The notion that girls only like jerks or that they don't like nice guys is bullshit. Everyone has their own taste in personality.
Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?
- Thread starter Mr S
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"Nice guys" are more often than not guys with no real balls. Main thing you gotta realize is, girls are human beings. They can't read your mind. If you want more than the friend zone, you need to speak up. If you have the hots for someone, tell them. Yes, you might get rejected. The first couple of times you probably will. But the odds of someone liking you back is a lot better this way than you staying silent. Overall, though, have a personality. If you're a geek, don't hide it. Yes, many of the popular girls won't understand or like it. You might get mocked. But truthfully, you want someone who you can be yourself around. And only someone who shares your interests will do in that regard. So, have some balls, be yourself, talk to girls who you like and don't be afraid of asking them out, even if they reject you.
This is from a guy who's been with the same, nerdy girl for 7 years now. I found out that pining for her wasn't doing the trick. I made a move. Now I live with her. And she even likes me for me. How about that.
As a last note, don't call yourself a "nice guy". To most people, this puts you in a very specific box of being a self-centered, sexist-without-realizing-it, overly horny and underwhelmingly attractive (by any standards, sexually and personality-wise), entitled social retard who blames women for hating "good guys" without realizing that the only thing those 20 women they wanted to hump had in common was knowing the same "nice" guy.
This is from a guy who's been with the same, nerdy girl for 7 years now. I found out that pining for her wasn't doing the trick. I made a move. Now I live with her. And she even likes me for me. How about that.
As a last note, don't call yourself a "nice guy". To most people, this puts you in a very specific box of being a self-centered, sexist-without-realizing-it, overly horny and underwhelmingly attractive (by any standards, sexually and personality-wise), entitled social retard who blames women for hating "good guys" without realizing that the only thing those 20 women they wanted to hump had in common was knowing the same "nice" guy.
I agree. It's not so much that we like jerks, it's that we notice them more because they're a little flashier. They're also more likely to come up and ask us out than the nice guy who, as far as we know, just genuinely wants to be friends. Try being a little more forward. If you really are a nice guy, you probably have some space before you turn creepy. This doesn't mean being someone you hate - just be a little clearer that you're interested in more than friendship. You'll get turned down sometimes, yes, but if you're nice about asking we'll usually try to set you down gently if we're not interested. The obvious exceptions to this are bitches, and they're best left to the assholes anyway.
As a man who was once in this position, there is hope since i found a wonderful girl. But yeah you have to be confident and assertive as well. Not looking desperately for a girlfriend is also helpful, since when you pretty much stop looking at each girl as a potential date and more like an actual person you act more natural.
I'm not a lady and I'm not Dutch. Also, what I have to say has probably been said already somewhere in the 6 pages of this thread. But fuckit, I'll say it anyway.Mr S said:This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?
It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.
(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice and confident guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.
Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.
Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too
Ok, I've read the replies and I'd like to delve deeper in the "some do like nice guys, some like jerks" thing. Now I believe that. Problem is I can't seem to find the ones that like nice guys. I just run into jerk-loving girls OR girls that already are in relations with other nice guys.
Firstly, Freud was right, or at least close. All that fuck mummy kill daddy stuff was not far off the mark. What I'm getting at here is that most girls look for a guy who is somewhat like their father. Yeah, I know it's kinda fucked up, but there you go. If their dad was a jerk then they will like jerks.
But I don't think that many girls had dads who were jerks. The rest of them are not attracted to jerks because they are jerks, they're attracted to them in spite of it. It's the confidence that they find attractive. And can you blame them? Confidence is the most important factor in how well a man will do at work, in a crisis, in bed, and so on. There's an old saying: "it's not the size of the dog in the fight that matters; it's the size of the fight in the dog". Women know this. They also know that when the chips are down, they'd rather have an asshole who can get them out of the shit than a wuss who can sympathise with how they feel about being in the shit. But ideally, what they'd really like is a guy who can do both.
Edit
And another thing...
Keep in mind when reading your answers here that this is a multinational forum and this sort of thing really does vary a lot from one country to another. For example:
I'm British, and in Britain - as a general rule - the guy has to chase the girl. But I also spend a lot of time in the US (I'm employed by a company based in the US) and it's very different there. The US society is more male-dominated, people are much more materialistic, and there's no real safety net for people who find themselves down and out. As a consequence the idea of the male as a provider/protector is much stronger there, which shifts the balance of power between the genders (at least in comparison to Britain). The result is that women in the US are much more forthright in showing interest in a man, and what they're interested in has as much to do with practicality as personality.
