Poll: Are you closer to your Mum or Dad

[The Wykydtron]

Considering I only found out what my dad's first name was just after my 18th birthday... Draw some conclusions yo'

Funny how little it affects me, can't miss what you never had after all.

Not even an epic break-up outside the house at 1 in the morning on my 14th birthday or anything... Quite disappointing really. He was just never there, literally since even before birth.

So yeah I don't even have a father and I couldn't care less. I hope he shows up at some point so I can just show him exactly how many fucks I give about him. Precisely none.

 

[Insanity72]

Well my mum died when I was 7 and I'm almost 18 now, so I've naturally moved closed to my father. Although I do remember being closer to my Mother when she was still around.

 

[Byere]

If you'd have asked me a few years ago, I'd have said my mum... but honestly, nowadays I feel like I just can't get close to either parent.

My dad was an asshole when I was a kick, eventually getting kicked out by my mum. After a few years away, we got close again. Nowadays he's the guardian of my cousin... his niece after his sister passed away... and all I ever seem to see is him treat her like dirt. Him as his wife constantly calling her fat (despite her being skinnier than anyone else in the family), constantly berating her and when she DOES try to get involved and have a good time, he has a go at her and is needlessly a prick about everything.
Also, I work for him in the family business... and when he's not ordering us about and expecting the rest of us to do all the work despite him sitting around, he's bitching about customers, having a go at me when I'm trying to talk to customers on the phone and just generally being an asshole all over again.

My mum used to be a very strong-willed woman. Wouldn't let anything happen to my sister or I. Then my step-dad came along. He acts a lot like my dad does. He berates my mum, he doesn't have (and refuses to get) a job and leeches off her, Hell, he's cheated on her at least twice (that we've proven) and she still won't boot his ass to the kerb. She never listens, bearly paying attention when you try to talk to her... even moreso if she's at her computer...
She cries and moans about how he treats her and yet won't do anything about it, despite all the support we and her friends have tried to give her.

The one thing that pisses me off the most though is the snideness from both parties. Every time the subject of the other parent comes up, there's always snide and pathetic comments and slanders. Both assume such nasty things about the other, but haven't actually spoken to each other in over 13 years for crying out loud!

So to answer your question, I don't feel close to either of them nowadays. If it wasn't for the fact that I can't afford to do so, I would happily pack up and get my own place miles away from my whole family and avoid dealing with either of them (though I'd still stay in contact with my sister... she feels pretty much the same way I do in it all)

 

[Brutal Peanut]

Spoiler: Female - closer to my Father.

My Mother and I have had a huge rift between us since my childhood. She also had some mental issues that lead to some rough times. Now that I am an adult and she's hit her mid 50's, we are fairly civil with one another and with some patience and self-control I can calmly enjoy her presence when I visit her once or twice a year with siblings (she lives 9 hours away - if you don't take a break). She also tends to call me every so often, to rant, and to tell me that she wants a grandchild from me.

However, despite my and my Mother's best efforts now to have a close bond, I'll always be closer to my Father. Funnily enough, we don't see each other as often as we'd like due to shared introversion and scheduling differences, but there is just something there with my Father that isn't with my Mother....[small]I guess it also really helps that my Dad plays video games, likes some of the same music and can have intelligent conversations without getting defensive.[/small]

 

[Powereaver]

Very much mum.. she pretty much raised us since mum and dad got divorced when i was 8... and sure these days we have our arguments and fights but i will still always be closer to her then i ever will to my dad

 

[WaysideMaze]

That's why when I have kids I'm determined that the dad is either in it forever or not at all.
You can't just drift in and out of your kid's lives once every couple of years.

Best way. My mum and dad split when I was about 3, and my mum got custody of me and my younger brother. He got to see us every other weekend, and I loved it when those weekends came around. I'd sit by the gate waiting for him, but sometimes he wouldn't show, and my mum would have to drag me inside crying.
1 day when I was 7 he just stopped showing up all together. Broke my heart it did.
Found out a few years ago (I'm 22 now) that he turned up a year later wanting to see us, but my mum refused, saying he couldn't just waltz in and out of our lives when he felt like it. She never told us, as children we wouldn't be able to understand, but I'm grateful she made that choice. Must have been hard for my mum to see how upset I was by him, I really did love him when I was a child.

