Could You Date A Transexual?

[Generic4me]

Probably not.

IF I liked the person a LOT, they looked nothing like a dude, and were up-front with me about it (I don't like being lied to), there's a tiny chance. But it'd be a huge thing to get past.

Not really interested.

 

[PrinceOfShapeir]

In my brain, I have no problem with it. The difference between an MTF and a genetic female (or the inverse, but I am heterosexual) is societal. There are aspects of appearance that factor in as well - while it may sound shallow, I can't see myself starting a romantic relationship with someone I don't find appealing on a physical level. Friends? Absolutely, but lovers? Very doubtful. If the prospect of sex with that person isn't appealing to me, the relationship is not really going to go anywhere.

Then we get into stickier territory. I think of myself as a pretty open-minded person, particularly for my upbringing - you might call me a recovering homophobe if that doesn't sound incredibly stupid. I was brought up in a right wing, Conservative Christian household, the kind of family that would vote Tea Party and talks about how the Republican Party is going leftist, and while I like to think I've broken out of that mindset, I haven't fully expunged the ground-in sense of revulsion regarding homosexual sex.

Basically? I like to think I could, but I don't have that much faith in myself.

 

[Stasisesque]

I don't ever want children, so there really is no reason why I couldn't date a transsexual. Aside from that, it's not really something I could judge without being presented with a personality, a physical appearance etc. In short, I'd need a bit more to base my attraction on than whether or not the person was born with male genitalia. I suppose if I wanted children it would be a much harder decision, but then so would staying with an infertile partner.

If my boyfriend announced one day that he wanted to live as a woman, I'd still love him and would want to stay with him. That's about as much as I could possibly know.

 

[Glasgow]

No, I won't be with a woman who was a man before her surgery. I am surprised to see many people say they would do it.

 

[launchpadmcqwak]

I would date a Girl.
I would date a guy.

but if i dated a guy who had surgery to become a female, I personally would not be able to get over that in my head.

I am picky enough with (for lack of a more politically correct term) "normal" people :/

 

[Something Amyss]

An open question to those who keep saying they want to have kids: Do you screen ALL your romantic partners for childbearing capacity? My ex has a problem with her uterus. While she's born female and has all the right parts, she can't have kids barring some medical breakthrough. Do you ask people if they're childbearing before you get into a relationship, or is this a trans-only issue?

All transsexuals may not aspire to be beautiful women, but I rather expect they all aspire to be convincing women.

As opposed to this "unconvincing" women we were just talking about?

Come now.

"I don't care who you think you are, I know better,"

To be fair, how could a person and their doctor know better than superstitious laymen who take it as a personal affront?

to wit, all opinions that are not categorically false are, from a human (IE not-omniscient) point of view, equal.

But there, you're already lending false validity to his opinion. There is no "medical" definition of a woman that suits his criteria. Therefore, his statement is false by your own criteria, yet you argue otherwise.

-snip-

Medically speaking, a MTF transsexual still has XY chromosomes, so is still a male.

You mean genetically speaking, not medically. In this very limited scope, the person in question is still XY, but in terms of medicine (even in terms of biology and genetics) this means very little. As with the question of reproduction, I doubt you spend time genetically screening your partners to see what their chromosomes are, yet people who were born female can have XY chromosomes. ZOMG, you could be sleeping with a dude and not even know it!

...What? The all important chromosomes said so! So what if she has a full reproductive tract and was born and raised female. Obviously, she's a MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The difference between male and female is actually quite tenuous. This isn't looking at something logically, it's cleaving to an excuse.

And using science to justify his views on the matter is perfectly valid.

Yes, but slapping "science" on something that's not scientific isn't. And that's why we're here right now.

Look, we've got actual biologists on here who have spoken to this exact concept in prior threads and hopefully have or will speak to it in this thread better than I possibly can. I will instead reiterate that these claims of medical intents are bogus. Please don't defend things unless you know what you're talking about.

 

[Beautiful Tragedy]

Lets move back to my curiosity, it makes me feel much better. You are, from my understanding gleaned entirely from skimming your posts, male-to-female. Have you undergone surgery, or 'just' hormonal treatment?

Just hrt not a single surgery yet..and frankly at my age, I only want GRS. By the time I am able to afford more than that I will frankly be to old to be concerned with my appearance.

 

[Shinsei-J]

That would be hard for me to do, seeing as I find surgical moifications of any kind kinda gross.

Most modern trans-surgery is pretty hard to spot. It's not like they're getting a third arm or anything. I expect if no one told you, you'd be none the wiser.

Unless you just have a straight up surgery phobia, and wouldn't date a woman who'd had her spleen removed or something.

huh, then I most likely would date 'em.
Love is love and I'm attracted to the female body so I'm all go.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

As opposed to this "unconvincing" women we were just talking about?

Come now.

I realize that you are spoiling for a fight, although I cannot say I entirely understand why. It seems likely to me that you are projecting some kind of trans-hating mania onto me and debating aggressively with that opponent in mind. The fact remains that a GREAT many adult males who attempt to transition after their male secondary sexual characteristics such as big hands, broad shoulders, etc are solidified are not able to fully pass as their new gender and face significant social ostracization as a result, leading to a lot of depression and regret. If that's changing because of advanced surgical techniques, fantastic. If your point is "society shouldn't be such dickbags", fantastic. If your point is everyone should feel beautiful inside their own skin no matter what yadda yadda yadda, fantastic. A little twee, perhaps, but fantastic. The problem is I have no idea what your point is, other than that you are continually crawling up my ass for mysterious reasons because I implied adult men have a difficult time with sexual reassignment.

