Single since birth, 19 years old. Never really actively try to change that because of zero experience. Keep saying I'll make a tinder, but only have a couple of decent pictures. None of those pictures are all too recent anyway, because I don't like to take pictures much do to the moderate acne I've developed and I'm not the most attractive person to begin with (At least from my point of view, have't hit rock bottom and posted my pictures on r/amiugly yet. Beat myself up over the fact that people I know from highschool and Uni that I consider to be extremely socially awkward combined with not being amazingly handsome have all gotten significant others before me. Not socially awkward; I'm mostly comfortable with conversations its just starting them with new people/acquaintances is a problem for me. I keep trying to focus on finding happiness on other things such as succeeding with school and my coding projects, good times with friends, etc. but even though having relationships is just another thing society puts on a pedestal, I know I'll never be 100% happy without someone in my life. And that could be a while...
Closest, if you can even call it that, I've ever come was a crush I had in my last year of high school. I had crushes before that, but nothing I had at least attempted to act on. I had hoped to ask some girl in the year below to Prom and maybe take things forward from there. Only reason I even had a shot at pulling this off is because my friend was going out with a friend of my crush. He set up some get together of a lot of her friends, himself, and I, and my mate and his GF tried to push us in the right direction. We went to Applebees, roamed around the parking lot of a Lowes and raced in shopping Trolleys if I remember correctly, and then went back to my house. I had to call my Dad to drive us there as none of us had drivers licenses. It was the most awkward thing I have ever done; despite being a Senior, I hadn't got my drivers license yet due to me not really thinking I'd need it for anything, though to be fair, neither did my mate. My dad had a look of bewilderment when he saw I was actually in the presence of girls for once in my life. Got home, played Just Dance on the Wii, and had a kickabout in the street at like 11:00 at night under the streetlights. Probably one of the happiest nights of my life, but no happy ending to the story. Didn't know how to progress from there as I never see her in school, didn't ask for her number because I thought it'd be weird. She had added me on Facebook randomly years ago, but again, thought messaging her randomly would be weird. My friend promised to get a round 2 to happen, but she had plans that night and I never spoke to her again. She asked some sophomore she was on the track team with to Prom like a week later; they ended up going out afterwards. I was a complete downer for a week, all because I couldn't get some girl that I had hung out with once.
And it's not even about sex. While that would be something great in the long run, all I really wanted was someone I could call a bit more than a friend. She was relatively religious, didn't do drugs or underage drink... she wasn't a party-girl is what I'm saying. No way I'll ever find someone like that again; something about an innocent high school relationship is really appealing to me. Again, not in the long term, but its something I won't be able to experience ever in life now.
And I still think back to that, nearly 2 years later. Even though it's just some high school mistake that will have no bearing on the rest of my life, I still think about it, among many other high school mistakes that are long over with that I still don't live down. I still have the picture of me and her just sitting together smiling (Even if I do exhibit horrible hover-hand) It's probably the happiest I have ever been in a picture. I still look at it from time to time, yup I'm just that pathetic. But hey, it's not all bad! At least I'm pretty good at Java Programming!
Sorry for the off topic but I saw some other people telling their stories of 'crushes' but I didn't realise the story would be this long.
(Waiting for this story to end up of some cringe site or page lol)
