My mantra is that if cheating occurs in a relationship then that relationship is over. No ifs, no buts.
While I am aware that very few things are that black and white but if cheating occurs then there is something seriously wrong. I will also state that, hand on heart, I have never cheated on any of my girlfriends (what few there have been), regardless of circumstances. I will admit that I have slept with someone who WAS in a relationship (I was single at the time) but in my defence that "relationship" was going down in flames and was all but over anyway. It wasn't pretty but I still should have known better and I'm not proud of it.
Anyway - I've heard several reasons why people cheat and this is by no means an exhaustive list, they just seem to be the most common ones I hear.
- Can't stay faithful? No excuse - you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship if you knew you wouldn't be able to stay faithful. What if you own up before entering into the relationship, I hear you say. I say do you really think anyone in their right mind would enter into a relationship with someone who just admitted they can't or won't be faithful? Of course not, so you stay quiet and end up breaking someone's heart later on just so you can get your jollies. Not cool.
- It's not really cheating if... - Speaking to someone else or giving them a friendly hug isn't cheating, sure but some people really do take the piss with this one and / or convince themselves that it's not really cheating if they only swap nude images, only do oral / anal, use condoms, do it in a hotel and not their own home blah blah blah...the lines are fairly clear and if you can't see them or find yourself coming up with all manner of denial-ridden statements in a pathetic excuse to move the line then you are in for one big reality check, assuming you actually care. I'm guessing you don't...
- He / She is abusive - I have no illusions about how horrible it can be to be in an abusive relationship as I have seen what it does to people with my own eyes and I strongly urge people in this situation to get the hell out of it, ASAP! It can be scary but there are so many people ready and waiting to help you get away from an abusive partner and get them to stay the hell away from you, too. There is NO excuse for being abusive to your partner but people who are will have a long list of them, which they will see as valid. Cheating on them, no matter how horrible they are, will only pour fuel on the fire and you will end up being the one who is burned. As I said above, if the relationship has gotten to that point then it's time to pull the plug regardless! Get a clean break, take a time-out and get your head together wherever possible and then think about finding someone else, if you want to.
- Well he/she cheated on me... - See above. If things are at that point then I think it's just time to call it a day. Don't lower yourself to their level...
- The spark has gone / he/she doesn't show me any affection any more / he/she has gone right off sex - Then TALK to each other! If there are problems then the last thing you want to do is involve someone else who isn't a professional counsellor! All relationships hit snags and there could be a medical reasons, modern day stresses or you might just have to face up to the fact that one or both parties have fallen out of love with the other. Either way, you need to stand up and face the problems together, not sweep them under the rug, hide from them and/or just go find someone else to get your funsies.
- Well it WAS my Stag-Do / Hen-night - Frankly, anyone who uses this doozy needs a frying pan round the back of the head.
While I can say I never cheated on someone, I can't say with 100% certainty that I wasn't although I have no proof or admission to the contrary - I was dumped (by email) for someone else though so I have my suspicions. In any case I have seen what cheating does to people and I can say that it's a horrible thing to see.
While I am aware that very few things are that black and white but if cheating occurs then there is something seriously wrong. I will also state that, hand on heart, I have never cheated on any of my girlfriends (what few there have been), regardless of circumstances. I will admit that I have slept with someone who WAS in a relationship (I was single at the time) but in my defence that "relationship" was going down in flames and was all but over anyway. It wasn't pretty but I still should have known better and I'm not proud of it.
Anyway - I've heard several reasons why people cheat and this is by no means an exhaustive list, they just seem to be the most common ones I hear.
- Can't stay faithful? No excuse - you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship if you knew you wouldn't be able to stay faithful. What if you own up before entering into the relationship, I hear you say. I say do you really think anyone in their right mind would enter into a relationship with someone who just admitted they can't or won't be faithful? Of course not, so you stay quiet and end up breaking someone's heart later on just so you can get your jollies. Not cool.
- It's not really cheating if... - Speaking to someone else or giving them a friendly hug isn't cheating, sure but some people really do take the piss with this one and / or convince themselves that it's not really cheating if they only swap nude images, only do oral / anal, use condoms, do it in a hotel and not their own home blah blah blah...the lines are fairly clear and if you can't see them or find yourself coming up with all manner of denial-ridden statements in a pathetic excuse to move the line then you are in for one big reality check, assuming you actually care. I'm guessing you don't...
- He / She is abusive - I have no illusions about how horrible it can be to be in an abusive relationship as I have seen what it does to people with my own eyes and I strongly urge people in this situation to get the hell out of it, ASAP! It can be scary but there are so many people ready and waiting to help you get away from an abusive partner and get them to stay the hell away from you, too. There is NO excuse for being abusive to your partner but people who are will have a long list of them, which they will see as valid. Cheating on them, no matter how horrible they are, will only pour fuel on the fire and you will end up being the one who is burned. As I said above, if the relationship has gotten to that point then it's time to pull the plug regardless! Get a clean break, take a time-out and get your head together wherever possible and then think about finding someone else, if you want to.
- Well he/she cheated on me... - See above. If things are at that point then I think it's just time to call it a day. Don't lower yourself to their level...
- The spark has gone / he/she doesn't show me any affection any more / he/she has gone right off sex - Then TALK to each other! If there are problems then the last thing you want to do is involve someone else who isn't a professional counsellor! All relationships hit snags and there could be a medical reasons, modern day stresses or you might just have to face up to the fact that one or both parties have fallen out of love with the other. Either way, you need to stand up and face the problems together, not sweep them under the rug, hide from them and/or just go find someone else to get your funsies.
- Well it WAS my Stag-Do / Hen-night - Frankly, anyone who uses this doozy needs a frying pan round the back of the head.
While I can say I never cheated on someone, I can't say with 100% certainty that I wasn't although I have no proof or admission to the contrary - I was dumped (by email) for someone else though so I have my suspicions. In any case I have seen what cheating does to people and I can say that it's a horrible thing to see.