Yeah... like Nintendo would ever allow this to happen after the sad sack of shit that was Super Mario Bros.
Metroid Film...by Uwe Boll starring... Jessica simpson
- Thread starter rekabdarb
- Start date
I know I haven't played metroid in a while so my memory is a bit spotty but... where did the fucking love interest come from? It wasn't from the original game so why are they saying "Back to its roots?" This has to be a joke. A very bad joke that a /b/tard would do for the lulz.
Uwe Boll....SHOOT IT...SHOOOOOOOT IT
Edit: Now i read it i feel i have to clarify...Shoot Uwe Boll (Bang)...not Uwe Boll shoot the movie
Edit: Now i read it i feel i have to clarify...Shoot Uwe Boll (Bang)...not Uwe Boll shoot the movie
I just placed a bet of 20 cents with my local bookie. If this movie wins an academy award I'll be a very rich man.
I remember reading an article about WHY Nintendo hasn't had one of their games made into a movie yet. They are VERY VERY Protective. I highly doubt they would give Uwe Boll the okay to have one of their children and make it into a grotesque monster. I also remember that they said something like they aren't putting making a movie out of one of their games is bad they just want the right guy to come along and I HIGHLY HIGHLY doubt they would let Uwe Boll have at it and make it into a disgusting piece of fecal matter.Enigma6667 said:
I kinda want this to be true, but I suspect it isn't. I have trouble imagining Nintendo would be this stupid. Then again... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108255/
Although I doubt this film will ever be made ... I shall help you if it is true :3Swarley said:
Humanity will be deemed 'unclean' after such an event and must be purged
Being serious however ....I do reckon that major Nintendo brands (Zelda, Metroid, Mario) are incredibly precious things to Nintendo (despite the old cartoon-a-fying of Zelda, and the comic-a-fying of Captain Nintendo), so it's not doubtful that they'd hold out for some director (and film budget) that would atleast blow people away.
I mean, Metroid has all the things that could work in a movie as set pieces .... guns, big monsters, acrobatic female protagonist who shoots said guns at said monsters who operates well and truly behind enemies lines all by her ownsome.
But it's storyline isn't exactly stellar, the setting is brilliant ... you're a mercenary in a protracted series of wars and skirmishes against a thoroughly alien enemy, whilst formerly attached to a colonising centralised bureaucracy that has extended (and is extending) itself throughout the galaxy.
But being an interplanetary soldier mowing down hordes of aliens isn't exactly a fresh idea that hasn't been written about and screened half a billion times.
A Metroid movie would either have to take the setting to it's very first roots, or just throw out most of the story, to beable to juggle the increasingly complex mountain of settings that has been laid ontop of eachother every Metroid game. And even then it would have to pad it out and add additional emotional reasons why we should care at all about Samus apart from the fact that she is a walking (or rolling) battle tank that is also half ninja.
It's a bit hard to care about a character of whom you can't even see her face half the time.
Whether you are a Metroid fan or not, and whether you think Metroid (or any other game) does or does not have movie potential, it doesn't sway the fact that Uwe Boll is nothing short of entertainment cancer.
Despite Nintendo re-releasing that game about 20 times to make embarrassing amounts of money from their fans, it's a game that holds a special place in the hearts of most gamers due it being the first game to ever have a female protagonist. A very bad ass heroine at that.
Metroid just doesn't have the kind structure to be a compelling movie, but I think that when most people think of it being made into a film, they're thinking something like Avatar minus all the wordy-talky meatbags in favor of greater sci-fi, special effects bonanza.
It all comes down to a hot chick wearing half a tank and frying anything that so much looks at her funny, and that I think is something we can all believe in.
by the by, if you haven't already.... http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html
Despite Nintendo re-releasing that game about 20 times to make embarrassing amounts of money from their fans, it's a game that holds a special place in the hearts of most gamers due it being the first game to ever have a female protagonist. A very bad ass heroine at that.
Metroid just doesn't have the kind structure to be a compelling movie, but I think that when most people think of it being made into a film, they're thinking something like Avatar minus all the wordy-talky meatbags in favor of greater sci-fi, special effects bonanza.
It all comes down to a hot chick wearing half a tank and frying anything that so much looks at her funny, and that I think is something we can all believe in.
by the by, if you haven't already.... http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html
Unfortunately you won't be able to collect your winnings as any universe where Uwe Boll can win an Oscar would kersplode due to extreme levels of inanity.fluffybunny937 said:
I give thee the Metroid Manga. Samus talks and its pretty much an origin story which is actually pretty AWESOME.Deiphagia said:
Oh dear lord. This is horrifying. The worst part is, as a metroid fan I will of course feel compelled to see it.
Oh good dear God, tell me this is a joke. DEAR GOD TELL ME IT'S A JOKE. Uwe Boll must never be allowed to ruin Samus, not with Jessica Simpson's help, not with anyone else's. WE MUST DESTROY THIS IDEA FROM THE MINDS OF MEN EVERYWHERE, LEST IT COME TRUE AT THE HANDS OF SOME HORRIFYING EVIL BEING.
Besides which fact, Jessica Simpson just isn't hot enough to portray Samus.
Besides which fact, Jessica Simpson just isn't hot enough to portray Samus.
If this is true... no, it can't be. No way would Nintendo hand over one of their most prized franchises to such a madman. I could see him casting Jessica Simpson, 'cause it's not like Boll ever makes good decisions, but this wouldn't happen in the first place. It can't.
And if it does... anyone want to join me on a suicidal mission of assassination?
And if it does... anyone want to join me on a suicidal mission of assassination?
Obvious troll is obvious. If it was Jessica ALBA and not SIMPSON I wouldn't mind watching, but the bit about Boll creating a thought-provoking epic is about as realistic as any of Boll's movies winning any form of accolade [ apart from a Razzie ]Blackvegie said:
and krion's right, Nintendo, like Blizzard, aren't going to be so bloody stupid to put a highly regarded franchise in Uwe Boll's grimy disgusting hands.