In that learning is itself is a constant rewiring of the brain, I tend to disagree. There is nothing natural about modern society. While evolution took us to a point where we could apply meaning to the things around us, the meaning we apply is made up of cultural values and beliefs. That meaning is taught, reevaluated by the next generation, and then recreated and reinforced or reexamined through interactions with new groups. Evolution was taken out of the human development equation as soon as we learned to shape our environment to fit our needs, i.e. agriculture. With our survival no longer tied to "luck" in the hunt, social order began to develop.
I am not completely disagreeing with your reasoning, mind you. As this is primarily "nature vs nurture", I think it is safe to assume that we both recognize that these two are not mutually exclusive, as the majority of arguments surrounding them are made of a little of both. My issue here is that invoking a natural argument stifles any following debate and allows people to wash their hands of an issue, which is where the OP comes in. It is an opinion backed up only by personal experience, transposed on to 51% of the world's population. It is an ethnocentric argument, based only on local values and customs, but argued as if it is based on innate, tangible differences between men and women.
I guess i would argue that brains are more culturally or society molded, but dna is evolved as behaviors get attached to it.
But i do not agree that evolution has stopped, as time goes on more people have lost their appendix as the years have gone on, wisdom teeth are also being slowly phased out since we do not use or need them for much of anything.
So while i agree that we have insulated ourselves to a degree that makes us less likely to adapt to conditions in our climate controlled areas, shopping malls, and so forth it did not halt our evolution, even if that evolution is going to make us all fat lazy couch potatoes it is going to happen due to the conditions we expose ourselves to.
I honestly usually do a bit of both. Though I honestly try not to gain much sympathy as it can look like your desparate for attention but despite what the feminists will tell you. Males and females are different. I honestly don't really know why there is a thread about this
Why are you all making this so simple? Women whine and men look for solutions? Doesn't that depend on the issue at hand. If I'm having a hard time, like looking for a job or the train is late or disliking a teacher or having health issues, I don't really need advice or solve a problem. Those kinds of problems usually doesn't have the kind of solution you can give advice on.
But if my problem is my computer not working or program not doing what I want or a recipe is not turning our right or my child is sick and I don't know why or I don't know how to fix something that broke. Then you may need advice or be offered a solution. But if I need to find a job and are searching and not get any, maybe I need sympathy. Not someone trying to tell me how I should try to find a job. Because I most probably already know.
If I come across a problem, I try to solve it. If I can't I ask for help or try till I actually solve it. If I have a problem that I can't solve and can't ask anyone else to solve it for me because there is no real solution to the problem (yes, they exist. Non-solvable problems do indeed exist). Then I might need someone to just talk with, to cope with the harsh reality or just to not mulling over things on my own. In these cases, being a man or a woman doesn't matter.
Trying to make anything like this stick is sketchy at best, since non-biological differences between men and women are pretty nebulous at best. There is definitely enough anecdotal evidence for this (particularly in relationships) to be a thing. I just don't have a handle on the numbers; everyone is slightly different from the next person. I'd go so far as to say this a common difference between sexes but not a guaranteed one. I think it sticks the majority of the time. Why? Beats me. It's probably the result of passive behavioral evolution over centuries/millennia, reinforced by societal expectations, etc. etc. To make a long, boring, biased conversation with circular logic short: trying to quantify genders in reality terrifies me and I want nothing to do with that responsibility. I'll stick to a case by case basis.
Oh fuck off. I've seen plenty of guys play the pity party and yeah often when girl talk about an issue its also to get a solution. But hey continuing spouting your bullshit if you really need to reduce the world to a simple X or Y to understand it or need a group to shit on so you can feel better about yourself.
Hey, come on now, the OP was only asking a question and even admitted it might be a generalisation. There's no need to be rude if you disagree with him, posts like this make the forum a less pleasant place for everyone.
OT: It's not something I've particularly noticed, but then I'm not too observant about people's intentions anyway so I can't really say 100% either way.
No all he has done is put into the standard transparent form everyone uses when they want be racist, sexist, homophobic, whatever but know that it doesn't always get a positive reception and want to cover their ass. It the same as "I know not all of them are like this but man those Polynesians are lazy and stupid" (actual comment I hear about 3 days ago). As if saying it's a generalization makes it any less racist and wrong.
