Are you a "nice guy"?

[Joey245]

Nice guy? I like to think so. But let's go through that list:

By "nice guy" I mean someone who tries to be courteous and polite to everyone, but comes off as having no confidence or masculinity.

Hardly. I'm nice to a lot of people, but I also have a lot of confidence. I know what I like, I know what I talk about, and I know what I believe. I don't let that change me.

Someone who has a lot of friends that are girls, but no girlfriend.

Lot of friends who are girls? Yes. No girlfriend? Yes. Is it what you think? No.

Most of the girls I'm friends with either already have boyfriends, said no to me, or simply aren't looking for a relationship. Besides, most of them I like more as friends, not necessarily as partners. (See? Boys can have those feelings too.)

Besides, I have lots of guy friends too. Being a nice guy means I have a lot of friends. That's a benefit.

Someone who when they like a girl, makes the mistake of becoming their close platonic friend because they're too timid to ask them out.

Happened in the past. Determined to not let it happen in the future.

Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone.

Nope. If I think someone is trying to walk all over me, I tell them that I'm not a path, and that I don't enjoy that. I tell them that for me, being nice to them is an option, not a requirement. I don't get angry often, but when I do, it makes an impact.

 

[martin's a madman]

Nice guy just means 'I'd date you if you weren't ugly'.

I'm just kidding... mostly.

 

[The-Bad-Blooded]

too nice :/

 

[N3vans]

I used to be like that for years but it paid off in the end because my current girlfriend is great. You'll find someone will come along at some point who has the sense to see what you're actually like and not just in the aforementioned 'good friend' way.

EDIT

I don't think acting extremely polite at all times, pretending to be friends while you really want something romantic and letting others walk all over you is being nice, in any way or form.

It's only one step down from manipulative in that you're doing it out of fear, but it's a far distance from actually being nice.

People don't walk over you because they're assholes, they walk over you because you're lying face down and basically asking them. And in the end if you ever talk about it they just feel guilty about doing it and you feel bad for letting it happen.

Girls don't reject you because they like jerks or whatever. They don't like you because there's nothing there to like, all there is are nods and smiles. There's no person behind all that extreme politeness. And in the end if you ever do ask her out she just feels extremely guilty about turning you down and you feel like crap for getting rejected.

By acting like a "nice guy" you're hurting yourself and your friends. That's not being nice in any sense of the word.

Real nice guys like helping others, they like giving advice, they like sharing their opinion, they like being just friends with girls, they like being polite most of the time and they don't let anyone walk over them.

EDIT: Real nice guys act the way they do because that's the person they want to be and they don't whine about it. "Nice guys" act the way they do either because they're afraid to act any other way or for the sake of another person (pretending to be a friend != nice) and whenever they get the chance they do seem to whine about it.

This, a thousand times this. The amount of 'nice guys' I see who are pretentious, manipulative dicks is fucking disgusting. If you want to get your dick wet then fine do your play or whatever you feel you need to do to compensate for who you are but you don't get to whine afterwards because opening the door for her didn't make her legs open.

I call it 'Nice Guy Syndrome' or NGS. It's common enough and pretty revolting.
See, I'm a nice guy, an actual nice guy. I'm courteous unless you give me reason not to, I'm polite (ignoring the above paragraph) and I do nice things, from holding doors to covering costs with no worries. The difference between me (and all other nice people) and people with NGS is I don't do it to get laid. I'm nice to EVERYONE. Not just pretty faces or big breasts. I'm also nice regardless of scoring chance. I'm nice because I am, sod knows why.

Oh and you know the really great thing? It's never harmed me. You can be nice without being a complete pushover and nice is not the same as lacking in confidence. Women like confidence it's one of the main reasons 'bad boys' are considered attractive. It's entirely possible while being nice.

So, yeah I don't know. I'm not a 'nice guy' but I'm generally considered to be nice. I have to admit I don't actually like who I am so this is off what people say about me rather than my own feelings. NGS is a painful thing to watch and I'm glad sufferers so often get dumped on their rears, it's an extremely ugly trait.

Basically what these two chaps are saying, it's better to be a good man rather than a nice guy.

 

[Foxbat Flyer]

That desctiption of a "Nice Guy" Sounds exactly like me... Im always extreemly nice to girls, but that always moves me from potential relationship, straight into friend zone... so much so, its been 6 years since my last relationship and i havent come close to a relationship since

 

[Acier]

And to the .01% of this site that are women, what exactly is bad or unattractive about "nice guys" anyway?.