On the plus side, he's given me a good model of what I don't want to turn out like.

To answer the thread question (as if those 2 paragraphs somehow don't) I'm a male and closer to my mum. She's the best.

 

[Ledan]

I relate more to my dad because we can have more fun conversations, whenever I have a crazy idea he keeps going with it. Say, like talking about farms in skyscrapers or teaching me why monopoly is illegal.

 

[Bassik]

My father is kind of an ass hole, so I keep my distance.

 

[CleverCover]

It depends on my mood, whether or not it's my time of the month, whoever is there at the moment, and whatever the mood of the parent in question is.

Generally though, at 60% to 40%, it's easier to talk to my mother.

 

[Qwurty2.0]

Male and closer to my mother. She's both a friend you can talk to and a parent who knows when they should parent and when they should just let it go.

My dad and I used to be all right when I was around 12-14, but we grew apart when I matured and realized he was a lonely, manipulative person. After he lost his job as an IT manager, he became increasingly religious (which wasn't a problem at first; I was raised christian). He became controlling and absorbed in his own world.

I din't actually start standing up to him until I had found ways to make myself independent from him, which involved working long hours (I worked an average of just under 50 hours a week in the summer) and buying my own car at sixteen, using my own money, so that he could stop using his vehicles to make me do what he wanted.

What bothered me the most though, was that he demonized my mother and would basically harass her and verbally abuse her over the phone, and then would use my sister and I as tools to help him hurt her [he would call me if my mom didn't answer her phone, and then would ask me questions about things she wouldn't tell him or tell me he wanted to talk to her, and being that I wasn't fully aware as to what was going on ("It's adult business, I'll tell you when you're older") I would do what he told me to do]. I was always somewhat aware of what was going on, because we alternated between their houses each week, and any plans they made effected my sister and I in some way.

He doesn't have much control over me anymore, he often gets angry at me because I try to stay with my mom as much as possible, but it has gotten to the point where I just don't care what he wants or thinks of me anymore, and I think he might (might) be starting to realize that he can't take advantage of me anymore.

But other than all that, everyone here would probably thing he's an "OK" guy when they first meet him.

 

[Hagi]

Yeesh...

reading this thread makes me kinda sad for some of the fathers (and their children out there). And happy about my dad. Makes me kinda more determined as well to be a real dad to my children, not just because I happened to impregnate their mother but rather because I raised them and was there for them.

 

[Cerebral Force]

***I'm male, I am close to both of them pretty equally, however; TLR incoming.***

My parents have been separated for about 5-6 years now and I have been in the routine of 1 weekend a fortnight at Dad's. For reasons I shall not disclose, I am now the only child (of 3, I am the middle child) who is now seeing my dad. Despite this, I was always closer to him in a sense, even amongst my siblings.

It was always easier to get along with him because we shared and continued to be one of my bigger interests growing up and maturing in life, and that is the almighty video game. As I grew and matured (the latter is open to debate), he was able to spend a bit more time to interact with me in games and other activities. Therein lies where the foundation of my personality seems to have been built, as mine almost mirrors his.

We recently went fishing for the first time in 4 years, at 8 o'clock at night, just for practising my casting and for a little fun. This is sadly something that my younger brother and dad wanted to do before they stopped contact a little over a year ago now, so I know that dad might get a little upset on the inside, thinking back on last time he did this with us and starts missing him.

Anyway, all this reminiscing MIGHT, ALMOST, JUST. MAY. BE bringing a tear or two to my eyes, so I need to go do something manly before I start bawling or something.

 

[Phasmal]

That's why when I have kids I'm determined that the dad is either in it forever or not at all.
You can't just drift in and out of your kid's lives once every couple of years.

