Dead bodies in the closet...?


New member
Feb 14, 2011
How did someone hang a body in my closet when I have no hooks/bars to hang a dead body on?! the hell did I not notice this for a week?


New member
Aug 22, 2011
I would take it as a sign to go have my nose checked.

Then again, as we like to keep temps low, I'd check the free tenderloin. If it's good, I think filet mignon with morel sauce will take the edge off the shock of just having found a dead body in the closet, mutilated or not.

On a more logical level, I think I'd first like to arm myself up, just in case. Then confront the family with the find. If one of them turns out to be a sick bastard, we'll see if things would have to turn violent. If no one claims the body to their trophy of choice, I would believe involving the police would be in order, since it's just not OK to dump your bodies in somebody else's closets. As with skeletons, bodies are a very personal matter.

Proverbial Jon

Not evil, just mildly malevolent
Nov 10, 2009
Trucken said:
Proverbial Jon said:
Trucken said:

Yeah, I think that sums up it up quite nicely. Then call the police.
It's been in YOUR closet for a week. You never noticed it until now? Just what are you going to tell the police? Do you really think they are going to buy the story that you just FOUND it there? My advice: start running, fast.
Grand idea! Then when people notice that I've gone missing and someone finds the body in my closet I won't be a suspect at all, no sir!

I'll take my chances with the cops. I'm to fucking lazy to run.
*Hmmm, it would seem that my attempts to frame him for this murder have failed. I fear the body alone will not be enough to implicate him directly. I need to rethink this one, employ some more direct means...*

Hey buddy! Why you're right, that doesn't sound like such a good idea after all. Maybe you should meet me in my special darkened basement room in my remote home on the moors and we can... come up with another plan. *mwah ha ha*


New member
Sep 9, 2009
i thought i got rid of that guy? oh well better go burn some "wood" in my back yard

Substitute Troll

New member
Aug 29, 2010
My first reaction would propably be "HOLY MUDCRABS FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

After that, I'd calmly call the police.

"112 how can I help you?"
"Yea, hi. Erm, I have found a dead body in my closet. Could you send the police over?"

Easy as that. No need to over complicate things.

Kakashi on crack

New member
Aug 5, 2009
Rex Dark said:
Depends... Did I put it there myself?
If you want to :D

kommando367 said:
My closet is rusted shut. I'd be even more surprised if I or someone else got the damn thing open in the first place.
For all yah know there could be a dead body in there!

smearyllama said:
How decomposed is it? Because if it's pretty clean, I'll just take it out and bury it, no questions asked.
I'm no decomp expert but I beleive (based on a quick google search) that a dead body tends to be turning green/purple in spots after a week, is very bloated, and may have blisters.


New member
Mar 28, 2009
Vomit riotously then call the police.

Unfortunately, I'm not a hardcore, quirky misanthrope like so many of you.