Are you a "nice guy"?

[Lexodus]

I don't think acting extremely polite at all times, pretending to be friends while you really want something romantic and letting others walk all over you is being nice, in any way or form.

It's only one step down from manipulative in that you're doing it out of fear, but it's a far distance from actually being nice.

People don't walk over you because they're assholes, they walk over you because you're lying face down and basically asking them. And in the end if you ever talk about it they just feel guilty about doing it and you feel bad for letting it happen.

Girls don't reject you because they like jerks or whatever. They don't like you because there's nothing there to like, all there is are nods and smiles. There's no person behind all that extreme politeness. And in the end if you ever do ask her out she just feels extremely guilty about turning you down and you feel like crap for getting rejected.

By acting like a "nice guy" you're hurting yourself and your friends. That's not being nice in any sense of the word.

Real nice guys like helping others, they like giving advice, they like sharing their opinion, they like being just friends with girls, they like being polite most of the time and they don't let anyone walk over them.

EDIT: Real nice guys act the way they do because that's the person they want to be and they don't whine about it. "Nice guys" act the way they do either because they're afraid to act any other way or for the sake of another person (pretending to be a friend != nice) and whenever they get the chance they do seem to whine about it.

This, a thousand times this. The amount of 'nice guys' I see who are pretentious, manipulative dicks is fucking disgusting. If you want to get your dick wet then fine do your play or whatever you feel you need to do to compensate for who you are but you don't get to whine afterwards because opening the door for her didn't make her legs open.

I call it 'Nice Guy Syndrome' or NGS. It's common enough and pretty revolting.
See, I'm a nice guy, an actual nice guy. I'm courteous unless you give me reason not to, I'm polite (ignoring the above paragraph) and I do nice things, from holding doors to covering costs with no worries. The difference between me (and all other nice people) and people with NGS is I don't do it to get laid. I'm nice to EVERYONE. Not just pretty faces or big breasts. I'm also nice regardless of scoring chance. I'm nice because I am, sod knows why.

Oh and you know the really great thing? It's never harmed me. You can be nice without being a complete pushover and nice is not the same as lacking in confidence. Women like confidence it's one of the main reasons 'bad boys' are considered attractive. It's entirely possible while being nice.

So, yeah I don't know. I'm not a 'nice guy' but I'm generally considered to be nice. I have to admit I don't actually like who I am so this is off what people say about me rather than my own feelings. NGS is a painful thing to watch and I'm glad sufferers so often get dumped on their rears, it's an extremely ugly trait.

This guy knows his shit. Girls, and guys for that matter, want a person rather than a jellyfish.

 

[Mistermixmaster]

Well, I'd assume so, seeing how I've also gotten the "nice guy/friendzone" speech from a couple of girls. However, after the latest relationship-related failure didn't end on such a good note I've started to be a bit more true to women and calling them out on their BS when it is deserved. I'm also a bit more skeptical on paying for stuff for women, since it seems to be somewhat of a recurring theme with my failures... *sigh*

I guess I've become more cynical again, which might be bad... I actually used to be a proper misogynist-bastard back 6 years ago, but managed to change (drastically, with some professional help).

 

[BishopofAges]

By your definition I am not a 'Nice Guy' I am nice to pretty much everyone (strangers included, till they piss me off) I have a multitude of lady friends and guy friends. Have not made the mistake of playing the 'buddy' to girls I like, but at the same time have not found many I like in that intention. I like to think I am a nice guy, just not in your definition, and I am by no means spineless (I proved that back in high school and actually made half my friends that way.)

What you ought to do is make your intentions clear from the start to the ladies you want to date, but not in a 'I wanna do you' kind of way, more like 'Want to grab some coffee or a movie or something?' kind of way. Most I've seen, women respect boldness with the right amount of tact.

 

['-_-]

I'm definately adding this thread to my favs just to get some advice LOL.

EDIT: I know a guy who is a typical "nice guy". He's pretty much nice to girls but only girls (he's a hater for everything else) and wants to go after every girl he met. However it is also confirmed that he has no real friends.

 

[Alcamonic]

If you want to see a bad guy, push a nice one until he drops the facade. Bullies and people "with an attitude" can't match that thorough care, applied to evil. They are joking, he isn't.

