Zero Punctuation: Zelda Phantom Hourglass

Arbre

New member
Jan 13, 2007
1,166
0
0
vorsuc said:
good review as always but...

"what if valve..."

had HL2 be about a scientist running a gauntlet from a to b, attacked by headcrabs and military types, with no backstory or details of what is going on.

Only substitute the lemon bazooka for the grav gun. For all the hype I was very disappointed with HL2/EP1/EP2.

At least Portal rocked, Valve can seemingly find originality if they limit themselves to 2-3 hours gameplay.
"Find" couldn't be more appropriate.
 

sumwar

New member
Nov 6, 2007
13
0
0
Gab said:
I'm in kind of a funny situation in that I loved both Phantom Hourglass and this review. I think one of the biggest reasons I love Yahtzee is the same reason I sometimes like playing devil's advocate in debates - it helps bring some perspective into something being god-worshipped by so many people who are incapable of admitting that anything is wrong with it.
Exactly. I love Halo 3 but I didn't hear any complaints about the AI in the two reviews I read. Sure that's only 2 but but it's something that should be said in every review. I've been in a warthog with me the driver and 2 other AI in the passenger/gunner and I was for a few seconds just not moving. During that time with no enemies around another ally thought it would be fun to ram into the warthog with a chopper at full speed thus causing the vehicle to explode and kill everyone but me. Hope someone gets a laugh out of that I did when it happened.
 

Ryuujiin

New member
Oct 9, 2007
2
0
0
So in other words he wants Nintendo to make Okami? Cause they now have that coming out for the Wii (sadly it's a straight port).
 

UnSub

New member
Sep 3, 2003
55
0
0
That Foghorn Leghorn bit was gold. I care nothing for Zelda since I played it back on the NES, so this latest version means nothing to me. Funny review though, as always.
 

matumba

New member
Nov 1, 2007
61
0
0
I immediately refused to buy and or play this game as soon as I found out that it was stylus only control. I hate that. Also, I can't wait until someone mods a citrus bazooka into HL2 now.
 

MattDark

New member
Oct 5, 2007
17
0
0
I can agree with the zelda series in some way. All though I still enjoy them, it is still basically the same plot over and over, just changing little things about how its all revealed, but its usually the new gameplay that Nintendo tries that attracts alot of people IMO, not just the Nintendites.

As for the mario series, I think thats kind of been a defining platformer, Despite being saving the princess over and over. Mario 64 was probably the game that showed how a platformer could work in 3D, and from the looks of things, its seems Galaxy may well be the next step up.

Problem is, which someone already mentioned, is that there other good games out there by nintendo, but not enough is done to promote them.
 

ldyvengeance

New member
Nov 1, 2007
6
0
0
Tell it, Yahtzee, tell it. Sometimes I think some of those hardcore Nintendo fans dillute themselves into insanity. Whenever I express the desire for Nintendo to branch out of the same ol same ol titles, I damn near get my head bitten off. Sure they do a great job updating Zelda and Metroid but come on. How many damned Mario, Kong, Zelda and Metroid games can you shell out before people get sick of it? Its time to move on to new things. I can't say I blame Nintendo since they seem to be getting away with it.As for me, I'm a little tired of playing the same titles over and over again. For now, the Wii is more of a coaster than a gaming console.
 

reizza

New member
Nov 7, 2003
6
0
0
I agree completely, I admit I'll probably buy Phantom Hourglass just to have a Zelda for my DS...but I haven't finished Wind Waker OR Twilight Princess for one reason: Dungeons. BLAH. I might as well play Link's Awakening and pretend I'm a wolf sometimes.
 

MattDark

New member
Oct 5, 2007
17
0
0
PsychoJosh said:
I fucking hate Nintendo so much.

Okay, they made one or two good games, they can fuck off now. Mario Galaxy is the exact same thing as this; a total rehash, except in space. Millions and millions of mouth-breathing wiitards will still buy it on launch day only to waste 15 hours of their time collecting all the 120 golden pieces of shit or whatever, and then the game will collect dust on their shelves for years until Nintendo finally releases another game of the exact same caliber at which point they'll return it for less than a fraction of a penny's worth of store credit towards purchasing the next one.
Tell me, whats games do you like then? Seeing as you hate nintendo, your either a sony/microsoft fanboy, or someone who gets scared of bright colours and happy music.

Im guessing your probably a shoot-em up fan?
 

Daizaru

New member
Nov 1, 2007
2
0
0
As usual, great review. I found myself cursing the heavens going back to that temple every time and it took ever fiber in my being to finish the game.

I don't mind the remakes because they are generally remakes of a style that worked, BUT there comes a point when enough is enough. Clearly Zelda is a resource keg tapped dry with a bunch of alcoholics trying to suck whatever is left in the pipes until their gums bleed.

I loved Okami and my thoughts while playing it the entire time was that it was a reincarnated version of Zelda for the PS2, but reincarnated enough to keep it interesting.

