Are you a "nice guy"?

[Nickolai77]

Yeah i'm probably a "nice guy". Psychological profiles describe me as introverted, and unless i'm with close friends i'm usually one of those people in the background. But i'm not so quiet to the point of being rude, i can and will happily engage with good conversation with people of either sex, it's just that whenever i engage in "good conversation" with members of the opposite sex it tends not to lead to anything, probably because my humour's very self-deprecating and i don't really "stand out" from the crowd or assert myself.

So, i'm not really surprised girls don't come my way, and i know that if i wanted that to change i would need to be more assertive, forward and commanding in social situations. But frankly i CBA changing myself just for the sake of a girlfriend- why should i have to change myself? I know i'm not perfect- i'm lazy and my hair can sometimes look ridiculous, but everyone has their flaws and i'm only human. I'm fairly confident about *myself*, and confident enough not to want to change myself. Which is why girls don't come my way. But oh well, if i am destined not to put my penis in many vagina's then so be it- i'll just live my life and hope to be known as a good, well meaning guy. Which i think anyone with their priorities straight would be content with.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

Story of my life also, it seems girls only like douchebags. so guess what? FUCK GIRLS.
i don't need the idiot bitches.

No offense, but can we not be in the same boat? Saying fuck girls and calling them idiot bitches doesn't seem to indicate you're genuinely nice to them.

 

[RandallJohn]

Eh. I'm a naturally nice guy who speaks his mind. It's nice middle ground.

 

[l3o2828]

Story of my life also, it seems girls only like douchebags. so guess what? FUCK GIRLS.
i don't need the idiot bitches.

No offense, but can we not be in the same boat? Saying fuck girls and calling them idiot bitches doesn't seem to indicate you're genuinely nice to them.

Well after being nice for over 19 years to everyone i just got a little tired.
But in all seriousness (i was mostly overreacting over there) i'm nice to everyone, it's just that everyone is mean to me for no reason, so thats that.

 

[Lexodus]

No. I used to be, then I realised that that whole "nice guy" thing is total bullshit- that whole speech means "you're whiny or you give too much all the time or you don't hold back and you dump on people or you worship people all the time who just don't want it or you're trying to be nice to get in my pants and I don't like that shit." Be a real man and make yourself a priority, don't follow girls around like a puppy and don't be *too* obsequious. You know how when somebody does one big nice thing for you, it really makes an impact, but if they're waiting on you hand and foot it gets old, or annoying, or worse. Basically, if you're doing that, don't.
Once I sussed that, I turned from "Nice Guy" to actual nice guy. I get on with people and people enjoy my company, I come first and girls can have fun with me, but know if they treat me badly that's it. Part of the deal is not seeming desperate- when you're a "Nice Guy", you seem like you're being so nice only because you want them to drop trou and reward you.

 

[The Stonker]

I take the "Joe" approach, what is that? You say.

Well, don't be a pussy, but patience is a virtue, but not too much of it, that'll kill you.
But I'm an asshole, not in the, "DUDE YOU'RE FAT!" But rather, "DUDE, WE'RE FAT! *Laughs ensue*.
Since that's how me and the buds are.
But it really depends on my mood..

 

[stefanbertramlee]

No I'm extermly egotastic dick.

Though I have an inability to shout and I abhore violence, so theres that.

 

[FlamingForce]

I don't think acting extremely polite at all times, pretending to be friends while you really want something romantic and letting others walk all over you is being nice, in any way or form.

It's only one step down from manipulative in that you're doing it out of fear, but it's a far distance from actually being nice.

People don't walk over you because they're assholes, they walk over you because you're lying face down and basically asking them. And in the end if you ever talk about it they just feel guilty about doing it and you feel bad for letting it happen.

Girls don't reject you because they like jerks or whatever. They don't like you because there's nothing there to like, all there is are nods and smiles. There's no person behind all that extreme politeness. And in the end if you ever do ask her out she just feels extremely guilty about turning you down and you feel like crap for getting rejected.

By acting like a "nice guy" you're hurting yourself and your friends. That's not being nice in any sense of the word.

Real nice guys like helping others, they like giving advice, they like sharing their opinion, they like being just friends with girls, they like being polite most of the time and they don't let anyone walk over them.

