Have you ever thought about suicide?
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I wrestled the idea on and off, but the closest I ever came was one night and after that I still got over it. I dont honestly believe in it, I think its a weak way out. Even a friend who has i sitll think of as incredibly weak and its puta bit of a stain on his memory.
... as to how, i Couldnt tell you. though Id probably free dive off somewhere and say screw it.
... as to how, i Couldnt tell you. though Id probably free dive off somewhere and say screw it.
No, never seriously, just the odd brief flash of an idea but not anything beyond the concept flashing through my mind for a 10th of a second.
Heroin overdose, I'd need a lot but it's the only way to fly, or die, in this case.
Heroin overdose, I'd need a lot but it's the only way to fly, or die, in this case.
I'm only really here because a few people need me.
Just the other night I had this mental image of stabbing myself in the chest.
But as I said to my friend that night, whatever it is that stops people from killing themselves, i've got just enough of it.
Just the other night I had this mental image of stabbing myself in the chest.
But as I said to my friend that night, whatever it is that stops people from killing themselves, i've got just enough of it.
No, I haven't. Self-destruction and indeed depression are not things that I can even consider. My mind balks at the notion. I have no self-loathing, only loathing of others for any predicament that might get me into a bad mood. What I WILL say is that I HAVE known a few and I have helped with that, especially someone very near and dear to my heart.
First of all: I HATE public suicides (all manners of jumpers, be it bridges, trains or what have you and other attention grabbing means). IF you want to kill yourself, please do it somewhere private and ruin the lives of only those close to you, don't go giving nightmares to 8 yo kids, because you landed right in front of them and splattered your brain all over them.
Second: Do your research. You'll find that almost all kinds of suicide can be survived with enough stupid luck and most leave you in a state where you won't get a second go at it. You don't want to end like that, now do you?
As of me? Yeah, I tried, therefore I did. Still have those sleeping pills as a reminder of my stupidity. Fortunately getting drunk and a chance meeting with some friends gave me enough time to reevaluate my decision. That was some 3-4 years ago. I still have some petty issues like dis-functional family, generally low self esteem and fucking up my current situation about as much as I can among other things, the usual stuff everyone deals with. And you know what? There are fuckton of other people in worse situation than me fighting on.
What also helps is that my existence got validated by helping a friend of mine get over her suicidal moment.
A side note: I consider suicide the ultimate form of cowardice and I did even when I was about to off myself. Just so you know.
Second: Do your research. You'll find that almost all kinds of suicide can be survived with enough stupid luck and most leave you in a state where you won't get a second go at it. You don't want to end like that, now do you?
As of me? Yeah, I tried, therefore I did. Still have those sleeping pills as a reminder of my stupidity. Fortunately getting drunk and a chance meeting with some friends gave me enough time to reevaluate my decision. That was some 3-4 years ago. I still have some petty issues like dis-functional family, generally low self esteem and fucking up my current situation about as much as I can among other things, the usual stuff everyone deals with. And you know what? There are fuckton of other people in worse situation than me fighting on.
What also helps is that my existence got validated by helping a friend of mine get over her suicidal moment.
A side note: I consider suicide the ultimate form of cowardice and I did even when I was about to off myself. Just so you know.
Thought about hell, i'm still planning it.
Unless there's heavy advancements into medicine in the next 50 years, i don't want to live beyond 70. Current tentative plans involve an older muscle car and a 250-300km/h impact with a large tree.
Also, because i'm considering going into the armed forces doing work that requires a top secret clearance, it's pretty much a necessity that i be ready to kill myself when presented with the chance under threat of torture. Although unlikely with my job, the possibility is there enough that i'd be prepared for it.
If i wanted to kill myself now for some reason, i'd totally jump in front of a train down in Sydney just to fuck up a couple hundred thousand peoples day. Why not? Imma be dead anyway. Might as well go giggling.
Unless there's heavy advancements into medicine in the next 50 years, i don't want to live beyond 70. Current tentative plans involve an older muscle car and a 250-300km/h impact with a large tree.
Also, because i'm considering going into the armed forces doing work that requires a top secret clearance, it's pretty much a necessity that i be ready to kill myself when presented with the chance under threat of torture. Although unlikely with my job, the possibility is there enough that i'd be prepared for it.
What are you, weak?dangoball said:
If i wanted to kill myself now for some reason, i'd totally jump in front of a train down in Sydney just to fuck up a couple hundred thousand peoples day. Why not? Imma be dead anyway. Might as well go giggling.