Thanks again for the review, keep up the good work.
 

pingnak

New member
Sep 27, 2007
20
0
0
I also have to agree that Nintendo just re-hashes the same B.S. again and again.

How many versions of Mario spanking that monkey does the world need?

I suppose fresh young Nintendo designers who are pitching a new game idea could do worse career-wise than kissing up to the more senior Nintendo corporate types by imitating them and making them feel 'brilliant'. After all, it's what management wants to hear, and saying anything else is as good a career move as dropping your pants and crapping in the middle of a board meeting.

They have a fan base and automatic market for a recognizable 'intellectual property' that they'll want to 'leverage' until doomsday.

Sure, you could name 'Zelda' something else, but get real. Would the owners of 'Where's Waldo?' put out a book called 'Where's Larry?' and Larry is a Hippopotamus when they could just as readily make a 'Where's Waldo?' book and have all the previous... er, 'consumers' who are already familiar with the content wear paths down the bookstore carpet to the new book?

They don't have to go seeking a new treasure. They already have their gold mine and it's yielding up all the treasure they want.
 

Leliel

New member
Nov 8, 2007
4
0
0
I understand* The Adventure of Link is still far and away the most deviant and least popular game in the series. There's nothing wrong with milking the good(/successful) formula, but those sound like some valid complaints brought up in this review. It's enough to make you wish fast-forward wasn't just a perk of emulating old games sometimes.

Going to look into Ohkami now though, I can has intrigue?

* Seen gameplay of most of the series, but haven't played through any since Awakening** so hey, correct me if I'm wrong here.

** Which was quite good; knocking the supports out of the tower near the end of the game was one of the sweeter dungeon concepts I can recall.
 
Nov 6, 2007
1
0
0
I doubt he'll get to next week, but I am hoping that he will do a review on Assassin's Creed. I've been looking forward to that game for a long time now, and I can't wait to see Yahtzee tear into it. Whether his raving review is good or bad about it, is irrelevant, it's still going to be funny as usual.
 

Lightbulb

New member
Oct 28, 2007
220
0
0
jaredgood1 said:
You mentioned Hero Quest. You are now 8+ shades of awesome and I'm recommending that Yahtzee replace Good in the 3rd revision of the Ministry of Truth's New Speak dictionary.
My yahtzee friend you are not exercising double think correctly. Yahtzee has always meant yahtzee, what does the word 'good' mean?
 

Gpig [deprecated]

New member
Sep 16, 2006
17
0
0
CK20XX said:
...wow. I kinda wonder if Yahtzee was still ticked off over Medal of Honor: Airborne when he made this.

Don't get me wrong and suspend my account when I say this, but this isn't a review: this is simply hateful bashing. Sure, the Zelda series seems to now be going the way of the original Mega Man series, and I agree about the shoehorning of the stylus controls, but beyond that it seems to simply be bitter for bitterness's sake. Phantom Hourglass, despite its shortcomings, is a good game that's worth anyone's time, and this video is hardly informative about the game at all, it just rips on it for the sake of entertainment.

But you know what? That's ok. People like Yahtzee are important because they expose hypocrisy and bigotry to an otherwise oblivious world. They may seem lonely, petulant, and vile, but they don't hate mankind, just mankind's excesses. Thus they arm themselves with irony, satire, sarcasm, ridicule, and march against pretense, pomposity, conformity, and incompetence. There's a fair amount of truth in what Yahtzee says after you sift through his seemingly unjustly misguided attitude.

"It is a fine thing to face machine guns for immortality and a medal, but isn't it a fine thing, too, to face calumny, injustice, and loneliness for the truth which makes men free?" - H. L. Mencken
Nice quote but do you have it in Latin? When adding quotes to the end of my posts to be pretentious, I prefer them to be Latin if they're not by Nietzche.

"Admiration for a quality or an art can be so strong that it deters us from striving to possess it."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
 

Cernex [deprecated]

New member
Nov 8, 2007
1
0
0
Funny review, and made me laugh a lot (that was your goal, I suppose). Can't agree much with its "informative" or "critical" side, why?

a)You said Okami was original, when Okami was a Zelda clone with new gimnicks (and a far more interesting story). Almost the same thing with System Shock 2 and Bioshock.

b)You couldn't finish the game, which either means you're frustrated, lazy, or you're not used to playing zelda games (which I think it's the case, since there's also points c) and d) )

c) There are 4 Zeldas (not counting the CD-i crap ones) which don't involve Zelda at all, besides brief mentioning of her name

d)You can pretty damn well skip most of the parts in the temple you loathe so much (which I dunno why you didn't)

d) Saying Nintendo only has Mario, Zelda, Metroid, and Pokemon is just silly: Donkey Kong, Star Fox, "Excite" series, Kirby, Smash Bros series, F-Zero, Pikmin... and those are the only ones I can think up right now.

Still, keep up your quirkiness and "fast" tone, and everything will be fine. Next time, though, make your wiki searchs a little bit better, :)

El Cernex