EDIT: Real nice guys act the way they do because that's the person they want to be and they don't whine about it. "Nice guys" act the way they do either because they're afraid to act any other way or for the sake of another person (pretending to be a friend != nice) and whenever they get the chance they do seem to whine about it.

You just opened my eyes in a way no article, advice column, friend or book has ever done.
Thank you for that post.

 

[FullMetalAdam]

I used to highly censor what I thought of people, and was well mannered, and all the rest of it. This was mainly during my high school years. The problem was I couldn't take criticism, and had a hard time taking jokes. Now I'm studying in Postgrad year at college, and constantly voice my opinions and crack jokes, etc. I make no excuses for who I am, and present myself as I am with all my flaws and foibles. Some people like me; some hate me. That's life, you live with it and grow from experiences. Nice guys don't want to face that harsh dynamic of having people not like them, and try to help out people constantly expecting rewards. Or moving from being a friend to having some semblance of a relationship with a girl. They are deceitful, many of them, and end up really being one dimensional people. People in general, appreciate a person with depth. A lack of personality can be quite noticeable. In turn, nice guys lack depth of character due to their own issues. In the end, don't be afraid to express yourself and inform other people when they are being stupid, and general ignoramuses. You are in control of your life, no one else. A huge part of it is self doubt.

 

[Lexodus]

I don't think acting extremely polite at all times, pretending to be friends while you really want something romantic and letting others walk all over you is being nice, in any way or form.

It's only one step down from manipulative in that you're doing it out of fear, but it's a far distance from actually being nice.

People don't walk over you because they're assholes, they walk over you because you're lying face down and basically asking them. And in the end if you ever talk about it they just feel guilty about doing it and you feel bad for letting it happen.

Girls don't reject you because they like jerks or whatever. They don't like you because there's nothing there to like, all there is are nods and smiles. There's no person behind all that extreme politeness. And in the end if you ever do ask her out she just feels extremely guilty about turning you down and you feel like crap for getting rejected.

By acting like a "nice guy" you're hurting yourself and your friends. That's not being nice in any sense of the word.

Real nice guys like helping others, they like giving advice, they like sharing their opinion, they like being just friends with girls, they like being polite most of the time and they don't let anyone walk over them.

EDIT: Real nice guys act the way they do because that's the person they want to be and they don't whine about it. "Nice guys" act the way they do either because they're afraid to act any other way or for the sake of another person (pretending to be a friend != nice) and whenever they get the chance they do seem to whine about it.

This, a thousand times this. The amount of 'nice guys' I see who are pretentious, manipulative dicks is fucking disgusting. If you want to get your dick wet then fine do your play or whatever you feel you need to do to compensate for who you are but you don't get to whine afterwards because opening the door for her didn't make her legs open.

I call it 'Nice Guy Syndrome' or NGS. It's common enough and pretty revolting.
See, I'm a nice guy, an actual nice guy. I'm courteous unless you give me reason not to, I'm polite (ignoring the above paragraph) and I do nice things, from holding doors to covering costs with no worries. The difference between me (and all other nice people) and people with NGS is I don't do it to get laid. I'm nice to EVERYONE. Not just pretty faces or big breasts. I'm also nice regardless of scoring chance. I'm nice because I am, sod knows why.

Oh and you know the really great thing? It's never harmed me. You can be nice without being a complete pushover and nice is not the same as lacking in confidence. Women like confidence it's one of the main reasons 'bad boys' are considered attractive. It's entirely possible while being nice.

So, yeah I don't know. I'm not a 'nice guy' but I'm generally considered to be nice. I have to admit I don't actually like who I am so this is off what people say about me rather than my own feelings. NGS is a painful thing to watch and I'm glad sufferers so often get dumped on their rears, it's an extremely ugly trait.

This guy knows his shit. Girls, and guys for that matter, want a person rather than a jellyfish.

 

[Mistermixmaster]

Well, I'd assume so, seeing how I've also gotten the "nice guy/friendzone" speech from a couple of girls. However, after the latest relationship-related failure didn't end on such a good note I've started to be a bit more true to women and calling them out on their BS when it is deserved. I'm also a bit more skeptical on paying for stuff for women, since it seems to be somewhat of a recurring theme with my failures... *sigh*

I guess I've become more cynical again, which might be bad... I actually used to be a proper misogynist-bastard back 6 years ago, but managed to change (drastically, with some professional help).

