Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?

[wulfy42]

If your nice to everyone how are you going to make your GF feel special?

Being nice is a good thing, and I think respecting others is also an important character trait, but I think it's important to have your own identity and wants, and to feel comfortable letting other people know what those wants are and willing to fight for them.

"Nice" guys who basically let everyone walk all over them are not attractive to many people. Honestly there are girls that like all types of guys and the most important thing you need to do is have your own identity, things that make you interesting and you'll find people interested in you. If you find you have lots of friends, you'll probably also end up with lots of people attracted to you sexually as well (not always true of course, but usually is).

Of course there are some people of both genders who like being treated badly or want a very dominant partner. I don't want that type of relationship and if you find a girl who seems to be attracted to guys like that......then move on. There are plenty of girls out there who are attracted to a person like you. Just put yourself out there, enjoy your life, and other people will see you enjoying yourself and want to come along for the ride.

 

[Xman490]

I'm getting the feeling that most girls are either "taken" or disinterested.

 

[Epic Fail 1977]

Girls say they like "nice and funny guys" and go for jerks the same way guys say they like "sweet and down-to-earth" girls and go for the bitchy ones. Which is to say, it is mostly in your head and the rest of it is just shallowness on their part or a need for petty excitement in their lives.

When I get frustrated that even "nice" guys treat me like I'm a piece of furniture, despite the fact that I probably have more in common with them interest-wise than the air-headed girls they keep flocking to, I just tell myself that it is their loss and I'm probably not missing out on anything special anyway. And then I laugh because I suck at lying to myself, have some Lindor truffles, and attempt to get my breast size to increase by sheer force of will.

Funny post
I don't know if this helps, but there's a girl where I live (one of my neighbors) who is rather large. Ordinarily I wouldn't find her attractive, but she wears cool clothes, eye-flattering goth makeup, a push-up bra (and always a top that shows what she's got) and a ton of perfume that smells like an aphrodisiac. And it totally works. She reminds me of a saying my GF told me: there are no ugly girls, only lazy ones. I dunno if that helps but maybe it's food for thought.

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

Mentality of the human instinct.

Men love women that are sensual, makes them feel empowered and sexually strong.
Women love cold, concending tough men, they believes they'll satisfy their sexual urges.

I shrug off such things; Tucker of RvB said it best on how to appeal to women: "sometimes they like it when your nice, sometimes they like it when your a jerk; mix it up a little."

 

[Tyzamar]

They won't admit to liking jerks...but I think something deep in their subconscious makes them love them for some reason.

 

[Darkauthor81]

Well it depends on what you want. Do you want random, hot, limping the next day, sex or do you want a relationship? Jerks get sex, nice guys get relationships.

 

[manaman]

Reason #1 not to date American girls: they are too fucking stupid to realize that being a jackass is NOT a sign of self-confidence, and self-confidence is NOT, often, deserved. I mean, most women are too stupid for this (and plenty of men), but it's more an issue with american girls, I find.

I find that people that start or end statements with "I find" didn't really look into anything like they are trying to imply and are just stating an opinion of theirs.

Yes I intentionally used "I find" up there. I'm just trying to let Volkov know in a nice enough way that what was said was strictly their opinion and if they would like to pass if off as fact in the fact in the future this person should probably at least check out a few facts.

Oh and Volkov, you should also know that you pretty much insulted a good portion of the planet with that statement.

 

[ensouls]

Reason #1 not to date American girls: they are too fucking stupid to realize that being a jackass is NOT a sign of self-confidence, and self-confidence is NOT, often, deserved. I mean, most women are too stupid for this (and plenty of men), but it's more an issue with american girls, I find.

A bit idiotic to generalize like this.

Anyway. My fiancee is, when it comes to important things, the nicest guy you could find. Hell, he moved across the country for me (and it's one of the few things I feel justified in bragging about). But he's still more outgoing than I am, and he can be a jerk in small and entertaining ways. He's a pretty smooth talker, too. But he's never given me a reason to distrust him about that.

