Poll: Paying for dates

[ChaoticKraus]

You ask the person out; you pay for it all; me I don't mind paying since I make more than enough to not hurt footing a cheque or two. Whatever works for you I guess.

It's funny to see how everyone suggesting you are a cheap bastard for not paying, here in Sweden you pay for what you order individually. Isn't that the logical thing to do?

One could also for example show, that traditionally its logical to show a woman you ask out, that you are indeed able to provide, sustainable income being one of those things sorta necessary to create a family, if that is what you're looking for.

Or it could logical that the woman would want to pay to prove to a man that she didn't need to be taken care of and if they got together the pooling of resources would result in a more economically proficient family.

Or better yet it could be logical to pay for a meal on a date because you asked someone out and its considered the polite thing to do in many Western nations.

Its easy enough to say this is the logical way, but in reality, logic is varied from person to person and culture to culture. Some people think its logical that a God made the world, some people think its logical to believe that evolution did it.

Perhaps I'm overthinking what you just said, but it is a pet peeve of mine when people say that "X" is the logical way to do things.

Damn, i just got served. Don't worry, you are definitely the correct one in this matter. Perspective is everything.

That was my Swedish-ness talking, our national policy is more or less: "Equality for all, but mind your own buisness". You can see how that fits well with the bill policy i mentioned.

 

[chadachada123]

I generally offer to pay, especially if I'm not in a full relationship with her. In my last real relationship, she had way more disposable income, and ended up throwing money at me all of the time, but for damn-near everyone else, I offer to pay even if I really don't have the money to spare.

It's like, the more broke I am, the more I want to not appear broke. Of course, when I have a bunch of spare money, I offer to pay with that too. I guess whenever I'm nearing an extreme for wealth, I decide to pay for everything.

 

[Guffe]

You can make a deal to split it.
Or then the one asking to buy dinner pais, not harder than that for me.

 

[Phasmal]

The problem doesn't just lie in the individual, it's the people around them who enable such a thing to go on without calling them out on it.

Agreed, and thats seriously messed up.
There was violence in my parents relationship from my dad, and it carried on for years. It's impossible no-one knew about it.
I look forward to the day its socially unacceptable to raise your hand to your partner regardless of your or their gender.
I hate the stereotype of the woman smacking the guy about being funny, that's just disgusting to me.

 

[Yopaz]

If you ask someone out to dinner, you pay the bill. If they ask you out, they pay the bill. It's one person treating the other. Gender is a nonissue.

This. If you ask someone out then you wont be making a good impression if you don't pay.

 

[Hatter]

The male is putting on a demonstration that he can care for a female (we're talking about a date here, not going out as friends). It's a biological thing that extends into society. I always pay without any mention or discussion, kinda sets in her subconscious I do what I want and projects a leadership strength that's not to be questioned.

Saying it like that makes it sound primitive but we are animals like any other and that's generally how it goes.

I wish there were more like you around these parts, I'm used to disagreeing with every single poster.

 

[Ieyke]

I'm old fashioned, so yes. Always.
(Unless she's just stupid retarded rich and paying for stuff simply doesn't impact her at all...then she can pay for everything, for all I care.)

Hell, my best friend lives with me and I pay for basically all of her food just as a regular course of things.

I hear people whine about equality and crap as reasons not to hold open a door, or pay for a date, etc etc etc nowadays and I think they're all idiots.
It's not an act to show you don't think she's capable or whatever, it's just hardwired into guys' brains to protect women they care about and lessen the stuff they have to do.
At least it used to be hardwired.

Nowadays people are just turning into assholes across the board... If only society itself were something I could beat some sense into.....

 

[RomanceIsDead]

Never pay for the girl on the first date, unless you want to look like an under-confident doormat that has to throw money at women in order for them to spend time with you.

This is how I've always seen it.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

Start off with asking what your date wants to happen. Establish that you're more than happy to pay for the date (this is only the first date, mind you) or whether you want to go Dutch.

Simply finding out beforehand is better than choosing to do one and not finding until later that it was the wrong thing to do.

After the first date, I'm not paying for you unless I feel like it. I don't want to date somebody who isn't financially capable of being in a relationship.

