Poll: Do you believe the Friend Zone exists?

[Maze1125]

No.
If you're so annoyed about the fact that someone doesn't want to have sex with you that you that you're willing to belittle your own friendship with them by using the term "friend zone" then you're not really their friend and, therefore, cannot be in a friend zone.

 

[jovack22]

It definitely does, there are females I wouldn't dream of ever wanting a fling with who I'm content with as being friends for various reasons, who I've sensed interest from.
You can be sure the same goes true for females, probably to a much stronger degree given biological drives.

 

[Piorn]

It definitely exists and I have observed it in the way my sister talks about a few of her male friends. She doesn't call it "friendzone", but she showed genuine surprise when confronted with their sexuality, as she firmly believed they had none.

But the term "friendzone" has lost all meaning by now, because it quickly became an easy excuse for inept men to justify their lack of success, even though it only rarely applied.
It's also not a binary thing.

 

[keniakittykat]

I think it does. For example, I've had some friends of mine fall for me in my lifetime, and I just couldn't see them in a romantic way. It's just weird, uncomfortable and a bit wrong to see them as any more than a good friend, or to be with someone that feels more like family than a love interest, making a relationship impossible.

Therefore I proved the "friendzone" exists because, in a way, I created one.

 

[thewatergamer]

Hoo boy this again?

Well here is my two cents,

What it basically comes down to is their are two kinds of "friend zones"

The internet friend zone and the Shakespearean "unrequited love"

The internet friend zone is a guy or a girl (yes I'm sure girls do this as well as guys) get's upset and angry when someone they want to have sex with rejects them, this reaction is childish and pathetic

Then comes the "unrequited love" version, in which Person A is friends with Person B and Person A eventually develops *gasp* romantic feelings for Person B, and Person B does not return those feelings but "still wants to be friends" Person A is obviously going to be sad and upset by this response but usually doesn't harbor any bitter feelings towards Person B, if they do then they fall into the former category of "friend zone"

The problem is both sides of the "debate" are trying to mix these two ideas together, you have on one side people claiming that "the friendzone is just a place people whine about being when someone refuses to fuck them and anyone claiming to be in it is an asshole and pathetic" and you have the other side "people are too damn picky, If I'm nice to somebody I deserve a good fucking"

Both of these ideals are toxic and need to go away, so really this shouldn't be a debate, the friend zone exists but not in the way that alot of people would have you believe

 

[Reasonable Atheist]

Yep. I put girls in them all the time.

Yep, this.

And in my much younger days, I was in it too.

I have a theory about it; it's TV and Hollywood's fault.

Men are now taught that if you want to be the perfect boyfriend, all you need to do is be her friend. Doesn't matter if she rejects you, doesn't matter if she has a boyfriend, doesn't matter if she says no. Look at any and every Rom-Com or Romantic movie. He hangs around, he keeps helping her, he keeps being nice. It starts from Disney and works all the way through to the Hunger Games or Twilight.

It's also on T.V; Ted was friends with Robin, Barney was friends with Robin, Ross was friends with Rachel, J.D. was friends with Elliot, Leonard was friends with Penny, etc. The running theme was all they had to do was be nice, be supportive, let her walk over them and eventually she'll realise how nice you are and come running.

So nowadays, boys look at this and think "Oh, is this how you get girls? Because I sure as hell don't understand them."

They don't understand when they're rejected, that's probably it. They think "No, I really like her, all I have to do is not give up!" like TV and movies has taught them time and time again.

The anger comes when they realise that people really don't work this way, and they feel like they've been tricked, when they've only really been lied to by the media; the poor girl did nothing wrong, and the guy simply wasn't taught better.

That's my theory, anyway.

There is no such thing as a friend-zone.

If you are friends with a woman just to get in her pants, you're not a friend, your fucking scum.

If you are genuinely friends with her, develop feelings, and have those feelings rejected, then act like a spoiled child and resent her, you're not her friend and you're fucking scum.

