Make a Great Game Sound Boring

[Tamrin]

Deus Ex: Human Revolution: Throw boxes and eat candy bars.

He didn't ask for skittles.

I'll try a hat trick, three at once.

Spoiler

Gears of War 1,2 & 3:
You play an exterminator who moves from one chest high wall to another chest high wall while occasionally hiding behind a chest high wall in a world of black, brown, and gray. Every now and again you shoot at stuff that gets between you and your love of chest high walls.

During the cut scenes you push your eyebrows together more forcefully than the last while grunting at the people around you who are more or less the same cardboard cut out that you are. Did I mention most of humanity is dead so these people are pretty much it? Yeah. Some of them eventually die, but at least you still have your chest high walls. That's all that really matters.

 

[bauke67]

So, yeah, basically all you is run around shooting things, or granading them. So you press 3 buttons for aa couple of hours. That's about it.
(any shooter)

 

[Sixcess]

Doom: It's an FPS where you can't jump or crouch or aim up or down. No sniper rifles, no grenades. No story development, characters or voice acting.

 

[Virmire]

Metal Gear Solid 4: You play the role on an elderly, chainsmoking man with back problems on his quest to take down an old delusional rival. Sneak, shoot, and complain your way through this cinematic philisophical epic!

 

[woodaba]

Planescape Torment: Run around, read some stuff. Click on a bad guy when they pop up.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Any Legend of Zelda games-
You on some quest to save the princess or something. However before you can save her, you have to go through several dungeons and picking up some gadgets to use or something like that. Ther are alot of side quest which involve collecting a butch of stuff.

Xenoblade Chronicles-
You do ALOT of exploring by walking or running but it will take hours to do so. Sure the combat isn't turn based but you still got to choose your attack and position your character correctly to utalise the attacks. Oh there a bunch of fetch quests, have fun with that.

 

[retyopy]

Minecraft: You walk around and build stuff. Then you go and mine things, before falling in lava and dying.

 

[KillKill]

Fallout 3: Find dad, help him clean septic tank.

 

[Double A]

Dwarf Fortress: You watch a bunch of ASCII characters move around the screen and react to different ASCII characters. Sometimes the screen gets very red.

 

[Muspelheim]

ArmA 2: You attempt to pick off tiny, tiny specks at the horizon through your ironsight. Then, you are shot by a sniper. Or shoot a civilian tiny speck standing nearby and get your arse court-martial'd before the gunbarrel has cooled.


Dwarf Fortress: You manage a group of small, bearded alcoholics prone to depression and attempt to keep them alive through the winter. They will, sooner or later, snap and go on a killing spree. You have already failed.


Eve Online: You fly around in space, not discovering very much but rocks. If you try to roleplay, everyone have carte blanche to destroy your ship and kill you. Even if you don't, they will destroy your ship and kill you. Or hold you up, steal your cargo and then destroy you.


S.T.A.L.K.E.R: You run around in the Zone, getting shot at by criminals and slowly developing cancer. Or wander into a local negative space-time wedgie and get dissolved into molecyles.
If you succeed in spite of this, the macguffin will still defeat you.

 

[Squilookle]

Since you could boil any game down to it's barebone basics, let's have some fun.

I always enjoy threads about this- I made one back in the day as well if you want to see more:

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.241408-Your-horrible-pitch-for-good-games#8732458

Can't get enough of it meeself.

 

[YouBecame]

Homeworld :Build spaceships, point spaceships at other spaceships until either you or they run out of spaceships.
Binding of Isaac: Walk through basement trying not to die
Super Meat Boy: Get to your bandagey girlfriend.

 

[Dr Jones]

So in Bioshock 2 your like, a scubba diver. And you do drugs that make that make people light up. And there is these little girls you grab. And thats about it.

That sounds goddamn awesome.

 

[Segadroid]

Fallout 3: Find dad, help him clean septic tank.

That was brilliant.

Half-life 2: You walk around with a crowbar and smash crates.

Legend of Zelda: You talk to animals and people, then whail around a sharp stick.

Tetris: You stack things.

Halo: Combat Evolved: You crash in a pod on a ring and try to get off it while aliens shoot at you with purple squirt-guns.

 

[natster43]

Battlefield 3: You shoot at someone a few hundred feet away, then die.
any Super Mario: You Jump on a thing, then you pick up random flowers and mushrooms to make stuff happen.
Mortal Kombat: Punch someone over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and...
any Pokemon: Help some old person fill out an encyclopedia on animals.

 

[Toriver]

Genesis Sonic games: Hold right to run. Jump. Get rings and make it to the signpost. Sometimes you'll have to jump on a fatass in a car eight times.

Zelda OoT: Get sword and shield. Use them to get shiny macguffins. Get bigger sword and grow up. Get some more shiny macguffins. Save princess. You don't get the girl.

Pokemon: Navigate menus. Watch still picture sprites move. Play rock-paper-scissors to win.

EDIT: One more:
Kirby: Eat. Float. Beat up a hammer-wielding penguin.

 

[OldKingClancy]

Canis Canem Edit (Or Bully): Go to school.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

THESE are pretty much what we are getting at aren't they? I saw them whilst browsing the net earlier, and it's pretty much this topic!

'Indated High-Budget Game Fun For Disillusioned Stay-At-Homes Who Don't Know Any Better' Is the link on the page for the game section, and it's been made into a kind of game where you read the synopsis, and try and guess the game! Pretty difficult for some!

Although if I were to do one... Batman Arkham Asylum:- Man in fancy dress takes enemy to new home, but gets stuck. Runs around a small island in circles until all inhabitants of island have grown bigger and stronger where he recaptures enemy. Along route he trips out on some bad acid a few times, and has psychedelic dreams...

 

[TheOneBearded]

Batman Arkham Asylum/City - Throw a punch here, throw a Batarang there - rinse and repeat

Skyrim - Go into the end of a dungeon, fight boss, look for big ass chest or Dragon Wall - rinse and repeat over 200 times

Bioshock 1 and 2 - Take awesome drugs.....and not get high as a kite

Mass Effect 2 - I hope you have the Seven Dwarves on speed dial for you'll be mining all day long

Fallout: New Vegas - Get awesome gun, run up to a guy's face, use VATS

 

[RHadley]

So you're in this really weird attempt at england - that looks nothing like england by the way, and you're sitting in a room, when someone needs to come through. After the leave, you go where they went, staying behing them. Then you learn you need to click (or press keyboard / controller buttons) on certain things in order to kill them. You catch up, and are told to follow them. The important bloke dies, you leave, get told far too many things, and begin wandering around for anything to click. Oh, and there are gates to some weird place with towers, and orbs you must press buttons while looking at.

Any guesses?
Elder Scrolls Oblivion.