Self Harm and You

[Mazza35]

I used to, all up my thigh, used to draw pretty pictures on myself (That's really fucked up thinking about it)

Nowadays, I manage to get the same feeling by sucking down cigarettes and alcohol, best coping method for 3 years of a constant depression I've found.

I'm 18, straight male.

 

[The White Hunter]

Yep, and how does cutting away some hp make you feel better? Does this good feeling last for a day? A week?

Like any high it is brief and passing.

It is a cycle, a negative one. The problems are in your head (there sounds like a lot of fixation on mundane crap to me), but you can do something about it. You can improve your life and feel better about yourself. If you keep yourself busy improving daily the screams of anxiety will fade into the background. You will have shit to do and won't have so much time to think about them and deplete your health bar.

If it were a fixation on something mundane I would be able to deal with it much more directly, it isn't, there's no reason, it just happens, that's why it's a mental illness and not just feeling sad.

Also, check your diet. Good and wholesome stuff? Are you eating enough to replenish blood loss and body damage and the right sort of foods?

Whole grains, fruit, vegetables and lean meat combined with a good hour minimum of rigorous excercise a day.

Edit: I should point out this has been a rare relapse for me, I've been fine and stable for a good two years. This isn't normal for me and it tends to pass.

 

[Deadcyde]

I used to, all up my thigh, used to draw pretty pictures on myself (That's really fucked up thinking about it)

Nowadays, I manage to get the same feeling by sucking down cigarettes and alcohol, best coping method for 3 years of a constant depression I've found.

I'm 18, straight male.

it's slow suicide dude. Granted you're young enough that your body can take it, but believe me it makes a difference when you hit 30.

I know it sounds preachy and disingenuous cause this is the internet... but you got to find another way. The last thing you want is to find something to live for then realize you can't. Believe me.

 

[nenja]

So I'm currently studying to become a GP one day (a long way off yet) but I have just been doing this short course in first aid for mental health and I thought I might share some of the information given on non-suicidal self-injury. This is from a book called "Mental Health First Aid Manual" 3rd edition by Kitchener, B., Jorm, A. & Kelly, C. for an organisation called Mental Health First Aid International.

"Self-injury can indicate a number of different things. Someone who is hurting themselves may be at risk of suicide. Others engage in a pattern of self-injury over weeks, months or years and are not necessarily suicidal."

"The most common motivations people gave for self-injury (from an Australian survey) were to manage painful feelings (57%) and to punish themselves (25%). Less than 3% said they engaged in the behaviour to combat suicidal thoughts, seek a rush or high, or to deliberately scar themselves."

"Of the people who self-injured in the past month, 61% had a mood disorder and 58% an anxiety disorder. Although it can occur at any age, self-injury was most common in adolescents and young adults."

Finally it says that "self-injury is not an illness in itself, but usually a symptom of either a mental illness or serious psychological distress which needs treatment."

I read the earlier post that a GP would probably just try to put you on medication and that probably is what the majority of GPs would do but there are many other alternatives such as a psychologist, CBT, natural therapies, meditation, or something else that gives you some clarity.
I did self harm when I was 14 and I think I did it because I couldn't cope with my depression and emotions anymore and so it was a physical manifestation of how I felt inside. I also have very low self-esteem sometimes and an anxiety disorder so I would say its a symptom of those.
Also if anyone is interested http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm this website has some self-directed CBT modules for depression, self-esteem, anxiety and some other things just to give you an idea of what CBT is about.

26/F/Straight

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

19 male straight. I dont ever want to cut myself because frankly I never want to cause any lasting harm or scars. Im a vain person. That said I wouldnt ever judge someone else with scars, id just be scared of them judging me. I bite my knuckles and hands instead. Hard. Just over and over. When im stressed I chew things, my hoody sleeve and stuff. When Im depressed im stressed and the urge to chew just directly goes to my hands and arms. It hurts which I guess I find relieving of the depression and the chewing releases the stress. I know thats weird. I always do it to punish myself since my depression always stemmed from guilt.