Seriously. The bitching and whining by entitled men that think you can input 'kindness coins' into women and sex will fall out is disturbing.

You either respect her as a human being with thoughts, feelings, tastes and desires, including the fact she isn't interested in you as anything more and never will be, or you're a fucking tosser who doesn't deserve her friendship in the first fucking place.

End. Of.

Sheesh.

So, you guys do not think women are more attracted to men they have feelings for, based on how they are treated by those men? Sounds like someone is disillusioned.

I have personally done this, thrice. My current girlfriend of 1.5 years (we never argue) was a originally a friend who i put kindness coins into until sex fell out. Don't judge me bro.

The friend zone exists and does not need to be a negative thing. Really that hard to escape from, unless maybe your jerk instincts are uncontrollable.

 

[Wall Meat]

I believe that's possible to have romantic interest in a friend who does not return the feeling. That's all.

This, pretty much. I mean, call it unrequited love, the friend zone, whatever. I don't necessarily think it's a misogynist concept, but maybe people underestimate how nice it is to even HAVE a friend, male or female, and that's the kind of sad.

Friends with benefits zone is the best zone tho

 

[verdant monkai]

Yeah a mixture if things can make it happen.

Usually its some obsessive loser who doesn't know how to move on, and look for someone who actually wants to go out with him. I mean come on You aren't Romeo and Juliet mate, there are plenty of fish in the sea!

With the girl it's slightly different.

The girl is either

-Too nice to tell him to fuck off and find someone else, and doesn't take advantage of him.
-Stupid and takes advantage of him because she is blind to the fact he is only being taxi/personal confident/gay best friend because he's obsessed with her.
-A complete witch. Who takes advantage because she knows full well he is obsessed with her.

No idea how the friend zone works for girls, I've just seen these situations happening and suffered the teenage angst of the friend zoned guys.

 

[Belaam]

What if the feelings are genuine from the start? What if you're honestly hoping for a fulfilling relationship that's more than just physical? Have you ever considered that possibility?

"Feelings" in a relationship are mutual. One way feelings are more stalker than relationship. The problem is that many people who gripe about the "friendzone" have tried for a romantic relationship, been shot down, and then blame the other person for "not seeing how great they are". At best, it's condescending.

1) There's nothing wrong with trying to get into people's pants, sex is healthy, men and women can potentially enjoy it, we're not in the 30s.

First off, their comment was it is wrong to be friendly with someone just to have sex. Your argument is not addressing their comment at all. Secondly, while the 30s were not the orgy of the 20s, they weren't all that uptight.

2)Unrequited love is a tragic thing, yea, anyone in that position is going to be emotionally hurt and lash out, that doesn't make them 'fucking scum', that makes them a victim.

Lashing out at someone who isn't attracted to you does NOT make you a victim. It makes you an asshole. Possibly a psychotic asshole if you think lashing out is going to have some sort of gain to it.

3)Heh, entitled. Because it's such a crime for men to want to feel wanted and emotionally fulfilled or desired by another human being.

Holy crap there's some baggage here. Nope, it's entitled to assume that because someone wants a fulfilling relationship with someone else, they are entitled to get it without involving the judgement of the person they are attracted to. Pretty much the textbook definition of entitled there.

If there was a way to make me homosexual i'd take it without a second thought just for shit like this. God forbid we think being kind towards someone can potentially lead to a loving and fulfilling relationship, clearly that makes people fucking scum right? It's the not-scum like you who emotionally manipulate people into fucking you the socially acceptable way, by making them feel insecure about themselves or treating them like shit to make them want you that we should all emulate, huh?

Entitled jerks are entitled jerks whether they're trying to force someone of the same or opposite sex to return their feelings. Those who think otherwise are just as likely to be gay friendzoned as straight friendzoned.

4) So her thoughts, feelings, tastes and desires matter, but his don't? Typical double standard bullshit.