Best way. My mum and dad split when I was about 3, and my mum got custody of me and my younger brother. He got to see us every other weekend, and I loved it when those weekends came around. I'd sit by the gate waiting for him, but sometimes he wouldn't show, and my mum would have to drag me inside crying.
1 day when I was 7 he just stopped showing up all together. Broke my heart it did.
Found out a few years ago (I'm 22 now) that he turned up a year later wanting to see us, but my mum refused, saying he couldn't just waltz in and out of our lives when he felt like it. She never told us, as children we wouldn't be able to understand, but I'm grateful she made that choice. Must have been hard for my mum to see how upset I was by him, I really did love him when I was a child.

On the plus side, he's given me a good model of what I don't want to turn out like.

To answer the thread question (as if those 2 paragraphs somehow don't) I'm a male and closer to my mum. She's the best.

My dad used to do the no-show thing too, it happened so many times my mother used to say `Your dad is coming over tomorrow` and I'd be like `Sure he is.`

Having a dad is fine, and not having a dad is fine too. Having an sometimes-dad sucks ass.
It always pissed me off because he'd try and get people to pity him by saying my mother wasn't letting him see us, which is absolute bullshit.
She still tries to get me to contact him, I'm kind of like `I'm 22 it's a bit late for that.`
I had great father figures in my grandad on my mum's side and my stepdad anyway.

Though one day he is gonna kick the bucket and that's gonna be an awkward funeral for a dude I barely remember.

 

[False Nobility]

I think I hang out with my mum far more, but I still love my dad. My dad works full time, so that's certainly part of it. I always like to hang out with him though.

 

[DanielBrown]

Male, closer to my mother.
The fact that my father has been dead since I was one year old might affect the result slightly.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

Male, closer to my mother (Freud! Freud! ). My parents split when I was young and around the time I turned 14 my relationship with my dad turned quite hostile. While that has cooled somewhat in recent years, he now lives on the other side of the country and I'm in no hurry to rebuild any bridges. But my mother has always been there for me, although I sometimes wonder which one of us is supposed to be the parent, as it seems that I'm the one always giving her advice.

 

[WaysideMaze]

My dad used to do the no-show thing too, it happened so many times my mother used to say `Your dad is coming over tomorrow` and I'd be like `Sure he is.`

Having a dad is fine, and not having a dad is fine too. Having an sometimes-dad sucks ass.
It always pissed me off because he'd try and get people to pity him by saying my mother wasn't letting him see us, which is absolute bullshit.
She still tries to get me to contact him, I'm kind of like `I'm 22 it's a bit late for that.`
I had great father figures in my grandad on my mum's side and my stepdad anyway.

Though one day he is gonna kick the bucket and that's gonna be an awkward funeral for a dude I barely remember.

At least my mum doesn't make me try to contact mine I guess. The most she has to say about him is what a useless sack of shit he is.

 

[VeryOddGamer]

Mother, because my father works in the Air Force, so he wasn't all that close even before the divorce. Oh, and of course, they divorced.
Though, on the other hand, my father is a lot more like me, you know, he likes similar movies, music and the like. Also, he seems to be a lot closer to my wavelength.

 

[Sara Fontaine]

Incredibly close with my mum, to the point of being able to talk to her about pretty much anything. I do belive this is due to my dad leaving, and I think that had he still been with her, we wouldn't be as close.

As for my dad... well... he's got another family now. Every now and again he'll remember that I exist and come to see me for all of ten minutes, call me the wrong name, tell me how his partner's daughters are so successful and how one got offered a modelling job in Maxim, talk about the 'grandchildren', tell me that I need to lose weight (when I'm not that big to begin with) and that I'm not trying hard enough to get a job and then bugger off again.

Do I sound bitter? It's because I am.

 

[Alssadar]

I'm more with my mother, as my Dad's job often required him to be farther away from me during my childhood, meaning I was with my mother more and built more of a relationship with her. As for that matter, I've yearned to get closer to my dad, though I don't really know how to do it, as he's a car guy, and I'm a vidya games guy.