Escape to the Movies: G.I. Joe - The Rise of Cobra
- Thread starter MovieBob
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If you read his additional post Movie Bob states that it was a better James Bond film than the last 12 James Bond films. He's likely talking about formula and megalomaniac villains with ridiculous take over the world schemes and such.jewstin80 said:
My plan is sheer elegance in it's simplicity
Interesting, you've at least convinced me to see it now. I'll give my views on it afterward.
I think I'll go into it like I did Fast and Furious, not expecting a great deal. Good one this week.
P.S. Tied up with work Bob? Haven't seen an Overthinker ep in a while, but thought provoking eps aren't easy I imagine.
I think I'll go into it like I did Fast and Furious, not expecting a great deal. Good one this week.
P.S. Tied up with work Bob? Haven't seen an Overthinker ep in a while, but thought provoking eps aren't easy I imagine.
Alright! I was telling a friend the other day that I didn't want to see a GI Joe movie that would appeal to my 25 year-old self, I wanted to see one that would appeal to my 9 year-old self who used to use the living room to stage huge covoy ambushes. I'm talking explosions, impractical undersea bases, ninja fights and ray guns, baby!
Given the current political situation, I think it's smart that they made it just as zany as the cartoon. I don't think the public could comfortably accept a "gritty and realistic" GI Joe as escapist entertainment these days.
After all, if you want to see a Real American Hero, go see The Hurt Locker.
Given the current political situation, I think it's smart that they made it just as zany as the cartoon. I don't think the public could comfortably accept a "gritty and realistic" GI Joe as escapist entertainment these days.
After all, if you want to see a Real American Hero, go see The Hurt Locker.
After watching this video, I have to take a step back and think, am I sane? Is this review real? Was he paid off? I haven't seen the film because like most I moved it into the junk folder in my brain and deemed it as not worth watching, though the trailers were strangely likable despite being horribly cheesy, maybe it was the presence of attractive women in tight outfits combined with the over the top evilness of Cobra, headed by the Doctor, AKA, the bad guy in Gone in 60 Seconds, AKA an actor that has experience with doing cheesy films and shows (of varying quality) and action flicks (60 Seconds is a car chase, an hour and a half long car chase, with pit stops to try and tell us why the chase is happening, but we don't actually care) and can now play a bad guy that's so 2 dimensional that they're famous for it. I mean, can you name a redeemable quality in Cobra commander? Well, I probably shouldn't ask that since I didn't watch the cartoon or play with GI- Joe toys (Legos and Transformers, and if someone makes a Legos movie, and by that I mean a live action film based on Legos, then I will lead a revolution to wipe their backers off the face of the Earth, Les Grossman style)
Review would've been better without the f-bombs. Very jarring. You have to have a certain kind of voice to pull that off and make it funny.
6/10
6/10
Another thing. Sommers was perfect for this material because he has no artistic restraint and zero shame for campiness. (See: The Mummy Series, Van Helsing.) I mean, this thing has ray guns in it, freaking ray guns! IN 2009! How shamelessly retro do you have to be to include that? We haven't seen that kind of balls out enthusiasm for pulp heritage since Sky Captain.
Thanks for clarifying, that was the point where I (and a lot of people probably) thought you exaggerated a bit too much. Makes sense now, though.MovieBob said:Just to be clear: I didn't say it was better than the last 12 James Bond movies, I said it was a better James Bond movie than the last 12 James Bond moviesscarab7 said:A bit overly-cute, I realize.
What I'm aiming at is... of course "Casino Royale" is a better movie than this ("Quantum of Solace" isn't, though) but this is a better approximation of what I think of when I think "James Bond movie" - i.e. the otherworldly supervillians looking to conquer the world, hopping all over the globe, the giant city-sized underwater bases bad guys just happen to have, the crazy gadgets, etc. And the "actual" James Bond movies stopped being good at that stuff after "The Spy Who Loved Me."
And I was very surprised by your review I was expecting another Transformers 2. I probably will see it at some point.
That was surprising. With the whole "not screening it to critics first" thing going on.
And did anyone else find the music at the start really good? I mean like the best out of all intro music for any of the video series on this website.
And did anyone else find the music at the start really good? I mean like the best out of all intro music for any of the video series on this website.
... ... ...
Bob, did you smoke something really good or pop some pills before heading into that movie? Just got back from the theatre, hoping to find that you were going to slam the movie for being a dissapointing piece of shit, which would have made my 300lb pastey ass jiggle with delight.
Instead, you go on and on about how much you liked it, glossing over its flaws. Granted, I don't agree with all your reviews (i.e. Public Enemies for one, my penis went soft for a AAA Michael Mann film, which I didn't think possible), but still, I thought this one was obvious.
I don't expect a great, deep plot in action movies. That's a given. What I do expect is that the plot they use is coherent. This was really muddled by the pacing of the film, which seemed to have almost on-cue plot exposition moments that were then randomly cut and had action scenes slapped in. I mean, really, why the FUCK did we need all those flashbacks anyway? Those threw me for a loop. It's like taking a dump and then mid-dump pulling up your pants and running a marathon. If I wanted to see some kids going at it, I'd watch the Karate Kid. All they had to say was "SPANK EYES IS MAD AT FAGSHADOW FOR KILLING HIS MASTER". End of story. maybe could have spared a 30 second flashback, but in the end, flashbacks ruined the pacing.