Ive thought about suicide a lot before but only during a very short burst of intense depression, over the course of 2 months when my life was going into a tail spin. Im better. But im still leaning toward self destructive and stupid tendencies. I guess I definitely was depressed. I still have bursts of huge sadness where I'll sort of self destruct internally and feel like ive ruined my life and I have nothing to look forward too. I dont think about suicide anymore though, I know rationally I DO have stuff to live for and that keeps me from even considering it. Maybe I'm still depressed. I dnt know. Im getting better at any rate. Its just a matter of waiting it out.

 

[Foolery]

22, male, straight. Briefly thought about it before, even to the extent of suicide, but never considered it a real option. I just don't see it solving anything. Also cutting myself doesn't seem like a good time. Cuts aren't fun, and I hate bleeding. I'd rather live on, in case things get better, or I find a better way to go about my life, even if I'm in mental pain.

 

[Laurents van Cauwenberghe]

I have never cut my self but i have contemplated doing self harm when i was depressed, it never happened though since i knew cutting myself hurts (i've done it multiple times during cooking, on accident though) and i also know that i didn't give me any other emotion than anger.

Male, 16, Straight

 

[Gauntlets28]

Well, in darker times, I used to have an incredibly low opinion of myself and my capabilities. And I'd often beat the crap out of myself (fists, head-banging against walls etc) because in my mind I thought that my declining abilities wasn't because was depressed and caught in a vicious cycle of failure, but because I was lazy and stupid, and so I would attempt to "threaten myself" into doing things-which would naturally never work, because that's a ridiculous idea. Not that I got that idea, so I'd continue to take my self-hatred out on myself whilst screaming how rubbish I was loudly and laughing a little at how absurd it was that this seemed the only way to fix my problems. Yes, I was a little bit out of my mind.
I'm better now though. ^_^

18, Male, Straight.

 

[Alluos]

I haven't, but my girlfriend has quite recently.
She says it takes her mind off of things, that she feels "something other than shit", obviously this is quite distressing to both of us.

I've never considered it, and after recent events I don't think I ever will.

18. Male. Straight.

 

[Barbas]

I do sometimes smack my hand or arm against things like walls (or whatever happens to be flat and close by) to clear numbness and release some stress. It also helps alleviate the twitches that run down the side of my face and body from time to time. It occasionally leaves minor bruising or stinging knuckles, but takes my mind off more annoying pains.

 

[TheRundownRabbit]

I have masochistic tendencies, but I will never inflict harm to myself by myself. I guess it can still be considered the same thing when I let my lady-friends play mistress and I just let it happen. But note, I dont "cut", whips and bindings are more my thing. Plus, I've always been kind of a happy, optimistic, and energetic person. I also am strongly opposed to cutting, especially when its brought on by self-pity and depression, its not the right way to deal with your problems and to me it just seems like a desperate and sad ploy for attention.

So my answer would have to be mix, I have not physically harmed my self, but I have let meh lady-friends harm me simply for the sake of sexual ecstasy. Nothing beyond whipping, slapping, and getting stepped on.

Male, 20, straight as an arrow

 

[stormcrow5]

I have cut myself twice, once awhile back (Yearish) and once again recently (Two weeks), did not get anything out of it, just felt like crap and wanted to do....anything so did that. That would be it for physical harm from just feeling depressed and hopeless, if anything I beat myself up mentally what just adds to the crappy feeling over...whatever it is at the time I can't pick one thing, crappy life, loss of a close friend, its just been down hill for the past year or two now.

21, male, mostly straight

 

[Ed Classified]

After a series of traumatic events at the age of 13, I cut my forearm with a pair of scissors.
It was the first and last time I tried cutting myself, it did leave a scar though.

21, Male, Straight.

 

[Azkar Almsivi]

Have you? Yes.

Why? In reaction to a terrible girlfriend who made me feel terrible all the time and blamed me for all her short comings.

To what ends? Cut myself once and contemplated suicide multiple times due to the overwhelming despair that comes with lack of control and being transgender.

Do you currently? No. I did it once. Even though she did it several times for attention when she was in a warped sense of mind, she reacted with absolute perfect apathy. Since then I find the entire thought of harming myself repugnant and pointless. I also consider the idea of myself committing suicide moronic and a waste due to having responsibilities to those around me.