You already answered that question when you referenced the "nice guy" as "Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone".

Would you be genuinely interested in someone like that, or would you just feel pity?

I loved Felicia Day's character in "The Guild", does that count?

Honestly, not to be primitive and sexist, but guys generally view this as less of a problem regarding women. Not that women should be submissive in any way, but generally speaking, it's more socially acceptable in our society for a girl to not always stand up for herself.

Not saying it should be that way, but that's how things currently are.

It also helps that Felicia Day is incredibly beautiful. Enough to make me hate myself D:

I have a bit of a problem with being nice. But like you said, I'm a girl so it isn't seen as such a critical flaw. And I don't think it's what perpetuates my single status.

 

[mrscott137]

Would you believe me if I said i'm talking to a girl this very minute about the fact i'm way too nice for my own good and girls just aren't attracted to me in that way because of it? :L

 

[Feinei]

Hard to say. I care about people... but I have, over time, developed an angry, anti-people persona along with it. So... eh. Sorta.

I'm kind of like this fellow, I was a nice guy by nature but years of experiance made me somewhat of an asshole

 

[Dragunai]

Gonna generalize a bit here and say most male gamers between 18-28 are going to be fairly over confident, sarcastic jerks with a shielded soft side.

I am one such creature. I prefer to treat people with the utmost contempt and disregard. Giving people aggro anytime they are foolish to speak around me and subsequently not giving a fuck when they complain.

I am the same if not worse toward women in any circumstance unless she is disarmingly harmless in which case I switch to my secondary attitude of "You don't exist, thus I cannot see you," and blank them until they GO AWAY!


As for the handful of times I have tried to show an interest I typically prefer to operate under the concept of "If I really wanted her, I'd have tried a hell of a lot harder," which is why I am single.

Cant be fucked to exert effort to get your (op's) result. Waste of time and effort.
I'd prefer to continue with the Contempt angle until some girl comes to me.
Worked in the past, will work again. If it doesn't, Meh. get to keep my money, friends and social life.

So I guess I'm not a nice guy ^_^
But as I said at the start, I have a nice side which I keep shielded behind a very thick wall of ice.

 

[SckizoBoy]

snip

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QFT... this cannot be stressed enough. When I want to be friends with a girl... I will be friends with a girl. When I want it to be of a more romantic/intimate nature, I'll come out and say so. No point pissing about...

Anyway, to answer... by Hugga_Bear's description, I'm not a 'nice guy', not by a long shot. In general, I'm a polite person, snarky, witty and eloquent, though perhaps a little too brooding for my own good, but I am not 'nice' (in the relationship sense). In relationships, I am just what the woman needs me to be (and I hasten to add, that doesn't mean the same as 'wants me to be') and when she needs me to be it.

'Nice guys' don't know how to handle things when it really turns to shit. 'Nice guys' don't know or comprehend tears of real anguish. 'Nice guys' don't know how to lift a woman from genuine despair. 'Nice guys' don't stick about to help the girl get over PTSD.

 

[Faladorian]

If I'm interested in a girl (which I pretty much always am at some point in time) I'm extremely nice to that one girl, but dismissive and sometimes downright rude to every other girl.

Neither of them does me any good, either way.

 

[FalloutJack]

Ah, well...there's the rub. I'm not really a nice guy.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

This, a thousand times this. The amount of 'nice guys' I see who are pretentious, manipulative dicks is fucking disgusting. If you want to get your dick wet then fine do your play or whatever you feel you need to do to compensate for who you are but you don't get to whine afterwards because opening the door for her didn't make her legs open.

I call it 'Nice Guy Syndrome' or NGS. It's common enough and pretty revolting.
See, I'm a nice guy, an actual nice guy. I'm courteous unless you give me reason not to, I'm polite (ignoring the above paragraph) and I do nice things, from holding doors to covering costs with no worries. The difference between me (and all other nice people) and people with NGS is I don't do it to get laid. I'm nice to EVERYONE. Not just pretty faces or big breasts. I'm also nice regardless of scoring chance. I'm nice because I am, sod knows why.

Oh and you know the really great thing? It's never harmed me. You can be nice without being a complete pushover and nice is not the same as lacking in confidence. Women like confidence it's one of the main reasons 'bad boys' are considered attractive. It's entirely possible while being nice.

So, yeah I don't know. I'm not a 'nice guy' but I'm generally considered to be nice. I have to admit I don't actually like who I am so this is off what people say about me rather than my own feelings. NGS is a painful thing to watch and I'm glad sufferers so often get dumped on their rears, it's an extremely ugly trait.

