Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[UltraDeth]

Now we're all being held prisoner in some BDSM-themed dystopia.

I wish to live in a bounty hunter's Valhalla.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. You are the bounty, and get captured on a daily basis.

I wish life was more like the comics.

 

[UltraDeth]

You age in tens rather than units.

I wish to go parasailing.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

She becomes even more popular and we lose all will to live.

sadly I could see that happening actually. if it did, I would mercifully nuke humanity into extinction.

anyways back to the game:

The boat hits rocks and you become stranded on an island that has dinosaurs on it.

I wish Emily Blunt was my girlfriend.

 

[UltraDeth]

You don't last long against the advanced predators.

I wish military operations were as successful as the films depict.

 

[UltraDeth]

Now games can't evolve any further.

I wish Kratos didn't kill so many innocents.

 

[UltraDeth]

Dinosaurs still rule the Earth and have kept other lifeforms in a primitive state.

I wish the Imperium of Man formed an allegiance with the other species and advanced their technology even further.

 

[UltraDeth]

Time is frozen for eternity.

I wish Dominatrixes pampered rather than humiliated their victims.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

She is sent back to Venus, where news of your betrayal incites an invasion of Earth.

I was implying she was a succubus, a female demon that lures males and then sucks their souls out through their members, not an alien, though I suppose a portal being opened to the abyss would be far worse than that.
The femi-nazi allow this in exchange for capturing you and locking you in a dungeon.
I wish it was Friday.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. It hides in the escape pod and is now waiting for you in your bedroom.

I wish I had a sweet gig like Yahtzee.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Now we are oppressed by the iron fist of the technocracy. Thanks a lot!

I wish I was a mother****ing sorcerer!