So, take the answers from non-Dutch people (including me) with a grain of salt.
the answer: yes. not at 17 though. until they have dated around and figured out what they want, girls are just that - girls. they will date douchey guys who are assholes. when they get older though - and realize they dated a bunch of assholes, they will warm up to nice guys. cause... well.. they arent girls anymore - they are women. for now though, if you wanna be a nice guy it wont be easy. randomly slap them on the ass. thats what i do.
17 years of being nice paid off.
I agree with what most of these guys say, girls don't go for nice because it's predictable and boring, so they'd rather get her heart broken by a jerk who does SOMETHING, than a nice guy who would only do her bidding.
I've been nice, chivalrous for the past 17 years, like my parents taught me. But I didn't stopped there. I am smart, so jokes come easy on me, and I play by that, I tell jokes or funny situations, I am good at gaming and I enjoy doing it, I am weird to some extent and I don't mind that, I yell, I run, I do things people usually wouldn't, etcetera.
I hanged with girls who happen to enjoy some of the things I like, and it was just a matter of time before one of them got interested in my geeky-ness. We hit it off, and now I'm dating her. (Not to imply you must wait for her to do the first move)
The trick is to not wait for love, and keep living live as happy as you can. Love will come naturally to you. Call it fate, karma, chaos or coincidence, whatever, it just happens.
Pro-Tip: I hate going out, or to "PAR-TEY", or whatever, human interactions still elude me, I don't like meeting new people, I'm not that good looking, and the girl I'm dating is just WAY out of my league. Like I said, IT JUST HAPPENS.
I agree with what most of these guys say, girls don't go for nice because it's predictable and boring, so they'd rather get her heart broken by a jerk who does SOMETHING, than a nice guy who would only do her bidding.
I've been nice, chivalrous for the past 17 years, like my parents taught me. But I didn't stopped there. I am smart, so jokes come easy on me, and I play by that, I tell jokes or funny situations, I am good at gaming and I enjoy doing it, I am weird to some extent and I don't mind that, I yell, I run, I do things people usually wouldn't, etcetera.
I hanged with girls who happen to enjoy some of the things I like, and it was just a matter of time before one of them got interested in my geeky-ness. We hit it off, and now I'm dating her. (Not to imply you must wait for her to do the first move)
The trick is to not wait for love, and keep living live as happy as you can. Love will come naturally to you. Call it fate, karma, chaos or coincidence, whatever, it just happens.
Pro-Tip: I hate going out, or to "PAR-TEY", or whatever, human interactions still elude me, I don't like meeting new people, I'm not that good looking, and the girl I'm dating is just WAY out of my league. Like I said, IT JUST HAPPENS.
Girls say they like "nice and funny guys" and go for jerks the same way guys say they like "sweet and down-to-earth" girls and go for the bitchy ones. Which is to say, it is mostly in your head and the rest of it is just shallowness on their part or a need for petty excitement in their lives.
When I get frustrated that even "nice" guys treat me like I'm a piece of furniture, despite the fact that I probably have more in common with them interest-wise than the air-headed girls they keep flocking to, I just tell myself that it is their loss and I'm probably not missing out on anything special anyway. And then I laugh because I suck at lying to myself, have some Lindor truffles, and attempt to get my breast size to increase by sheer force of will.
When I get frustrated that even "nice" guys treat me like I'm a piece of furniture, despite the fact that I probably have more in common with them interest-wise than the air-headed girls they keep flocking to, I just tell myself that it is their loss and I'm probably not missing out on anything special anyway. And then I laugh because I suck at lying to myself, have some Lindor truffles, and attempt to get my breast size to increase by sheer force of will.
Nice guys don't get girls, and I think that is deserved, depending on your definition of 'nice'.
All the guys I know who self-identify as nice, and indeed are labelled as such by others, are usually jerks in hiding. They are people who lack the power or confidence to be jerks, so they are nice out of self-preservation rather than geniune compassion.
Now, I consider myself a good person, but that doesn't mean I'm nice to everyone, or anyone on certain days. Especially when it is not even in that person's interest. People can get themselves into cycles that depend on another person being 'nice' to them, and the cycle can only continue if they exist, otherwise they have to pull themselves together to get through it.
For me, nice guys are weak guys, or at least you'll present yourself as being weak. Showing self direction, and challenging somebody else in their values or goals shows that you have strength, but do so considerately and you'll also show you're compassionate. You don't have to be a jerk to not be a nice guy, and I don't think you can be either if you want to be a good guy.
All the guys I know who self-identify as nice, and indeed are labelled as such by others, are usually jerks in hiding. They are people who lack the power or confidence to be jerks, so they are nice out of self-preservation rather than geniune compassion.
Now, I consider myself a good person, but that doesn't mean I'm nice to everyone, or anyone on certain days. Especially when it is not even in that person's interest. People can get themselves into cycles that depend on another person being 'nice' to them, and the cycle can only continue if they exist, otherwise they have to pull themselves together to get through it.