I like your comment, there is a great deal of truth in it.
The anger is a natural feeling, and it can build up over time. Most "nice" people don't release it as often as they should, which almost makes them two-faced in personality once they do.

I was overly nice and kind towards other people before, because it was simple and what I had been thought to do.
But after being abused, tricked and betrayed I am only "nice" towards those that really deserve it in my view. I am not an asshole towards people in general, but if someone tries to push me around I bite back. I am also not afraid to speak my mind, and neither should anyone be, but please... for your own sake, think before you speak.

This thread made me think of the movie Black Swan (excellent movie, I recommend watching it), about the good-willed nature of a person and how being afraid of showing all sides of your personality can (and most likely will) hold you back.

 

[BanicRhys]

Yeah, that's pretty much me. Of course while I am a nice guy, when girls call me a nice guy what they really mean is "we have a good bond but I'm a shallow ***** and I'd rather go out with someone attractive."

 

[Shadow flame master]

Well I'm a "nice guy" in the eyes of everyday people. I hold the door for people, say thank you, excuse me, etc. etc. but this is all really second-nature. My mom, you see, taught me at a young age(and now too)to be respectful to people, by either talking or beating it in me.

However, even though I'm nice to people, I find some to be extremely annoying in highschool. With all the shit they do and talk about, I sometimes find myself wanting to beat the shit out of them like my mom did to me. This leads me to be socially withdrawled to avoid fights and other people I don't like. It's to bad that I seem to attract them like bees to honey.

Sometimes I'm nice to a fault, which causes me to be a little naive and not understanding some of the jokes they say. With the people who excessively piss me off, I loudly cuss them out rather than getting physical which gave me a reputation at school for cussing people out. So alot of people(half the school)know that I'm not entirely nice.

So ultimately, Yes and No. I'm nice to others because it's second-nature to me and it's better than being an asshole. However, I, like many others, have a limit to how long I can tollerate people.

 

[standokan]

Yes but I compromise by making the wrong jokes.

 

[hooksashands]

I really despise the idea that we (meaning not just men) are all sinks made to produce hot water, cold water, or raw sewage.

Care to elaborate on that metaphor?

With pleasure. The girl who gave you the "nice guy, but..." talk is being shallow. It tells me she sees all men as static brand-name appliances rather than creatures who think, feel and dream. I'm not saying her not wanting to go steady with you is a crime, I'm saying you shouldn't feel bad or like you're doing something wrong because of her answer. Or feel swayed by the endless badgering your topic has attracted (I already read one guy comparing you to a eunuch). Just be yourself, dude. You don't have to have a theme to your personality. Be a nice guy to the people who show you respect and trust. Be a total dickhead to those who don't. You can even reverse it just to see who is really your friend and who isn't.

 

[AlAaraaf74]

Saddly, yes. I am the nice guy. Then again, I know that one of my friends, who's a girl, has a crush on me...

 

[Last Hugh Alive]

I am a "nice guy", unfortunately.

But at least I have the humour and sarcasm to not become the push-around of my group.

 

[Joey245]

Nice guy? I like to think so. But let's go through that list:

By "nice guy" I mean someone who tries to be courteous and polite to everyone, but comes off as having no confidence or masculinity.

Hardly. I'm nice to a lot of people, but I also have a lot of confidence. I know what I like, I know what I talk about, and I know what I believe. I don't let that change me.

Someone who has a lot of friends that are girls, but no girlfriend.

Lot of friends who are girls? Yes. No girlfriend? Yes. Is it what you think? No.

Most of the girls I'm friends with either already have boyfriends, said no to me, or simply aren't looking for a relationship. Besides, most of them I like more as friends, not necessarily as partners. (See? Boys can have those feelings too.)

Besides, I have lots of guy friends too. Being a nice guy means I have a lot of friends. That's a benefit.

Someone who when they like a girl, makes the mistake of becoming their close platonic friend because they're too timid to ask them out.

Happened in the past. Determined to not let it happen in the future.

Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone.

Nope. If I think someone is trying to walk all over me, I tell them that I'm not a path, and that I don't enjoy that. I tell them that for me, being nice to them is an option, not a requirement. I don't get angry often, but when I do, it makes an impact.

 

[martin's a madman]

Nice guy just means 'I'd date you if you weren't ugly'.