In a relationship, both matter. I've turned down female friends who wanted more because I wasn't interested. I've been turned down by female friends when I wanted more. Either way, that was it. Relationships are not, or at least should not, be things that you bully and guilt trip the other person into joining. If you are interested in a romantic relationship with someone who doesn't want it, that's the end of the story. Likewise if they are into you, but you aren't. Not sure why this is a difficult concept.

 

[Lilani]

Yes, it exists. And contrary to what that implies, it's actually the most desirable relationship to have with a woman. A strong romantic relationship can only happen if there is a stronger friendship, so you need to stop looking for a romantic relationship altogether and just make friends with people. After a few years, maybe you'll have a best friend who uplifts and supports you and you do likewise. That friendship must be strong enough to survive romance. If so, ask that person to marry you. The relationship did NOT just become "something more." You're still best friends. That's what a working relationship is. Friendship. You should never try for anything else. Just be friends without hoping for something more. That's the only way you're guaranteed to find someone worth spending the rest of your life with.

I agree that often the best and most stable relationships come from friendships, however that doesn't mean you should just eliminate the line between friendship and relationship. It doesn't work that way. I was friends with my boyfriend before we started going out, and while I still consider him a "friend" there are things I would do with him as my boyfriend that I would not do with my other friends. It IS something more, and to continue to call it just a friendship is just not correct.

 

[Keiichi Morisato]

my problem is that many girls assume that i am gay, and sadly so do many gay men... i get hit on by men a lot, but never have i been hit on by a woman.

 

[Something Amyss]

It's funny this is cycling back in during #gamergate.

Hadn't thought of that, but then, does it ever really go away? Always something along the same lines.

We have these cycles of people whining about women in gaming (which GamerGate totally isn't about), then we get "friend zone" and "why can't I find a girl who likes what I like" threads en masse. It's happened a couple of times. I thought of this specifically because I had predicted it to a couple Escapists a few days ago. Granted, one thread is kind of premature, but it still amuses me because timing.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

It exists. It's just that a lot of people misattribute it.

The friend zone is when you have a romantic attraction to someone, they lead you on in some way (possibly because they DO want a relationship with you) and then it turns out that one or the other of you doesn't actually have romantic feelings for the other and would rather that it just be a friendship.

It sucks and it's real. It happens to girls too. Normally, it's fine and you can still be good friends, although in extreme cases, it ruins friendships too.

However, a lot of people call "Oh, she was actually interested in this other guy instead the whole time and just wanted a close friend", or "I am too chicken to ask her out and when I finally DO ask 2 years later I do so in a way that is totally insecure and fearful which turns the ladies off, so she'd rather just be friends" or "Wah I did lots of nice things for her why she no let me in her pants?" the friendzone, which is why it's such a prevalent term these days.

I say this as someone who got what I call a SEVERELY delayed friendzone. I was in a relationship with my GF for 3 years, and that last year she spent miserable because she no longer had feelings for me, but was too afraid of "ruining everything and hurting her 'almost-perfect' BF" to mention the problem, until a year later when she cracked from her self-imposed misery, dumped me, and said she just wanted to be friends (while assuring me I was the most perfect boyfriend ever, but she just wasn't feeling anything for me). This was after assuring me more than once that her occasional "cold-shoulder" kind of moments during that year were just periods of stress. I don't see how to describe that as anything OTHER than a delayed friendzone.

..Yeah. I don't speak to her anymore. Which is a shame, since she was a really cool person too. But it hurts just seeing her face in pictures on my friends facebook news feeds. Even 6 months later and after I underwent a massive attitude change. >_>

 

[Drake Barrow]

It exists. My observation is that it's mostly lack of communication, combined with an inability to read situations or body language. People (gender not relevant) are not rational. They don't actually tell other people what they want, and they don't speak it clearly without ambiguity. And, to make it even more fun, the other person rarely likes having things laid out for them in that manner. Lack of clear communication + unclear expectations = Rejection City, population: one friend.

 

[Mandalore_15]

Well yeah, it's pretty unequivocal. If you are romantically interested in someone and they know about it, but choose to maintain a friendship with you regardless, you are in "the friend zone". That's literally all it means.