 

[BishopofAges]

By your definition I am not a 'Nice Guy' I am nice to pretty much everyone (strangers included, till they piss me off) I have a multitude of lady friends and guy friends. Have not made the mistake of playing the 'buddy' to girls I like, but at the same time have not found many I like in that intention. I like to think I am a nice guy, just not in your definition, and I am by no means spineless (I proved that back in high school and actually made half my friends that way.)

What you ought to do is make your intentions clear from the start to the ladies you want to date, but not in a 'I wanna do you' kind of way, more like 'Want to grab some coffee or a movie or something?' kind of way. Most I've seen, women respect boldness with the right amount of tact.

 

['-_-]

I'm definately adding this thread to my favs just to get some advice LOL.

EDIT: I know a guy who is a typical "nice guy". He's pretty much nice to girls but only girls (he's a hater for everything else) and wants to go after every girl he met. However it is also confirmed that he has no real friends.

 

[Alcamonic]

If you want to see a bad guy, push a nice one until he drops the facade. Bullies and people "with an attitude" can't match that thorough care, applied to evil. They are joking, he isn't.

I like your comment, there is a great deal of truth in it.
The anger is a natural feeling, and it can build up over time. Most "nice" people don't release it as often as they should, which almost makes them two-faced in personality once they do.

I was overly nice and kind towards other people before, because it was simple and what I had been thought to do.
But after being abused, tricked and betrayed I am only "nice" towards those that really deserve it in my view. I am not an asshole towards people in general, but if someone tries to push me around I bite back. I am also not afraid to speak my mind, and neither should anyone be, but please... for your own sake, think before you speak.

This thread made me think of the movie Black Swan (excellent movie, I recommend watching it), about the good-willed nature of a person and how being afraid of showing all sides of your personality can (and most likely will) hold you back.

 

[BanicRhys]

Yeah, that's pretty much me. Of course while I am a nice guy, when girls call me a nice guy what they really mean is "we have a good bond but I'm a shallow ***** and I'd rather go out with someone attractive."

 

[Shadow flame master]

Well I'm a "nice guy" in the eyes of everyday people. I hold the door for people, say thank you, excuse me, etc. etc. but this is all really second-nature. My mom, you see, taught me at a young age(and now too)to be respectful to people, by either talking or beating it in me.

However, even though I'm nice to people, I find some to be extremely annoying in highschool. With all the shit they do and talk about, I sometimes find myself wanting to beat the shit out of them like my mom did to me. This leads me to be socially withdrawled to avoid fights and other people I don't like. It's to bad that I seem to attract them like bees to honey.

Sometimes I'm nice to a fault, which causes me to be a little naive and not understanding some of the jokes they say. With the people who excessively piss me off, I loudly cuss them out rather than getting physical which gave me a reputation at school for cussing people out. So alot of people(half the school)know that I'm not entirely nice.

So ultimately, Yes and No. I'm nice to others because it's second-nature to me and it's better than being an asshole. However, I, like many others, have a limit to how long I can tollerate people.

 

[standokan]

Yes but I compromise by making the wrong jokes.

 

[hooksashands]

I really despise the idea that we (meaning not just men) are all sinks made to produce hot water, cold water, or raw sewage.

Care to elaborate on that metaphor?

With pleasure. The girl who gave you the "nice guy, but..." talk is being shallow. It tells me she sees all men as static brand-name appliances rather than creatures who think, feel and dream. I'm not saying her not wanting to go steady with you is a crime, I'm saying you shouldn't feel bad or like you're doing something wrong because of her answer. Or feel swayed by the endless badgering your topic has attracted (I already read one guy comparing you to a eunuch). Just be yourself, dude. You don't have to have a theme to your personality. Be a nice guy to the people who show you respect and trust. Be a total dickhead to those who don't. You can even reverse it just to see who is really your friend and who isn't.

 

[AlAaraaf74]

Saddly, yes. I am the nice guy. Then again, I know that one of my friends, who's a girl, has a crush on me...

 

[Last Hugh Alive]

I am a "nice guy", unfortunately.

But at least I have the humour and sarcasm to not become the push-around of my group.