I suspect that many of the guys who complain that "jerks always get the girls:"
A) aren't doing a whole lot to show interest,
B) are only interested in select girls (perhaps girls of a certain type hint hint), and when those girls don't reciprocate, begin enviously and bitterly complaining,
or
C) don't actually have their lives together enough to attract girls generally. It's a very socially-oriented world I'm afraid; being notably successful in a career, in the social world and so on requires a lot of time and energy. And sometimes shark-like ambition and a ridiculous amount of time worrying about physical appearance. I don't like it either, but a smooth-talking, good-looking jerk of either gender will rise to the top of that sort of field.

 

[Vault101]

what exactally does "nice guy" mean?

I probably wouldnt like to go out with an asshole

but I guess self confidence and assertiveness is attractive

Im also not into self loathing doormats

 

[Burck]

You can be a nice guy.

But you have to be a CONFIDENT nice guy.

It's just easier for jerk guys to be confident because they cover up their own insecurities by insulting others. Nice guys have to become confident the hard way: by actually accepting themselves for who they are.

 

[Chrishu]

Oh, come on. You guys who call yourselves nice are jerks, too. By complaining about how women don't see you you for the great guy you are you're simply demeaning their intelligence. Girls aren't stupid, most of the time you nice guys are incapable of giving women what they need.

 

[game-lover]

I picked "other" because I think the first and the 2nd choice. I suppose it would depend on the type of nice guy. Some guys can just be the way they are. Other guys gotta mix it up a little.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

I might be a little too young to throw in my $0.02, but I'll go ahead and do it.

I've been "nice" pretty much most of my life. I've have what some people might call, a kind heart, I help my friends out vigorously, even if it means sacrificing my own time or money, all that kind of things. I've also been called sweet, by a bunch of other girls as well. But I've been completely puzzled by this as well. I see people who treat women/girls with disrespect actually have girlfriends of their own.

I'll tell you a story. I used to like this girl in middle school (last year, actually). I made it pretty obvious that I liked her, I even told her quite a few times (by text messages). In the beginning of when I liked her, she told me that she might hurt me emotionally. I didn't really care. I was trying to be especially nice for her. She told me that she liked somebody else. I didn't mind, rather, I tried to help her with him. Even though I didn't even know the guy, I wanted to just be good friends with her. This had worked the last time I did this for a girl, and I thought this would work with her. She mentioned that her parents wouldn't let her go out with anybody, which I could understand. So I end up being a great motivational speaker, telling her what I think she should do, and being there for her when she needed help, trying to be a great friend. In about a month or maybe two to three weeks, she tells me saying that we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because apparently we're total opposites. She tells me that she was a cynical b-tch, and that she didn't really want to be friends with me through high school (we were separating at this point). I tried to make amends with her, as best as I could, and it was to no avail. She even went so far as to not talk to me, and she severed all ties with me. I was furious at the time, but now I'm a better person for it. And last August, I sent a message to her Facebook after she deleted me from her friends list (not something that's a major offense, but it's pretty bad)about the entire situation and what was going through my mind. She ends up blocking me from Facebook and having her dad threaten me. In the middle of all of this, she said something about one of the people in our middle school, and about him being an asshole, but he had a sweet side apparently... from what I heard, she's going out with him.

That's my story. I'm a much better person for what she did though, and much more cautious to people like that again.

Can you clear up a few things for me? What exactly is middle school? and how did her dad threaten you?

not trying to sound offensive, but where do you live where there is not a middle school?

just curious. i know other countries call it differently, but if you are in the U.S. i am in utter shock.

Middle school for me is 4,5,6 and Junior High School is 7,8. However I know that other places have different grades in middle school so I try to clarify. This make more sense knowing its a 15-16ish year old rather than a 9-12 year old

EDIT: I am from the US, I was raised in Maine

ohhhh gotcha, well from everyone i've heard from (so family and family friends) middle school = junior high school, elementary is k-6th grade


and 15-16? 7th and 8th graders are usually 12-14 years old (my brother is one right now i should know)

 

[artanis_neravar]

I might be a little too young to throw in my $0.02, but I'll go ahead and do it.

