Are you a "nice guy"?

[Hagi]

I don't think acting extremely polite at all times, pretending to be friends while you really want something romantic and letting others walk all over you is being nice, in any way or form.

It's only one step down from manipulative in that you're doing it out of fear, but it's a far distance from actually being nice.

People don't walk over you because they're assholes, they walk over you because you're lying face down and basically asking them. And in the end if you ever talk about it they just feel guilty about doing it and you feel bad for letting it happen.

Girls don't reject you because they like jerks or whatever. They don't like you because there's nothing there to like, all there is are nods and smiles. There's no person behind all that extreme politeness. And in the end if you ever do ask her out she just feels extremely guilty about turning you down and you feel like crap for getting rejected.

By acting like a "nice guy" you're hurting yourself and your friends. That's not being nice in any sense of the word.

Real nice guys like helping others, they like giving advice, they like sharing their opinion, they like being just friends with girls, they like being polite most of the time and they don't let anyone walk over them.

EDIT: Real nice guys act the way they do because that's the person they want to be and they don't whine about it. "Nice guys" act the way they do either because they're afraid to act any other way or for the sake of another person (pretending to be a friend != nice) and whenever they get the chance they do seem to whine about it.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Yeah that pretty much describes me, except for the having lots of friends that are girls part. I don't have a lot of friends at all, never mind ones that are girls/women.

 

[Gwarr]

I have anger Management issues , my current best friend and I beat the shit out of each other in high school ( he tried to bully me ) . I'm generally nice to the ladies but I am as sensible as a rock .

 

[Brandon237]

Anyway, is anyone else here a "nice guy" in other people's eyes? By "nice guy" I mean someone who tries to be courteous and polite to everyone,

I try to be nice, and my insults aren't great because I tend to avoid using them unless someone really pisses me of, I wait at and hold open doors, I am polite, say hello, goodbye, please, thank-you etc. I make no effort though for people who make a concerted effort to be arrogant or annoy me, they are not worth the trouble.

but comes off having no confidence or masculinity.

Kinda used to, but I have been told many times in just the last few weeks that I am incredibly funny, I have asked girls out fine fine, well two, but then again I have only been interested in two in the last 3 years... I can approach people and talk if I feel like it, and people often force leadership / things that REQUIRE confidence and speech skills on me. I am also quite fast and agile, and can kick a target at above my head-height... so no problems there

Someone who has a lot of friends that are girls, but no girlfriend.

Nope, got a few girls as friends and a girlfriend. And an amazing one at that, I think I am disqualified.

Someone who when they like a girl, makes the mistake of becoming their close platonic friend because they're too timid to ask them out.

My current girlfriend was my close friend of a good few months, it just makes our current relationship better. The whole friend zone thing... it doesn't always work, in fact very often it is complete nonsense.

Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone. Ect, ect...

I let people walk over me a lot, but mostly because I don't like fighting, physically or verbally. Not terrible at it, but I don't like it. If things will go down more easily without me causing a problem, I let it be. With some things though, I haven't been afraid of confronting the asses...

I'm not sure... is that a two out of four? As for the nice thing, yeah I let people walk over me and I am polite and not afraid to give a complete or credit where due (I'm not stingy with them in the slightest), so nice in that sense, but I do well for myself, and all things in moderation, stand up if you have to, and screw all those who tell you otherwise.

 

[faspxina]

And to the .01% of this site that are women, what exactly is bad or unattractive about "nice guys" anyway?.

You already answered that question when you referenced the "nice guy" as "Someone who lets other people walk all over them in an attempt to please everyone".

Would you be genuinely interested in someone like that, or would you just feel pity?

 

[rokkolpo]

Kind of.

But my platonic girlfriend seemed to secretly like me as much as I liked her :3
Imagine that.

(NO MORE PLATONIC FOR ME)

EDIT: For reference I got over all my confidence issues and having people walk over me.
Fuck that nonsense, kick back. (not literally...hopefully)

 

[King of Wei]

I'm kindhearted but I'm not a "nice guy" by that definition. I go out of my way to help people, give good advice (from what I've been told) and am generally a courteous person, but I'm also damn blunt and speak my mind. Nice through actions, assertive (or arrogant, depending) through words.