I thought about it and I thought about how to do it, but I don't really want to go into detail.
I met a wonderful person when I was at my lowest lowpoint who pulled me out of my hole and I will be forever grateful for that, even though we were not ment to stay together
I met a wonderful person when I was at my lowest lowpoint who pulled me out of my hole and I will be forever grateful for that, even though we were not ment to stay together
Yeah.
Made a half-assed attempt at suffocating myself with my dressing gown cord once too, though obviously that failed miserably as my pain tolerance level is basically 0, and even if I had of lost consciousness the tension in the cord would have been released and I would have started breathing automatically again.
Happens every couple of months when I hit a breaking point in my head and basically want to cease existing, at least in the minds of everyone else. Whether this is accomplished by dying or by just disappearing in the middle of the night and likely freezing/starving/getting robbed and stabbed or something to death, though maybe living.
As to how I'd do it?
I'm not going to go into the details for reasons outlined in the first response, but I have multiple methods and keep coming up with more all the time. I'm just lucky my laziness and dislike of feeling uncomfortable, even if I am about to try and kill myself, means that it is highly unlikely for me to attempt it again. It would take too much effort, or remove me from the comfort of my bed/chair/clothes for the purposes of achieving it.
Made a half-assed attempt at suffocating myself with my dressing gown cord once too, though obviously that failed miserably as my pain tolerance level is basically 0, and even if I had of lost consciousness the tension in the cord would have been released and I would have started breathing automatically again.
Happens every couple of months when I hit a breaking point in my head and basically want to cease existing, at least in the minds of everyone else. Whether this is accomplished by dying or by just disappearing in the middle of the night and likely freezing/starving/getting robbed and stabbed or something to death, though maybe living.
As to how I'd do it?
I'm not going to go into the details for reasons outlined in the first response, but I have multiple methods and keep coming up with more all the time. I'm just lucky my laziness and dislike of feeling uncomfortable, even if I am about to try and kill myself, means that it is highly unlikely for me to attempt it again. It would take too much effort, or remove me from the comfort of my bed/chair/clothes for the purposes of achieving it.
Weak? Maybe. An inconsiderate asshole even in death? Nope. If I'm feeling miserable enough to end my shitty life I sure as hell don't want to pass that feeling on.madster11 said:
Not to say I haven't though of some "fun" way to go out with a bang (in two ways, as you'll read in a moment).
There's this story in my head:
The protagonist is a failure of a human being with a dead end job and has a thing for little girls. So what does he do? Why of course he finds himself some fresh 12 yo to rape and right after he's done with that he pulls out his handgun and blast his brains out. I'm sure that girl would have a bright future ahead of her.
Might eventually put it on paper.
I've thought about the concept of suicide. I've never debated seriously committing it though. As someone who's literally in medium to severe pain 24/7, and is immune to conventional pain killers due to the same condition that causes that pain, I know what it's like to want a way out. That said, what's the point of killing yourself? I mean, then you're dead. Your existence ceases. You can't do shit anymore. It just makes no sense. There's still shit I want to do. Even if there isn't right now, I can't know how I'll feel in the future. Plus, there are things to try regardless of whether or not I feel like I want to. Who knows how I'll feel about them after I do them? if I was going to "kill myself", then I'd most likely just do something stupid crazy instead. Something that might result in me getting dead, but would be 1000x more fun or interesting than just doing the same fucking thing everyone else does when they're fed up with life.
That said, I'm not trying to simultaneously pass judgement on everyone who's ever committed suicide. I get the pain people can go through on an emotional level. I understand the feelings of despair, guilt, or total meaninglessness that comes over some individuals. I know there are people with truly crippling conditions or who just want to speed up the process of an inevitably terminal and painful illness. I get it as a desperate means of making a potentially influential statement. I get wanting to die on your own terms. I get it (though I certainly have't experienced any of those things to the nth degree). That said, I do think many people who commit suicide do it for...poor reasons. At least, when looking at it from the bigger picture.
The closest I've ever come to "suicide" was out of curiosity and a morbid compulsion. I'm not sure why, but once in a great while when I find myself in a position where something potentially dangerous could happen (cutting bread or something), I have this odd desire to off myself in the most brutal way possible in that moment via the utilization of said danger. It's both a terrifying and exhilarating feeling. I like to think most people feel like that to some degree at some point in their lives, but I could just be the crazy one.
