Nah you have missed the boat on many parts.evilthecat said:
"You've mistaken this issue completely. It's nothing to do with the "quality" of the guy, it's to do with behavior which is aggressive or insensitive."
Utter nonsense. I have real world experience here, that's where I'm talking from. I'm guessing you're talking from experience of reading magazines and how they tell you someone should act. Many, many of these are self-serving and are just incorrect. What is aggressive to one girl may not be to another. What does insensitive behaviour mean? It's meaningless when applied in broad strokes. There is absolutely no way to tell how a particular girl will react to a certain type of advance. You can get cues but you could also be misreading cues. I have done many things when approaching girls that you would consider "aggressive" or "insensitive" and these experiences have turned out 100% fine. I've tried these same tactics on other girls and been turned down. Nothing I can do to predict such reactions. What is defined as aggressive changes from each person to the next. There are many, many shades in there. Men practice approaches all along the scale and it is after the fact that it is decided whether or not the approach or whatever was too aggressive etc.
You look at a girl and she doesn't keep eye contact? She could be shy you know. Please don't bring up these examples in a condescending manner when you don't know what you're talking about. Again, I've tried to hold eye contact with a chick, she dropped her eyes, I approached her and it was fine. Girls can be shy too. Sometimes little to nothing about the nature of a girl can be determined beforehand. Hence guys try many, many strategies. I do indeed agree that some are wrong, especially when coming from a place of ego, but many times it's just the type of man that does it, and not his approach.
"This is not something guys do by accident, it might be something guys do if they never learned how to behave properly, but it isn't accidental. It is clearly and obviously aggression. The issue is that some guys still believe that women respond to aggression and feel complimented by it, when the much more likely reaction is that they feel embarrassed or even afraid."
Completely subjective as already explained. There is no such thing as "behaving properly" as I will behave differently around my friends then others. I will also behave differently around different groups of strangers. When you say how woman will respond to "aggression", it could be that in fact one woman will accept a guys advance that you see as "aggressive".
People will always negotiate what is normal, abnormal etc regarding sexual positions and this will inevitably involve gender roles. But what is the point of enforcing equality in this arena? You can't nor should you enforce people change their opinions on this arena. These opinions are formed over centuries and shouldn't be dismissed out of hand or considered irrelevant. Why would everything be considered sexually equal? People feel weird for many fetishes, including ones where the man is submissive and they continue to do them, despite what others feel about it. If we somehow had complete gender equality regarding sex, then nothing would be considered deviant or weird. Is that a realistic hope? Of course not. Who cares if he is tired of how society feels about his sexual act. You can negotiate gender roles and relationships over the course of a larger society, but you should never serve to neutralize these. That would defeat the ongoing negotiation in society on gender roles etc. You can't nor should you aim to enforce what people perceive as gender roles, male, female etc. These come with a long history and are not trivial or should be discarded. So currently yes, it is considered unmanly to take it in the ass with a dildo from your girlfriend. This did not just come out on its own one day and people felt this way. There's a hell of a lot of history behind it, and you can't just dismiss that history. Whether or not you feel the history is right (like woman traditionally who were and are still seen as submissive) is a value judgement on your part (and others who judge history), but many people felt they were right at the time to perpetuate these beliefs. Some of these have carried on into the present day and this means most people would think its unmanly to take it in the ass by a dildo. You have to ask yourself why this is. It's not just men who decide social values, it's women too. You might find that many woman would agree that the guy is unmanly. You will find that many woman will hold to gender roles too, whether traditional ones or new age ones. They will say they want a man who makes the moves, leads etc. There is little place in this view for a man who takes it in the ass by a dildo. These views can't just be invalidated out of hand and attempting to enforce equality from this stance is just silly.
Yes we are bombarded with images of what a normal sex life etc is. But these are done by both genders. We have to form our own opinions (or just go along with everything if that's what you want to do) in the face of a hell a lot of advertising telling us how to live. You have to decide which ones, if any, you adopt and there is little use in in wanting acceptance in every area you choose. Polygamy is generally not considered acceptable. And yet many people have engaged in it throughout history and continue to do so today. Do these people care about equality or acceptance? It could indeed be seen as sexist. But you don't see these men complaining about how what they're doing is viewed as in the larger society. The man living with two women might see it as his right to do so and be offended by your opinion that it's sexist. You cannot be guaranteed acceptance for every life choice you make. Your view and his view on what gender equality is will be different. Who is correct?
When we talk about evolutionary history, you need to understand that it's mostly institutions that we have put a blanket over our age-old ways that stops us from acting like we used to. We have not been living in cities long enough to evolve to these new standards of living. Never in history has anything closely resembling our cities been part of our day to day lives and we are definitely not accustomed to it as a species. It was only in 2007, that more than 50% of people lives in cities. For the vast majority of human history, the vast majority of people have lives in rural areas. We did not evolve to live in cities and this new mode of living would not be possible without institutions that we have put up over many of our age old behaviours and predispositions. A hell of a lot of our behaviours come from when we were still on the savannah. Want an example? A study was done where people who went to marriage counseling, for both instances, where man felt that his wife's jealousy was ruining their relationship and where the wife felt that the man's jealousy was ruining the relationship.
The researchers pulled aside the person who was the partner of the jealous person and they were asked if they really did cheat on their partner. The vast majority of people said that yes they did. Their partners could not explain their suspicions but had what you might call a "gut instinct" (none had evidence of the cheating) but in most cases they were correct. Surely in our new evolved society, such a trait, behaviour etc (or whatever you call it) that in fact evolved while we were on the savannah should have been wiped out by now? But no it still with us, along with a myriad other behaviours. We have not lived a city life long enough to evolve into it. People still act irrationally and are very violent. We have codes of conduct, we have police, we have the courts, jail etc. to curb this behaviour.
Dunno what else to say about the rape thing. Biological urges are powerful and any amount of mental acrobatics can be done to justify a particular act. A man might look at all the advertising and think that everyone bar him is getting laid. He might then use that as an excuse to get rape if he's desperate enough. Anything could be used as an excuse. Education will hardly stop that from happening. I don't have a solution in this area.
Regarding the last point, yes I choose to hold these opinions. I know many of my opinions only a small minority of people would agree with, but I don't care. If I was literally the only person in the world to hold these opinions, than shit, maybe something is wrong. This guy is not the only guy in the world who likes to get done in the ass by a dildo, but he is in the minority. I certainly don't give a shit about acceptance for my views (some of which I've expressed in my posts) as I feel that they're right. They're definitely in the minority but this doesn't bother me one bit.