That being said I still have a -100% success rate in the dating department.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

I'm not really a 'nice guy' and I'm not genuinely nice in a sense that isn't entirely motivated by my romantic desires either. I've been the stereotypical 'nice guy', shoulder to cry on and all that but that was back when I was roughly 15 with a girl I was obssessed with but didn't have the 'I want to be friends' ending I just never made a move and we kind of drifted apart. I'd say I'm more of a nuetral person, I'm reticent, I try to keep my head down, I don't go out of my way to help people but I'll offer assistance should they ask and I don't give people a hard time for my own satisfaction because I'm not that hollow and pathetic. I haven't been romantically involved with anyone for a while and I don't deserve to be either, there are people more appealing and people more worthy, I'm just an average loser.

Tl; DR: I'm more of a nuetral guy.

 

[CrazyGirl17]

Hard to say. I care about people... but I have, over time, developed an angry, anti-people persona along with it. So... eh. Sorta.

 

[Genericjim101]

Dear lord no, only girl I dated had the same mindset where you shouldn't be nice for the sake of it. This is not license to be an asshat but more about not being insincere. As for "nice guys" well really if one's ulterior motive is to be nice to get a girl to like them and possibly be with them that's not nice as much as subversive. Be a friend as you would anyway and if they like you so be it, don't act differently as if you plan to date a girl.

 

[Captain_Fantastic]

i kind of have that problem but the thing is i do have alot more female friends but im not interested in any of them and the one or two that i have been have moved fairly far away and after a horribly failed long dist relationship im not doing that anytime soon the only other i was interested in ive grown to be the "brother" to and i honestly enjoy the position so everything is peaches and cream

 

[nunqual]

I'm a nice guy, but that's helped me get girls, not inhibited me... I have a girlfriend of a year, and I don't think I would have gotten her if I was an asshole.

 

[KaosuHamoni]

Well, I don't know. I'm polite, courteous and respectful, and will go out of my way to help people, but I'm also rather assertive, stubborn, and, should someone not reciprocate my niceties, and act the arsehole, I'm a complete and utter arse right back.

I also tend to be the first one to do things, like "Hey, lets jump into that mountain stream that's just above freezing", or "Hey, let's jump through the roof of that two story construction site"

So, yes and no.

[sub][sub]Both those examples are true stories. And I wonder why I have so many scars... =P[/sub][/sub]

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

Snippity snip

I agree with you on a lot of those things, but not entirely.

First of all, I'm way past the blaming "jerks" and other women phase. I know that it's me who's the problem, not "jerks who always get the girl". I have friends who are good at picking up women, but are really nice too; they're just not the doormat that I am, and I don't resent them for having lots of relationships.

It's not that I don't value friendships from women; there are a lot of girls I'm close to in a strictly platonic way. It's just that I'm so used to just being friends with women that I can't express myself romantically. It's not some plot to turn a friendship into sex as much as an inability to be anything other than friends with someone.

I don't see why being consistently nice makes someone any less of a person. It's not like I don't have a personality. When I'm with someone, I'll share jokes and stories and opinions and whatnot, I don't just smile and nod like a lifeless robot. You don't need to be a "Jerk With a Heart of Gold" or something to be a three dimensional person. [small](ah, tvtropes, you never fail me when I need terminology)[/small]

I don't like people who whine about not having a girlfriend either. In fact, I'm kind of hating myself for whining on this forum in the first place, sorry about that. [small](oh wait, self hating, that might be the problem here...)[/small]

 

[Da Orky Man]

I don't ever force niceness. I simply am. Yeah, I have my ruthlessness as well, meaning I can be rather Machiavellian when I need to be, but I always aim, and usually get, a good ending. Hence my avatar.
The only way that I could be called assertive is through my humour, which is quintessentially British the whole way through.
And I don't tend to blame 'The jerk' for anything relationship-related. I'm happy in a relationship, but I'm also happy without one.

 

[mysecondlife]

I'm much nicer online than I am in person. Escapist mods will cyber-slap me if I don't play nice.

In person I can be rude and sarcastic prick who would say and do anything to get a laugh.

But I do show courtesy here now and then.

 

[Zhukov]

Hm. Not really.

I mean, sure, I have the whole completely-hopeless-with-women thing going on, but it's not because I'm a "nice guy".

I've got a healthy dose of vicious arsehole in me, but I do my best to keep it down. I tend to come across as surly and aloof. I'm also extremely soft-hearted, which always comes as a surprise to people.

Someone once drunkenly described me as a great big teddy bear covered with armour plating and spikes. Heh. I quite liked that mental image.