Of course, insult may be added to injury if they start to take advantage of your affections for perks (such as gifts, help with work etc.).

 

[florzk]

To start off. i voted "yes." This is because of a particular experience I had. I only recently graduated from high school. The girl in question was a grade below me. We met because my best friend had dated her briefly 3 years prior. Initially, I didn't have feelings for her, but as time went on and we both matured emotionally, I started to fall for her... hard. I only worked up the nerve to ask her out in person about a week before graduation. (it was my first time doing so, and she was fully aware of that.) She was aware of my intention to ask her out several days in advance, and actually in retrospect she kinda led me on for a few days, not that she probably wanted to. in the end, when I finally did ask her out, she said no, that she wasn't interested in dating anyone. I, being the rational person i am, logically assumed she really just had no interest in me and wanted to let me down easy, and that was the end of that. i was heartbroken for a little while, but got over it and am still good friends with her.

Now comes the twist. other than my friend, all of the other boyfriends she had in high school (3 of them) were total douches. She realized that, at least after breaking up with them. Now, I also had it on very good authority that, at least at some point, she had a huge crush on me. Finally, as I learned only after the fact, she had ended some very good friendships on very bad terms with some of her other guy friends because they had done the stereotypical "hey imma be yur best friend now gimme sex" thing,, and had been very upset when that didnt work out for them. also, her breakup with her last boyfriend had gone very badly. this has called alot of things back into question for me.

Basically, given all of the circumstances, I have begun to think that she turned me down because, in her mind, she thought that it would be healthier for the both of us if we simply remained friends, as opposed to her actually not being interested in me.

TL;DR, I had a relevant experience, and have concluded that the friend zone exists when the party recieving opts to "remain friends" out of genuine concern for the giving party rather than real lack of interest. In other words, when the costs of dating a friend who likes you seem to outweigh the benefits.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Well yeah, it's pretty unequivocal. If you are romantically interested in someone and they know about it, but choose to maintain a friendship with you regardless, you are in "the friend zone". That's literally all it means.

Of course, insult may be added to injury if they start to take advantage of your affections for perks (such as gifts, help with work etc.).

Yeah, you just summarized it perfectly.

I still find it annoying when people misattribute it, though.

 

[kyp275]

I still find it annoying when people misattribute it, though.

Reading through this thread, mis-attributing the term is pretty much what 95% of the people in here have been doing.

 

[Kathinka]

Well of course it's a real thing.

1) It's possible to be friends or want to be friends with someone without having romantic feelings for them.
2) It's possible for person A to feel friendship, but not romantic affection towards person B, and person B to feel romantic affection.

If we assume these 2 things to be true, which i think should be self evident, than we can conclude that the friend zone exists.

i dunno. i don't think so. i think the whole concept was invented by rejected guys who can't deal with the fact that they aren't attractive to a girl or girls they want. sorry, but no amount of being nice or doing good things entitle you to be attractive for a girl. sure there are some girls that will abuse the affection of guys for personal gain. but the whole concept is just stupid, and reason why guys that usually whine about the friend zone aren't attractive in the first place. if you want to be attractive and desirable for her, show her that you will NOT do anything for her. girls don't want pushovers, we want independent guys with so much to offer, we are NOT his only shot at happiness.

So women want naturally uncaring and selfish guys and then everyone wonders why domestic abuse happens
It's like those people who get eaten by their pet anacondas, i mean, what did you think was going to happen when you bought that soulless reptile into your life?

just because a guy is desirable enough to have options besides me and independent enough to not break down when rejected doesn't make him selfish.

in fairness though, i mistyped. i didn't mean to say "doesn't do anything for her" but "doesn't do EVERYTHING for her."

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I would say that a friend zone exists, when you view a person as a friend and aren't romantically attracted to them... but it's not a bad thing or worth bitching about on the Internet, it's the basis of pretty much every friendship ever.

Where the Internet crocodile tears start is when the feelings aren't mutual, but I don't want to start a topic on that.