You do realize that someone can post a statement like the OP and not have it contain some devilish undertone to it don't you? Or are you just negative by nature?
I was taught this in my Sociology 101 class, basically showed us a video of with this idea and showing men how they can change there behavior to talk to women, no such comment on the other way around. I wish I could find the video, doing it the right way was putting on the fakeist smile of all time and calling your girl friend a "dynomite gal" (the video was made in the 90's). It was a part of a list of things that made me hate feminism at the time, before I realized feminism wasn't the problem.
Yeah, gonna have to call bullcrap on this one. When I'm feeling blue and I'm talking to my friends about it, I'm not expecting a logical solution to the problem, I want to get a weight off of my shoulders.
What if you are telling people your problems not for sympathy or a solution? Most of the times I air an issue it's so people are aware of limitations I'm facing, for example going to hang out with friends and I tell them I hurt my leg so they know I wont be up for a lot of walking.
I would have to disagree with OP on this, I think that men and women are equally likely to be looking for sympathy or a solution, and often, they are in fact looking for both. At least it has been the case in my experience, but obviously across ages and cultures generalisations can be more or less applicable.
Fair enough to the people that have criticised the OP but for extra fun try reading 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' (or whatever the exact title is). I read it a while ago and, yeah, OP stretched to 300+ pages.
I heard this the other day and it sounded so true. If you disagree and think its a sweeping generalisation then feel free to correct me
"When a man tells someone about a problem or an issue they do so in order to get a solution. When a women talks to someone about a problem or issue its to get sympathy. Communication between men and women can often break down when a women tells a man her problems he will automatically try to think of a solution rather than being sympathetic"
What to you guys think? I know its a bit of a generalisation but it really makes sense to me
Edit: The response has been great to this thread however for those who dont understand id like to point out that this is a generalisation, its a common trend and its certainly not 100% accurate although 60% of the time it works all the time. Men still vent and women still look for solutions. Im certainly not saying women are useless and men are insensitive its just an interesting insight into how people think and it just so happens theres a trend within genders relating to these ways of thinking
You bring up an interesting subject that I have quite a bit of knowledge on. I wrote about this for school. What you're talking about is coping and, in particular, the coping strategies that are used across genders. The 'generalization' you are referring to is that males tend to do more problem-focused coping (i.e. looking for a solution) and that women do more emotion-focused coping, such as seeking social support (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984).
However, the view you are positing is fairly outdated. Yes, it's true that traditionally, males are thought to be problem-focused and women are emotion-focused (Stone & Neale, 1984), which has given rise to the socialization hypothesis. The socialization hypothesis contends that gender differences come about from how differently women and men are socialized from traditional gender stereotypes (Ptacek, Smith, & Zanas, 1992). The problem presents itself quite readily, though, if you look at hard enough. If stereotypes change, if the sexes become more equal, then so too will these gender differences in coping.
If you thought that, then you would be quite a bit correct. I can show you one case that immediately contradicts your statement, where men were found to use more emotion-focused coping (Rosario, Shinn, Mørch, & Huckabee, 1988). Yet another few studies found that, given the same resources and roles, no gender differences were found between the sexes (Greenglass & Noguchi, 1996; Persson et al., 2009). Porter and Stone (1995) also do not support the socialization process, once again finding a lack of gender differences. However, Ben-Zur and Zeidner (1996) found that in a war time, gender differences did show up, and quite a bit of them, so we'll proceed by stating that gender might play some role, just different from what was originally thought.
Witt (1997) discusses how gender is potentially more than just biological. The review examines how influences, such as parents and society as a whole, contribute to the role in which gender plays. Egan and Perry (2001) also examine how gender identity is sociocultural, but that it is a concept of the self and that the individual, through the combined forces of self-conception and societal pressure, forms an identity and role that most typifies them in a comfortable manner. Thus, if the socio-cultural influences change, so too will how gender plays into coping.