 

[Leg End]

Yes, and dated a MtF transgender, so I don't really have qualms on either pre or post-op.
Don't knock until you try it people.

 

[Something Amyss]

LMAo ya not many of us would pull that!

Speak for yourself!

Nope, not my thing. I've met one trans person (is that even right?) and I thought he (girl to guy if I remember right) was a pretty cool person. The thought of even considering dating him never crossed my mind, so I seriously doubt I would.

Do you normally consider dating all guys? Because I'm having trouble seeing a scenario otherwise where not considering dating one FtM would then mean that you were unlikely to date one.

There is no way in hell that I would date a transexual. I enjoy sex to much and I want to actually have kids with my partner one day.

Err...You do know you can have sex with a transsexual, right?

Who you are is phenotype, not genotype. Unless you jack off to karyotypes of the women you love and nitpick at them for recessive alleles they have but don't actually effect them your "THEY HAVE XY CHROMOSOMES" is rather irrelevant.

You rule. If LittleThestral turns down my proposal for marriage, you're on the short list.

>.>

Not at all. My only goal in dating/marrying would be to make babies with that person, and I don't particularly want to adopt.

So you screen all your partners for childbearing capabilities, then, right?

I am surprised to see many people say they would do it.

Me too, but for the better.

 

[Beautiful Tragedy]

LMAo ya not many of us would pull that!

Speak for yourself!

LMAO Ya I wouldn't announce it "Hi, I'm Melanie- trans-girl supreme."

 

[menacingfox]

The better question would be could you date someone your not sexually attracted to because the answer to that question would be no.

 

[Something Amyss]

I realize that you are spoiling for a fight

Please stop making this accusation every time I disagree with you. It's both disingenuous and tiresome.

The point is that you're actually putting higher standards to transwomen than to those "normal" women out there. Nothing more. Don't turn this in to false persecution or whatever simply because you've been called on it.

Stop making up my stances and attacking the straw-versions, though. I am not your enemy. I am not out to burn you as a witch.

 

[mike1921]

Who you are is phenotype, not genotype. Unless you jack off to karyotypes of the women you love and nitpick at them for recessive alleles they have but don't actually effect them your "THEY HAVE XY CHROMOSOMES" is rather irrelevant.

You rule. If LittleThestral turns down my proposal for marriage, you're on the short list.

Thank you. Amazing what you can do with only a high school knowledge of genetics.

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

Nope, not my thing. I've met one trans person (is that even right?) and I thought he (girl to guy if I remember right) was a pretty cool person. The thought of even considering dating him never crossed my mind, so I seriously doubt I would.

Do you normally consider dating all guys? Because I'm having trouble seeing a scenario otherwise where not considering dating one FtM would then mean that you were unlikely to date one.

I need to get to the dating part first, but that's neither here nor there right now.

It would be premature to say I would be unlikely because once my brain gets a hold of some knowledge about someone I can't un-know that. I would image that would be problematic for me if I were to consider dating someone that's a transgender FtM since in the back of my head I will be thinking, 'This person used to be physically a chick.' I really don't feel like going into the semantics about that, but that's just how I know I will react. Can't be helped.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I were to date someone then, yes, I do consider dating all guys. I really don't know how else to explain that other than it's just not my thing.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Not at all. My only goal in dating/marrying would be to make babies with that person, and I don't particularly want to adopt.

So you screen all your partners for childbearing capabilities, then, right?

I would if I gave a shit about dating/romance/etc, yes. As I said, I'm more interested in having kids than the relationship with whatever person.

 

[Little Gray]

There is no way in hell that I would date a transexual. I enjoy sex to much and I want to actually have kids with my partner one day.

Err...You do know you can have sex with a transsexual, right?

Sure you can but it feels extremely weird and different and its really not the same.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Please stop making this accusation every time I disagree with you. It's both disingenuous and tiresome.

The point is that you're actually putting higher standards to transwomen than to those "normal" women out there. Nothing more. Don't turn this in to false persecution or whatever simply because you've been called on it.

Stop making up my stances and attacking the straw-versions, though. I am not your enemy. I am not out to burn you as a witch.

I could just as easily ask you not to climb up on your cross if I point out you are being needlessly combative. Even this reply to me pointing out that you are being needlessly combative is needlessly combative. You and I don't even disagree that often and tend to be naturally aligned on a lot of conversational topics so I have absolutely no idea what the hell you're going on about. Perhaps you are thinking of RobustCarp or EngorgedTuna.

I'm still totally stumped what you mean by my "higher standards". Me saying that adult males attempt to transition have a hard time passing =/= me saying that I personally demand that all trans women be svelte lingerie models. I'm pointing out a problem, not endorsing a problem. If you're a broad shouldered, ham handed transsexual woman in a society that still fears and loathes transsexuals with distressing regularity, you are probably gonna have a bad time. This is what I am saying.