Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. all but a few wrestlers completely suck.

I wish I was a master of Chi and had mystical kung fu powers.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it does absolutely nothing when facing off against another Chi master... which is me, obviously...

I wish to answer the final question in Jeopardy!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, it's very wrong

I wish I was infinitely cool

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you're frozen in place...

I wish for Katamari Dreams!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. Your dreams are absorbed into a giant rolling ball and taken away forever.

I wish I was good at everything I do.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, you're good at sucking!

I wish Resident Evil would bring back old characters and a few less new ones

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, the new ones kill the old ones in the most offensive way possible...

I wish I won an Oscar!

 

[Wary Wolf]

Granted.

Spoiler: This is the Oscar you have won

I wish FPLOON gives us an awesome SK game next round.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, just like Donald Trump, it's extremely racist, sexist, and just a terrible idea to even think about from a Presidential perspective...

I wish I went out for some WANGS!

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, you choke to death on all that dick

I wish I had a palace in the clouds

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's lacks support and crashes down in a hailstorm of debris...

I wish I were still Fudd Season!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. You wake up in a Fudd costume and are immediately shot.

I wish my life had an amazing soundtrack!

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's the soundtrack of pure evil silence...

I wish I won't get midnight munchies!

 

[Wary Wolf]

Granted. The cure to the midnight munchies is to put your father's testicles in your mouth when you go to bed.

I wish my computer screen wasn't so blue.

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. Now it is black, and completely blank.

I wish I had the wisdom of Master Oogway.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you're still won't be as great as the Panda... That dude's on another level...

I wish the tides went surfing!

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. lots of people drown in freakish tides, and it is all your fault!

I wish I could punt the talking box from those god-awful progressive commercials straight into a roaring fire.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, you fall into the fire with them

I wish I journeyed into a fantastical land

 

[Drake the Dragonheart]

Granted. It is full of lightning fast predators that think you would make the perfect entree.

I wish I had a team of utterly loyal ninja monkeys at my command.

 

[UltraDeth]

Granted, their loyalty doesn't make up for their incompetence

I wish more people were like me