I've been "nice" pretty much most of my life. I've have what some people might call, a kind heart, I help my friends out vigorously, even if it means sacrificing my own time or money, all that kind of things. I've also been called sweet, by a bunch of other girls as well. But I've been completely puzzled by this as well. I see people who treat women/girls with disrespect actually have girlfriends of their own.

I'll tell you a story. I used to like this girl in middle school (last year, actually). I made it pretty obvious that I liked her, I even told her quite a few times (by text messages). In the beginning of when I liked her, she told me that she might hurt me emotionally. I didn't really care. I was trying to be especially nice for her. She told me that she liked somebody else. I didn't mind, rather, I tried to help her with him. Even though I didn't even know the guy, I wanted to just be good friends with her. This had worked the last time I did this for a girl, and I thought this would work with her. She mentioned that her parents wouldn't let her go out with anybody, which I could understand. So I end up being a great motivational speaker, telling her what I think she should do, and being there for her when she needed help, trying to be a great friend. In about a month or maybe two to three weeks, she tells me saying that we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because apparently we're total opposites. She tells me that she was a cynical b-tch, and that she didn't really want to be friends with me through high school (we were separating at this point). I tried to make amends with her, as best as I could, and it was to no avail. She even went so far as to not talk to me, and she severed all ties with me. I was furious at the time, but now I'm a better person for it. And last August, I sent a message to her Facebook after she deleted me from her friends list (not something that's a major offense, but it's pretty bad)about the entire situation and what was going through my mind. She ends up blocking me from Facebook and having her dad threaten me. In the middle of all of this, she said something about one of the people in our middle school, and about him being an asshole, but he had a sweet side apparently... from what I heard, she's going out with him.

That's my story. I'm a much better person for what she did though, and much more cautious to people like that again.

Can you clear up a few things for me? What exactly is middle school? and how did her dad threaten you?

not trying to sound offensive, but where do you live where there is not a middle school?

just curious. i know other countries call it differently, but if you are in the U.S. i am in utter shock.

Middle school for me is 4,5,6 and Junior High School is 7,8. However I know that other places have different grades in middle school so I try to clarify. This make more sense knowing its a 15-16ish year old rather than a 9-12 year old

EDIT: I am from the US, I was raised in Maine

ohhhh gotcha, well from everyone i've heard from (so family and family friends) middle school = junior high school, elementary is k-6th grade


and 15-16? 7th and 8th graders are usually 12-14 years old (my brother is one right now i should know)

Damn did I get it wrong? Sorry I was trying to figure it out in my head and I guess I counted wrong, my apologies

 

[Vault101]

also It seems that alot of "nice" guys seem to blame women for their lack of ability to get one

"its their fault because they always go for jerks! (or any guy who isnt me)

seriously I dont want to go out with some prick who generalises women

 

[Paksenarrion]

*Nice* guys? Nice? You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

 

[artanis_neravar]

*Nice* guys? Nice? You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

Win for a Princes Bride quote
and your right, he probably doesnt

 

[Fridge]

This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?

It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.

(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice and confident guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.

Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.

Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too

Ok, I've read the replies and I'd like to delve deeper in the "some do like nice guys, some like jerks" thing. Now I believe that. Problem is I can't seem to find the ones that like nice guys. I just run into jerk-loving girls OR girls that already are in relations with other nice guys.

The best thing I can say is remain a nice guy, just be selfish every so often. If your too busy trying to keep everyone else happy you often lose out yourself. I did that for years before I realised that 'being nice' sometimes isn't enough.

 

[Epic Fail 1977]

Well it depends on what you want. Do you want random, hot, limping the next day, sex or do you want a relationship? Jerks get sex, nice guys get relationships...

...and the kid produced by the sex with the jerk, as often as not!

 

[Saelune]

Nice guys are attractive to girls who realize if they want a long lasting relationship, they need you. Any girl who looks down on nice guys is a girl you dont want.