For me, nice guys are weak guys, or at least you'll present yourself as being weak. Showing self direction, and challenging somebody else in their values or goals shows that you have strength, but do so considerately and you'll also show you're compassionate. You don't have to be a jerk to not be a nice guy, and I don't think you can be either if you want to be a good guy.
If your nice to everyone how are you going to make your GF feel special?
Being nice is a good thing, and I think respecting others is also an important character trait, but I think it's important to have your own identity and wants, and to feel comfortable letting other people know what those wants are and willing to fight for them.
"Nice" guys who basically let everyone walk all over them are not attractive to many people. Honestly there are girls that like all types of guys and the most important thing you need to do is have your own identity, things that make you interesting and you'll find people interested in you. If you find you have lots of friends, you'll probably also end up with lots of people attracted to you sexually as well (not always true of course, but usually is).
Of course there are some people of both genders who like being treated badly or want a very dominant partner. I don't want that type of relationship and if you find a girl who seems to be attracted to guys like that......then move on. There are plenty of girls out there who are attracted to a person like you. Just put yourself out there, enjoy your life, and other people will see you enjoying yourself and want to come along for the ride.
Being nice is a good thing, and I think respecting others is also an important character trait, but I think it's important to have your own identity and wants, and to feel comfortable letting other people know what those wants are and willing to fight for them.
"Nice" guys who basically let everyone walk all over them are not attractive to many people. Honestly there are girls that like all types of guys and the most important thing you need to do is have your own identity, things that make you interesting and you'll find people interested in you. If you find you have lots of friends, you'll probably also end up with lots of people attracted to you sexually as well (not always true of course, but usually is).
Of course there are some people of both genders who like being treated badly or want a very dominant partner. I don't want that type of relationship and if you find a girl who seems to be attracted to guys like that......then move on. There are plenty of girls out there who are attracted to a person like you. Just put yourself out there, enjoy your life, and other people will see you enjoying yourself and want to come along for the ride.
Funny postLerasai said:
I don't know if this helps, but there's a girl where I live (one of my neighbors) who is rather large. Ordinarily I wouldn't find her attractive, but she wears cool clothes, eye-flattering goth makeup, a push-up bra (and always a top that shows what she's got) and a ton of perfume that smells like an aphrodisiac. And it totally works. She reminds me of a saying my GF told me: there are no ugly girls, only lazy ones. I dunno if that helps but maybe it's food for thought.
Mentality of the human instinct.
Men love women that are sensual, makes them feel empowered and sexually strong.
Women love cold, concending tough men, they believes they'll satisfy their sexual urges.
I shrug off such things; Tucker of RvB said it best on how to appeal to women: "sometimes they like it when your nice, sometimes they like it when your a jerk; mix it up a little."
Men love women that are sensual, makes them feel empowered and sexually strong.
Women love cold, concending tough men, they believes they'll satisfy their sexual urges.
I shrug off such things; Tucker of RvB said it best on how to appeal to women: "sometimes they like it when your nice, sometimes they like it when your a jerk; mix it up a little."
Well it depends on what you want. Do you want random, hot, limping the next day, sex or do you want a relationship? Jerks get sex, nice guys get relationships.
I find that people that start or end statements with "I find" didn't really look into anything like they are trying to imply and are just stating an opinion of theirs.Volkov said:
Yes I intentionally used "I find" up there. I'm just trying to let Volkov know in a nice enough way that what was said was strictly their opinion and if they would like to pass if off as fact in the fact in the future this person should probably at least check out a few facts.
Oh and Volkov, you should also know that you pretty much insulted a good portion of the planet with that statement.
A bit idiotic to generalize like this.Volkov said:
Anyway. My fiancee is, when it comes to important things, the nicest guy you could find. Hell, he moved across the country for me (and it's one of the few things I feel justified in bragging about). But he's still more outgoing than I am, and he can be a jerk in small and entertaining ways. He's a pretty smooth talker, too. But he's never given me a reason to distrust him about that.
I suspect that many of the guys who complain that "jerks always get the girls:"
A) aren't doing a whole lot to show interest,
B) are only interested in select girls (perhaps girls of a certain type hint hint), and when those girls don't reciprocate, begin enviously and bitterly complaining,
or
C) don't actually have their lives together enough to attract girls generally. It's a very socially-oriented world I'm afraid; being notably successful in a career, in the social world and so on requires a lot of time and energy. And sometimes shark-like ambition and a ridiculous amount of time worrying about physical appearance. I don't like it either, but a smooth-talking, good-looking jerk of either gender will rise to the top of that sort of field.