Then the scripted dialogue was horrible, followed by atrocious acting. The character's facial expressions and lines were about as subtle and foreshadowing as a chihuahua dry humping a housecat. Did Dennis Quaid phone this one in, by the way? I usually like that guy. He's like Wal Mart's Harrison Ford, cheaper and off-brand, but gets the same job done.
I grew up on the cartoon, and had a few of the toys. It failed in recapturing my past interests, not to mention they changed the iconic character cobra to look like some goldfish-bowl fag instead of his normal Ku Klux Klan-esque (*Shiney Facemask included) apparel because they didn't want to "offend" anyone.
With that out of the way... the action was mildly enjoyable. It didn't have me on the edge of my seat. It didn't have me cheering about how much ass they kicked. The whole great action-packed experience was lost on me as the constant flaws previously mentioned kept nagging on me, and worse, interrupting at the worst times during the movie when I was ready to forget them.
But let's be honest... the action scenes were good, but nothing too impressive. They were standard fare, really.
Maybe I just don't "get it". Maybe my expectations are too high. It could be because I've had two utter dissapointments, being the teabagging that was Transformers 2 and the snore-a-thon that was Public Enemies, and the good movies this year being Up (If it doesn't win an academy award, there should be sodomization of a judge with a rusty nail laden broomstick), for some reason "The Proposal", which I thought was going to be "just another boring sappy chick flick", but ended up being more enjoyable than the previously mentioned dissapointments, and the Harry Potter movie, which rose from the ashes of the last horrible incarnation. Hopefully Julie & Julia will deliver me from this sour mood tommorrow, but my lust for an action movie that DOES NOT SUCK has not been sated this movie season.
Bob, did you smoke something really good or pop some pills before heading into that movie? Just got back from the theatre, hoping to find that you were going to slam the movie for being a dissapointing piece of shit, which would have made my 300lb pastey ass jiggle with delight.
Instead, you go on and on about how much you liked it, glossing over its flaws. Granted, I don't agree with all your reviews (i.e. Public Enemies for one, my penis went soft for a AAA Michael Mann film, which I didn't think possible), but still, I thought this one was obvious.
I don't expect a great, deep plot in action movies. That's a given. What I do expect is that the plot they use is coherent. This was really muddled by the pacing of the film, which seemed to have almost on-cue plot exposition moments that were then randomly cut and had action scenes slapped in. I mean, really, why the FUCK did we need all those flashbacks anyway? Those threw me for a loop. It's like taking a dump and then mid-dump pulling up your pants and running a marathon. If I wanted to see some kids going at it, I'd watch the Karate Kid. All they had to say was "SPANK EYES IS MAD AT FAGSHADOW FOR KILLING HIS MASTER". End of story. maybe could have spared a 30 second flashback, but in the end, flashbacks ruined the pacing.
Then the scripted dialogue was horrible, followed by atrocious acting. The character's facial expressions and lines were about as subtle and foreshadowing as a chihuahua dry humping a housecat. Did Dennis Quaid phone this one in, by the way? I usually like that guy. He's like Wal Mart's Harrison Ford, cheaper and off-brand, but gets the same job done.
I grew up on the cartoon, and had a few of the toys. It failed in recapturing my past interests, not to mention they changed the iconic character cobra to look like some goldfish-bowl fag instead of his normal Ku Klux Klan-esque (*Shiney Facemask included) apparel because they didn't want to "offend" anyone.
With that out of the way... the action was mildly enjoyable. It didn't have me on the edge of my seat. It didn't have me cheering about how much ass they kicked. The whole great action-packed experience was lost on me as the constant flaws previously mentioned kept nagging on me, and worse, interrupting at the worst times during the movie when I was ready to forget them.
But let's be honest... the action scenes were good, but nothing too impressive. They were standard fare, really.
Maybe I just don't "get it". Maybe my expectations are too high. It could be because I've had two utter dissapointments, being the teabagging that was Transformers 2 and the snore-a-thon that was Public Enemies, and the good movies this year being Up (If it doesn't win an academy award, there should be sodomization of a judge with a rusty nail laden broomstick), for some reason "The Proposal", which I thought was going to be "just another boring sappy chick flick", but ended up being more enjoyable than the previously mentioned dissapointments, and the Harry Potter movie, which rose from the ashes of the last horrible incarnation. Hopefully Julie & Julia will deliver me from this sour mood tommorrow, but my lust for an action movie that DOES NOT SUCK has not been sated this movie season.
Hmm. That's interesting, I've also heard from others that this movie doesn't actually suck and this comes as confirmation. I have no love for the source material and the whole black leather adaptation looked silly as hell, but I'm surprised it gets so much positive reaction (OK, RT still slams it, but the shitty acting and the lack of a decent plot are probably as good a reason for that as any).
Color me intrigued.
Color me intrigued.