I'm just kidding... mostly.

 

[The-Bad-Blooded]

too nice :/

 

[N3vans]

I used to be like that for years but it paid off in the end because my current girlfriend is great. You'll find someone will come along at some point who has the sense to see what you're actually like and not just in the aforementioned 'good friend' way.

EDIT

I don't think acting extremely polite at all times, pretending to be friends while you really want something romantic and letting others walk all over you is being nice, in any way or form.

It's only one step down from manipulative in that you're doing it out of fear, but it's a far distance from actually being nice.

People don't walk over you because they're assholes, they walk over you because you're lying face down and basically asking them. And in the end if you ever talk about it they just feel guilty about doing it and you feel bad for letting it happen.

Girls don't reject you because they like jerks or whatever. They don't like you because there's nothing there to like, all there is are nods and smiles. There's no person behind all that extreme politeness. And in the end if you ever do ask her out she just feels extremely guilty about turning you down and you feel like crap for getting rejected.

By acting like a "nice guy" you're hurting yourself and your friends. That's not being nice in any sense of the word.

Real nice guys like helping others, they like giving advice, they like sharing their opinion, they like being just friends with girls, they like being polite most of the time and they don't let anyone walk over them.

EDIT: Real nice guys act the way they do because that's the person they want to be and they don't whine about it. "Nice guys" act the way they do either because they're afraid to act any other way or for the sake of another person (pretending to be a friend != nice) and whenever they get the chance they do seem to whine about it.

This, a thousand times this. The amount of 'nice guys' I see who are pretentious, manipulative dicks is fucking disgusting. If you want to get your dick wet then fine do your play or whatever you feel you need to do to compensate for who you are but you don't get to whine afterwards because opening the door for her didn't make her legs open.

I call it 'Nice Guy Syndrome' or NGS. It's common enough and pretty revolting.
See, I'm a nice guy, an actual nice guy. I'm courteous unless you give me reason not to, I'm polite (ignoring the above paragraph) and I do nice things, from holding doors to covering costs with no worries. The difference between me (and all other nice people) and people with NGS is I don't do it to get laid. I'm nice to EVERYONE. Not just pretty faces or big breasts. I'm also nice regardless of scoring chance. I'm nice because I am, sod knows why.

Oh and you know the really great thing? It's never harmed me. You can be nice without being a complete pushover and nice is not the same as lacking in confidence. Women like confidence it's one of the main reasons 'bad boys' are considered attractive. It's entirely possible while being nice.

So, yeah I don't know. I'm not a 'nice guy' but I'm generally considered to be nice. I have to admit I don't actually like who I am so this is off what people say about me rather than my own feelings. NGS is a painful thing to watch and I'm glad sufferers so often get dumped on their rears, it's an extremely ugly trait.

Basically what these two chaps are saying, it's better to be a good man rather than a nice guy.

 

[Foxbat Flyer]

That desctiption of a "Nice Guy" Sounds exactly like me... Im always extreemly nice to girls, but that always moves me from potential relationship, straight into friend zone... so much so, its been 6 years since my last relationship and i havent come close to a relationship since

 

[Acier]

And to the .01% of this site that are women, what exactly is bad or unattractive about "nice guys" anyway?.

You already answered that question when you referenced the "nice guy" as "Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone".

Would you be genuinely interested in someone like that, or would you just feel pity?

I loved Felicia Day's character in "The Guild", does that count?

Honestly, not to be primitive and sexist, but guys generally view this as less of a problem regarding women. Not that women should be submissive in any way, but generally speaking, it's more socially acceptable in our society for a girl to not always stand up for herself.

Not saying it should be that way, but that's how things currently are.

It also helps that Felicia Day is incredibly beautiful. Enough to make me hate myself D:

I have a bit of a problem with being nice. But like you said, I'm a girl so it isn't seen as such a critical flaw. And I don't think it's what perpetuates my single status.

 

[mrscott137]

Would you believe me if I said i'm talking to a girl this very minute about the fact i'm way too nice for my own good and girls just aren't attracted to me in that way because of it? :L

 

[Feinei]

Hard to say. I care about people... but I have, over time, developed an angry, anti-people persona along with it. So... eh. Sorta.

I'm kind of like this fellow, I was a nice guy by nature but years of experiance made me somewhat of an asshole