 

[Tazzy da Devil]

No, men shouldn't pay for dates. The man should pay for his own food/movie tickets/whatever it is you're doing, likewise for the girl. I hate it when my dates pay for me. I had the stupidest fight with a date once because I wanted to pay for my own food, but he wouldn't let me.

However, I have no problem letting a date pay for me when I'm broke, as long as I pay for him next time.

 

[GenericAmerican]

Some call it a business transaction and some call it a dinner and a movie, but in the end someone is paying someone.

 

[Betancore]

For the first date, I think it would depend on who did the asking. If I asked a guy out, I'd pay for the meal or whatever, but if he asked me, then I'd assume he was going to pay. I'd still offer to pay my share, and that's usually what I insist upon, because I think it sets up a bad precedent that they'll pay for future dates too. I have more disposable income than my current boyfriend, so I mostly end up paying for things. Then again, he makes me food. I think it's a fair deal.

 

[smithy_2045]

I'll spend as much on my date's meal as I spend on my own meal. Anything more and she's covering the excess.

 

[RanD00M]

I say that the person that ask for the date pays, since it is them that invited them out.
Going Dutch is also acceptable.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

I try and pay for my meal. The guy I'm dating at the moment makes more money than me so he always insists on paying. I argue it though and he doesn't always win.

Please don't get the impression that women are gold diggers guys. We are just normal people like you.

 

[rutger5000]

It's a silly tradition, but one that ought to be upheld non the less. However it ought to be changed a little bit, since emancipation and stuff. Now a guy should always offer to pay for the meal, if the girl refuses, he should at least offer to pay for the tip.
I myself wouldn't be inclined to pay for anything else then food though. I wouldn't offer a girl to pay for movie ticket or anything like that.
Semi relevant, I utterly refuse to keep tap on buying stuff for someone else if that stuff is under 5 euro ~ 8$. That's becuase some of my old friends had the repulsive habbit to keep track of every penny.
So besides dinner, I wouldn't mind paying for a few drinks in a bar or something.

 

[Realitycrash]

I expect people to be able to pay for their own meals. I might pay if I actually KNOW the person, but on a date, no. I won't pay for drinks in a bar when picking up girls, and I won't pay for their meals.
They can feel free to offer to pay for mine, though, but I don't expect them too and in general I don't want them too.

 

[Elate]

Do gay couples have to pay twice, and lesbian couples eat for free?

If you ask someone out to dinner, you pay the bill. If they ask you out, they pay the bill.

Pretty much that. If you can't pay, then don't offer.

 

[Bradeck]

If you pay for the date, it shows your considerate and kind, and has in my own experience, never been a bad decision. If you go halves, or declare that "dutch" rules are in order, it sends the immediate signal to the female that the date went bad, and you are not interested in pursuing any sort of relationship, let alone pay for the meal. If you make her pay for it, she's going to assume you have money issues, if you haven't discussed any before hand, or that you're cheap.

Hey, it's stereotypical gender reinforcement, but if you wanna get on base, you gotta play by the umpire's rules. Or you can wage a mini gender political war, not do anything minutely related to gender roles, and get that nice firm handshake after the date. That's almost better then the first date kiss. Except not really.

The only rules I take issue with are the ever changing sexual rules regarding women's date schedules. First date: Kiss on the cheek. Second date: Make out. Third date: 2-3rd base. Fourth date: Assuming it's about a month now, crushing guts. Now, I try to follow this like a law, but recently there has been a sort of secret women's sexual liberation, and these rules got nuked. I was told I was being "wicked queeah" (Boston girl) because I was resisting going up to her place on the second date. Now I'm not one to turn down a slice of strange, but I thought I was doing the "be respectful, let it peculate". Nope. I cannot find where women are setting their bar anymore on sex. It has me totally backwards.

 

[Aetera]

I've always been of the opinion that the person who does the asking out for that particular date should pay for that time. If it's your idea to go to the fancy restaurant, then you should pay for it. If you're dying to drag your S.O. to an arts festival, then the cost(or lack thereof) should be on you.

What really sucks is that the masculine half of the couple being expected to pay for dates isn't just limited to heterosexual couples. I'm gay, and just because I'm a tomboy that usually dates more feminine girls I'm expected to be the one to pay. It sucks. So, guys, I feel your pain. It's not fair.