That said, I'm not trying to simultaneously pass judgement on everyone who's ever committed suicide. I get the pain people can go through on an emotional level. I understand the feelings of despair, guilt, or total meaninglessness that comes over some individuals. I know there are people with truly crippling conditions or who just want to speed up the process of an inevitably terminal and painful illness. I get it as a desperate means of making a potentially influential statement. I get wanting to die on your own terms. I get it (though I certainly have't experienced any of those things to the nth degree). That said, I do think many people who commit suicide do it for...poor reasons. At least, when looking at it from the bigger picture.
The closest I've ever come to "suicide" was out of curiosity and a morbid compulsion. I'm not sure why, but once in a great while when I find myself in a position where something potentially dangerous could happen (cutting bread or something), I have this odd desire to off myself in the most brutal way possible in that moment via the utilization of said danger. It's both a terrifying and exhilarating feeling. I like to think most people feel like that to some degree at some point in their lives, but I could just be the crazy one.
Thought about it. Never really seriously debated with myself if I should though. It was just a passing thought.
Know how I would do it if I did though. God that sounds dark....
Know how I would do it if I did though. God that sounds dark....
Personally, as a person who loves control and order, I like the idea of knowing exactly how much life I'll have to plan for. For example, if I know I will die at 50, I can plan my work and retirement exactly and get the most out of life that I can. I'd rather live well for 25ish more years than live a mediocre life for 50 or so more. I really don't think humans were ever meant to live as long as we are now, so I'd prefer to avoid the horrifying slow decay of age and just take myself out.
Quick note though, I've done some research and you'd be surprised how few suicide methods are actually reliable. People have survived falling at terminal velocity. People have survived shooting themselves in the head with a 12 gage shotgun. Overdosing usually just causes you to throw up and you're found hours later alive in a pool of your own vomit. Hanging is an incredibly unpleasant way to go, as it can take up to 30 minutes for you to die. The classic of slitting your wrists only has about a 15% success rate. Immolation can not only fail, but cause you, upon your survival, to face criminal charges for endangering others, and/or arson. If you are seriously considering it, know that suicide is NOT easy, and it is never pleasant.
Quick note though, I've done some research and you'd be surprised how few suicide methods are actually reliable. People have survived falling at terminal velocity. People have survived shooting themselves in the head with a 12 gage shotgun. Overdosing usually just causes you to throw up and you're found hours later alive in a pool of your own vomit. Hanging is an incredibly unpleasant way to go, as it can take up to 30 minutes for you to die. The classic of slitting your wrists only has about a 15% success rate. Immolation can not only fail, but cause you, upon your survival, to face criminal charges for endangering others, and/or arson. If you are seriously considering it, know that suicide is NOT easy, and it is never pleasant.
I think about it a great deal, but that's mainly the negative aspect of my brain chiming in with bad ideas. Realistically I'm not against suicide at all. However, when it comes time for me it would be more of a decision to end life as I know it... You know leave and go on the last adventure, travel far and take what I want and when it comes down to it exit in a hail of gunfire!!
I think about it just about every day. I've attempted it a couple of times, but...I don't know. I have a friend who went that way a few years ago, and she's still dearly missed.
If I were to do it again, though, I'd try to contract some kind of fatal disease. Or maybe commit some kind of crime that would require lethal force being used.
I've tried talking to people who can supposedly 'help' with these thoughts, but they never do.
I just love these threads.
If I were to do it again, though, I'd try to contract some kind of fatal disease. Or maybe commit some kind of crime that would require lethal force being used.
I've tried talking to people who can supposedly 'help' with these thoughts, but they never do.
I just love these threads.
I've attempted it a couple of times, and been institutionalised three times. I'm not surprised by the number of people who've contemplated it - I think everyone does at least once -, but I am surprised by the number of people who've actually attempted it.
TMI:
TMI:
Coincidentally, I think I'm about to lose a friend to suicide. I've tried my best to help him, but he's been clinically depressed for 20+ years and really believes there's nothing better out there for him. I've offered to call him help, but he's made it very clear he bloody doesn't want to be saved, because life's fucked him over too much already and he just wants the pain to stop. He's heard all of the speeches, he's heard all the pep talks. I've done all I can for the guy. If I allow him go through with it, does that make me an angel of mercy or a horrible human being?