Have you ever thought about suicide?

[Kolby Jack]

Never in my life have I ever thought of killing myself. It's never been an option or even a possibility, and I've been pretty down at some points in my life. Wanting to end your own life is just a frame of mind I don't think I'll ever understand, but I certainly don't think less of those who consider it. You have to be seriously low to even think about it, and even lower to actually attempt it, and if you're that low, you don't need pity or contempt, you need help. Hopefully someone is around to help you, because I can't imagine any situation scarier than going through such a low point alone.

One of the guys I went to boot camp with did in fact kill himself afterwards (we went to different duty stations, so I wasn't aware of this for several months after it happened). I also recently learned that another guy from boot camp I still talk to had, some time ago, seriously considered suicide, but thankfully has since recovered and now advocates the Match Project [http://www.facebook.com/TheMatchProject].

 

[Last Hugh Alive]

I do think about it, a lot. Ultimately, like most others, the thought of the grief it would bring upon my family holds me back, but often that just makes me feel more trapped.

My problem is that I just can't find anything to cling to, there's just nothing I can build a passion for, nothing in particular I really want out of life or want to pursue. I'm not down constantly or anything, but overall I feel like a useless person without any direction. I have no idea what my strengths are and what I'm good at. I'm 21 and my social life slipped away ages ago. I could go on with the bleak and dreary stuff.

I don't really want to be dead and I'll probably never actually commit suicide. But I really can't find anything to live for, either.

 

[Twilight_guy]

Sure I've though about it. I've also though about stealing gum from stores. I would never do either, but they are thoughts that briefly flash though my head. It's normal to have weird and out-there thoughts but most people don't act on them.

 

[scorptatious]

I have thought of it quite a few times. Especially when I'm feeling really depressed. But I've never actually attempted to do so.

I just remind myself that there are people who care about me. And taking my own life won't solve anything and will just hurt those around me. My family is dysfunctional enough as it is right now. The last thing they need is to have to arrange my funeral.

 

[RedDeadFred]

I've never really seriously considered it. There were times during puberty when I would complain about my life and how much it sucked but I never have really ever felt low enough to want to die. I have always enjoyed life far too much and even though I would get upset a lot with my family during my teen years, I always loved them and couldn't imagine not ever seeing them again.

 

[bl4ckh4wk64]

Sadly, yes I was considering it a while back (about two or three years ago). I got as close as holding a gun to my head and considering pulling the trigger. However, I began to think about who I'd miss and who I believed would miss me, and about my dog. I thought about a couple of my really close friends, and my family and I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and talk over my problems rather than ignoring them and letting them fester. I was going through a rough patch, and combined with hormones and some type of depression that I honestly can't remember right now, I felt like there was no other way out. I'm happy to say that with some medication and weekly visits to a psychiatrist for a bit over a year, I haven't considered it since then.

 

[Creator002]

When I was younger, I thought about it. About 16 or 17, but I was just being an angst-y "look at me, I'm depressed" teenager. I snapped out of that mood at about 19 and haven't had a single suicidal/self-harming thought since.
If I ever did go through with it, it would be with a massive, and quite literal bang. Cop shoot out after attempting to rob a bank. Australia has harsh gun laws though, so I might have to find a different country to do it in.[footnote]Wink wink, America.[/footnote]

EDIT - That's not really suicide, though, is it? My intention would make it assisted suicide, but that's not how it would officially be taken as.

 

[KefkaCultist]

All the time. I do need help, but I don't know who to go to since my parents don't listen and I can't afford anything...

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

Yes, often, but there are videogames I am looking forward to. But something I don't understand is, if you're going to commit suicide anyway, why would you not just go and steal a plane, go wherever you want, do whatever you want until you get caught? You're going to end up dead anyway, and let's face it, it's more about making other people feel guilty for putting you in that position than actually wanting to be dead. I realise the obvious having no motivation/no resources/not knowing how to fly a plane/you probably won't want to commit suicide anymore by the time you get to a plane/maybe you don't want to hurt anyone other than yourself/it's easier to do it yourself, but still.

I've talked a friend out of suicide when they were ready to act on it but that's all I'm saying about that. I suspect it's fairly common to have at least a thought of suicide once, whether it's exam pressure, other people or family situation.

All the time. I do need help, but I don't know who to go to since my parents don't listen and I can't afford anything...

You go to school/Uni? They have counselling. It helps, honest.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I don't mean to be mean but you kind of sounds like you want the attention rather than wanting to actually die.

You want to see if people find your body or do it in public to see people's reactions but you won't. You'll be dead.

OP: Never seriously. The only time I did was in my peak teenage angst years and that was pretty standard.

 

[Coffeejack]

Sure, mostly during secondary school and even more when I went overseas to an English boarding school. I had nothing and nobody in that country.

I think that we judge how our lives are going to pan out by how well they are going for the first fifteen to twenty years. It's important to get a good start for that reason. I know it's probably not in their job description, but it makes all the difference if teachers are perceptive and can tell if one of their students is having a miserable time at school or at home. Speaking about it helps. Sometimes the fear of death or a sense of guilt at leaving one's family behind is enough to stop the act itself, but I wouldn't count on it.