Edit: As a side note, what is your gender, sexual orientation, and your age, as it will be interesting to see the trend across ages and genders for this, as it seems to be stereotyped towards teenage girls.

Male (repressed transgender issues due to not wanting to rock the boat/spend all my time being depressed. Sometimes get mistaken for being potentially homosexual or just labeled eccentric anyway however.), bi-sexual but only have experience with females and I'm 22.

 

[Not Matt]

I have always been the guy who was at the bottom of the schoolyard's foodchain. So after somehow (i still don't know how i did it) having started getting close to this one girl i liked and learned that she used to do it. she did say that she had stopped and that it was bad and that nobody should ever try it. but she did also give a long monologue about how if felt good. and one night when i had gotten really down on myself i decided to try it. and what do you know. It felt fucking great. I kept doing it for about a year after til i had to stop before i worsened it. it's been one year since i stopped now but my upper body and arms still looks like a merging of 15 sewer maps and a set of go-cart blue prints. I always ( always as in all the time no matter what) wear a long sleeve shirt and don't go to the beach anymore.




18 male bisexual

captcha: "come clean"

 

[Anja Bech]

Never cut myself as a means of release or anything like that, because the self-inflicted pain did nothing for me, but I did cut myself for the blood. Not a whole lot of times - I can count the scars on my fingers - but enough that I stopped so I didn't have to start answering personal questions about the suspiciously straight scars on my lower arm.

Female (genderqueer), 24, pansexual

 

[Virgilthepagan]

Male, 22, mostly straight (the "I like cake, but occasionally I see a delicious pie" line)

I had a phase of about a year in High School where I took a dull knife to my arm every time I broke my own loopy moral code. As a result I've got a cross on my upper right arm, and a few straight lines running down my left. I had a kind of positive feedback loop. I'd feel disempowered, get a fantasy that I never would and couldn't act out, hate myself for it, and then turn inwards. I think I started cutting myself just to prove my resolve to move on, I hated feeling like that, but here we are years later and I don't think I've taken the steps I need to take to really improve.

After a while my parents saw the cross and I saw a therapist. The thing is though, I got a tattoo about a year ago and it was essentially for the same mental reasons. I don't think anyone else can help me with this perspective, I just hope as time goes on I'll shoulder through it and improve enough to put it to rest. It's probably not the healthiest of attitudes but I've never felt like I could tell anyone of it.

Ah, well.

 

[Chimera242]

Male, 19, haven't figured this last one out yet.

In about 24 hours, I will not have cut for a full year. Still have a lot of razors and bandages though, just in case. It's been really difficult some days, so I fully understand why you would relapse. I still genuinely miss it some days.

For me it was about control, clarity (really like how you put that, hope you don't mind me using it myself), self-loathing, and a couple of times a kind of twisted way to get back at people I cared about I felt angry with.

It took therapy, the threat of my parents finding out, and hurting my friends to make me seriously consider quitting, and even after all that it took a few months before I'd actually 'stopped' for two months. Then a couple of months sorta one and off, before I'd finally really quit (at least, as far as I know).

I am actually looking forward to being able to tell people that I'm one year 'clean' tomorrow, especially the ones I hurt the most.

The point is (I think, took a while to type this for various reasons) that you never know when you've actually 'permanently' quit, the only thing you can try (and succeed at, as opposed to 'quitting forever') is cutting less and less. Gradually lessen and lessen your dependence and its presence in your consciousness. Looking back (and ahead), that's what's working for me...

...although this is still advice from a stranger on the internet, and you should never trust those. If a professional tells you something completely different from what I just told you, take his or her advice instead.

And thank you for being so open! Telling your story made it easier to share mine (can't speak for anyone else), and talking about something almost never hurts. Who knows: maybe a few people wound up a bit more informed and well-rounded.

 

[Flutterguy]

Tried it for a few day stretch in my late teens during a time of prolonged existential crisis and dissatisfaction with family and society. Quickly caught on it was only a short-lived release that was adding to my depression, so I stopped. Same reason I quit smoking.

I hope things improve for you, but you can't hold out waiting on them to.

 

[Pimppeter2]

erased