With all of this in mind, your statement is really only true in areas that are far more traditional, possibly rural, than other areas, and less so in areas where women and men are becoming more and more equal. In these cases, it's not gender that's the better predictor of coping style usage, but rather gender identity/role. Renk and Creasey (2003), for example, found that exact scenario, where biological sex was not a good predictor, but rather gender identity/role.
So, basically, your generalization is fairly weak in this day and age, at least in Midwestern United States, and in a lot of cases, simply outdated.
References (APA style):
Ben-Zur, H., & Zeidner, M. (1996). Gender differences in coping reactions under community crisis and daily routine conditions. Personality and Individual Differences, 20(3), 331-340.
Egan, S. K., & Perry, D. G. (2001). Gender identity: a multidimensional analysis with implications for psychosocial adjustment. Developmental psychology, 37(4), 451.
Greenglass, E.R.and Noguchi, K. (1996). Longevity, gender and health: A psycho cultural perspective. Paper presented at the meeting of the International Society of Health Psychology in Montreal.
Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, appraisal, and coping. Springer Publishing Company.
Porter, L. S., & Stone, A. A. (1995). Are there really gender differences in coping?: A reconsideration of previous data and results from a daily study. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 14(2), 184-202.
Persson, R., Hansen, Å. M., Ohlsson, K., Balogh, I., Nordander, C., & Ørbæk, P. (2009). Physiological and psychological reactions to work in men and women with identical job tasks. European Journal of Applied Physiology, 105(4), 595-606.
Ptacek, J. T., Smith, R. E., & Zanas, J. (1992). Gender, appraisal, and coping: A longitudinal analysis. Journal of Personality, 60(4), 747-770.
Renk, K., & Creasey, G. (2003). The relationship of gender, gender identity, and coping strategies in late adolescents. Journal of Adolescence, 26(2), 159-168.
Rosario, M., Shinn, M., Mørch, H., & Huckabee, C. B. (1988). Gender differences in coping and social supports: Testing socialization and role constraint theories. Journal of Community Psychology, 16(1), 55-69.
Stone, A. A., & Neale, J. M. (1984). New measure of daily coping: Development and preliminary results. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 46(4), 892.
Witt, S. D. (1997). Parental influence on children's socialization to gender roles. Adolescence, 32(126), 253-259.
Exactly my experience
I would say that for men proportion is reversed
So difference is so small you can't exactly rely on this stereotype.
But I noticed one thing though
If you make mistake and offer solution/advice instead of emphaty, men will accept it far better than women
Woman will stare at you as if you are moron who don't understand anything
(nod your head in solidarity and sigh if you have heard "Men just don't get it" phrase)
I heard this the other day and it sounded so true. If you disagree and think its a sweeping generalisation then feel free to correct me
"When a man tells someone about a problem or an issue they do so in order to get a solution. When a women talks to someone about a problem or issue its to get sympathy. Communication between men and women can often break down when a women tells a man her problems he will automatically try to think of a solution rather than being sympathetic"
What to you guys think? I know its a bit of a generalisation but it really makes sense to me
Edit: The response has been great to this thread however for those who dont understand id like to point out that this is a generalisation, its a common trend and its certainly not 100% accurate although 60% of the time it works all the time. Men still vent and women still look for solutions. Im certainly not saying women are useless and men are insensitive its just an interesting insight into how people think and it just so happens theres a trend within genders relating to these ways of thinking
It is a generalization and mostly untrue, it depends on the subject matter and the state of mind the person is in. Then you have to look at the nature of the relationship between the two people interacting. People don't familiarize themselves with others for no reason, it is usually for a beneficial reason, mutual or otherwise. There you have the nature of the familiarity between two people, empathetic, problem solver, fun for activities, sexual attraction... the list goes on. No one person can cover everything, that's why people have more than one friend.
I believe the miscommunications are the most noticeable and stick in our minds. These occur when one party is looking for something from the other that is outside the general nature of their relationship.
This issue is far to complex to be generalized purely by gender but it does open doors to gender based questions on the nature of relationships though. Do women seek empathy more than men? Do men feel problem solving is more important than empathy? Do the genders seek different qualities from friends based on gender? Do some people respond differently based purely on the subject matter not based on gender? All good questions.
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