 

[tsb247]

I thought about it back when I was a rather depressed teen. Once I grew up, I learned how to better deal with my problems. Suicide it not an option for me; despite how tempting it may be. I truly feel that giving in like that solves nothing.

 

[disgruntledgamer]

Nope much too fond of myself to ever consider something like that. I like living.

 

[Muspelheim]

On and off, but it's gotten better, like things usually do, believe it or not.

I have been trying to execute it, as well, but I only got in up to my knees until I got second thoughts and postponed it, so far indefinatly. Trust me, that's one way to get a new perspective of things, and I did realise I like life a lot more than I thought at that moment. And it has just kept becoming better ever since.

On the subject, I do feel like it's a bad idea that we never talk about it, suicide and the thoughts inviting to them. I don't think that talking about suicide "legitimise" it, or inspire people to commit them. Rather, I think it would really help if people on the brink knew that a lot of people have shared that thought they've had, but that things have gotten better for them. If we refuse talking about it, it'll just remain a dark, insidious thought reserved for "twisted minds", which will lead to a sense of shame and secrecy, and feeling like a deranged individual with dark thoughts no normal people have is the last feeling you need when you're considering to kill yourself.

We can either not talk about it and pretend it won't happen until it happens, or we can talk about it and acknowledge that it happens to a lot of people, but also that there is help, and that things do get better.

 

[The White Hunter]

Yes but my mood swings tend to balance out, so I don't get stuck on it for too long. FYI I'm feeling fine right now by the way.

I'm similar I get those thoughts and the desire to just wash it all away fairly often but I'm so unstable emotionally that I'll forget about it and feel on top of the world and lord of all I survey the next day.

I won't say how I'd do it on here since that's asking for havoc down the line.
Fast and painless seems the easiest route though.

Honestly if you get thatc lose it's worth seeing a doctor, or a shrink, or just getting somebody to talk through whatevers going through your head with you.

The last time I had anything near those feelings I came here and made a thread about depression and the soul crushing misery that was swallowing me up at the time and the community really helped me cheer up and find new perspectives on things.

If all else fails; live on to spite your enemies.

Edit: By the way, how the frig do you get gif avatars to animate properly on this site?

 

[Fleaman]

So, if you don't know this? Depression isn't a mood. It's faulty brain chemistry. It means you're operating with a defective product, and there are professionals you can talk to about getting it patched.

Personally, I've never considered suicide, ever. Got lucky, and my shit worked right out of the box. Seriously, there are people who know how to fix it.

 

[The Event]

I've never wanted to kill myself and am actually quite surprised at the number here who have.

I've considered/discussed method or circumstances in which I might want to e.g. Would I want to struggle on in a post nuclear holocaust world or would I just eat a bullet. Even in such circumstances I think I'd still be too attached to living to end it.

I'm so fond of being alive I intend to live forever via cryonics so the only time I might consider kiling myself is if I were diagnosed with altzheimer's disease and I could kill myself and be preserved before the disease could destroy all the memories I wanted to preserve with me. I would though need to find a suicide method that didn't destroy my brain so the afore mentioned option of eating a bullet is out. I suppose blindness or quadriplegia might also make me want to do it provided I could still be cryo presevered until such time as I could be cured of those.

 

[Mr.Cynic88]

I would have to say that I think about suicide on a semi-regular basis. Although that may sound pretty awful, at the moment I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, and unlike in years past, I don't want to die. To me suicide is a comforting thought. It's the idea that in the end, I get to control my own destiny.

I was probably at my most suicidal in high school. Living was a chore with few silver linings, and the only thing that held me back was the knowledge of what that selfish act would do to my loving family.

Part of my still occasionally thinking about suicide is advice my psychologist gave me for handling anxiety: instead of stressing yourself out by attempting to avoid thoughts, it's better to embrace them, analyze the symptoms, and then move on with life.

How I would do it at any given time would depend on the resources available to me. Giving a Beretta a blowjob would be my ideal painless out, but I never grew up around guns, so that probably wouldn't be the way in this hypothetical scenario.

I wouldn't try to hang myself since I would probably screw up the knot, and I would want my final movements to be painless - I am trying to end my suffering after all. I also wouldn't slice my wrists, since to die from that you have to cut vertically and then run the wound under water or with salt to prevent the bodies natural blood clotting.

Overdosing probably wouldn't work, since I have already abused a number of drugs to a level that medical professionals have said they are surprised it didn't leave more lasting damage.

My ideal suicide would be in an enclosed garage. I would take a bunch of opioids or benzodiazepines (not to die, just to relax/sleep) and leave my car running while I played something appropriate over my car's stereo and allowed the carbon monoxide to remove me from this mortal plane. Failing a garage, high doses of helium cause death, and I could purchase that over the internet.

That all being said, I have never "attempted" suicide. I've wanted to die, I've comforted myself thinking about how I could make that happen, and in my younger more-emo years I made suicidal gestures, but I have always said when asked by a mental health professional that I've never actually planned to do it. If I ever decide to kill myself, I will, but I have never lied to myself about the subject, and have always stressed that I think about suicide, but don't intend to carry it out.

Suicide is an exceedingly permanent solution that functions in my head as a final out if I am truly done living.