jthm said:
** There is no shame to being a virgin. I know there's a negative connotation to that word, particularly amongst virgins, but there really isn't any shame to the state of not having had sex yet. Don't let it define you.
Easy for an outsider to say. For awhile, it was all I could think about and it dominated my life. It was not pleasant and just saying "stop thinking about it" doesn't help.
Hmm, I almost don't want to share my story because I'm afraid someone will try and replicate it, getting as hurt as I did, or worse. Oh well. I begin this with the caveat of "don't ever do this," but I did it. I'm 25 and was when this happened. For years I didn't believe I was attractive at all. I didn't understand that women found any men physically attractive, let alone that I could be, too. Using this forum, someone put up a thread that said "Am I attractive" and people put up their photos. I did, too, and a couple of females responded that I was cute. This was shocking. This led to me building a profile on a dating website, a practical enough idea. But I also started doing something else.
I went on a porn equivalent of chat roulette (regular chat roulette was heavily censored at that time). I found that through hours and hours of looking at penises, I could very rarely find a woman on there. And sometimes I could get them to talk to me. This led to many, many webcam sex sessions with numerous women. I almost set up an affair with one who lived relatively close, but she changed her mind. Eventually I met another who lived about 6 hours away. This just seemed too far.
But I added her on skype and we talked online for months. I fell in love with her, and she told me that she loved me too. I tried to set things up, but I was terrified. Finally, after striking out on my second date with a woman from the dating site (after months of trying), I felt I had no other choice. I loaded up the GPS, packed my bags, and told her I was going to see her. The drive wasn't as nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. The hotel wasn't that expensive. She showed up and we spent the best two nights of my life together. I don't think I've ever been happier. Not only that, but I was good in bed, which is shocking after 25 years of celibacy. Our "intimacy" would last for hours at a time. She told me it was amazing and she had never experienced anything like it.
After I got back home, I was just as in love as I ever was. I was going to try and get a job and move out there. For once, I had direction and purpose in life. But she had changed. She didn't talk to me like she used to. Her tone was different. She didn't love me anymore. I understood and I wasn't upset about it. My love is not conditional. I wanted to be friends. I wanted to know what she was doing with her life. I'm pretty sure she had found another guy she wanted to be with, and I wanted to know how it went because I want her to be happy. And just last weekend, she deleted me from her facebook. I'm not sure if I'll ever get to talk to her again. Spent yesterday crying.
That and I doubt I would have had the strength to say no to him. 
