saying something is laughable for anyone who beat 1/3 of the game isn't really as much of an insult. Maybe you didn't intend it to be insulting?

hmmm, if that second paragraph was meant to convince me that graphics are important you fail. Either you're saying "I buy games for this reason so this reason is important" or you're saying "sometimes they mean nothing". If it was irrelevant........than it was irrelevant