I don't get this idea that every time one of us "nice guys" is remotely nice to a woman, it's because we have an ulterior motive of wanting in their pants. Sure, you could argue that every action people do has an ulterior motive, but that doesn't seem to be the case considering your a fountain of unconditional goodwill.

I value the friendships I have, both male and female, and just like you, I try to be polite and kind to everyone I meet; I don't plan on changing that. Is it so wrong though, to see a relationship I have with a friend and want something more than friendship? It doesn't make me a manipulative prick to ask a friend out (even though in this case, it didn't work out so well).

Really, the only difference between someone like me and someone like you is that I'm less confident, and you have a moral superiority complex. I'm trying to work on my shortcomings, and you could always work on yours.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I try to act nice, but usually my loud and obnoxious nature takes over. So I have the public image of some loud-mouthed douche who isn't a jerk to everyone.

I like it, but still am being known as a douche either way.

 

[TonyVonTonyus]

Well I tend to be a cold hearted, hard to move, sarcastic and cynical...i really hope I don't fit into "nice guy" because if I do there are some serious problems with the world.

 

[Korolev]

Well that's me in a nutshell. I am pleasantly boring and spineless. Men don't want to be me, women don't want to be with me.

I am non-aggressive by nature, I am introverted and I am boring. That's just who I am. There's simply not much excitement to be had around someone who genuinely enjoys reading "The Cambridge Companion to The Roman Republic" whilst wearing loafers and whose magazine of choice is "New Scientist". I don't go to parties (the music makes my head hurt), I don't drink Alcohol (because I have a suspicion that it would also make my head hurt) and I am a prude who will frankly refuse to discuss sex except in a clinical fashion.

My idea of a good night out, is to stay at home and read a good book and have a warm glass of milk. One of my hobbies is to glower and scowl at the TV and complain about the youths of today. If any kids could even get on my lawn, I would surely tell them to get off it. I am constantly worrying about children wearing baseball caps ("What are they up to? And why are they wearing it sideways? They are wearing it WRONG! Are they part of a gang?" I muse as I peer at the motley collection of teenagers from my window). I don't dance and I never will. If anyone talks to me about the monarchy, new age mysticism, "organic" food or religion, I will launch into a sceptical tirade against all that "mumbo-jumbo" and "nonsense". I never swear except in my own head. I address anyone I don't know as sir or madam.

I'm only 24 years old. I feel as if I am 80.

So am I a nice guy? I never swear. I treat everyone with courtesy and respect (unless they are part of that side-ways wearing base-ball cap crowd, who I stay away from and try to not speak to lest I be mugged). I am painfully polite and political correct to women and I do absolutely everything in my power to ensure they never feel uncomfortable around me. I have been called a nice guy. I have been told that I would make a good father. I have been told by many women that I am charming, polite, sophisticated, successful and that I am eminently trustworthy and perhaps one of the "nicest guys I have ever met".

I have also, COINCIDENTLY never had sex. Or been asked out on a date. Maybe it has something to do with my appearance. But I am not ugly. I've asked quite a few people that question, even people who hate me, and they've all said I look perfectly, utterly average. Neither ugly nor handsome - just completely, forgettably normal.

Well whatever. I'm not changing my personality. I will continue to read history books and avoid nightclubs. If this means I will remain FOREVER ALONE, like that man in that internet picture, so be it.

Now, where'd I put those dentures?

EDIT: I also suffer from the same thing David Mitchell suffers from:

http://youtu.be/yakx7XC6eg0

It's called.... being a nob.

 

[Ice Car]

Gonna generalize a bit here and say most male gamers between 18-28 are going to be fairly over confident, sarcastic jerks with a shielded soft side.

Might it count if I'm 15? I'm exactly the opposite of that and I doubt I'll change any time soon. I'm a guy who tries to be too polite, but has a darker side that I choose to hide. Darker side being, destroying everything in sight if I get mad enough. Hurting people I otherwise wouldn't hurt and taking actions without thinking at all... It happens... Bipolar, in addition to annoying fuckheads around you, often do that.

 

[SilentCom]

I am a nice guy but not really the same kind of "nice guy" you described.

 

[Daveman]

I'm a prick who is also extremely conscientious. Doesn't help me get girls. I kind of finally figured out recently that it is in fact much easier for me to change my physical appearance than become less cynical and whiny.

The really sad thing is that I realised this when playing the Sims.

 

[Zeren]

I fit the nice guy mold to a tee and I got a very loving girl because of it!