Make a Great Game Sound Boring

[hwarang]

Metal Gear Solid - the best game of 1998:

Crawl through an absurdly huge grey facility actively avoiding as many conflicts as possible.

 

[SenorNemo]

Touhou games: You're some lazy girl who moves forward and shoots and moves a little left or right so people will stop bugging her. (Alternatively: You're some tomboy who moves forward and shoots and moves a little left or right so she can borrow stuff and never return it).

 

[Wintermoot]

the .hack series you play a MMORPG the entire time.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup: You are in a dank, dirty basement looking for this magic ball that's allegedly at the bottom. You will never get the magic ball. You just can't have it.

Dwarf Fortress: The games' controls are about as complex and intuitive as a mensa brainteaser. If you mismanage the number of cats, everyone will die. Everyone will die.

Half-Life 2: The highlight of the game is a gun that lets you pick up garbage. Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.

DEFCON: You have a map. You can occasionally hear people coughing. You can slow down the games speed so slow that nothing seems to happen.

 

[mr_major]

The Katamari games: you push a ball to make it bigger.

 

[mcattack92]

World of Warcraft: Beat things with a stick till it dies, get xp, rinse and repeat.
Grand Theft Auto 4: Drive around going on dates with your Cousin.

 

[Yopaz]

Tales of Symphonia. Fight racism and discrimination.
Need For Speed. You get to drive on roads far from any city all alone for huge chunks of time.
Super Mario bros. Walk right and time some jumps until you get to a flagpole.

 

[bz316]

Mass Effect: You're a human soldier tasked with saving the galaxy from an ancient evil...yet again. le sigh...

 

[Scrustle]

Any racing game: go as fast as you can until the game tells you to stop.

I love racing games but I admit that's pretty much what they all boil down to when you think about it. All genres do the same. Like all in shooters all you have to do is press a button after correctly guiding a cross over the screen or else you won't be able to continue.

 

[tseroff]

Windwaker: Voyage of the Dawn Treader with less character development. And less action.

FIFA and Madden: Play football. No, really. If you don't actually want to play football, you still can!

 

[AnotherAvatar]

Red Dead Redemption: You pick flowers and heard cattle, and can't fuck prostitutes. =(

 

[Weealzabob]

Wind Waker. Sail across the sea for minutes at a time, kill random easy monsters, and then go to 16 agonizingly precise spots scattered across the world to progress.

Goldeneye (N64). Walk around levels and point in the general direction of people and autoaim will kill them all.

Batman: Arkham Asylum. Play as a slow moving billionaire who only needs the square button, and build in X-ray vision to succeed against lowlife thugs.

 

[xmbts]

Spoiler: Stay with me here, you're this guy, you have a sword a bow and you need to go stab some mountains.

 

[Divine Miss Bee]

portal is just participatory physics and to a lesser extent, geometry.

 

[LightUpTheHal0]

Alan Wake: Point a flashlight at bad guys until they aren't scary at all. Then shoot them.
Far Cry 2: Take a jungle safari with hardly any animals.
COD Black Ops: Do whatever you imaginary friend tells you to do.
Deus Ex Human Revolution: Pick up boxes in new and creative ways.

 

[Da Chi]

Resident Evil 4 - Only fun if you like shooting Spaniards.

Dance Dance Revolution - Step on Arrow. Repeat

Worms - There are small cartoon worms with accents trying to get rid off worms with different accents.

Goldeneye 64 - Die repeatedly until you manage to pick oddjob.

CoD World at War (Nazi Zombies) - Stop enemies from hitting planks. Replace planks. Repeat

Warioware - Blink and you fail

 

[Commander of pie]

Team Fortress 2-You kill guys that are not the same color and push a bomb/capture circular metal things or get a briefcase

Oh and stand around for hats and trade them off for metal or hats that are not the same as yours

 

[ParanoidEngineer]

Saints Row the Third.
Buy property, wait for more money to be made from the rent, buy more property, repeat.

 

[Lenderian]

Kill, Die, Respawn. Kill, Die, Respawn. Kill, Die, Respawn.

You my sir have a 1 to 1 kd ratio. Congrats for you!


Super smash bros melee: Jump over head press A down repeat till roommate punches you in real life for it.

 

[Commander of pie]

Just Cause 2: ....no, sorry. Impossible to make boring.

I can do this!

Umm...

...

"Make a driving instructor cry blood"

"Pull down propaganda by the any of the means at your disposal"

"Perform thousands of no-skill-required, easily survivable BASE jumps"

"Convince a small island nation that their government sucks"

MAN, THIS IS HARD.

-Shoot ALL the things.
-Drive ALL the things.

Goddammit, it still sounds fun.

Want me to try?

Ok you blow up stuff and kill a army that is to powerful for a island that size there done now give me a cookie